Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Viyara’s Quarters - Call for help

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Daggum Hammor (Chief Operations Officer) in Viyara’s Quarters - Call for help

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Viyara’s Quarters - Call for help
Posted by… suppressed (11) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Daggum smiled and said “I’m pretty open here. It’s you that we need to make sure is ok. So we need to try and figure out what the rules here are. I just don’t want to do anything that is going to make this harder, V. And I don’t want to lose you because it gets weird… it shouldn’t be. We are good together, right? We just have to figure out what level of ‘together’ we can be without anyone getting hurt.”

Daggum

“I don’t want things to get weird between us either. Neither do I want to loose you. I’m not sure what will be okay for me. In a way this is all new to me,” Viyara admitted. What she didn’t say was that it had been a very long time since she had feelings like this for anyone. If she ever really had before. But she didn’t want or need to add that to his concerns. “And what about the person you are in love with? I don’t want whatever we have to hurt them and/or make things difficult between the two of you.”

~Viyara

Daggum smiled and said “V… I have never told her how I feel about her, so we don’t have anything right now… at least, not anything we have shared or talked about. And she is going through a lot right now and I don’t want to add to that pressure. Add to that the fact that she is in the Delta Quadrant, and I can say with a fair amount of certainty that whatever you and I do won’t be too much of an issue. And if it is, I’ll just let you two fight over me.” and he winked at her to let her know he was joking.

“Okay,” she replied softly as a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

“Honestly though… you tell me what you want, what works for you and me from your perspective… and you’ll get it. I trust you, V… I know you aren’t going to hurt me. And I hope you know that I don’t want to hurt you.”

Daggum

“That’s the thing, though,” Viyara replied sombrely. “I don’t know what I want or what would be best. And yes, I don’t know that you don’t want to hurt me. I wish I knew what do and what would be best. I feel confused and all over the place and like I don’t know anything anymore. I’m sorry. I really wish I could give you an answer.”

~Viyara

Daggum squeezed her and said “Then that’s where we’ll start. The basics. Friends. If you want something else, ask. If I can give it to you, I will. If I want something from you, I’ll ask. If you can give it, great. If not, no ground lost. We’ll just go a step at a time. How does that sound?”

Hammor, Ops

Viyara nodded silently and nestled a little closer against Daggum. The truth was, she wanted to be more than just friends. But with the sudden and unexpected realisation of the depth of her feelings for him and knowing that he loved someone else, she just didn’t know if she could still continue the benefits part of their friendship. Why did she have to fall in love? Why now? A small part of her even wished that she had never been transferred here. Not because she wished she’d never have met Daggum or anyone else from the crew, but because to her it seemed that life had been easier, better in a way while she had felt like she had control over her memories and emotions. And that control seemed to slip from her hands more and more. It scared the h**l out of her. Fear was something she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in over a decade. Even longer really. And she didn’t want to feel it now either. Viyara didn’t say any of that, though. Instead she remained silent; lost inside herself.

~Viyara

Daggum let her sit in silence for a long time before he spoke. “V… you have to talk. I mean… I dont know where to go from here unless you talk to me, okay?” he said softly.

Daggum

“I don’t know either Daggum,” Viyara whispered, her voice still hoarse. “I’m confused and … and afraid. But most of all: I don’t want to hurt you.” She tilted her head to look up at him for a moment. As she bowed her head again, she added, “I’m so sorry. For everything.”

~Viyara

Daggum smiled and looked at her. “V… Im not hurt. And you nothing… nothing… to apologize for. And you don’t need to be afraid. You have taken a huge step forward! You allowed yourself to feel something strong and intense and scary. Thats a good thing!”

Daggum

Viyara snorted ever so softly and shook her head. “It doesn’t feel like a good thing. It feels like all I did was create a mess and make everything more complicated. It’s not fair to you.” Uncertain as she was about what was and wasn’t okay in a friendship, she felt like she should move away from Daggum, put at least a small physical distance between them. But she just couldn’t bring herself to move even slightly away. And so she stayed put despite the chaos of thoughts and emotions inside her and her instinct to push him away.

~Viyara

“No, it’s not fair to you. Some emotions we just can’t control. The emotions themselves aren’t good or bad, they just… are. It’s what we do with them that makes them a positive or negative. Take anger… I get so mad sometimes. If I let that anger take over and lost my cool, then that anger… justified or not… becomes a negative and impacts me negatively. But if I take that anger and use it as fuel to do something productive… like address the circumstances around why I became mad to begin with… then that anger is something positive. And love? Love is an amazing thing, V… you should never feel bad about feeling it. We just have to learn how to incorporate that into what we do together.”

Daggum

“What does it matter if it’s fair to me?” Viyara muttered softly into his chest and then continued a little louder, “I hope we’ll be able to. I don’t want to loose you as a friend. But more importantly: I want you to be happy. You said you want to do this the way it works for me. For that I need to know what is and isn’t okay for you. I think I need clear rules. I never really had a friend. So I don’t know how to be a good friend.” Her voice seemed to become steadier with each word she spoke; more like her usual self. She wanted this to work and for Daggum to be okay. No matter what that would mean for herself.

~Viyara

Daggum sighed softly and said “It matters because you matter. Friendship is about both people, V. Not just one. And you aren’t going to lose me, V. And as far as what is okay with me? Whatever. We are grown adults, V… we can do whatever we want. Right now, we have no rules except what we decide together, ok? If it helps, I’ll start. Let’s take sex out of it. As much I hate to do that.” and he chuckled. “But it might help to make things… less confusing. Make sense? And please, you are welcome to talk me out of it.” and he laughed.

Daggum

Viyara had nearly said that she didn’t matter. But she didn’t want to fight and if she was honest with herself: a small part of her hoped that Daggum was right about that and wanted to believe him. Pulling her legs off his lap and folding them underneath her while still leaning against Daggum, Viyara nodded. “I would love to talk you out of it,” she said softly, her head bowed as she fiddled a little with her blanket. “You are an amazing lover and being intimate with you … it made me feel happy and … alive. But I think you’re right. To make things easier and less confusing we should take sex out of the equation.” Feeling suddenly rather restless, she pushed herself to her feet and began to pace.

~Viyara

“Disappointing, and being with you is amazing… but I understand. So… what’s next? I made a rule, now it’s your turn.” he said as he watched her pace.

Daggum