STF

Songz' Office - Someone to talk to

Posted Nov. 23, 2021, 2:26 p.m. by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) (Lindsay Bayes)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Kiama Naim (Chief Science Officer) in Songz’ Office - Someone to talk to

Posted by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) in Songz’ Office - Someone to talk to

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Kiama Naim (Chief Science Officer) in Songz’ Office - Someone to talk to

(snip)

Nodding slightly with her eyes closed, Kiama placed her right fingertips between her eyebrows and massaged that spot for a brief moment while contemplating where to start and in which order she should talk about the things she had felt. Opening her eyes again and looking straight at Sair, she replied, “I think I felt ashamed and … even guilty for the way my mother treated and talked to the Captain. I know the Captain knows me and I doubt that his opinion about me would change because of her behaviour, but part of me was worried and afraid that that might happen. It was humiliating the way she talked about me and yet I couldn’t help wondering if maybe she isn’t right. That I should leave Starfleet and take care of my responsibilities on Betazed. I don’t want to go back. I have felt so unhappy doing what my mother wanted me to do. Yet in that moment I felt like I had no other choice than to agree and if the Captain hadn’t been there I’m not sure if I may not have done that. Whenever I talk with my mother, especially if we are actually in the same room, I feel like I’m turning into a child again. All my fears and anxiety and negative self-talk comes back in full force and I start to doubt myself, my abilities, every aspect of my life that I chose. I hate that. So as ashamed and guilty as I felt about the whole situation, the fact that the Captain stood up for me and praised me … it was like an anchor or a life line that reminded me of why I am here and I am important. That I’d be missed if I left, both as an officer and for myself. It felt good to hear that. Especially after the initial back and forth of my position when I came here.” She laughed softly, a little nervously even, and shook her head as she thought back to that and remembered how hurt and angry she had been then and how insecure that had made ehr feel.

~Lt. Cmdr. Naim, CSO

Sair smiled. Kiama was self-aware, that was good. “Tell me more about this back-and-forth you experienced.”

~Sair Songz, CNS

“This is the first I’ve served on since I graduated from the Academy two years ago. So obviously I started as an Ensign and Junior Officer the way everyone else does,” Kiama started, her voice even, her body language relatively relaxed. At least compared to a few moments ago. “But not long after I arrived here, the Chief Science Officer had to leave and the Captain made me acting Chief Science Officer and promoted me the Lieutenant Junior Grade. I’m not entirely sure why. I was one of the most junior officers in the department at the time. At least regarding experience as a Starfleet Officer. Anyway, I held that position for several months and to be honest, I started to assume that, at the end of the new mission, I would get a permanent promotion. But then a new Chief Science Officer arrived right after we had received our new orders. I know I wasn’t demoted or anything, but that’s what it felt like. I was upset and felt really hurt about it. But then the new CSO had to suddenly leave again after just a few days. And so the Captain promoted me to full Lieutenant and made me the new CSO permanently. And then after that mission I got promoted again. Hence why, only two years into my career, I already hold the rank of Lieutenant Commander.” Kiama shook her head as a mix of emotions flickered slightly and briefly across her dark face. The whole time she had talked, her expression had been fairly emotionless. At least to the casual observer. Anyone paying more attention to and being able to read slighter shifts in body language and facial expression, they would have noticed a slight twitch of her jaw once or twice. The brief dropping of her gaze. The slight and momentary flare of her nostrils. And the fact that she had been fidgeting a little with the cuff of her left sleeve the whole time.

~ Lt. Cmdr. Naim, CSO

Expression soft, Sair leaned forward slightly towards Kiama. “And you don’t feel like you deserve it?”

~Sair Songz, CNS


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