Posted Oct. 16, 2020, 12:45 p.m. by Lieutenant Commander Gravel Mardusk (Chief of Security) (James Sinclair)
Posted by Lieutenant Revna Edman (Counselor) in side sim - Helping a Friend - Revna’s Office [TAG Mardusk]
Posted by Lieutenant Commander Gravel Mardusk (Chief of Security) in side sim - Helping a Friend - Revna’s Office [TAG Mardusk]
After Lera left, Revna stepped inside and sat down at her desk. She sent a very quick written message to Mardusk. =^=I’m really glad you made Lera promise to go see you after our session. I need to speak with you tomorrow, after your morning meeting. Come by my office. We’re going to figure out how to help her.=^=
The next morning Revna went to her office first thing. She looked at her calendar and began clearing it. She was going to cut her appointments in half. That wasn’t too hard. Crew evals were mostly done and she didn’t have to cancel anyone, just remove empty appointments so they didn’t fill up. She ordered breakfast from her replicator and sat in her chair and ate while she put the final touches on files that she had finished with. Then she pulled up Lera’s file and set that PaDD aside for later.
Lt. Edman, Counselor
It wasn’t very long after his morning Security brief to the Captain and XO that Mardusk found himself approaching the door to the Counselor’s office. The standard scowl on his face was a bit more stern than normal; and when he pushed the chime it was with knuckles, not a finger.
Lt. Cmdr. Mardusk, CoS
“Come in.” Revna called. Her voice didn’t quite carry this morning. When the door opened to admit Mardusk, she nodded. She wanted to say it was nice to see him again. She had been on her way to considering him a friend, well she still was. But this was not going to be a pleasent meeting and one she never really wanted to have with anyone.
He would notice one major change to her office. A couch, large, sturdy, comfortable, and obviously added for him. She’d requested it the same day after his evaluation. She waved him in, and picked up the PaDD with Lera’s file on it. She’d been awake all night, thinking about Lera and what was going to have to happen in order to help her, and the consequences if they weren’t able to do so. “First, formalities. You are here because Lera has listed you as her primary contact. Which not only means you are the first person to be contacted if she were to be injured and in need of care but it always you to make decisions for her in the case of her incapacity. More importantly, it allows me to tell you anything and everything about what’s going on with her, and allows you to openly discuss with me the same.”
Mardusk sat and put his arms across the back of the couch and nodded. “Yeah. I have the same documentation for all crew in my office. And whatever I can do to help, I will.”
Revna just looked at him. “Yes, but Lera choose you. She didn’t have to. So when things get really crazy and hard, I need you to remember that.”
“Lera is mentally and emotionally injured, and on the verge of becoming mentally ill. Honestly, if the work she does was not so good for her and very therapeutic, I should remove her from duty. I don’t want to do that, she’s good at what she does and she works well in her department. But if she doesn’t get better, I’ll have to. I don’t understand why her other counselors have allowed this to go on for so long.” Revna looks down at the PaDD and shakes her head. “Lera told me you said her nightmares are getting worse. When we don’t confront trauma or mind finds a way to do so. Usually through Nightmares. Her regular visits have dropped off, which means at no time has she been dealing with this, and so her subconscious is making her deal with it, through her nightmares.” She paused there. It was quite possible both Lera and Mardusk thought it was getting worse because he was Orion, however, it was just an unfortunate coincidence that they met at the time her sessions stopped. She wanted Mardusk to understand that. Her nightmares had nothing to do with him.
Mardusk listened intently and then said shrugged slightly. “I kinda figured as much. Thats why I brought up her talking to you at dinner the other night. She couldn’t back out or excuse not coming like she needs to if it was blatant she knew she needed to.”
Revna nodded, she’d already assumed as much. She smiled, but it was sad. “You have a clear picture of the situation. She’ll avoid if you we don’t force her.
“What is extremely terrifying to me is that Lera doesn’t even recognize her states of panic, of flashback, or trauma reaction. She is still very much at the initial stage of denial. And she’s been allowed to hide there and it’s killing her. Yes she pays lip service to it. She admits it happened she was there, but in a very analytical way. Her body reacts to the trauma, the emotion, the memory, but her mind is totally unaware. And once the incident is over, she doesn’t remember it.” She looks Mardusk in the eye, “And she’s going to have to. It will be painful, it will be scary, and she’ll hate me for it. You both will.”
