Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Meeting the Counsellor for Boarding Psych Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Shock (Chief of Security) in Meeting the Counsellor for Boarding Psych Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Meeting the Counsellor for Boarding Psych Eval

(snips)

“I am very willing to go down that path with you if that is what you want,” Janna said. “And I will start by saying that it is completely natural to have regrets, even for Vulcans. Regret tells us that a situation occurred and we either acted or did not act, and we wish we had done something different. Of course, hindsight allows us to see things more clearly and often gives us information that we did not have before. So in those situations we have to remember that we make the best choice we can in the moment with the information we have, and yes, sometimes we don’t make choices that are correct for the situation or our own moral balance. If you had a chance to do something different, Shock, what would you change about the situation?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Shock noticed a sensation of comfort coming from his gut and moving up his chest, as soon as Janna said it is completely natural to have regrets, even for Vulcans. It was validating and respectful of his culture. He had been seen, and his experiences were not strange or difficult or unbecoming. At least, that was what he felt. He tried not to feel too much, but right now, it was logical to let the emotions help him understand what was going on within him. In a way, counselling was similar to meditation, only that someone else was probing you for answers to questions you had not yet realized you had needed to ask.

“I should like to speak to Tkar,” he said, pausing, realizing that he had not mentioned a name before, “– my colleague with whom I shared the short intimate relationship. I do not think I could have acted much differently in the climax of my pon farr – perhaps beforehand I could have stopped it, but I cannot do anything about that, only learn from it, and stop from something so unbecoming be caused to happen once again. But I should like to have separated with him on better terms, for us to have undergone debriefing of the encounter and of our collegial – and amicable – and sexual, however short – relationship. I wish that my actions have not injured his honour, or him emotionally or spiritually or psychologically.” Shock paused, trying to figure out which adverb was most appropriate here. “Psychically.”

“I hope they have not,” he said again. “But I do not know. Is it logical to be concerned of his welfare following my actions? Where would such question lead, if not only to more unnecessary emotions, that take me away from meditation, logic, and serenity of mind? Surely, I need serenity to work.”

– Lt Shock (COS)

“Sometimes though, these regrets hold more power and sway over our daily life than we realize. That you were willing to bring the situation up now tells me that it is something unresolved and unresolved things have a way of coming back at inopportune moments. If you had a chance to speak with Tkar and not only assess if any harm had occurred and perhaps even make amends, would you do that? For yourself? For him?” Janna asked, her assessing gaze unwavering.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Shock was quiet for a second. He considered the options. The hypothetical scenario was that he was speaking with Tkar. In this situation, would Shock make amends for himself? Yes or no? Would he also make amends for the sake of Tkar. Yes or no?

The latter part of the question, about Tkar, was easy to answer. He had wronged Tkar, and Shock had acted dishonourably and illogically. He knew also of a deep affection for Tkar, though. he did not wish to explore that sensation more. Kingston’s question about Shock making amends for himself was a novel one.

“Making amends for myself?” Shock bought some time by asking the question back. Kingston’s analysis was that this was a situation that was unresolved within Shock. By that line of thought, he did not need to resolve it with Tkar, if the conflict was within himself. Shock considered under what circumstances he would need to resolve it fully within himself with no opportunity of making amends with Tkar. Perhaps if Tkar did not wish to speak to him, that would be one option. Another option would be if Tkar would be permanently unable to speak with Shock, for example, in the event of his death. That would require Shock to resolve it within himself, without receiving forgiveness from Tkar. Was it forgiveness Shock sought? Can’t be! That would be illogical!

“You help me see that it is unresolved within me,” Shock put words to his thoughts. “I do not know if I have injured him even, or if he considers the matter unresolved. My first step would be to resolve it within me. I am not sure how. Do you have suggestions?”

Before Kingston had a chance to answer, Shock continued:

“But your question was in the hypothetical scenario that I would be able to speak to him about this situation,” Shock summarized again, buying some more time to find the best way of articulating his thoughts. “Would I then make amends for his sake?”

Shock put his right hand to his chin, his finger tips squeezed the chin slightly. He noticed some slight stubble. It would be time to shave tonight. He did not enjoy the sensation of stubble.

“I feel,” he began, noticing the extreme discomfort of articulating feelings. He was Vulcan after all. “– that I have injured him. I do not know. But I should like to find out. Somehow, for some reason I cannot understand, it is important for me to know. And if he has been injured, I should like to lessen the pain. But how? I do not understand emotional people. Tkar is very emotional. I am not. I lack the necessary understanding.”

– Lt Shock (COS)