Posted by Lindsay Bayes in Daggum’s Quarters- Star-Crossed Lovers

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Daggum Hammor (Chief Operations Officer) in Daggum’s Quarters- Star-Crossed Lovers

Posted by Lindsay Bayes in Daggum’s Quarters- Star-Crossed Lovers
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snips)

Her question wasn’t unusual, and normally it would have had the typical ‘Oh, I’m good. Just same old same old, you know?’. But now… here… with all that happened… Daggum’s dam broke a little.

His face scrunched up in a half-confused / half- emotionally drained look. =/\= You know, Faye… I really don’t know. And I also know I probably shouldn’t be saying any of this to you of all people but I am so strung out and confused and I don’t know what to do. I was kinda spending time with this one girl and she was adamant she didn’t want anything serious and that’s great because I didn’t want that… with her, anyway… and then she told me she lived me and I kinda freaked out and tried to explain that I didn’t feel like that for her and then I tripped the new XO in the Lounge and she fell down with her butt all up in the air and I was super embarrassed so the next day I went to her office to apologize and when I came through the door the crazy woman was standing on her desk so I got a face full of XO butt again and then she shocked herself on a light and I tried to stop her from falling and I ended up grabbing her ass and then she KISSED ME, FAYE and I totally lost it and tried to just get out of there with my job intact and… and… =/\= and he looked at the screen… at Faye’s face… and just sighed heavily.

Daggum knew Faye’s mind operated at an exceptional speed (sometimes to her detriment) so it wasn’t a stretch to think her mind was processing as quickly as he was speaking. Still, her brows rose and lower lip dropped slightly.

=/\= I just had a rough week and all I wanted was to talk to you. =/\=

Daggum

That statement filled her with warmth and she gave him a mischievous grin.=/\=Well, here I am. But should I be jealous all these other woman get to kiss you?=/\= The words slipped out before she really realized what they were and there was definitely no way to take them back. Nor did she want to. Heat coloured her cheeks.

The question caught Daggum off guard, and his confusion and surprise were evident; but he shook it off and said =/\= Well, if you want me to stop them, just say the word and I absolutely will. =/\= and he smiled broadly.

Faye lifted a finger and went to say something, but instead she just laughed for a moment. =/\=I’m sorry you had such a rough week. I was thinking it was starting to sound as mixed up as mine have been and I definitely don’t recommend you trying to keep pace with me there,”=/\= she teased with an uncommonly flirty tone.

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist, USS Manhattan

Daggum laughed. It was so good to hear her voice and see her face, he was surprised by the weight it seemed to take off of his shoulders. =/\= Oh, I have no intention of trying to best you on that front, trust me. =/\= and he chuckled and let out a deep breath. He was starting to relax for the first time in days, and he unconsciously reached out and touched the screen where her cheek was.

Faye seemed to come to an utter stillness with that simple gesture, as if she might be able to make it solidify on her end.

=/\= So… your message said you were going to wait to talk no matter how long it took. What’s up? You’ve got something on your mind and I just ran over that with my troubles. So I am now all yours… what did you want to talk about? =/\=

Daggum

After taking a sip of her coffee, Faye allowed her her chest to expand fully as she breathed deeply, seemingly gathering herself together. =/\=So, I mentioned the last couple of days have been really hard, and in fact the last weeks have been hard because everything I though had remained in the past has suddenly come front and centre. The things I thought I had gotten over, I didn’t. I just buried it. Separated myself from it so it couldn’t hurt me. And that was fine at a time in my life where survival made it a good idea, even necessary. But that’s not where I am now. And I’m done with that. No more running. No more hiding.=/\= She gestured around her. =/\=I’m in the friggin’ Delta Quadrant and I still couldn’t out run the past.=/\=

More coffee, another deep breath. Faye seemed to be working herself up to something. =/\=I told you… that after you contacted me, I was struggling with past associations, and I think it only fair to you, to both of us that I tell you about it. But Dag… I know you of all people will understand, but it’s still a really hard story. It’s not easy to listen to and it was… traumatic to live through. So if there is any chance you think you can’t or shouldn’t hear it, I’ll respect that. But if you can, if you can hold that space for me, I think… I think some really big things about me will make more… sense.=/\= She was exceptionally earnest, but in her gaze was a desperation. But even Faye wasn’t entirely sure whether it was because she wanted him to say he was in, or let her off the hook. She knew better but feelings were rarely rational.

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist, USS Manhattan

Daggum’s heart pounded in his chest. Past associations? Fair to me?… and then a thought hit him like a train. She’s reconnected with an old love she lost. That explains it. The hurt, the past connection. They’ve come back to her… and she’s gone. His brain screamed and his eyes started to threaten to let loose. But if there one lesson the Pits taught him more than anything else… it was to never show pain.

Daggum’s face took a look of soft concern and his head tilted slightly to the left. =/\= Faye, you have more space with me than you probably realize. You can tell me anything… really. I’m not gonna shy away from you. I… =/\= and he stopped himself short and took a breath, =/\= I am always here for you. So go ahead, hit me. I can take it. =/\= and he smiled and winked at her again.

