Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Meeting the Counsellor for Boarding Psych Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Shock (Chief of Security) in Meeting the Counsellor for Boarding Psych Eval

(snip)

Shock was quiet for a second. He considered the options. The hypothetical scenario was that he was speaking with Tkar. In this situation, would Shock make amends for himself? Yes or no? Would he also make amends for the sake of Tkar. Yes or no?

The latter part of the question, about Tkar, was easy to answer. He had wronged Tkar, and Shock had acted dishonourably and illogically. He knew also of a deep affection for Tkar, though. he did not wish to explore that sensation more. Kingston’s question about Shock making amends for himself was a novel one.

“Making amends for myself?” Shock bought some time by asking the question back. Kingston’s analysis was that this was a situation that was unresolved within Shock. By that line of thought, he did not need to resolve it with Tkar, if the conflict was within himself. Shock considered under what circumstances he would need to resolve it fully within himself with no opportunity of making amends with Tkar. Perhaps if Tkar did not wish to speak to him, that would be one option. Another option would be if Tkar would be permanently unable to speak with Shock, for example, in the event of his death. That would require Shock to resolve it within himself, without receiving forgiveness from Tkar. Was it forgiveness Shock sought? Can’t be! That would be illogical!

“You help me see that it is unresolved within me,” Shock put words to his thoughts. “I do not know if I have injured him even, or if he considers the matter unresolved. My first step would be to resolve it within me. I am not sure how. Do you have suggestions?”

Before Kingston had a chance to answer, Shock continued:

“But your question was in the hypothetical scenario that I would be able to speak to him about this situation,” Shock summarized again, buying some more time to find the best way of articulating his thoughts. “Would I then make amends for his sake?”

Shock put his right hand to his chin, his finger tips squeezed the chin slightly. He noticed some slight stubble. It would be time to shave tonight. He did not enjoy the sensation of stubble.

“I feel,” he began, noticing the extreme discomfort of articulating feelings. He was Vulcan after all. “– that I have injured him. I do not know. But I should like to find out. Somehow, for some reason I cannot understand, it is important for me to know. And if he has been injured, I should like to lessen the pain. But how? I do not understand emotional people. Tkar is very emotional. I am not. I lack the necessary understanding.”

– Lt Shock (COS)

She was glad that Shock was taking her observations with serious consideration. It would be easy in this circumstance to sweep them away as inconsequential and many people did exactly that. But Janna knew Shock was in a position to experience significant personal growth in this moment if he could just tay within the discomfort awhile longer.

Janna held her hands out in front of her, palms upwards. “Schrödinger’s cat. In this moment Tkar is both okay and not okay, and we cannot resolve that discrepancy without taking steps to determine what the truth is. I think it is also false that you do not understand emotional people, Shock. You may not experience emotions in the same way, but you do have them and you as a security officer are trained to evaluate the emotional state of those you come into contact with, even if your reason for doing so is from a security evaluation perspective. Don’t discount the way you experience the world around you here.”

Shock understood the metaphor. It was an odd one, but humans did seem to enjoy making strange metaphors. Over the years, he had grown more and more accostumed to them, and started taking some to his liking. But Schrödinger’s Tkar moved him. For a split second, he pictured Tkar as the metaphorical cat, trapped in a box, screaming out for help, but at the same time dead. So was quantum mechanics. The imagery in his head was unexpected. Perhaps Tkar meant more to him than he had anticipated. Speaking of Tkar has opened its own.... can of worms (using a human metaphor once again, and he saw suddenly in his mind an ancient Earth tin – used for preserving food – opening it slowly with a wedge and a hammer – and finding that the tin can was full of maggots once opened. Such a strange image, he thought, and immediately set to question the meaning of maggots – associated with consumtion and death. Did he fear Tkar had died? Why would he think that Tkar had died? Why would it matter? Their relationship was ended.

“My suggestion as a way to approach this situation is a bit of role play. I can play Tkar, and together we can try out different approaches to a conversation that may or may not happen, and see where it leads you.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Shock took Kingston’s suggestion with surprise. Outwardly, she would notice an eyebrow slightly arched. This had not been able to be resolved through normal introspective means – through meditation and purging – and, surely, it would be illogical to attempt do that more and more and expect different results. The counsellor’s suggestion was novel and creative. Perhaps it could help him find some resolution.

He decided to go all-in. Give it his full attention. Without even commenting on it, he rose to his feet, and walked away a few metres, before returning back to Kingston’s vicinity.

“Tkar, it is agreeable to meet you again. Peace and long life!” Shock held out his hand, and stretched his fingers into the traditional V-like greeting shape.

– Lt Shock (COS)