Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Daggum Hammor (Chief Operations Officer) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

The psychologist fixed Viyara with a soft gaze. “Viyara, this is not one of my tricky therapist moments. The question was simple and all you had to say was I returned because I was calmer. But even that is a symptom of something else. You did not have to come back here, but you chose to in your own time. All I’m asking you to do is pause and think over what might have changed in our time together that made you feel like you could or should return. If you don’t have an answer for it right now, that’s okay. But you’re a smart woman, you know and understand more about yourself than I think you sometimes want to admit,” she said as she sipped on her coffee and stepped out of the room, leaving the young woman with Daggum, seeking the living room and the comfy chairs and sofa.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Daggum looked at the cup in his hands and then took a sip. “You know, she’s not wrong. You know yourself. You don’t like parts of that person… but you do know her. And that is a whole lot more than a lot of people starting this kind of thing have.” and he took a drink and then moved to leave the kitchen. “You are doing good, V. Even if it doesn’t seem like that right now… you are.” and he went into the living room and took a seat.

Daggum

As she listened in silence to Janna and then Daggum and watched first one and then the other leave the kitchen, Viyara felt a lot of things all at once. So much so that she wasn’t even sure what she was feeling. Her emotions felt all over the place and very overwhelming at that moment. Walking over to the window, she looked outside without really seeing the garden on the other side of the glass. She was tempted to just stay there and wait and see if one of them would return, ask her to join them in the living room. But Janna had been right: She was generally fairly self-aware and she knew that that sort of behaviour would only hurt herself.

So after a few more moments Viyara turned around with an almost inaudible sigh and followed Janna and Daggum into the living room. After briefly looking around, she walked over to the couch and sat down in one corner of it so that her back was resting against the backrest and one of the armrests. With her knees hugged to her chest, she sat there in silence and watched the other two; waiting for either of them to say or do something.

~Viyara

Janna had settled into a chair with her notebook and was writing with intense focus. But she was aware of Viyara joining them. Her eyes flicked up towards the other woman briefly before she continued writing.

A few minutes later, Janna set her pen in the book and gently closed it on her lap. er green eyes assessing, she wore a curious expression. “Can you tell me where you’re at right now?” A question, rather than a command.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“I-” Viyara started and then fell silence. Her impulse had been to simply say ‘I don’t know’. But she had a feeling that that wasn’t what Janna wanted to hear and that she wouldn’t let her get away with that answer. So she took a deep breath and tried to really think about that question and figure out the answer. After several more deep breaths, she started slowly, “I’m not entirely sure. I think I feel a lot of things right now. But I can’t really name what I feel. I know I’m overwhelmed by everything right now. At the same time I feel … numb … and empty … I think. It’s … I’m trying to wrap my head around everything. But it’s so much. Too much. … I wish … I wish I was anyone but me … That I wasn’t broken … That I could go back to how things were before…” Her voice trailed off and tears ran silently down her cheeks as she continued to move her left hand up and down her bare shins.

~Viyara Nazeen

“And how were things before? What was about then that makes you feel more at ease?” Janna asked.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Viyara remained silent for a few moments as she tried to put everything into words. With her gaze unfocused, she eventually replied, “I didn’t feel as easily overwhelmed. I felt in control of everything in my life. I …” She shook her head as her voice trailed off. The truth was: for the first time in a very long time, maybe the first time ever, she was truly letting other people get close to her and see all of who she was. Not to mention that she began to allow herself to feel her emotions instead of numbing out with all her maladaptive coping skills. And that wasn’t easy or comfortable at all.

~Viyara Nazeen

“Change can be disorienting, V… it’s ok. Take your time.” Daggun said with soft encouragement.

Daggum

Lifting her head ever so slightly, Viyara glanced briefly at Daggum. The faintest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

Kingston smiled at Daggum’s quiet support. The man was a rock in many ways, even though she knew he felt things deeply too. “I want you to explore this shift that’s happened. Take some time right now, as much as you need, and try journalling it out. I might ask you about it after, but I also might not. But before you do, I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to answer honestly. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear: Do you feel everything is out of control right now, or do you feel like you have some control over what’s happening and feel more level?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“Okay,” Viyara replied, her voice barely audible even to herself. She then was silent again for couple of moments as she thought about Janna’s question. “Not everything, I think,” she replied quietly. “But … almost everything. Especially … especially my emotions. And I … I feel like I … barely manage to control my reactions … my behaviour … everything feels so … visceral and … overwhelming.” As she spoke, one of her nails was digging more and more into her lower leg without her even noticing what she was doing.

~Viyara

Daggum didn’t say a word. He simply set his coffee down, walked to Viyara, slid his fingers under her hand and lifted her hand away from her leg and set it on the arm of the the chair next to her. He patted it once and then went back to his coffee.

Daggum