Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Meeting the Counsellor for Boarding Psych Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Shock (Chief of Security) in Meeting the Counsellor for Boarding Psych Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Meeting the Counsellor for Boarding Psych Eval

(snip)

Janna said nothing as she considered him, having been watching his body language. Evasiveness was nothing new to her. It was practically cliché. But at the same time she fell into the camp of therapists that fully believed you had to earn the right to hear someone’s story. If there was an issue they needed to work through, you had to build rapport and trust. That trust could be thin, even in a first session. “There is nothing wrong with privacy and I don’t prod where I’m not wanted unless I feel more harm will come from my lack of intervention. That’s the duty I have. My duty in session is to address any concerns that there might be about settling in on the ship. I will let you know that I have done a great deal of research and work in trauma, so if there is anything ever that you wish to discuss, I am someone you can turn to. All I will ask about your hesitation is whether it is a situation that could impact your ability to do your job as Chief if Security. And consider that question carefully as you are responsible for the safety of the entire ship and the over one thousand people here.”

~Janna Kinston, CNS

The way that Kingston answered Shock’s question was unexpected. He had thought she would ask for some other reason, that his expectation of her answer would perhaps be indicative of perhaps an inability to understand a Vulcan psyche, or lack of respect for Vulcan cultural norms. Kingston’s answer was thoughtful. He could feel empathy from her – was she radiating it perhaps? or was he reading in too much in the situation? Do all clients second-guess everything when in a room with a counsellor? So many questions, but he figured, that, perhaps, all his questions were indicative of something. Did he feel like he had to hide something? Was he embarrassed? Surely not? He was Vulcan, he doesn’t feel embarrassment. Then, yet, why would he not think (or feel for that matter) that bringing up Tkar would be helpful?

He quickly realized, in the midst of his thousand thoughts, that he had remained quiet for much longer than would be usual in a normal conversation. He wondered if Kingston would make a note about “turn-taking” and his inability to keep to it properly, after he had left. He wondered also if she would see it as indicative of trauma (was he traumatized?), of other mental issues (if so, did that mean he had issues to work out?), or perhaps, simply, that he was Vulcan? Is Vulcan culture perhaps traumatising? The constant repression of emotions, the shaming (an emotion!) of emotion (!) in an “emotionless” society?

There was a process all patients go through when they are trying t decide how to discuss something , or even whether to in the first place. the silence might be uncomfortable for others but Janna had long learned to sit with it and let it be.

“Eighteen weeks and three days ago”, he started, pausing again for a some seconds, “I underwent my latest pon farr. I trust you know what it is,” he said rhetorically.

A simple nod was her only response.

“It was on the Endeavour. In this state of heightened emotiveness, emotional dysregulation, and sexual impulsivity, I entered a short sexual relationship, lasting a few hours, with a colleague of lower rank. There was thus a lack of equality in the relationship, no matter how short it was, where I, the party of higher rank, had a greater ethical responsibility to ensure consent. Philosopher grapple with the question whether consent really can be given in an asymmetrical power relationship such as that where ranks differ significantly.”

He paused. He broke eye contact, and looked aside for a split second, before returning to the conversation.

“I join the philosophers in asking that question. My colleague was not Vulcan and I do not know of his–” he paused, realising he had used a pronoun of his colleague, and thus accidentally ‘outed’ himself. Kingston would now be in a select club of three knowing this deepest secret of his, along with Tkar and Vasar. He continued, “knowledge of my altered state. We did not speak afterwards, either, and I consciously chose to avoid him. I had decided I would seek him out when I was emotionally regulated again, back in a serene state of non-emotiveness and logic. I was, however, reassigned here thereafter.”

Shock’s voice was clear, emotionless but rhetorically skilled. His face remained calm and serene-looking.

“As for your question, which I have not yet answered, is that this was an example of a situation where my inner self affected my work. I engaged in a wrongful relationship with a colleague and thereafter abandoned him without sufficient debriefing. It was unethical and unprofessional, but, perhaps, somewhat excusable under the unique circumstances. I regret it nonetheless.”

“This is unlikely to be repeated, as it is another six and half standard years, give or take a few months, before I should be in a similar state of altered consciousness. Your question carries weight, that I, now, that I have given you – unexpectedly from my point of view – a monologue of my inner conscious narrative.”

He paused once again, and leaned forward to Kingston, ever so slightly:

She mirrored his movement, her eyes curious but understanding. Janna had been taking notes here and there, mostly points to prompt other bits of conversation should she have the opportunity.

“Perhaps we could explore that question further.”

After all, the safety of a thousand people was a big responsibility. Meeting Kingston has put things into perspective, and he had only just begun. For the first time since he had sat down with her, he actually looked forward to seeing how the conversation would move on further.

– Lt Shock (COS)

“I am very willing to go down that path with you if that is what you want,” Janna said. “And I will start by saying that it is completely natural to have regrets, even for Vulcans. Regret tells us that a situation occurred and we either acted or did not act, and we wish we had done something different. Of course, hindsight allows us to see things more clearly and often gives us information that we did not have before. So in those situations we have to remember that we make the best choice we can in the moment with the information we have, and yes, sometimes we don’t make choices that are correct for the situation or our own moral balance. If you had a chance to do something different, Shock, what would you change about the situation?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Shock noticed a sensation of comfort coming from his gut and moving up his chest, as soon as Janna said it is completely natural to have regrets, even for Vulcans. It was validating and respectful of his culture. He had been seen, and his experiences were not strange or difficult or unbecoming. At least, that was what he felt. He tried not to feel too much, but right now, it was logical to let the emotions help him understand what was going on within him. In a way, counselling was similar to meditation, only that someone else was probing you for answers to questions you had not yet realized you had needed to ask.

“I should like to speak to Tkar,” he said, pausing, realizing that he had not mentioned a name before, “– my colleague with whom I shared the short intimate relationship. I do not think I could have acted much differently in the climax of my pon farr – perhaps beforehand I could have stopped it, but I cannot do anything about that, only learn from it, and stop from something so unbecoming be caused to happen once again. But I should like to have separated with him on better terms, for us to have undergone debriefing of the encounter and of our collegial – and amicable – and sexual, however short – relationship. I wish that my actions have not injured his honour, or him emotionally or spiritually or psychologically.” Shock paused, trying to figure out which adverb was most appropriate here. “Psychically.”

“I hope they have not,” he said again. “But I do not know. Is it logical to be concerned of his welfare following my actions? Where would such question lead, if not only to more unnecessary emotions, that take me away from meditation, logic, and serenity of mind? Surely, I need serenity to work.”

– Lt Shock (COS)