Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Counter-Intelligence Officer) in Calloway’s Quarters- Sins of the Mother
Her fingers tapped on the desk, playing out the beat of a song in her head. It was simply a distraction, this much Faye knew, but still it allowed her time to figure out how to start this inevitable and difficult conversation.

Dun, duh dun dun. Duh dun, duh dun dun dun.

The reality was that Faye and Shara Calloway’s reunion had been punctuated by chaos, risk to life, and trauma. While they had worked through the more recent parts of their entwined lives and how that had played out in them being where each was at, the past- the old hurts and the things unsaid- well, those were better left for another time. Faye hadn’t known until she talked to Gavin that that time was now, but here she was about to step onto that tenuous bridge and hope neither of them took a fatal tumble into the abyss.

The call took time to get through, but they had a code (not so unlike the one that her and Dag had) and it would let Shara know that she need to talk to her ASAP. A message wouldn’t be enough.

Eventually, the signal came through and Shara’s face appeared on her screen, brows knit with concern. =/\=Faye, is everything okay?=/\= The room behind Shara was dimly lit, but she was pretty certain it was her mother’s quarters on the Asimov as Shara was dressed in a robe. She wasn’t sure what the ship board time was, but she guessed it was close to or after bedtime. If her mother slept much. Some days she was certain that Shara hid much of how bad her PTSD resurgence was and Faye knew there was little she could do about it.

But the question lingered over the comm line between them. Was everything okay? “Yes… ish. I’m okay, but… things… we need to talk.”

It was an immensely curious thing to get to know this woman all over again, to watch the subtle changes over her face and be learning anew what they meant. For Shara Calloway was a master at keeping her feelings unknown- that had always been true- but she did seem to be more open than Faye could ever recall. In this moment though it seemed like her statement had put Shara on edge. That’s right, brace yourself for what’s coming.

=/\=Okay,=/\= Shara said at length, studying her daughter as much as Faye was studying her. =/\=I’m free currently, so… what up?=/\=

Dun, duh dun dun. Duh dun, duh dun dun dun.

Faye inhaled. “Before we get into the nitty gritty, I want to say a couple things. Firstly… thank you. Thank you for rescuing from the Tal Shiar, for giving me my life back. That I’m thriving and growing at all right now is because of you. And I know in all the mess that happened when you were here, we never really got around to talking about that. So, thank you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly express how much I mean that.”

=/\=Oh Faye-=/\= Moisture glistened in Shara’s eyes.

Faye held up a hand and continued. It was her turn to speak. “When I was little you were always this enigma. This thing I couldn’t figure out. You brushed off questions that went too deep and you rebuked my need to understand. And as an adult, I think I get it. You were protecting yourself from things you didn’t want to dump on the rest of us. But I’ve always resented it. Still do. But… these things are complicated and messy. Goodness knows I know that all too well. So here’s the thing, Mom… we need to have some honest conversations about things you might not want to talk about. You owe me that much as your daughter. And in return here’s the things I can promise you: Nothing, and I mean nothing will stop me from loving you. I’m not going to walk out of your life. You rescued me from that hellhole, so woman you’re stuck with me from here on out come Hell or high water. Or both depending on the day.”

Shara burst out laughing. =/\=Oh, well in that case I guess I’l just have to make do, now won’t I?=/\= But it was clear the laughter was a cover for how truly accurate Faye’s words had struck. Bullseye.

“Uh huh. And now that we got that out of the way, I can tell you that I called Gavin.” Faye paused and watched her mother swallow. Uh huh, you know what’s coming, don’t you? “I can’t tell you how lovely it was to be the one to tell him that his own sister was not only still alive but back in my life after all these years. Really made my day,” she said, lips pressed into a thin line. Sarcasm always felt comforting in a way she couldn’t explain and it just seemed appropriate right now.

Her mother swallowed, discomfort crossing her face and Faye took that as a sign that little alarm bells were sounding in her mom’s head. Faye could only gaze back intently. Yes, you see it, don’t you? How hurt he was and how I didn’t expect to be the news-bearer.

