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Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

Posted Dec. 6, 2021, 11:45 p.m. by Civilian Revna Freya McKenzie (Diplomatic Attache) (Jennifer Ward)

Posted by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) in Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

Posted by Civilian Revna Freya McKenzie (Diplomatic Attache) in Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

Posted by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) in Find the Grace (Tag Sair)
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Revna smiled. She could see how it looked from the outside. She and Mike knew how it looked from the inside, but sometimes the risk was worth it. “Because I’d already said ‘yes.’ In the letter I sent him that he never read. Mike and I spent a lot of time talking, and even on the days we didn’t talk we wrote. Before our misunderstanding. We talked about a lot, not just about our days, but our plans, our goals. Our regrets, fears, love, loss, family. Things we never told to anyone else. Mike called it subspace pillow talk. Some days I was so tired, worn down, the therapy was hard and I just could do more than lie in bed. Mike would just talk to me. Despite the distance, I knew, there was no one else I could…that I wanted to be myself with. Mike never has expectations of me except that I be myself. I already knew, before our ‘argument’ that I loved him, that I wanted him in my life for the rest of my life.” There is a rueful shrug of her shoulders, “I should have told him that sooner rather than wanting to wait to tell him face to face.”

Revna McKenzie

Songz smiled. Sometimes a bumpy start made for the strongest relationships. “And where are you at now? He’s not on the ship, I don’t think, so how does that affect your relationship?”

~Sair Songz, CNS

Revna shook her head, “No he’s not on the ship. He’s on Event Horizon. He likes it better there than on the ship. There is plenty going on and lots of people. Mike’s good with people. We talk regularly. It helps that he’s at the station and not on the other side of the worm hole. He sends me new songs once a week and I send him sketches of the things I see.” Renva brushed stray strands of hair from her face. “It’s hard. It’s not like we aren’t used to being separated by distance, but it’s still hard. It requires we remember to talk, to say whatever is on our mind, what we’re feeling, even if we’re afraid of how the other will react. Remember to share the little details of our days and not just the highlights. I wish he was here with me, especially when I wake up and forget that I can breathe.”

Revna McKenzie

Sair nodded her head slowly. She was glad that the relationship was a stable one, but it meant more solo support work. Revna couldn’t just turn to her partner and ask for support. Sometimes that support was going to be delayed. “So what do you do when you have those moments where you wake up and feel you can’t breathe?”

~Sair Songz, CNS

“Panic.” It was an honest answer and quick answer, but Revna knew you had to start somewhere. “More accurately, I wake up already panicked, and there is that fear. That this time I won’t be able to get the air I need before my body gives in to the lack of oxygen. And of course the body’s instinct is to gasp in that air it needs, to breathe in deeply. Once that happens, I remember I can breathe. There’s no pain, no lack of oxygen, my lungs fill and my body is functioning. There’s not numbness in my extremities. It all happens quickly.” The mind was an incredible thing, how quickly it processed information, but also how drawn out the quickest of moments can becomes, and the details etched precisely to memory. “I use several grounding techniques to help me focus on the present, to get my heart and respiration rates down. They work, but it’s hard to get back to sleep after with the adrenaline overload.”

Revna McKenzie


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