Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Counselling Suite- CIO’s Appointment

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Counselling Suite- CIO’s Appointment

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Counselling Suite- CIO’s Appointment
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“Okay,” Janna said, glad for Faye’s openness. They were treading into yet another bit of new territory and that meant that perhaps she’d have to tread cautiously in some places or step back and help Faye see the bigger picture of her own life more clearly when they stuck in the mire or one issue or another.

“So you come here with some worries amidst a lot of changes, but what are you hopeful for? What grounds you in a positive frame of mind?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Faye snorted but even as the sound came out of her mouth it was clear her mind was working through the question, giving it serious thought. “Dag. He’s why I went through with the transfer, well, Alex put it in before I could object. It was a done deal.” She frowned and then her eyes widened. “But I wanted it, deep down. And I’m glad I’m here because I’ve had a small taste of life with Daggum this last month on our honeymoon, and it’s kind of awesome. I want more of it. We’re done with the long-distance relationship stuff.”

~Faye Calloway, CIO

“I want to come back to the honeymoon, but tell me what you’re hopeful for? What is it that you hope to find on this ship,” Kingston said. A lot of how they would proceed would be predicated on where Faye’s mindset was at right now.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Calloway sat back in her seat a bit and pondered this. “I suppose I want to find that same feeling of community, of family, that I had on the Manhattan. I came into my own there and everything I went through there allowed me to be in this place where I could find love, get married and move forward with my career. But I gave a briefing a little while ago and the captain made a quip about the arguing sounding like a family. It felt… wrong to me.”

~Faye Calloway, CIO

Janna nodded slowly. She could sense the unease in Calloway and the uncertainty about that moment. “Tell me more,” she said.

Faye inhaled slowly, trying to gather her thoughts into something cohesive. “I guess the reality of being here really hit hard during that meeting,” she said, her right middle fingernail picking at her thumb cuticle. “I had gone most of my entire adult life, on my own, no family to speak of. Friends here and there, such as they were, but hardly anyone I would trust entirely. There were exceptions, but they were very rare.” Faye sighed. “By the time I had gotten to the Manhattan though I was a different person. I had had some really difficult experiences that made me want to stop surviving and actually live, and I had met people here that found a tiny crack and began to wedge it open. And it wasn’t like settling into the Manhattan was easier, but I was at a point where I had nothing to lose.”

Her grass green eyes assessed Faye intently, parsing over the words used. “And you have something to lose now?”

Faye’s jaw shifted, her lips parting as words sat on her tongue. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“What might you lose?” Kingston asked.

“Everything,” Faye whispered, sucking in a breath.

There was an acute pain in the other woman that Janna could sense Faye was trying to keep careful control over. This was about more than just this new period of adjustment. “You might lose everything being here on the Athena, or you will lose everything if you allow the people here to be your family too?”

The questions hit hard and Faye shook her head, unsure how to answer it. Those weren’t the right answers but she wasn’t entirely sure what the answer actually was in reality. Her gaze shifted away from Kingston, studying the simple decor of the office.

~Janna Kingston, CNS & Faye Calloway, CIO

Silence permeated the space and for a long while Faye just avoided Kingston’s gaze, who said nothing. It wasn’t the first therapist she had had that had waited her out and in this case it allowed Faye space to figure out what the answer was, if there even was one. “It took everything I had to start over again after the Tal Shiar. I was determined, sure, but…” She shook her head and her eyes drifted off again.

Janna tilted her head and leaned in, searching for Faye’s gaze. She waited till those beautiful pale eyes found her again and she held them with her own. “It hurt, and not just the memories or the physical rehab.” Normally it was a hard and fast rule that a therapist never put words into their patient’s mouth, but this was different. Janna could almost feel the thought, or rather the emotional wake of it and she knew Faye would shut down fast if she was constantly prompting her.She had to help ease the resistance.

Faye jerked back, eyes wide, but she nodded. “Yeah. I was starting once again from a place where I had been split open and everyone had all these expectations of me. I had expectations of me too. It was easy to say, ‘I want to live and not just survive’, but the reality of that was more humbling, surprising, beautiful and painful than I imagined. I made one of the greatest friends I’ll ever have in my life, I reunited with my mom and all the drama that brought, I survived a plot that would have branded me as a traitor and tossed in some dark prison for the rest of my life, but most of all I let love in and actually felt so good about the future that I got married. Me!”

It was just so hard not to smile at the woman, to not reach out and touch her. Kingston knew Faye would allow it but they were just building a rapport and she didn’t want to spook her. “And now? Here?”

Faye inhaled deeply. “Here I have Dag, but…” She shook her head. “I already miss the Manhattan so much it hurts. I’m not exactly a social butterfly, and I don’t know how to go about rebuilding what I had there.”

“Then don’t.”

She frowned and sat back. “I don’t understand,” Faye said.

This time Janna smiled softly. “You had something wonderful that you found on your previous ship. Despite all the hardship and the chaos, you took what you were given and leaned into the possibility of happiness, in whatever form it might take. That is a wonderful, extraordinary thing, Faye. You should be proud of it. And it is special. The Manhattan is special. Cherish it, and all that you built there.”

Faye gave a tiny nod. The words all felt true and intellectually she knew they were, but something still felt off.

She leaned in closer. “It might seem strange, because this transfer is a good thing. You are building a new life with your new life partner, and you have received a promotion. All things to celebrate. But that doesn’t mean you’re sad for what you’ve left behind. What you’re feeling Faye is grief. It just looks different than say when we lose someone we cared about or loved. Grief can come from happy things too.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS & Faye Calloway, CIO