Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Counter-Intelligence Officer) in Deck 4 Garden- It’s Who you Know

(snip)

Faye laughed loudly. “Oh gods, you’re right, we would get along great,” she said shaking her head. “Alex teased me one day that I was a special kind of chaos. He’s not wrong! As for t-shirts, let’s see, there’s the one I’m wearing which says ‘I garden so I don’t choke people, Save a life, send mulch’. Another says ‘I have a good heart but this mouth’, umm, ‘I came, I saw, I made it awkward’, and always a good favourite ‘Everyone was thinking it, I just said it’.” She chuckled some more.

~Faye Calloway

Revna laughed, “Oh I like those. The awkward one would work for my sister. Except she makes it awkward on purpose. My mom once said that she spent too much time with her preschoolers. Said Runa spent so much time with her preschoolers that she forgot how to use her filter. OH! A couple years ago my younger sister got her a t-shirt with a Rune Wheel on it and then it said ‘Stay Wild’ in runic letters. Runa says it’s the best because guys always ask what it means and starts a great conversation on why it’s written in ‘code.’ There are no end of answers she’s come up with. Then on her next birthday Runa got our sister a t-shirt with a picture of Valkyre on it and it said ‘The Best Way to a Man’s Heart is Through His Fourth and Fifth Ribs.’ That one describes my little sister to a T. I understand she wore it at her last tournament. Fortunately I have managed, some how, to dodge the t-shirt gifting.”

Revna McKenzie

Faye chuckled. “Well, if you ever want suggestions, I’m happy to help.” It was strange to hear about other people’s families sometimes. For Faye it was peeking into a world she’d never have access to. But that was before and so much had changed in such a short time that at the same time that it was exciting, it was also overwhelming. “I’ve never had siblings,” she said quietly. “Until now. Apparently I have a half-sister I never knew about. It’s blown my pretty little mind. We’ve talked briefly and I even went so far as to invite her to the wedding, but I know I can come on strongly sometimes, so I’m trying to temper my interaction with her so I don’t scare the poor woman off. But it’s… weird. Just very weird.”

~Faye Calloway

“I may take you up on that,” Revna grinned contemplating gifts and payback for Runa’s wedding gift. “Weird sounds like a good word for it. Siblings can be wonderful they can also be a pain. There were times that I hated being the oldest, having a twin that never stopped calling me out. A baby sister that needed protecting, mostly from herself. And others that I know I would not be me without them. That they always were there for me. I am very very lucky. I know that. But growing up how I did, I know family is more than blood. I saw the way you and your mom talked about your colony at the wake. I would venture to say that the people there were clan. A family much bigger than blood, but bound by love. You had siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles. I am so sorry that you lost them. But you have a new clan now, here on Manhattan. You are loved and admired by the people here.”

Revna McKenzie

“Yeah,” Faye all but whispered, shifting her attention back out over their cozy little hideaway in the rose and shrub garden. “I didn’t know that that was what I had found here until after Alex came aboard and I got to know him a bit more. I came to the Manhattan with a goal in mind- I was going to finally stop just surviving and actually live. But I didn’t know how to do that. A people kept sneaking through my cracks and embedding themselves before I could fully realize what had happened. Dag was like that too. It wasn’t till I began to reconcile some very old and complicated trauma that I realized I love him this whole time in my own unique way.”

She turned back to Revna. “After the wedding, I’m actually leaving the ship. I’m going to go back with Dag. After all we’ve been through, we deserve a chance to start our marriage in the same place, the same quadrant in the very least. But I’m terrified. I can get all sorts of pep talks form others, but I need some advice from someone who understands BPD a little and can keep it practical. How do I do this? How do I make this massive change and not get triggered, not spiral? If I let myself even fully think about it, I get overwhelmed and my poor cat goes bonkers!”

~Faye Calloway

Faye’s words resonated with Revna deeply, and she blinked as she looked at Faye, “Why hasn’t some one slapped me and said that to me before?” She shook her head and waved it away to contemplate later.

Her brow furrowed. *Say what? Faye thought before Revna continued.

“First of all, I think it’s wonderful that despite your careers you are putting yourselves, each other, first.” Revna folded her hands into her lap and met Faye’s gaze, “You don’t do it with out spiraling. You do this one moment at a time. You don’t fully think about, you think about it in sections. And you have a plan for when you do spiral. Because you know, we know, that you will be triggered. It may be something that has triggered you before, so something you have never encountered. So my first piece of advice is be realistic of your expectations of yourself. Your past will always travel with you, but it doesn’t steer the direction of your future. Second be honest about what helps and what does not help, and then third, tell those things to people you trust to help you in those moments.” Revna spread her hands open and grinned, “Then the fun part, don’t wait to think about this massive change. Not all of it, not all at once, but start thinking about the little pieces, and have fun in the planning. And if some pieces are too hard, I’m here, and so are your friends.”

Revna McKenzie

She nodded slowly, taking it all in. “Right now I’m just planning a wedding. I’m not a huge fan of parties but this one is special and I’ve not had many truly special days in my life and I have surprised myself by wanting one. I guess… I guess after everything and how unusual everything unfolded I wanted something special to mark the day. I mean, trust me we thought about eloping but I’m glad we didn’t. And no mater how weird it will be to possibly have all this long lost family there too, it feels right because I’m not avoiding feeling connected to others”

“If you want one then you should have it, and the way you want it. A party doesn’t have to be huge in order to enthusiastically celebrate the day.” Revna thought over what she said, “So right there I hear two specific things that feel overwhelming to you. Planning your wedding, and long lost family. Now knowing that such things will flip flop places in importance at times, which do you want to approach first?”

In truth, she was worried about how she’d adjust to new people on the Athena, but Dag would be there, and Alex was just a call away. And of course, her mother. Her mom. Her mom would be somewhere, just a call away. And that blew her away. Nodding, more to herself than anything, Faye swallowed down the intense emotion and took in a deep breath. Yeah, there was still a lot to process.

~Faye Calloway

Revna very carefully reached out and placed a gentle hand over Faye’s, “It will come together. I have some seeds I was hoping to grow. Red campions. I wanted to pot them and keep them in my quarters. I heard there were supplies in the garden. Would you care to help me? And we can keep chatting or enjoy the silence.”

Revna McKenzie