Daggum

Faye was still for a moment. =/\=Well, okay, grab a drink or something and get comfy because there are multiple parts to this story and it’s going to take awhile.=/\=

Downing some more coffee as if it might be hard liquor, Faye began her story. But she started with the bit she had told Alex during their dinner: about life on Tracken, T’Lora and Jaris (her parent’s best friends), making hasperat and the hard work of their idyllic life. And then came the Treaty and the decision to let the Maquis into their colony. Her mother’s disappearance when she was fifteen. Then she told him something she hadn’t even told Alex, about how her father seemed so desperate to keep her close where he knew where she was that his protectiveness became chafing, but at the same time she was off the colony at times helping him fight with the Maquis. She had no long just been the well -trained child of Maquis parents, she had in fact become a child soldier whose goal was to just stay alive another day to fight for her home. All thoughts of that future that T’Lora had painted and the things she could do with her mind had vanished.

Daggum listened intently, and he hung on her every word. When she spoke of the home she had, he felt a pang of jealousy; but that was quickly washed away by the change in her life when the Maquis came.

Then came the Dominion. With Alex she had told much of her stories with a modicum of emotional distance to avoid letting herself get sucked into her memories. But she was in a better place (if only slightly) than before, so she let herself feel all of it, her expression conveying those emotions. She held nothing back from Daggum. As she told the story of the final moments of her colony and the people who had built it with their bare hands, tears streaked down her face. She felt that moment where she became a fundamentally different person because she took her first life directly by killing the Cardassian Gill. Then there was a small moment of safety before her father made her make the promise to leave the life of the Maquis behind, be anything but, to live. And then he walked off to his death.

Inside, Daggum cursed. Selfish. You selfish bastard. How dare you leave your child to carry that weight while you take the quick way out! His eyes blurred with tears, but the emeralds burned with fire.

Then they escaped, but only briefly. Attacked by mercenaries, they killed T’Lora and Jaris and her and Cam came face to face with an Orion woman before they were drugged. They woke up in a slave processing centre where they were subsequently sold in a private sale to a wealthy business man of high standing in Orion society who wanted some youthful servants in his household.

Slave. Sold. Property. Daggum’s stomach clenched and he felt like he was going to throw up. His hand gripped the desk’s edge and tears began to well and fall slowly.

Then she took a momentary break to refill her coffee and gather herself.

As she got up, Daggum watched her in silence. When her back was turned, he looked down and clenched his eyes shut and forced the tears out and then wiped his face with his hands. He took a few deep breaths and steadied himself; making sure that he was there for Faye without her worrying about him. When she came back and sat, he nodded and just said =/\=It’s ok, Faye. I’m still here… still with you.=/\= softly.

She told him about life with Kodell and his odd sort of intrigue with her. Cam’s and her fight. Cameron’s escape and her week long bout of dissociation (her first major sign of her BPD surfacing) and the foggy existence during that time. Then how things shifted with Kodell’s apology months later in his office slash massive rare books library. Her devouring of any knowledge she could get her hands on and Kodell’s encouragement. The kiss and her fleeing. Avoidance until that fateful night after the dinner where he made her a spy for him without her knowledge. Her turn to kiss him and the understanding that something was happening between them that shouldn’t but she desperately wanted it to. Then came their secret affair where he mentored her, sharing his wealth of knowledge. Third anniversary of the massacre on Tracken and Kodell’s sudden morose mood. His admission of wrongdoing and the sudden declaration that he was setting her free. After she shared his bed just one time. How that night became one of the most beautiful memories and she cherished it, but the next morning, Dez’s violent reaction left her so deeply ashamed. Try as hard as she could, she could never fully grasp that feeling. It was gone, slipped through her fingers. Her safe haven had been taken from her yet again.

Daggum couldn’t help it… he snorted in derision. Kordell was one thing… and him having her didn’t even shock or surprise him. The gentleness did, but not the act. He had been waiting for her to talk about that since she said ‘processing center’. This Dez, though… that was a wholly separate thing. But Faye wouldn’t know that, and having her spend all these years thinking they were related broke his heart.

And then their nearly silent goodbye. The book he gave her that she later had to sell to feed herself. How she left the beautiful gown he gave her behind because it was too impractical but she secretly loved how it made her feel to wear something so lovely.

All these things she told him, but it was the next that mattered, that was the reason he needed to hear that story. =/\=I wanted to stay, Dag. That’s the part that is really hard for me. And though I told this story to Alex and he helped me reframe the whole thing as possibly less… shameful and more beautiful, you and I know what things were like there. That even if Kodell wanted to make me appear equal, his power over me, his simple possession of me, meant that even a yes was coerced. And the part I hate the most about all of this is that I loved the part of him that was so kind and tender and intellectual. And I feel that same connection with you. And it hurts me so much to even have to say to you that you remind me of him. You are so much more than him and you deserve better than that,=/\= she said with a chocked sob. Faye forced herself to look at Dag, despite hating to see what she might see there.

OOC: If anyone wants to read the details flashback series I did on the Manhattan, it’s here: https://www.star-fleet.com/core/stf1/manhattan/posts/130626/. CW for violence, death and an emotionally difficult read. Be forewarned, it’s long.

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist, USS Manhattan

Daggum looked at her… his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. He wasn’t sure he understood what she was saying. =/\= Faye, I… I… I don’t understand. What connection are you talking about? I mean… I just… Faye, I’m confused. What exactly are you trying to tell me, here? =/\= he asked softly, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he thought he may actually need Medical.

Daggum