STF

Spa On the The Station - Working Out The Kinks

Posted Feb. 22, 2021, 12:29 p.m. by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) (Silke Fahl)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Daggum Hammor (Chief Operations Officer) in Spa On the The Station - Working Out The Kinks

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Spa On the The Station - Working Out The Kinks

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Daggum Hammor (Chief Operations Officer) in Spa On the The Station - Working Out The Kinks
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Hammor chewed and watched, and then wipes his fingers off with a napkin.

“Ok… enough. Im not one to dig, but whatever is going on in that brain of yours is obviously taking you over. Spill. And don’t deflect. That’ll just irritate me and ruin the massage.” and he gave her a wink and a smile.

The ‘Mr.’ of Mr. and Mrs. Hammor

“What do you want me to tell you?” Viyara asked a little defensively as she looked back up at Daggum. “Do you want me to tell you about the times my father broke my bones? Or how his touch would make me want to crawl out of my body? Or how I always had bruises but never in places people could see? I had an awful childhood and there are very few things even about my homeworld I want to remember.” Her eyes were ablaze with anger, but beneath that anger there was also a deep pain and fear.

~Mrs. Hammor, aka Viyara Nazeen

Daggum looked at her and shook his head slightly. “You know… for someone that likes to run and hide as much as you do, you sure do keep what you are running and hiding from awful close.” He reached over and picked up a flat bread and topped it with some meats and vegetables. As he did, spoke.

“I get it, I really do. After so long your pain and fear and anger become the only constant you have. You have to hold it close otherwise you feel… adrift… lost. But see it’s actually a mirage… and a trap. The more you hold onto it, the more immobile you become. The more rooted in the past. The more defensive and closed off you become, the more you have to run to protect yourself. And the more you have to run, the more close off you get. Rinse, wash, repeat. It’s a vicious cycle.” and he took a bite and looked at her.

Her jaw clenched and her arms crossed in front of her chest, Viyara glared silently at Daggum while talked. He said that he understood her, where she was coming from, but she was no longer sure that he really did.

“You know all of this of course.” he said as he chewed, his tone matter-of-fact; like he was discussing the weather. “The countless Counselors and shrinks the Academy made you go to would have told you that time and time again. But you, like me, didn’t listen. Difference between us is I learned and decided I was worth more than giving all the power over my life to people I hadn’t seen in decades.” and he swallowed. “So I stopped. Got a lot happier. Wouldn’t go back to that for anything, either.” and he smiled at her and reached for another bread. “I’m better than those that hurt me when I was a kid. I’m better than them. Know why? Because I know that I will never become like they were. And two, I know they have ZERO control over me. Not now… not ever again.”

Hammor

“Lucky you,” Viyara hissed through clenched teeth. There was so much she wanted to say, but she didn’t even know where to begin. And neither did she feel like she had the energy to do so. Instead she just slid of the bed and glared at Daggum. “F*** you Daggum. I thought you understand. But I guess I was wrong. You know nothing about me and I shouldn’t have told you anything,” she as good as yelled at him before turning on her heels. She wasn’t running, but walked briskly towards the door to the penthouse; not caring that all she wore was a silk dressing gown or that her storming from the room might blow their cover and get them into trouble. Deep down inside she knew that he was right and that he was only trying to help. It was the same part inside of her that hoped that he would stop her from storming out of this suite. But all that made her only angrier. With him. With herself. With the whole universe.

~Viyara Nazeen

There was a moment, a split second where Daggum wasn’t going to stop her. He had seen… and done… this exact thing so many times he had lost count. And it had taken years until he had learned not to run when things hit close to home.

But no one ever stopped him from running, either.

With a soft curse and another demonstration of his speed, he was off the bed and through the door in a less than a moment. He grabbed her from behind and tucked her under one arm and carried her back to the bedroom, literally throwing her on the bed. Jabbing a thick green finger at her and giving her a look of frustration and borderline anger few had seen, he said through gritted teeth. “No. F–k you, V. Now sit your butt on that bed, shut your mouth, and listen. Then, if you want to run off and hide and draw the galaxy in around you and lick your wounds you can. But first you will listen to me.”

When Daggum grabbed her and subsequently threw her onto the bed, Viyara didn’t even try to resit him. Partly because his obvious anger scared her, but mostly because she had wanted to be stopped. She wanted someone to care enough about her to stop her from running. Even if it scared her and despite her inability to admit that even to herself.

Daggum began pacing. It was obvious he was in a sort of state because the muscles in his shoulders had tensed into softball sized mounds and his jaw kept grinding his teeth together.

