Posted by Lieutenant Ian Bordeaux (Chief Diplomatic Officer) in Holodeck - Time to Kick Back… (Open to all)
Posted by Captain Kelly Bordeaux (Commanding Officer) in Holodeck - Time to Kick Back… (Open to all)
“Yeah because that’s not a heart attack waiting to happen” a gruff voice said behind the group.
“The job will kill you faster than clogged arteries,” Kelly joked taking a bite out of the enormous burger. She slightly rolled her eyes enjoyed the taste of the sandwich. “Besides I got you to patch me up and send me back in or says the Hippocratic Oath,” Kelly laughed ending her sentence with a large sip of beer.
“The oath is more what you’d call guidelines than actual rules.” Ryley retorted with a smirk. “But don’t worry skipper, I’ll make sure you’re squared away.”
Ryley stood as always in his jeans and a black shirt open over a red and black T-shirt that proclaimed I wanna be sedated across the chest. He leaned on his cane and looked around the bar then directly at Mardusk. “Nice place.” He said appreciatively.
Mardusk smiled a crooked grin and said “Figured you’d show up sooner or later, Doc.”
“Yeah well, bar, booze. My sorta place.” He responded. “Mind if I join you?” He asked the group in general. He looked at the bar man. “Any chance you’ve got something half decent of the blended scotch variety?” He asked.
Sam pushed a stool back slightly with her boot to make space for Ryley to take a seat at the bar.
“Fancy seeing an upstanding gent like yourself in a low down drinking joint like this Doc” She said with a grin.
“Hah, kid, these sorts of places are my favourite sort of places.” He smirked and winked at her as he sat on the stool, hooking his cane on the bar.
“We’re talking first bar brawl stories, but I’m sure a fine medical professional such as yourself wouldn’t have any tales about such things?”
Sam Keene - SPO
Ryley scratched his beard. “First brawl stories…well I recon I was about say 16 or so, deep space 6 near the Romulan border. Big guy ginger.” He shrugged “Don’t actually remember much else.”
He picked up the glass of scotch that had been put down in front of him and drank. “Remember the last one though. Pissed off some Klingons and swindled them at pool. Needed money for passage back to federation space. They do not like to lose.”
“Guess I am up,” Kelly said setting the empty plate on the counter. Being in command had taught her one thing. Eat fast because you never knew when you would get a chance. “So my top bar brawls involve goats, a petting zoo, Dante and Natasha’s first wedding rehearsal, the Admiral’s Altered Golf Championship, Perkin’s son’s graduation, or Rho Puppis when I met Nash and Ian.” Kelly threw out several stories. All of them were good. It was up to the group to pick the one they liked the best.
Captain Kelly Bordeaux
“Goats. Always go for the goats first.” Mardusk said with a grin and nod to Big Mike, who nodded back and walked through a door and came back a few minutes later with a large bottle wrapped in some kind of plant material and a shot glass for each person. Setting it on the bar, he looked at Mardusk and said “Damages on your tab?” and Mardusk simply nodded emphatically and said “Gimme!” excitedly. The band started up again, the opening refrains of ‘Hell 2 Pay’ blaring out of the speakers.
“So I was a senior at the Academy,” Kelly took a large swig of her drink. “Now what you might not know about me is since the birth of what was the United States someone in my family was always in the Navy. We don’t talk about the exploits in the Queen’s service as privateers but if my middle name is any indication, we still are a bit sore about how things went down. Anyway,” she waved her hand as if to physically push aside the historical cloud of her past, “jump ahead to Fall of 2378. Woodcombe, Ric, and I are sitting in a bar in San Fran watching the annual Federation Security Forces game. You know that annual one between the Army and Naval divisions. My brother Casey opted out of Starfleet and went to the Federation Security Naval Forces Academy. Of course, this created a rivalry,” Kelly stated in a tone that showed the rivalry went deep, really deep in the family. “Anyway, I was so tired of him calling me a Muttnik that we came up with an idea to get even with him.” Kelly let out a half choking throat sound that could only be interpreted as sibling annoyance. She also had a look about her showing how large her competitive streak ran.