Lt. Edman, Counselor
Mardusk smiled, but it wasn’t the normal half-amused / half-dismissive smile he typically flashed. This was more… resigned. “I know she has to, Doc. And I know its gonna hurt her a hell of a lot before it helps her. As far as hating you?” and he chuckled, “I doubt that.” and he fixed her with a sharp look, his metallic emerald-green eyes locking onto hers. He spoke, and his voice was unsettling serious.
“You have a job to do. She needs help. And you’re the only one here to help her. And if that help means the relationship Lera and I have has to change or even take a back seat to her recovery because those f&@#ing a#&holes were green like me, so be it. I’d rather be without her than her have to suffer anymore because of what those jag-offs did. And that’s the truth.”
Revna listened and shook her head. “Stop.” She shook her head, “Mardusk, stop. I get it. I do, you want her recovery more than anything else. But what she does not need is you talking about walking away, taking a back seat, a time out, whatever you want to call it.” She sighed, “Look, I don’t want to pry into your personal relationship with Lera, but this isn’t an easy process. It’s hard, on everyone.” Her next words are, hesitant, she hated having to make people evaluate a relationship that those involved hadn’t decided on yet, and even those that were well established. “You have to decide if your relationship is worth it. It’s not my business, but you will be pulled into the process whether you want to be or not.” She held up a hand, she had heard him when he said he’d do whatever he could. “So with that settled, that means if you are having trouble, or there is just something you need to get off your chest, you have to come to me. We can not help her, if we’re carrying around questions, doubts, things we aren’t sure are significant. Especially if it’s something you aren’t sure you should mention to Lera. I’m not suggesting secrets. But even if it’s about yourself and not her. Okay?”
Mardusk’s arms crossed his chest and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “Thats fine. But I didn’t say anything about leaving… and I won’t because that ain’t happening unless she tells me to. So let’s just put that to bed right here and now. Good? Good.”
“Now let’s get some things straight about Lera’s mind set.” And his for that matter. He hated the Orions that did this to her, and Revna wasn’t that far behind. She really cared about Lera and what she’d seen, although a recreation, made Revna feel ragey. “Yes, Lera is terrified of what happened to her. However, she honestly does NOT feel or associate you with that in anyway. She is terrified of them. And that’s normal. We are all capable of realizing that the person who hurt us may share physical traits with other people we care about and not be afraid of those close to us.” Lera was totally in love with Mardusk, but it wasn’t her place to put that cat out of the bag. “However, I need you to understand and be clear on this. She is afraid that she will be afraid/react badly to you being in the room. She’s afraid she’ll hurt you. Physically, violently hurt you, and even more that she’ll hurt you emotionally. It’s a very real possibility in her mind. That she’ll be lost in whatever nightmare or flashback she is having and will simply lash out: physically and verbally.” She let that sit. Mardusk needed to understand the difference. “She’s desperate to protect you and terrified of loosing you because of this. She cares so much about you, that she’d put herself in real danger to protect you. And right now, in her mind, that means protecting you from herself.”
Mardusk smiled and said “For an Engineer, you’d think she’d have a better grasp of physics.” and he smiled. “I know she is afraid of hurting me… physically and otherwise. I need you to get it through her skull that isn’t an issue here. I’m a big boy, and I can take whatever she throws at me physically. And the rest, well, I’m also not stupid… contrary to some people’s opinions. I know where her fear and anger… and pain… are coming from. I’m not about to start taking that personally.”
“And the truth is that it’s quite the opposite. She needs someone to protect her, from herself.” She pauses in through for a moment. “Alright, tell me about these nightmares of hers. She said they are getting worse, but she doesn’t remember anything about them. She doesn’t remember waking up from them or having them. Tell me everything. How do you know she’s having one? How long do they last? What is she doing before, during, and mostly especially after? And how have they gotten worse?” Revna was going to have to figure out what part of the trauma exactly was being brought to the front during this nightmares. That would be the worst part of the trauma and would stand as a guide post for her treatment.
Lt. Edman, Counselor
“So the nightmares are almost always when she is really tired. Days off, even if she has one, are pretty mild. Fidgeting in her sleep, talking… but not really understandable. Sometimes she jerks awake and then falls almost always right back to sleep and is fine the rest of the night.” He paused and took a deep breath as he leaned back into the couch.
“But when she’s tired… or hasn’t eaten… they are bad. Screams… flailing about… yelling and crying. Those are the second worst ones. The worst are when she just cries and sobs and curls up in the fetal position and shakes for hours on end. I think those are the ones that hurt her the most… know they are for me.”
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