STF

Counsellor's Office- Calloway's Eval

Posted Aug. 29, 2020, 6:42 a.m. by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) (D Grisham)

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Suddenly there was a great deal of energy in er body and it roiled about inside her uncomfortably. Her chest felt tight and those deep breaths she had already been forcing herself to take were becoming more difficult. Her mind was flooded with too many words and none of them were in any way coherent and likely to end this session (which would not be in her favour). But she could nod her head, play along and they could end this.

Except that certain words of Rollo’s were stuck in her head. “I don’t know how!” she said, gritting her jaw. “You say it like it’s so easy, like everyone can just snap their fingers and figure it out. Or maybe, more likely, someone taught them or showed them what that looked like. People tell me what to do, but no one ever tells me how. Why is this so difficult for people to understand?” She wasn’t shaking exactly but there was a tremble in her body she couldn’t quite stifle. it was good for Rollo that she was showing this much restraint. Earlier in her career she most definitely hadn’t!

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

“It isn’t easy and I’m not trying to imply that it is. But you have to start somewhere. Saying no one taught you how to move on, isn’t good enough. Most of us learn to deal with our emotions alone because what works for one person doesn’t always work for another.” The counselor could see that Faye was making progress—not a great deal, but at least she was open to working on the problem. Zef got up from the couch and moved to sit on the coffee table in front of the data specialist. Encroaching in her ‘personal space’ was another obstacle she threw into Faye’s path. The counselor held out her hands, palm up. “Give me your hands, Faye.”

—Rollo, CNS

Everything inside her pushed her to lean back but Faye resisted the impulse for one simple reason: curiosity. She was used to the different ways that counsellors operated and had experienced the gamut. Some had grown tired of trying to figure her out and Faye couldn’t blame them. She didn’t exactly help in many cases. But that was also before. Before when she had gone out of her way to never reveal anything of consequence. Before, when she had been clinging to an old promise that hadn’t served her. Before.

That was not now, even if it felt like there were still many threads pulling her back to then. And yet despite her curiosity there was confusion. It was a simple request and yet it was so, so much more. Hands unfurling, nails slipping away from the skin they had indented, Faye took a breath and very cautiously reached out. Her eyes flicked to Rollo’s ever so pale hands before she focused on the woman’s pale eyes, similar to her own but blue toned. Trembling fingers connected and she resisted the urge to see that her hands were actually touching, trusting instead in the sensations she could feel.

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

Rollo’s fingers curled around Faye’s hands, making the contact definite and not tentative. Giving their joined hands a shake, Zef was absolutely serious. “This is real, Faye. This is now. Whatever happened before you walked into this office is the past and you can get beyond it because it’s already over with, we just need to adjust the way you think about it. Whatever happens in the future is still open and you can influence it with your own choices. It won’t always work out the way you want, but you control how the outcome affects you. Others might think they’re in control, but only you are.”

Faye’s eyes slipped closed as she processed both the words and the solidity of the touch. Somewhere in the calm sentences Rollo had spoken Faye’s hands had stopped trembling.

Zef sat back still holding Faye’s hands, but she let her arms relax so their hands rested on their knees. “Remember this if nothing else. Things will always work out, one way or another—because there’s no other choice. The only other possibility is that you give up…and once you do that, you’ve lost and given control of yourself and your fate to someone else. Don’t do that because you probably won’t be able to get that control back.”

But what if you already did a long time ago? Does that mean it’s too late? The thought sat in her mind, unspoken, though a part of her wanted to scream it.

She took a deep breath, feeling she had pushed the hand holding about as far as she could to emphasize her points. “I am here for you, Faye. I know you’re trying to work your way through a lot of feelings associated with trauma and I know it’s difficult. But I am here—any time, day or night, for any reason. I’m not here to judge you or make you feel badly about any of the choices you’ve made. My only wish is to help you in any way I can.”

One last squeeze to the Data Specialists hands and Zef finally released them. They’d done some good work together, but she didn’t want to overwhelm Faye in her first session. She would dismiss her very soon and give her time to process their meeting.

—Rollo, CNS

Faye nodded slowly as she rested her hands in her lap. Everything suddenly felt very still and whereas that normally was a bad thing (the mind dumps used to come during her brain’s quiet moments), right now the agitation and the chaos in her mind had melted away. Some days she wished she could bottle it and keep it for later. But instead she took a mental snapshot so she could remember what this felt like. Maybe when the chaos returned (it always did) she could trick it into going away again?

Inhaling deeply, she lifted her gaze to Zef again. “This ship… it’s the first time in a very long time I’ve felt like I’ve had a place. Like I could belong somewhere. And I like that feeling. And I like the people here… well, some of them,” she said with a lopsided smirk. She wasn’t ever going to be a social butterfly that people gravitated towards and she didn’t care to be.

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

The counselor returned the smile. “Well, no one likes everyone.” There were a few officers Zef wasn’t that fond of either. “Look, you’ve done some very good work here today. I feel very positive about keeping that momentum going as we continue to meet.” She got up from the edge of the table and retook her place on the couch. “You have a lot to think about now and the emotions that go along with it all still need to be processed. Give yourself the time to do that. If you run into a place you can’t get past before our next meeting, come see me. Otherwise, I’ll see you in three days.” She didn’t want to wait an entire week to see Faye again. She wanted to keep at it while this session was still fresh in Faye’s mind.

“Do you have any questions or comments for me?”

—Rollo, CNS


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