STF

Deck 14, Meeting Room- Learning to Share

Posted May 23, 2023, 12:48 p.m. by Lieutenant Shock (Chief of Security) (Richard A)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Deck 14, Meeting Room- Learning to Share

Posted by Lieutenant Shock (Chief of Security) in Deck 14, Meeting Room- Learning to Share

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Deck 14, Meeting Room- Learning to Share
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Calloway’s passive-aggressive question did not help, nor did it bring the conversation followed. It was as if she and Shock would constantly misinterpret and second-guess one another. He needed to diffuse the situation.

“Then we are in agreement,” he simply added. “We will stay in regular contact and there is no need to deploy further Security staff into the project unless circumstances change.”

– Lt Shock (COS)

“Right…” Faye stared at him, feeling like the world was suddenly spinning in a different direction, or gravity had altered. The conversation was perfectly fine and she was hardly empathic. In fact, Faye was so far from it, despite being incredibly sensitive, that this was one of those moments where she instinctively felt like she was missing something and had entered a different reality. All she knew was that her instincts told her something and she had to figure out how to make sense of it and respond. “Is…?” She shook her head and frowned. “Did I do something wrong?”

~Faye Calloway, CIO

Shock paused, looked at his colleague – this time less as a colleague and more as a fellow sentient.

“Your question assumes a binary – that there is a right way to conduct a conversation and a wrong way. There are instead countless ways to conduct it.”

He wasn’t wrong, but that in fact was a part of her problem.

“Your question highlights, however, something that we ought to discuss. There appears to miscommunication in our communication. I understand we both have tried to be as direct and clear as we can, yet, there is miscommunication. I have not, for example, mean to imply that you have done something wrong, yet your question, in my interpretation, assumes that implication. May I hear your thoughts on this matter?”

– Lt Shock (COS)

Faye inhaled deeply and exhaled a sigh. “In my initial briefing with everyone about Project Bastion, I explained first that I struggle with the social niceties. It’s not that I don’t know them, but I have a hard time interpreting the nuances of others’ behaviour. And my brain works so damn fast on multiple tangents at the same time that sometimes I lose track of what I’m supposed to pick up from a conversation.” She looked away for a moment and then coming to a decision, Faye looked back at him. “I was diagnosed quite a few years ago with Borderline Personality Disorder. What that means often in my interactions with others, especially those I have had any conflict with, is that I get quite anxious about how the other person is perceiving me and sometimes that ends up coming out as me starting conflict. Not intentionally, truly, but because my brain gets too far down a tangent before I realize I didn’t have to stress. This“-she gestured between them-“is growth. This is me detecting something off in our conversation and pausing to check with you before my brain does something stupid and I say something I don’t mean or react in a way that is less than helpful. Trust me when I say it’s been a hard skill for me to practice.” There was so much more to it as well, but first she needed to gauge how he reacted to the confession she hadn’t expected to have to make.

~Faye Calloway, CIO

Shock listened carefully. Calloway was strangely intimate with him now, he deduced. But why, for what reason? Is she reaching out a hand, showing vulnerability? Communicate that she wants to create a bond between them?

“I am honoured that you have chosen to share this most private detail with me. I shall carry what you have said, and treasure it in my heart.” He paraphrased an Andorian poem he had read years ago, which has helped him express genuine gratitude. Vulcans were, after all, not the most expressive bunch, he had found help in other cultures to help bridge those cultural gaps in communication. Here there was one too, but it seemed from Calloway’s monologue that the gap was not only between cultures, but also between her and the culture in which she was raised, and between her and the ship’s own culture. It appeared to bring much stress upon her. How heavy was the burden upon her?

She was incredibly intelligent – Shock thought she was probably the most intelligent person on board the ship, at least in terms of certain fields of intelligence. Others, such as emotional intelligence, she was more lacking in. As was he. He found help in abilities to mentalize, however. Did she? Her mentalization skills seemed to be impaired too, he thought.

Her admission helped.

He knew not much of borderline personality disorder, but knew it was associated with emotional instability, splitting, and intense anxiety. Personality disorders, of some kinds, could be observed and identified in most sentient species, Vulcans included. He knew that their aetiology most often stemmed from an interaction of biological vulnerability, environmental stressors, and how others responded to the needs during the developmental period, particularly following puberty.

If true for Calloway too, there had been early, for her unbearable stressors, and long periods of unmet needy, causing an emotional instability. What had happened to her? What unbearable stressors? What needs did she have before that were unmet? What pain did that not cause her? Moreover, did she function on this ship with still unbearable stressors, with unmet needs?

In his gut, he felt a cold, hollow feeling, followed by a slight tension. His heart beat a little faster and his breathing became shallower. He was experiencing empathy, he thought to himself. An emotional pain. Was this how she felt? Now? Before?

He didn’t know. He didn’t know how to express himself, but he knew he had to say something.

“I cannot imagine what you have been through. You have expressed yourself with clarity. It brings our communicative interactive history into context, and that helps me understand. Is there something I said you would wish I clarify or express in different terms, to help aid your understanding of my intention?”

– Lt Shock (COS)


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