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Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

Posted Oct. 1, 2021, 10:21 a.m. by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) (Lindsay B)

Posted by Civilian Revna Freya McKenzie (Diplomatic Attache) in Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

Posted by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) in Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

Posted by Civilian Revna Freya McKenzie (Diplomatic Attache) in Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

(snip)

Revna nodded, “I ask because I know sometimes, for those who are not, it is difficult to relate, to understand, the significance of a spiritual event for someone else. I could argue all day long that what happened…those first night mares, are reflections of the stress and trauma related to my injury, and degrading health, and surgery. But for me it was a…level of mystery that I do not want analyzed or explained.” Revna uncurled from her position on the couch, she leaned back, closed her eyes…”Two weeks after my surgery, Cpt Jameson and my sister, Runa, came to my room. I was struggling, with a lot of things. I should have had the surgery months before, but I had waited, almost until it was too late. I…well, Jameson had been holding on to a message for me, since I was a junior officer. It had been sent to me, but I always refused to listen to it. When I was 16, my fiance, Shauwn, died in the Breen attack of Earth. The message was found in his flight recorder and sent to his family. They sent it to me. I never listened to it until then.”

Slowly Revna shared the contents of that message with Sair…

“Computer begin recording….Revna, baby, I’m not going to make it.” A testament to the skill of the pilot he continued to fly, evade, and shoot as he spoke. “Rev, I know you. You’ll mourn me, and I really hope you do. I hope that I meant so much to you that you never forget me, that I live on in your memory. But I do not want you to live your life with a dead man. I want you to mourn, scream your rage to heavens, Babe, but don’t live with death. And don’t join Star Fleet. I don’t regret it, but it wasn’t your dream, it was mine. You need to find your dream, a new one, and live it, let it fill your life with light and laughter and struggle, but live honey.” The fighter rocked, sparks flying, plasma conduits venting inside the cabin. “I love you Revna Freya Edman, don’t ever forget that.” The ship rocked again, alarms and explosions indicated an engine explosion and the computer “Life support failure in 30 seconds.” “Revna, send a Valkyrie for me, okay.” And the pilot pulled a knife from his boot, aimed the fighter at an engine nacelle of a Breen ship….and then the whole program disappeared in a flash of light, smoke, and the scream of metal tearing itself apart.

“When I was attacked, floating unconscious, unaware, I saw Shauwn, young, healthy, alive, unharmed, and angry at me. He told me that he was proud of what I had accomplished, but he was disappointed I gave up my dreams for his, and was trying to live with a dead man all those years. That … ” Revna sighed, some of it was too personal, just yet, to give voice to. “In…in that moment, the doctors fighting for my life, my lungs ripped to shreds, all I wanted was to go let go and go with him. He told me I couldn’t stay there with him and I had to go back. That someone was waiting for me. And he disappeared, he walked away from me, as it were.” Revna picked up her drink again and sipped it, letting the warmth spread through her. “After seeing his message, the what-ifs, the…fact I had dishonored his memory, that I had risked never finding the greatest gift the gods had given me, became the topic of many nightmare’s for almost two weeks before the subsided. I accepted it as part of the process, working through the trauma and the subconscious. But they began to get worse again when Runa left.”

Revna McKenzie

“Do you think he was right? About Starfleet, I mean,” Sair said, quietly moved by the story. She wasn’t expressionless and detached as some counsellors were, but nor was she overly invested. She was, after all, a neutral outsider offering a different perspective.

~Sair Songz, CNS

Revna didn’t hesitate, “He was. I see it now, in hindsight, what I did, why I did it. Don’t get me wrong, I had an amazing career, doing work I always wanted to do, counseling, but never intended to serve Star Fleet. I don’t regret it. I did good in the universe. Maybe on my own, eventually I would have chosen to serve, rather than serving because he couldn’t. I don’t know.”

Revna McKenzie

“And where does that bring you to now? What is it that you hope for while you’re on the Manhattan?” A simple question to ask, but Sair was ever intentional in these moments.

~Sair Songz, CNS


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