“You don’t think I understand? You think I don’t know anything about you or how hard your life has been? If that’s the truth, I’m surprised you are even capable of being a scientist, because you are obviously too damn stupid to see anything past yourself.” and the pacing became a bit more rapid, but his eyes stayed fixed on her. The look on his face was now full anger… but the hurt from her words was obvious as well.

“I have never… never… compared my pain to anyone else’s; but that is all you do. And your pain always has to be more, doesn’t it? More intense. More devastating. More horrendous than anything anyone has ever had to go through before. You are the pinnacle of pain for all living creatures. Because if it is really so all encompassing, so much and overwhelming for you then is has to be that way for everyone, right? And if you hurt, by the gods everyone else better, right? Because why should anyone else who had to go through hell to get to where they are get to be happy… get to be better if you can’t? Is that how you think? Is it just that you have become so selfish with yourself that you can’t even let anyone even try to help you? Or is it you just hate your dad so much that there is too much hate for one person and you have to hate anyone else just to make sure you get the job done?”

He paced a few more steps and then pounced on the end of the bed on his hands and knees and put his face less than a hands breadth from hers. “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, sister. You don’t have the monopoly on pain. There are individuals out there who have gone through more than you and I combined, and they still make this reality better everyday they are in it. What happened to you was brutal and terrible and horrific and unwarranted and cruel and heartless and you have every right to hurt and feel pain and to be angry and to be scared. But you never have the right to dismiss the pain of others and you never have the right to think that you are the only person who had to deal with enough s*** to last a lifetime. And it sure as hell doesn’t entitle you to treat people like garbage. Pain and history don’t make you special.” He drew back and got on his feet, clamer… but still the muscles clenched and unclenched.

“You need to decide, Viyara. Decide whether to use that pain inside of you to help yourself, or to destroy yourself. It’s one or the other. But you can’t run from it. You can’t hide from it. Thinking that you can only makes you a coward.” and he turned and went out the door.

Hammor

The whole time Daggum had yelled at her, Viyara had cowered on the bed. Her mismatched eyes wide and full of fear. But she had been listening. Truly listening without already thinking about how to reply. He was right and she knew it. She hadn’t meant to compare her pain to that of others and to hurt him by doing so. With tears running down her cheeks, she scrambled back to her feet and run after her. Nearly tripping over her feet as she did so.

When she caught up to Daggum, Viyara reached for his hand to stop him. She, too, was still angry and she wanted to dismiss his words. But try as she might, she couldn’t. She knew he was right. That she was on a path of self-destruction. So far she had tried to ignore that. Pretend that she wasn’t aware of it. That is wasn’t true. But his words, his anger and his pain had shown a bright flash onto it.

“I’m sorry Daggum,” Viyara said with a tremble in her voice. “You are right. I didn’t mean to make comparisons. But I did. And I hurt you because of that. Everything else you said is true too. I’m sorry.” her voice broke and she didn’t know whatelse to say. So she fell silent while still holding onto his hand if he let her.

~Viyara Nazeen

When her hand touched his he stopped short but didn’t turn around. His eyes were locked on the clothes that lay scattered around the room. It would be so easy to just jerk away, grab his clothes and walk out. So easy…

With her heart beating fast Viyara waited anxiously for Daggum to do something. Anything, really.

He took her hand in his and gave it a soft squeeze. “It’s not about me trying to be right, V…” he said without turning. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

She returned his soft squeeze, but remained silent

It would be easy… but it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. For either of them.

He turned slowly and looked down at her, taking her other hand in his own. “I… I’m sorry, V… really. I shouldn’t have gotten mad. And I wasn’t trying to sound right or superior or anything, it’s just… it’s…” and he stepped close to her so that the front of both of them was lightly touching. “I see so much pain in you, V… but I also see so much more. And I know you could be really happy if you let yourself. And if you let yourself be happy… I imagine you will accomplish really amazing things. Like world-changing things. Because you have that potential. I see it. And I just want you to be happy, V. You’ve had enough of the other side of it.”

Hammor

With tears still running down her cheeks, Viyara shook her head. “You have every right to be mad with me,” she whispered as she rested her forehead against this chest. “Thank you for your honesty and for caring about me. It means a lot to me and at the same time scares me so much. I don’t know how to handle either or how to continue from here.” She was trembling a little as she leaned slightly against Daggum.

~Viyara Nazeen


Posts on USS Athena

In topic

Posted since


© 1991-2021 STF. Terms of Service

Version 1.12.4