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Counsellor's Office- Calloway's Eval

Posted Aug. 9, 2020, 7:57 p.m. by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) (Lindsay Bayes)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval

(snip)

Closing her eyes, Faye inhaled deeply in an attempt to calm the strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. When she opened her eyes, her vision had blurred slightly. “Do you… you think there’s someone out there for everyone?” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve gone it alone so long that this whole connection thing- friends, proper romance, is all foreign. I don’t know how to be a good friend, or a good partner to someone. But I want to be. I can face down a whole squad of whatever enemy with just my nerve to keep me alive, and I can out think even a computer program if I’m focused enough. But this, this whole being vulnerable thing? It’s quite frankly exhausting.”

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

Zef thought about the times she’d been most vulnerable and nodded in agreement. “Yes it is. But the risks are worth it—at least ‘I’ think they are. No one knows how to be a good friend or a good partner. Its all a learning experience. You try, you make mistakes, but you also learn from them and over time you get to know what good is for other people and what good is for you. A relationship is a combination of the two. Its give and take, compromise and acceptance.” She settled back into the couch.

It sounded so basic, and yet Faye felt like she was hearing something she should have learned a long time ago. Like she had missed something. Well, of course I did. It was a sullen thought, but one that from time to time she was trying to reconcile.

“And yes, I do think there is someone for everyone. I actually believe there are several someones for every person that has been born. With the variety of beings in the universe, to think there’s only one is just silly.” Now she smiled. “I don’t tell this to everyone, but I was mated to a man who was charming and funny and very good looking. When we got back to his estate after the ceremony, he became someone else. His true self, which was nothing like the man who had wooed me. He was abusive…physically and mentally. I loved him, that had already been established through his careful grooming of me. He died a few years after we were mated. When it happened, I was crushed, but also elated. Yes, I lost the man I fell in love with, but he hadn’t been that man for some time. So, I had what you are looking for…at least for a while. Do I believe I’ll meet someone else in this lifetime who will love me for who I am? Absolutely. Maybe even more than one.”

—Rollo, CNS

There went her eyes again, misting over. Faye’s hands flew to her mouth as she realized that there was a similitude between their two stories and that it revealed something she wasn’t sure she wanted to deal with. “Chameleons…” she said. “Your… whatever term you want to use. Him, and Nevol. Chameleons. I don’t know why he was that way towards you, and I do know that Nevol was coerced into getting close to me, to save his family. Am I just fool for wanting to believe that he actually cared, that he might have actually loved me?” That tension in her stomach was back but this time it held a different edge- one that cut deeply with all the anger she had been wrestling with. “I mean he was willing to drag me back to the Tal Shair and let them carry on their…” She gestured with a hand, not intending to go down that path. “He would have handed me over and let them destroy me bit by bit until there was nothing left of me. And I want to hate him for it, especially since he killed himself and left me to clean up his mess! But if he was just using me, if he didn’t love me, then the whole of it was a ruse, then I’ve never been…” She furiously wiped at the tears, her mind cursing their presence.

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist


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