=/\=Faye…=/\= Shara inhaled and blew out a breath. =/\=I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have been you. But I just… I couldn’t.=/\=

Silence filled the subspace channel between them, crossing all those lightyears and through a worm hole no less. Faye hadn’t expected much more than that. She had known, naturally. If had been easy, Shara would have called Gavin herself. But still… “No, it shouldn’t have. But it was. And… he was pretty nice, actually. I’m glad I did it. Though who knows what will happen if he and his family show up at the wedding.” It could either be wonderful or a hot mess. She doubted there would be much middle ground this time, no matter how hard she went looking for it.

Her mother’s silence spoke volumes. Always hiding her thoughts from everyone even if sometimes they saw through her. “We’ll deal with that then, whatever it looks like. But it got me thinking about family again. About what it means to me now, and I realized a couple things. One, you and I have to deal with something, so that, two, I can ask something of you in a reasonable way.” Faye steadied herself for the intevitable conversation.

=/\=Oh?=/\= Shara said, folding her arms on the desk and leaning forward. =/\=And what is it that you want to ask of me?=/\= Warinesswas the most obvious emotion in Shara’s voice and Faye supposed she couldn’t blame her for it. She’d be wary too.

Faye unintentionally mirrored her mom’s posture, gazing intently. “I want you to stand with me, and I can’t have you do that if there is still this… tension between us. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to you either.”

Shara blinked, clearly surprised. =/\=You… what?=/\=

“I want you to stand beside me as a witness. Matron of Honour. Whatever word you want to use. None of this would have happened without you, you know that right?”

=/\=Faye..=/\=

“No, don’t. Don’t brush it aside. We didn’t go there because, well, crisis time, but while the bomb you dropped on me while I was in the brig was rather life-shattering, it was necessary. I can see now that it was a kindness, for both of us. I needed to know that it was you who helped me get free, get to safety. You gave me my life back,” Faye whispered.

Tears reflected in Shara’s eyes before just gazed downwards at the desk. When she finally lifted her gaze again, she nodded. =/\=I’d be honoured.=/\=

Faye smiled, though it was brief. “I’m glad. But like I said, we need to deal with something first.” Her heart starting beating faster as she pressed her lips together, trying to not frown outright.

“Okay…” Shara said. More wariness.

And more silence. This time Faye needed to gather her words properly. “I am going to ask a question and I need a truly honest answer or else we won’t be able to get past this one bit.” Shara nodded, if slowly. Faye inhaled visibly. “When you went on that last Maquis mission, when you left us to help them, I asked, no, begged you to stay. I couldn’t explain my intuition then, but something told me that if you left, that was it, we’d never see you again. And I begged you to stay. But you left anyway. It was more than just duty, that much I’ve always known, but, why did you leave?”

It was like Faye had slapped her. The surprise was plain on her face as she gazed back at Faye. Thoughts moved through her mother’s mind and though Faye knew not what they were, she did know the question, that foretold an inevitable conversation, had struck deeply. Another Faye, some time in the past, might have been gleeful at the accuracy blow. Words could sometimes strike more true and do more damage than any weapon. But this Faye, the one that had clung to life with the last threads of her sanity, the one who had discovered that truly living also meant loving people with her whole heart, well, she took no pleasure in her mother’s obvious pain. It only further saddened her.

Gaze downward, the elder Calloway sought her words. And Faye waited patiently. =/\=Because I’m not as courageous as you, Faye. Because I lacked the ability to be in one place for too long. Because things were happening then that made me want to flee and it had nothing to do with you or your father. He understood, your father. He always had. It was his gift and the reason I trusted him those first days when we had met on Arkelis.” Shara looked up. =/\=Having Gavin write us off so callously… it hurt too much. It meant that for better or worse, Midos was lost to me. But so was Tracken. It was never the home for me that it was for you and Edward.=/\= Tears slipped over her cheeks, carving paths of sorrow. =/\=I wanted it to be, but I was restless there, like I knew it wasn’t permanent. I can’t explain it more than that. I just had to be… anywhere else.=/\=

Was it enough? Was that answer all there was to it? Faye wasn’t sure.

[To be continued…]

OOC: If you’re curious about Shara’s side of things: https://www.star-fleet.com/core/stf1/asimov/posts/160766/

~Faye & Shara Calloway