STF

Counsellor's Office- Calloway's Eval

Posted Aug. 9, 2020, 6:07 p.m. by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) (D Grisham)

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

She chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment. “Both, in different ways,” Faye said. Inhaling deeply, she allowed herself to ponder over how best to explain it all. “The last… experience I had with romance was ultimately really…” She sighed. “The feelings between us were real, but I was used in a terrible way and along with my BPD, I have a hard time trusting what is real and what just my wishful thinking. And then this other person’s role on the ship adds a complication. But I don’t know if it is an actual complication, because I can’t bring myself to talk to them about it.”

Faye tilted her head up towards the ceiling slightly, her stormy grey-green eyes puzzling over the constant mix of strange emotions. “If I take that step- if I tell them how I feel- know it could go good or bad. And intellectually I know it isn’t about me, per say.” She looked back at Rollo. “He’s the kind of person who won’t let me talk badly about myself, even as a joke. I made a joke about the crazy stuff in my head and he shut that down fast,” she said with a chuckle. “He’s the first person in my entire life I can see… something more happening with. But I don’t do the future. The future and I don’t get along very well, so I just focus on each day. And each day the longing just gets worse.” It was sappy and she constantly felt like a fool for it, but that was the essential truth.

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

It was a real dilemma for Calloway and Zef could see it as well as the data specialist could. Did you take the chance and say something knowing it could cause the whole thing to tumble down like a rock slide? Or did you continue longing after the person and being grateful for the little bits of them you were given?

“I think what you have to decide, is are you willing to continue in the ‘friend zone’, or is finding out worth the chance that it could make or break what you have now?”

Faye simply nodded and folded her arms across her chest, gazing no where in particular.

Rollo was quiet to let Faye think it over. Ultimately, it was her decision. Some people could be happy with a little piece of something nice, especially if their life had been really difficult.

—Rollo, CNS

Thumbnail sliding over the inner crease of her elbow, Calloway let silence fill the room until at last she just sighed. “I don’t know. There aren’t a lot of places in my life that feel safe, Counsellor. Nevol stole the one area I had been feeling more confident about. Now I can’t even trust my reading of my own feelings, let alone another’s!” And wasn’t that the truth there. To place yourself in the vulnerable place of admitting your feelings to someone you had to trust yourself as much as you did the other person. And it was in this area that she fell into the void.

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

Zef was nodding. “I understand that. But the longer you put it off, the harder it gets. If you profess your feelings or hopes to this man and he puts the brakes on, then at least you know where you stand and you are open to another prospect. If you keep pining for someone, time keeps moving on. There’s no telling how much time you might waste on a fantasy that might never see the light of day.”

There was a part of her that knew she could handle the rejection. It would hurt but in the end she could just shrug it off and carry on. It would be awkward though, but at least she could let that worst of it pass and just keep to her lab until they got over it. Chewing on her lower lip again, she wondered how to even go about asking him.

She studied Calloway, wanting to help the woman move past her fears of intimacy. “Nothing is guaranteed in life…for any of us. Every day we have to put ourselves out there to be accepted or shunned. It isn’t fun and it can be damaging at times, but its been my experience that one shouldn’t stay in a state of limbo because they’re afraid of the outcome. Take a chance…the very worst that can happen is that he doesn’t return your feelings. It will be a disappointment, but life will go on.” She took a deep breath and leaned forward to catch Faye’s attention. “Lt, you aren’t as frail as you might think you are. Everything you’ve spoken about here today and everything I’ve read in your file speaks to a strong character. I truly believe that life won’t hand you something you can’t handle. You know why? Because things always work out—there is no other choice.”

—Rollo, CNS

Closing her eyes, Faye inhaled deeply in an attempt to cam the strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. When she opened her eyes, her vision had blurred slightly. “Do you… you think there’s someone out there for everyone?” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve gone it alone so long that this whole connection thing- friends, proper romance, is all foreign. I don’t know how to be a good friend, or a good partner to someone. But I want to be. I can face down a whole squad of whatever enemy with just my nerve to keep me alive, and I can out think even a computer program if I’m focused enough. But this, this whole being vulnerable thing? It’s quite frankly exhausting.”

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

Zef thought about the times she’d been most vulnerable and nodded in agreement. “Yes it is. But the risks are worth it—at least ‘I’ think they are. No one knows how to be a good friend or a good partner. Its all a learning experience. You try, you make mistakes, but you also learn from them and over time you get to know what good is for other people and what good is for you. A relationship is a combination of the two. Its give and take, compromise and acceptance.” She settled back into the couch.

“And yes, I do think there is someone for everyone. I actually believe there are several someones for every person that has been born. With the variety of beings in the universe, to think there’s only one is just silly.” Now she smiled. “I don’t tell this to everyone, but I was mated to a man who was charming and funny and very good looking. When we got back to his estate after the ceremony, he became someone else. His true self, which was nothing like the man who had wooed me. He was abusive…physically and mentally. I loved him, that had already been established through his careful grooming of me. He died a few years after we were mated. When it happened, I was crushed, but also elated. Yes, I lost the man I fell in love with, but he hadn’t been that man for some time. So, I had what you are looking for…at least for a while. Do I believe I’ll meet someone else in this lifetime who will love me for who I am? Absolutely. Maybe even more than one.”

—Rollo, CNS


Posts on USS Manhattan

In topic

Posted since


© 1991-2021 STF. Terms of Service

Version 1.12.1