“So the three of us are watching the game and after about a dozen beers or so we decided to beam in, steal the NFA’s mascot and show my brother Starfleet was vastly superior to his terrestrial version. Things went according to plan....for a bit,” Kelly threw back the beer and signaled Mike for another. She was feeling no pain and at some point was going to have to call it a night. Right now however was not the point. “We beamed in. We got the goat. What we didn’t plan on was what to do with said goat after we nabbed him. Eventually, we decided to beamed the three of us and Bill back the to bar. It didn’t take us long to realize we needed a cover story. We went with telling everyone Bill was a really really ugly dog. Things were fine until Percival Perkins showed up. Bill ate his coat when we were gloating to my brother about the travesty of someone kidnapping his precious mascot. Percival has now started yelling in the background that Bill wasn’t a dog so I had to hang up before Casey heard,” Kelly rolled her eyes.
“Percival gets so worked up over some dumb coat he calls animal services and campus security. Now we were stuck. We did the only thing we could do,” Kelly shrugged off the next part as if it was no big deal. “We started a bar fight to get the goat out undetected. I mean what were we really going to do with this thing. The chaos that ensured allowed us to dump Bill in an alley through a bathroom window but the window was only about yay big,” Kelly created a visual representation of the size with her hands. “It fit a goat but not three cadets. Luckily the bar thought we were trying to escape the Academy MP’s and escorted us out the kitchen door. The manager gave us a colorful explanation of what would happen if we ever showed back up. It was worth it in the end. Admiral Perkins had to defend his nephew’s sanity that a goat started the fight. We never found Bill but,” she held up a finger, “we also never got caught. Shoot and score,” Kelly punctuated her sentence by balling up the napkin from her burger and sinking it in the trash can behind the bar. “Who’s up next,” she announced grabbing the beer Mike had brought her during the story.
Captain Kelly Bordeaux
Ryley laughed, a deep sort of hearty sound, and then brought his drink quickly up to his mouth to stifle the noise. He couldn’t stop his shoulders shaking slightly however. “ Captain Kelly…Goat Whisperer?” He asked.
“More like livestock poacher. The sortie came in handy two other times. Maybe that is why Ric is so good at handling animals when he crosses them on Man vs. Universe,” she laughed. “So now that we all know how we can get thrown out of bars what is the next ice breaker question. I got enough beer in me that pretty much nothing is off the table. If you guys aren’t drink up. “
Captain Kelly Bordeaux
“This will help with that.” Mardusk said as he slid a shot glass to each victim… er, attendee. Inside each glass was an opaque, white liquid. The bottle, unlabeled, sat before him and he held up the glass in front of him and said “Bottoms up.” and slammed back the shot, wincing and pounding a large green fist on the bar once. “Smooth.” he said with a significant catch in his voice.
Ryley raised one eyebrow as he caught the drink and watched Mardusk take the shot. He held the glass up and looked at it, gave a shrug and downed the shot. He closed one eye and coughed as the glass touched back down on the bar. “Remind me to give you a discount on surgery to repair the hole this will cause.” He coughed again, pushed his glass back towards Mardusk and tapped it.
Mardusk smiled and filled both his and Ryley’s glass, sliding the one to it’s current owner and taking the one in front of him and holding it in a big green hand.
Taking it he repeated the cycle of shot down, glass slam and coughing fit. “That packs a punch.” He admitted.
Jacen and Ian had entered arguing as they often did. The two men somehow had become close, despite seeming to never get along. Anyone who would ask the other if they liked each other would most likely hear one call the other a Cajun buffoon while the other referring something to an Irish sod. Still they always seemed to be hanging out as the hatched plans. Their favorite activity seemed to be finding ways to torture their wives, well wife. Jacen’s wife was gone on a sabbatical for now but Ian had married the Captain. Something Jacen called fool hardy, knowing from experience marrying someone who outranked you.
“Look I’m just saying Irish food is bland, you keep telling me you want me to try all your favorite dishes but none of them sound remotely good. Southern food, especially Cajun how more flavor in one bite than your kilt wearing louts could ever make in an entire meal.” Ian said with as he seemed to be energetically trying to make his point as Jacen shook his head is dismay.
