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Liam's Quarters (Post-Sim)

Posted Feb. 4, 2019, 12:34 p.m. by Lieutenant Liam Madison (Chief Science Officer) (Janice B.)

Posted by Lieutenant Liam Madison (Chief Science Officer) in Liam’s Quarters (Post-Sim)

Posted by Lieutenant Liam Madison (Chief Science Officer) in Liam’s Quarters (Post-Sim)
There were few times Liam wanted to let the world pass him by. Today was that rare occasion, but routine refused to let him rest. Gradually, his mind began to stir ever faintly into awareness. A right eye lifted its lid to reveal his grey irises, the pupil gradually tightened up to focus. Liam took stock of himself before deciding to rise. Every bone rattled with hidden stress and weighed him down, inner biological chains bond him to his bed.

Despite his depression urging him to forget the day existed, Liam forced himself upright in bed. His legs slipped over the edge where he pushed himself into standing. Cautiously he paced himself through his daily routine because he could feel it fading fast. His left hand reached out to press a button on the replicator, his ear caught the familiar beep and hum of breakfast being created.

Coffee filled his quarters while he searched for his casual wear. He caught his image in the mirror causing him to pause like a deer in headlights. His own inner voice cracked across his mind’s sleepy haze.

Was the effort really worth it to just face the world again?

The question pinned him there in place, his emotions flared to the surface and crossed into his expression. His softened grey eyes examined the wrinkled, aged man staring back at him. Each feature became a scar from a struggle boiling underneath a human skin. The notion twisted his intestines into knots. How long before his mask would shatter and reveal the individual underneath? The question made his heart skip a beat, realizing the truth.

Liam sighed then twisted about. He was unable to face the reflection as he padded over to the replicator and took up the tray, his feet lead him to the small fold out table. His fork just reached up to his mouth when the door chimed. Pausing it there, Liam placed it back down then lifted up. He reached for his robes to cover his nightwear and turned to the door.

“Come in,” Liam said quietly.

The doors hissed open as Joseph stepped through them. Their eyes met and both subtly identified the dark emotions brewing inside. Especially strong since the recent mission. Liam exhaled then moved toward the replicator.

“What would you like?”

Joseph slowly sat down and flashed a half-hearted smile, “Just black coffee is fine, Uncle.”

Liam suspected his nephew hadn’t eaten breakfast but didn’t press the topic. It wouldn’t change Joseph’s decision for a meal. Casually, Liam slid the mug over to his relative and shortly sat once more in his earlier seat.

Joseph reached for the mug, only to pause and stare at his hand. Slowly one by one, his fingers moved gently into a fist then extended outward again. He tested the flexibility a moment longer before he finally took a slow draft of the still hot liquid.

“Thank you,” Joseph said after he placed it back down.

Liam nodded.

“Still adjusting to the replacement? I was informed you lost your hand during the mission, severed by a chunk of metal when your capsule made a hard landing onto the planet. Would you like to talk about it?”

Joseph shook his head to dismiss the offer, “I’m fine. Really. The therapy is helping… a bit.”

“I don’t think any of us are ‘fine’ after that incident.”

–CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci

Liam’s words caused an awkward silent to hung between them. Intending to ignore it, the CSO continued to eat and enjoy his meal. His forced enjoyment quickly fell flat at one glance toward his nephew. Joseph glanced to the side. He was lost in his thoughts and drowned in depression. The image twisted something inside the older man. Liam’s hand pushed his meal to the side, the food’s heat lost with each moment, as he addressed Joseph.

“I know you didn’t merely come to enjoy my company. You have something gnawing at you so spit it out,” Liam’s voice took on an irritated tone.

“Why was the choice so easy for you?”

Liam pressed his lips. He realized what Joseph struggled with and regretted instantly making the order. He slumped back into his chair as his thoughts flipped through his words.

“You assume it was easy, but in reality the aftermath isn’t. I merely reasoned that we were of two different timelines, not two individuals. I chose to remember and live.”

Joseph’s eyes seem to weigh what had been said.

“It never once crossed your mind about the ‘what if’?”

“Naturally it did,” Liam paused long enough to sip his coffee, continuing his thoughts.

“I find if I dwelled on what could be and what is, it wouldn’t do me any good. In the end, you must accept what you believe can be lived with. I chose not to see my past-self as a living thing.”

“That’s rather a cold view on the subject-”

“Let me finish,” Liam interrupted and held up his free hand to quiet Joseph. When the younger man relaxed, he continued.

“I also know if I denied myself knowledge, I would always hate myself for it. It eliminated the options I had down to a single one.”

–CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci

Joseph just looked at his uncle. His figure slouched onto the table, his arms crossed underneath and continued to peer at him. Liam felt a discomfort slither down his back. He knew instinctively his answer wasn’t the one that Joseph was looking for.

“I was hoping it would’ve sounded easier,” Joseph said at last.

His figure shifted back off the table as he sighed.

“No choice is easy because you give up one part of yourself in exchange for another. It boils down to the part you can live with and live without. I couldn’t live without the knowledge.”

“I sometimes,” Joseph began, his eyes drifted to a local wall.

“Wonder if the choice I made was the wrong one or there was one I could’ve made, but didn’t see it. You know what I mean right?”

“Yes, but let me reassure you. If there was a third option, we all missed it. It’s also likely for the best,” Liam attempted to sooth over his nephew’s regret.

“Joseph, choices are among the hardest things in the world to do. A challenge we have to accept and push through to better ourselves.”

Liam’s figure pushed up from his seat and his arm reached out to lay a hand upon Joseph’s shoulder.

“No matter what you chose, I will always love you and I will not judge you.”

Those words seemed to bring new relief into Joseph’s mind. His shoulders slacked a bit from the tension as he looked at his Uncle, a warmth spread from one edge to the other. A small crept into his lips.

Thank you.”

–CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci


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