Posted July 29, 2021, 1:43 p.m. by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) (Lindsay B)
Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1
Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1
Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻(snip)
For a few moments she pondered and then replied, “I control what I write down in my notebook and how I write it. And whether or not I show you what I wrote or what to show you.” Tilting her head slightly, she added thoughtfully, “I find it much easier to think of things I can control when I’m not locked up on the holodeck. I know this is for my own safety and in my own best interest and it makes me feel like there is hardly anything in my control anymore. Especially things of any real consequence.” She dropped her gaze and reached for her tension ball, giving it a firm squeeze in the hope to dispel the feeling of unease that had suddenly washed over her.
~Viyara Nazeen
Daggum smiled at her and said “Hey… all of this is real consequence. Everything you do and learn is going to help you outside the holodeck. And personally… I think you are doing really well, V.”
Daggum
“It doesn’t feel like it,” Viyara mumbled in reply to everything that Daggum had said, her gaze still fixed on her lap and her jaw slightly clenched. Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep breath as she tried to ease some of the tension that had suddenly washed over her. As she opened her eyes again and lifted her head, she asked, “How does something like what I wear or what I do with my hair have any consequences in here?” Her voice was a little sharper than she had meant it to and so she quickly added, “I’m sorry.”
~Viyara Nazeen
Janna shrugged, nonplussed. “What does any of this matter? Why does it matter if you stay in here or leave? What does it matter what verdict I hand down to you and what you choose to do with it? Viyara,” Janna said, leaning in towards her slightly, meeting her gaze. “You’re asking questions, but the better question is: why do I care? Why do I care what Doctor Kingston thinks or does here? Why do I care how people are seeing me right now? Answer those for yourself and I think, perhaps, this might all became a touch easier. Not easy, just less… difficult. And, if you feel you are truly ready to hear it, I might have some thoughts to share with you about where I feel you’re sitting, but only if you’re ready to hear those answers.”
~Janna Kingston, CNS
“It matters because it make me feel trapped. Again. I trust both of you. I know neither one of you is going to hurt me. And I am terrified,” she almost yelled in-between gasping breaths as she fought to hold back tears. With trembling hands she pushed to her feet, accidentally making her chair topple over backwards. She wanted to run , do something stupid she’d regret later. But she managed to make herself stay put. More or less anyway. With her arms wrapped tightly around her middle and her fingers digging deeply into her sides, she paced a little as she continued, “I care because I want to know what’s wrong with me. I care because if I have an idea what people think or plan to do I can access a situation. I know if I’ll need to protect myself. Or rather in which ways I need to protect myself.” With each word she said her voice became softer till it was nothing more than a barely audible whisper.
~Viyara Nazeen
“Protect yourself from what?” Janna said gently. It might seem like she was indifferent to Viyara’s distress, but on the contrary, her gaze was deeply fixed and assessing.
~Janna Kingston, CNS
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