STF

Deck 4 Garden- It's Who you Know

Posted Nov. 23, 2021, 2:36 p.m. by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Counter-Intelligence Officer) (Lindsay Bayes)

Posted by Civilian Revna Freya McKenzie (Diplomatic Attache) in Deck 4 Garden- It’s Who you Know

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Counter-Intelligence Officer) in Deck 4 Garden- It’s Who you Know

Posted by Civilian Revna Freya McKenzie (Diplomatic Attache) in Deck 4 Garden- It’s Who you Know
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
“But now you know what you want to talk to him about and some details. That will help your brain when you talk to him. I’m happy to indulge any time. My office stays pretty quiet. I mostly wait around all day to field questions and arrange diplomatic functions for the Ambassador.” Revna considered Faye’s last comment. “That’s good you can talk to your brain like that. A lot of people with your condition can’t. It takes them a long time to learn that skill of metacognition and use it to help themselves.” Revna dusted off her hands and walked out of the green house, and breathed in the more natural air. “I miss being planet side I think.”

Revna McKenzie

Faye followed and surveyed her bed, which was the corner one close to the greenhouse and the main path. “The last time I spent any amount of time on a planet was my stint at Santa Clara. It the inpatient place in San Fran near Starfleet Medical. That’s where the diagnosed me after I tried to kill myself.” She could say it so much more easily, but this was, perhaps, the first time Faye had ever said it quick so matter-of-factly. It just… was.

Revna nodded slightly. She knew it. She’d visited there to consult when she’d been working on her post graduate work, and to visit a couple of former patients.

Tilting her head, she could feel the wave of emotion and one might think it was because she was feeling something related to her stay at the mental health centre, but no, she was overwhelmed by the lack of shame. No lack of emotion entirely, just… that one.

~Faye Calloway

Something, Faye’s tone, body language, or maybe just years of experience made Revna remain still and quiet. She turned quietly to look at Faye. They had already cleaned the vines in Faye’s flower bed, but there was a small cluster barely up the path that could use some weeding. After another moment of silence Revna spoke to her. Her voice quiet and unobtrusive. “I’m right here Faye. Tell me what you need.” Hopefully not an overwhelming question. She didn’t know Faye well enough to guess if what her brain was doing was major or minor or how she wanted to deal with it, but Revna wasn’t going to leave her alone.

Revna McKenzie

Articulating her emotions was’t usually the hard part. More often than not, they were the easy part of the equation and abundantly obvious to everyone around her. But the why was the part that usually stumped her and made her pull back. At least she was getting better at the examination portion of the whole thing. the whole messy thing. Her head bobbed to and fro, almost shaking no, but not entirely. “I’m not sure,” she said softly. “I just sort of realized that I’m not ashamed of what happened. If anything, it’s actually a minor blip in the course of my life. Not practically, of course, but when I lay everything out, of all the things that have happened, my breaking down far enough to attempt suicide is no longer painful. Not in the same way. Hell, it was still hard to vocalize to people even a year ago. So much has changed, Revna. I’ve changed. And I guess I’ve only just been realizing how much and am trying to catch up to where I am now. Does that make any sense?”

~Faye Calloway

Revna just nodded. A year ago…so much had changed. That was the accuracy of life. It was always changing and it seemed the last year had changed dramatically for many people. Faye’s more than most. “It does. I think the hardest part about change is that sometimes the realization of it comes so suddenly and so strongly it can be harder to deal with than the actual change.” Revna didn’t comment on what Faye said about not feeling shame. Revna thought her current feelings on her suicide attempt were healthy. She didn’t think Faye should feel shame about it, but she was allowed to feel however she wanted to about it. But it was the change in her feelings that snuck up on Faye. Revna didn’t ask, she was sure Faye already knew the next question that would be asked, if they were doing a therapy session. So cliche but so vital, how did Faye feel about how she had changed. Revna wasn’t her therapist though, she’d still listen, Faye was her friend, but right now it was more important to let Faye process at her pace than force it. Internally Revna shook her head at herself - it was so hard to turn off that part of herself, even though that wasn’t her career anymore. Maybe that was the point, it was more than career or a job, it was who she was. But that was thoughts for a different time.

Revna McKenzie

Faye half exhaled, half sighed. She nodded. “I don’t know that it’s hard to process, just was a strange realization I wasn’t expecting to have just now,” she said, a small laugh escaping. “Who would have thought that that particular event was the least of the things on my mind. But I guess there is some truth to the saying that time heals all wounds. Maybe not always, but perhaps sometimes.”

~Faye Calloway

A year and a half ago, Revna was a little cynical on that point. Time healed but not the way you thought. Some times the only healing was getting used to the pain. Or, and here was a revelation, maybe time was waiting for the right moment to heal you. Revna nodded, strange realizations indeed. “It’s like that some times,” like right now apparently. Revna moved along the path a couple feet to pick up her discarded sketchbook and pencils. “So, now what?” It wasn’t really a probing question, more of an offer. A large revelation for Faye, and one she may rather contemplate alone or not at all or with someone else.

Revna McKenzie

Her time was always rather flexible. It was the joy of being a department of one, though she had some added responsibilities now. Still, while she could keep talking, she needed time to digest and also get back to some work. “I should actually go check on my programs. Have a couple things that should have percolated by now, and hopefully nothing went wrong with them,” Faye said with a grin.

~Faye Calloway

Revna turned toward the entrance to the garden. “I’m sure by now I have a large pile of correspondence to answer.” She paused at the door, “Let me know what Daggum thinks of your ideas, and Thank you, Faye.” Then she headed off towards the turbolift and work.

Revna McKenzie

It had felt good to get all that off her chest, but even with that weight gone Faye knew she had a lot more to figure out. At least she had also confirmed that she was no longer the big bad scary woman people used to assume she was. That was a good thing, right? Truth be told, when she wanted to, she could still make some of the ensigns quake in their boots with just a look if she wanted, but she tried to save that little superpower of hers of necessary moments. But there was a part of her that didn’t want to become too soft. Life was hard and she knew she’d need at least a bit of her rigid strength to just get through. The rest.... well, it was a work in progress.
Surveying the green space she loved so dearly, Faye smiled and exited.

~Faye Calloway


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