Posted by Fleet Captain Ghubari Koraia (Captain) in Flashback- Earth, Starfleet Medical (2386)

Posted by Lieutenant Julien Smith (Doctor) in Flashback- Earth, Starfleet Medical (2386)

Posted by Fleet Captain Ghubari Koraia (Captain) in Flashback- Earth, Starfleet Medical (2386)
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“I’m still determined to get to the centre seat, but I’ve had to accept that the path there won’t be as straight-forward as other things in my life.” She gazed at him deeply. “A doctor, huh? Don’t know if I would have guessed that of you. Why medicine?”

~Commander Koraia, XO on Leave

He gave a sour grin. “Because I’m only alive due to medicine. Was diagnosed with a genetic defect while still an embryo, so a DNA treatment was approved and my dad got a few extra features in, against the rules as you know. They knew they couldn’t get natural healthy children, that’s why I have an older foster brother.” as he said that another shot of pain went through his expression.

She nodded slightly, entirely aware of the spike in emotion, but chose not to say anything as he continued his story. Though she was curious why he was being that open with her, a perfect stranger for all intents and purposes.

“It’s only due to this DNA upgrade that my remaining body half was able to adapt to the cybernetic extremeties and implants. Anyhow, I had to get check-ups all the time and I hated other doctors telling me things about myself that I just had to believe, so I decided to know better.” he chuckled, giving her a rueful smile.

“Not a bad reason at all,” Ghubari said thoughtfully.

“I rarely tell the true story, cause it’s all about me. Usually people expect doctors to have received a calling to save other people’s lives.” he snorted and the pain was back in his eyes, shortly before he looked down at his glass. “But I’ve proven that that’s not a priority for me.” he added and it flashed before his inner eye as if it had been yesterday.

That moment on that godforsaken colony when he had found the berserker in him and got wrapped up in a Klingon killing spree, blinded by pain , anger and rage and the desparation to find his brother alive. And when the battle subsided he had realised that half of his men were dead as well, dying of wounds that he could have healed, had he not been busy killing Klingons. At some level he knew he had realised it in the moment he had made the decision - not to heal, but to keep killing. The moment he had broken his oath. He shook his head and took another deep sip.

• Julien

Her hand was wrapped around her glass and she had intended to finish what remained, but now Koraia’s pale amber eyes were fixed on him. There was a part of her that recognized the emotions that ran through him. Not exactly, of course, because their situations and their pasts were clearly very different, but this was a deeper recognition that behind the stronger emotion was a deep disappointment in oneself, the feeling that you failed to live up to your own ideals and beliefs. it was a betrayal of the self. You too, huh? She wanted to ask this aloud, but all she could do was stare at him as she tried to force away those moments on the bridge of the Venture where her naiveté had brought about the death of a man other told her was guilty, but that never faced any sort of trial. She had been judge, jury and executioner for no other reason than she followed an order without hesitation. Never again. She would question orders privately with someone, if needed, but she’d never allow herself to be a simple pawn in the games others played. Or at least that was what she aimed for anyway.

She felt instinctively that she should say something, and her mouth even moved like she might, but no words came out. Would he recognize that same look in her eyes? Would it resonate with him too?

~Commander Koraia, XO on Leave

He caught the motion in the peripheral vision of his right eye, which had a very extended peripheral vision, being cybernetic, and looked up into her pale amber eyes. Very beautiful in that dark face he thought. He raised one eyebrow, his face somber.

“Say it, please.” he asked her softly.

• Julien

Ghubari let his words finish echoing in her ears and she closed her eyes, breaking the contact. When she opened them, she was more composed but no less intense. “There’s a moment in my career where I made a decision and took an action that I regret. Or rather I regret not questioning the order behind it. I did something that even now feels unjustifiable and it makes it hard to live with. Sometimes when I remember that moment I can remember afterwards having looked in the mirror and loathing the person gazing back at me. I didn’t recognize them anymore. I don’t know for sure, but as you finished speaking, something about your emotions told me that you’ve had a similar moment.”

~Commander Koraia, XO on Leave

He ran his hand through his short black curls, almost pulling at them while nodding, while looking at his glass, not able to hold her glance.

“Yes, that’s spot on.” he said and his deep voice became rough. “I was following orders too, fighting the Klingon renegates, leading my squat team, libarating the hostages. My team knew what they had signed up for. But there was one among them… he was the son of friend of my mother. I think he joined the squat team because of me, he looked up to me.”
He closed his eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of his nose, as if that would chase away the unwanted images in his head. “I could have saved him, but we were so close, so close to gaining access to their base and the prison.” he subsided and forced himself to look into her eyes again.

“Self loathing and regret sounds about right.” he said. Then his brow wrinkled.
“That sounds like a very strange order. May I ask the circumstances? You know from one XO-on-leave security level to another. I shouldn’t have told you that many details about my covert mission either, but since we have the same security clearing .... ah BS, it just feels good talking to you. You… you get it.” he added.

• Julien