“I’m Irish you twit… IRISH. Scots wear the kilts not us. Also spicy doesn’t mean good, savory goodness is where it’s at. You need to have more faith in the potato.” Jacen countered as they came into the room finding the rest of the crew. Ian had told him to come with him to see what the rest of the staff had gotten into, mostly Jacen showed cause Ian said Kelly might get drunk and try to sing and that just wasn’t something he could pass out.
Kelly threw back the shot. Running with Ric and Dante had taught her to hold her liquor. The liquid coursed over her tongue and filled her mouth with a sweet, calming sensation. It was like the delicate sweetness of ice cream or expensive chocolate until it was not. The moment the liquid shot had coated her mouth the flavor changed.
Her mouth seemed to catch fire and all she wanted to do was expel it. Expel it anywhere but on her tonsils, tongue, or cheek pads. The fiery sensation was so strong she could not open her mouth for fear fire would shoot from her lips and ignite the large Orion in front of her. With the determination of someone desperate Kelly swallowed. She balled up her fist and hit her knee a few times as if this would physically help moving it from her mouth and down her esophagus. “Are you trying to kill me,” she laughed as a few tears streamed down her cheek. “Fine fine the promotion is yours. Take. From now on you are Commander Mardusk,” she laughed stamping her feet and letting her whole body shake as if trying to shake the booze from her body.
Captain Kelly Bordeaux
“Kel, you can’t just get plastered and hand out promotions like they are candy… calm yourself woman!” Ian chimed in as he shook his head taking the drink away from her.
“These pips say I can,” Kelly pointed to the spot in her neck where they would have been if she was still in uniform. Standing up she made a sweeping gesture with her hand. “You’re a Commander and your a Commander and your a Commander,” she joked.
“How many has this been? You guys know she can’t hold this stuff, she claims she can but that is a lie, a candy coated lie!” Ian said, smirk intact he clearly was taking the mickey out of the situation.
“What if she starts demoting? It could balance things out.” Jacen chimed in, shaking his head at the sight of it all. “You guys clearly need to hold liquor more.”
“Oh god that’s right. Commander drops you,” she winked Ryley. Moving to the side she gestured for Ian to take her seat.
Ryley smirked. “Heh wouldn’t be the first time.” He commented, “Tell you what Skipper, why don’t we say last one standing keeps the pips?” He joked.
Once he sat down she took a spot on his left knee. Kelly played as hard as she worked. She also had no inclinations to hide the fact she was married to one of the crew. Secrets destroyed. Openness stopped gossip. She was also a wife now and didn’t care if Ian’s leg would rapidly go to sleep with her sitting on it.
Mardusk shook his head slightly and motioned to Big Mike. Mike slid two more glasses over and Mardusk filled each and moved them in front of Ian and Jacen.
“So we are talking best getting tossed out of a bar stories. You two are up. Baby don’t disappoint me,” she said to Ian as she signaled for three more drinks
Captain Kelly Bordeaux
Mardusk leaned back and downed the shot. Shaking his head and coughing once, he said “Yeah. That’ll put hair on your chest… and tongue, probably.”
“I recall one evening… ten plus years ago.” Jacen said as he pulled up grabbing a drink as he sat down as he couldn’t help but smirk and shake his head just slightly at the sight of the Kelly on Ian’s lap. “Anyway, I just became acting Chief Engineer at the time. Young, full of piss and vinegar… I am totally different and don’t you start with me limpy.” Jacen said as he looked over at Ryley with a stern look.
Ryley, eye closed and swallowing to get rid of the burning sensation from the third shot, held his hand up palm facing Jacen. “Wouldn’t dream of it Sparky.” He said innocently.
“So… I am at the bar and start drinking with this girl I meet, nice round tight…” he paused as an audible uhmmm could be heard emanating from him as he looked to Kelly and the rest, “… face. To be honest I don’t remember how many drinks we had. Fast forward to nearly 20 shots spread between us and very uncoordinated sex I woke up with a headache the size of Dublin as I tried to get dressed for my first ever senior staff meeting. ” Jacen said as he pounded back another shot with a shake of his head as he felt the burn play wonders with him.
