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Counsellor's Office - Thus things continue to unfold

Posted May 12, 2021, 4:02 p.m. by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) (Silke Fahl)

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Counsellor’s Office - Thus things continue to unfold

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Counsellor’s Office - Thus things continue to unfold

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Counsellor’s Office - Thus things continue to unfold
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Viyara nodded and then took another deep breath. Without meeting Janna’s gaze, she said, “I don’t think I did since yesterday. I mean, I probably chewed on my lower lip while journalling or while I was on duty. But I wouldn’t consider that self-harm.” Her voice was soft and at first hesitant, but with each word she said, she seemed to be less hesitant till it was almost like a switch was flicked in her brain and she shared much more than she ever had with anyone before. “As you know I sometimes dig my nails into my skin. After I left the Captain and the Counsellor on the holodeck that day I did so as well. As almost always it was subconscious and I didn’t even notice at first that I broke my skin with my nails. I sometimes bite myself in the fingers. never hard enough to be in any danger of drawing blood, but enough to leave a mark. I sometimes cut myself. And, I wouldn’t classify it as self-harm, but until recently I almost always kept the holodeck safeties off. I can be reckless. I sometimes drink to much and I like it when things get really rough when I’m with someone. All of that either makes me feel alive or draws my focus to something I can control.”

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist

In therapy there was a tension between pushing forward bit by bit and holding back so as to not overwhelm a patient. The simple fact was that with Viyara she was so damn proud, and she would express that… soon. Not just yet. It was important that they sit in the discomfort of this topic for at least a little while. Not too long, but just enough that the scientist can feel in her body that it wouldn’t harm her, that those feelings could be useful. She scrawled some notes on her PADD for a few moments.

“You said you kept the safeties off until recently. What changed?” Janna asked.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Her eyes still on her journal, she first said only one word, one name, really. “Daggum.” But after a pause she elaborated without further prompting. “I told him what had happened on the holodeck between the Captain, Counsellor and I. He got upset with me. Told me that I was selfish. That everyone on board relied on everyone else. On my included, even if I don’t feel like I matter. He made me promise to at least keep the safeties at low if not completely on.” She shrugged slightly as she ran the tip of her left index finger over some words and lines in her journal.

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist

Her hand moved across the PADD with the responsive stylus. “Two questions,” Janna said, looking up again. “One, what made you tell him? And two, how do you feel about what he said to you?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“I’m not sure,” Viyara replied thoughtfully, a small frown appearing on her face again. “The chronology of what we talked about when and where that day is a bit hazy. But I think it was after the spa. So we would have already spend several hours together and talked about all kinds of things and had sex more than once. I think I felt like he would understand. I still think he understood, but … he also got upset with me. I think it was shortly after that we fought and I said some really mean things. He nearly left me in that hotel room. But I apologised and he stayed.” Looking finally up, her eyes glistening with tears, she said, “I think I felt really hurt in that moment and completely misunderstood.”

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist


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