STF

Songz' Office - Someone to talk to

Posted Oct. 18, 2021, 10:30 a.m. by Lieutenant Commander Kiama Naim (Chief Science Officer) (Silke Fahl)

Posted by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) in Songz’ Office - Someone to talk to

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Kiama Naim (Chief Science Officer) in Songz’ Office - Someone to talk to

Posted by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) in Songz’ Office - Someone to talk to
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Sair gave a relaxed smile. “It’s fine. We’re learning this together, after all. I’m new here too, so it’s going to take time to get to know each other and how to interpret what the others says.”

“Thank you for understanding,” Kiama replied and smiled back at Sair.

“Tell me about the incident with your mother,” Sair clarified.

~Sair Songz, CNS

Kiama pondered for a moment where to begin, if she should just jump ahead to the actual encounter between the Captain and her mother. But then thought that starting at the beginning might be better. “So, I had mentioned to my mother that we’d be spending some time at Event Horizon to restock supplies and get some R & R. She wanted me to come to Betazed, but I told her that wasn’t possible. She got upset with me, but didn’t mention it again. So next thing I know, I walk into her as she tries to get on board without permission. I talked to the Security Officer on duty and they allowed her to come with, but also informed the Captain. Almost instantly she and I got into one of our usual arguments: That I’m here, serving in Starfleet, and not on Betazed fulfilling my duties as a daughter of the seventh house. In the middle of that the Captain arrived at my quarters to greet her. After the usual initial pleasantries, he said a few really nice things about me to which my mother basically replied with telling him that in Starfleet I’m replaceable, that I’m selfish and should think of the greater good.” Her voice broke slightly and she quickly drank some water before she continued. “At that the Captain got really angry. I have never seen him like that before. Or after. While they were arguing, at times almost as if I wasn’t there, I just stood there. Frozen in place and unable to say or do anything. The argument didn’t last long and ended with the Captain telling my mother to leave the ship immediately. And then he left my quarters. It took me a bit, but finally I was able to move again and I hurried after the Captain. He apologised for getting so angry and I defended my mother and apologised for her behaviour. We continued to talk a little bit before he continued on his way and I headed back to my quarters. She and I talked a little before she left. The Captain had told me that she could stay on board after all, but she decided to stay on the station.” Kiama sighed softly and said, “So yeah…” She let her voice trail off and took another sip of water.

~Lt. Cmdr. Naim, CSO

Sair nodded, feeling she had a good enough understanding of the basic situation to move along. “How did you feel about the captain standing up for you?”

~Sair Songz, CNS

“I …” Kiama started and then her voice faltered and a crease appeared between her brows. Going back in time in her head, so to speak, she tried to remember how she had felt about that. Which, to her annoyance, took longer and more effort than she would have liked. So it wasn’t until several moments had passed that she continued, “I’m not entirely sure. I know how I felt in general in that moment. But I … I don’t know why, but I’m struggling a little to isolate how I felt about the Captain standing up for me in that moment.” She sighed softly and shook her head as the frown on her face deepened some more.

~Lt. Cmdr. Naim, CSO

“Okay,” Sair said gently, leaning forward slightly to keep her gaze fixed on Naim as she radiated warmth and care. “Instead of trying to pick out a single emotion, let’s them look at all the emotions. Can you name the emotions you were feeling, regardless of what was prompting them? And remember that there are no bad or good emotions, not right or wrong way to feel, so let’s just name them first without judgment.”

~Sair Songz, CNS

Kiama nodded, a soft smile tugging slightly at the corners of her lips. Sair made her feel comfortable and at ease, even while talking about something difficult. And for that she was feeling grateful. “I felt afraid. Angry. Ashamed. Trapped. Helpless. Hurt. Surprised. Relieved. Grateful. Vulnerable,” she replied and then sighed softly. “I was feeling a lot of things at once. Some emotions were stronger and more in the forefront. And I think in a way I also felt almost numb and as if there was nothing at all I could do.” She briefly rolled her shoulders backwards and inhaled deeply as a shiver ran down her spine.

~Lt. Cmdr. Naim, CSO

Her eyes narrowed in a little as Naim spoke, her mind measuring was the scientist was saying with what she could observe. “Say more,” she said simply.

~Sair Songz, CNS

“I’m not sure what else to say,” Kiama replied. A small crease had appeared between her brows and her lips were slightly pursed. “I was feeling a lot of things at the same time. I think I mostly know why I felt what I felt and towards whom those various emotions were directed or who evoked them. But yeah … I’m not sure what else to say. What would you like to know?”

~Lt. Cmdr. Naim, CSO

“Tell me what conclusions you came to about those feelings,” Sair said simply. A lot of this was her trying to figure out Kiama’s thought processes and how she she understood her own thoughts and feelings… or not.

~Sair Songz, CNS

Nodding slightly with her eyes closed, Kiama placed her right fingertips between her eyebrows and massaged that spot for a brief moment while contemplating where to start and in which order she should talk about the things she had felt. Opening her eyes again and looking straight at Sair, she replied, “I think I felt ashamed and … even guilty for the way my mother treated and talked to the Captain. I know the Captain knows me and I doubt that his opinion about me would change because of her behaviour, but part of me was worried and afraid that that might happen. It was humiliating the way she talked about me and yet I couldn’t help wondering if maybe she isn’t right. That I should leave Starfleet and take care of my responsibilities on Betazed. I don’t want to go back. I have felt so unhappy doing what my mother wanted me to do. Yet in that moment I felt like I had no other choice than to agree and if the Captain hadn’t been there I’m not sure if I may not have done that. Whenever I talk with my mother, especially if we are actually in the same room, I feel like I’m turning into a child again. All my fears and anxiety and negative self-talk comes back in full force and I start to doubt myself, my abilities, every aspect of my life that I chose. I hate that. So as ashamed and guilty as I felt about the whole situation, the fact that the Captain stood up for me and praised me … it was like an anchor or a life line that reminded me of why I am here and I am important. That I’d be missed if I left, both as an officer and for myself. It felt good to hear that. Especially after the initial back and forth of my position when I came here.” She laughed softly, a little nervously even, and shook her head as she thought back to that and remembered how hurt and angry she had been then and how insecure that had made ehr feel.

~Lt. Cmdr. Naim, CSO


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