“So there I was entering the office twenty minutes late wearing what I later realized was her thong which should have been a sign from how uncomfortable I was but honestly light made me want to kill people so I wasn’t really thinking about how unpleasantly tight my crotch was. We start the meeting as I sit down and with the coordination of a baby gazelle fall on my ass as the chair slides back. I of course scramble, trying my best to act cool and blame the chair but I didn’t realize the pants I had ripped, much to my chagrin exposing those bright read panties for the Captain and the entire staff to see.” as he finished he took another drink as he shook his head at the memory burning back the memory for a second.
“Needless to say, I wasn’t made full time Chief Engineer for at least a year after said incident, had to wait for the Captain to get another post for that to happen.”
Ryley said nothing at this point but signalled Mike for another scotch.
“Nice story Chief, and believe me, It has been noted down and may resurface around the time you’re doing the next duty rota....” Sam tucked an imaginary PaDD away in her imaginary back pocket.
“.... BUT as it featured neither a bar fight or ya’ll getting thrown outta that bar, I’m afraid ya’ll owe us another story as that one don’t count!”
“Here here,” Kelly seconded the challenge. “And if tis not ye will walk da plank me hearties,” Kelly broke out into an impromptu pirate. There was no rhyme or reason for this except for the fact that she was three sheets to the wind and her sail was set towards Hella Hangover Harbor as was probably most of the crew sitting around this bar.
Sam attracted the attention of Mike and nodded her head towards a stack of shot glasses. On getting a permissive nod in return she reached over and took the stack, balancing it carefully in one hand. With her other hand she began to quickly take each shot glass off the stack in turn, flipping them to land right side up on the bar in a neat line, one for each member of the crew present.
As Kelly watched Keene a thought popped into her head. Leaning over towards Jacen, Kelly whispered, “yo chief. You think you can do a little transporter magic and beam us site to site to each of our quarters after this?” While beaming from place to place within the ship was not a common occurrence, in fact, it was downright rare, Kelly had learned it was employed several times by Jacen and Ian. Twice it was after the two men had spent hours drinking and gaming in Ian’s man cave. The other time was when Ian was silly drunk and probably couldn’t have made it home. “I think Keene and Mardusk are going to try to either kill us or get us drunk and start a mutiny,” she laughed.
From the inside pocket of her jacket she produced a small metal flask, heavily sealed. She popped the lid and in one motion poured continuously along the line of shot glasses, leaving a small measure of clear, slightly oily liquid in the bottom of each glass. Although the liquid itself seemed benign, the air above the rack of drinks seemed to take on a slight shimmer.
“Ya’ll want to try a real spacers drink?”
Sam Keene - SPO
“Yes,” Kelly said immediately. She had heard around the watercooler Keene might be the purveyor of beverages that made mere mortals swoon yet Kelly had not partaken of it.
Captain Kelly Bordeaux
“No…” Ian said as he took over for Kelly. Some might consider the action rude but Ian knew Kelly better than anyone around here, this wasn’t going to end well the more she threw back the drinks. In fact half the reason Ian showed was due to job rather than coming to see his wife. “If she has one more she’ll get into her telling secret stages, and then you all become sequestered and forced to leave the ship cause you know too much.” Ian said, they had several meetings in the morning, and seeing as those meetings started in six hours he need he had to get her sobered up and out of this place before they ended up with a diplomatic disaster due to her ignoring the Chalnoth ambassador that was seeking to have a conference with the Federation about lessening the taxation on Tibulan Oysters.
“I am going to have to bow her out, and no.. not site to site.” he said looking at Jacen as he helped Kelly slide off his lap despite her loud protests. “Come on buttercup get on your feet here.” he said as he felt her begin to dip to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Unable to get her to stand firmly Ian did the only thing he could think of as he hoisted her up over his shoulder as Kelly ass pointed straight out in front as he whipped her around to see the crew.
“Tell them goodnight Kel.” he said as he whipped her back and forth so she could see everyone from behind him as then turned back around nodding at them before leaving with her in tow over his shoulder like she was some rug he bought in a flea market.
Bordeaux, Yeoman/Chief Diplomat
“Here.” Ryley said fishing into his jeans back pocket. He withdrew a hypo and tossed it at Ian. “2CCs before you put her to bed and I guarantee no hangover tomorrow.” He said.
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