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Rivers quarters - ghosts of the past (Tag CNS)

Posted March 30, 2021, 1:11 p.m. by Lieutenant River Styxx (OIC Marine) (Nathan Derricutt)

Posted by Lieutenant Revna Edman (Counselor) in Rivers quarters - ghosts of the past (Tag CNS)

Posted by Lieutenant River Styxx (OIC Marine) in Rivers quarters - ghosts of the past (Tag CNS)

Posted by Lieutenant Revna Edman (Counselor) in Rivers quarters - ghosts of the past (Tag CNS)
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
“I think wars were better when you had to look into the white’s of your enemies eyes and know who you were killing and why.” Revna shrugged. She’d flown a fighter ship, volunteered as soon as she knew Shauwn wasn’t coming back. She was a damn good pilot, but she wasn’t much of a fighter. She could never get past the guilt of firing on a destination without ever seeing it. “I can’t tell you what to do with all of that River, not that you are expecting me to. There are always options, but they aren’t always great options.”
Lt Edman Counselor

“Story of my life” River said as she closed the lid on Abi’s foot locker. Her hand lingering on the name “I try to remember all those I’ve killed but after a while, and after so many battles they all blur together. However I think I will never forget Acheron, I can’t remember every solider I killed but I can remember some. I also remember the officers and civilians I executed under martial law, or for there own good when they had been subjected to that go forsaken mutagen or that bloody neurotoxin” she said it was easy to remember the 9 people she executed. However the others where harder. regardless there was always one she would remember, one person she mercy killed “Back then I thought I was doing the right thing. But now I’m not so sure, at least for some of them” she added glancing at the small box with the name Lilly on.

Lieut Styxx (OIC Marines)

“I remember. Sitting with those infected by the neurotoxin, unable to help as they begged us to kill them so they wouldn’t have to live through the final stages. Others begging the doctors to use them as test subjects to find an antidote. In the end not even being able to offer a hand to hold for those taken by the mutagen. Watching them behind forcefields as it took over and they ripped themselves to pieces because they couldn’t get to us. It’s the ones who survived that haunt me the most. See for the others, as horrible as their suffering was, it’s over now. The survivors, it’s harder the pain doesn’t stop. Oh eventually there are days, even whole spans of time, that they don’t think about it, and then…” Revna tugs at her shirt collar absently, remembering, and the guilt and impotent rage at not being able to do more than be a target for some. “Some of them we couldn’t even send their personal effects home. Things they were wearing, like jewelry, rank pips, things like that. It all had to be incinerated to make sure the toxin and mutagen didn’t spread by accident. There were so many we ran out of coffin torpedos. We had to cremate them all and scatter their ashes to the stars.” In the end she and the other counseling staff had saved enough of each ashes to put in a very small urn to send back to the family, and still the deaths kept rising. The hulls of destroyed ships causing as much damage in the battle as the enemy weapons fire.

“Don’t second guess yourself, River. The decision has been made and you did the best you could in hell. What is right in the moment depends on perspective and a lot of external factors. People on the outside want to make order of the chaos that they are thankful they weren’t a part of, but they can never understand and they would never be able to do what you did. They aren’t strong enough or compassionate enough to consider making the choices you did. What Star Fleet did to you was wrong. But the Klingon, the Romulans, they live in a different type of society. They see the need and the mercy and the honor to the fallen that helped you make those choices. Star Fleet was too small minded and too scared, and too incapable to understand.”
Lt Edman, Counselor

“I had no idea you where there. Imagine we could have walked past each other and not known. Despite the size of the battle you’re the first person I’ve met in some time who was actually there.” River said a little shock in her voice. If she had known early she would have sought Revan out sooner. It felt like no one understood River no one understood exactly what she had done and gone through. Now at least there was one person.

Revna nodded, “I was on Centurion; we were the primary and first MASH ship to the fleet.” She paused sipping at her water for a moment, “It’s possible. I saw so many people going back and forth, all of us in a hurry to do what we could with what time we had. I can say, honestly, those first few days were a blur. I was on the first triage team, from Centurion, to beam down. It was a race to assess, move, and treat everyone. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t even look at faces until a few days later. We were just looking at the wounds, the injuries.”

“Tell me truthfully, when you first set foot on Acheron did you think I had done a good job? was it all worth it?” She asked a soft undertone in her voice. she didn’t know what she was looking for in Revna’s answer. Maybe some form of absolution, to finally find someone who appreciated what she did. or maybe it was just a simple as reassurance that some else saw the horrors and knew what it was like.

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

Revna’s gaze got far away. “We monitored the comms from all the ships, from the planet, the sensor readings. We had an academic idea of what it was going to be like. We had the initial medical reports from the early patients. Nothing prepared us for what we saw when we set foot on the planet.” She turned her gaze on River, “Those people were being tortured, River, endlessly. Their bodies transformed, their minds locked away behind some puppet master’s control, the neurotoxin making it so their bodies wouldn’t, couldn’t respond to their own wills. You did what was necessary, you did what was merciful. And you gave those b* what they had coming to them. Between you, me, and All Father Odin, you gave the victims a place in Valhalla and avenged them. There was nothing else you could have done, except let them get away with it.” There was a glint in Revna’s eyes that would tell River she meant every word, and probably would have helped River if she’d had the opportunity.
Lt Edman, Counselor

River nodded “Thank you Counsellor. After everything that happened I just felt like no one cared. Its nice to hear at least one person does” she said genuinely appreciative of what Revna said. “I know I shouldn’t let one event define my life but when some one asks me what my earliest memory is it Acheron, when I have nightmares it about Acheron. How do you lock away something that haunts you every day?” She asked part of her asking was genuine curiosity, hoping to get some help but another part was trying to put off opening the next box for as long as possible.

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

Renva patted her hand. “We cared, we were all did. Speaking strictly from a medical stand point, it would have been a lot worse without you and the marines that fought so hard. And despite the losses, we can at least be thankful for that.” She set the few things still in her lap to the side, carefully, one at a time. “Sometimes, River, one event defines us. Oh we are all a sum of our total experiences, but there are a handful, maybe a bit more, that more more significant than the rest. You don’t lock it away River. That would be like chopping off your arm above the wrist because you broke it once. And locking it away causes more problems. But there are ways of dealing with it, of managing the pain. It takes longer than a physical injury, but it is possible.”
Lt Edman, Counselor

River thought for a few seconds “Is that something you would be able to help me with?” she asked her tone reserved “I know i need to move on, but I don’t want it to reflect bad on my record. I have a mountain to climb as it is and i don’t want it to look like I can’t do my job. Would it show up negatively?” she asked.

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

Revna collected her thoughts before answering. “Yes, I can help you, you may not always like me for it though. As for it negatively reflecting on your record, I’m happy to say that we have come a long way from the centuries where seeing a counselor was like seeing a witch for black magic trinkets.” Revna grinned but it didn’t quit reach her eyes, that looked slightly sad. “There are still some that sneer at it but in my experience that is because they are afraid of what they will learn if they saw a counselor. But to directly answer your question, no it won’t. You are choosing on your own to seek healing. That goes a long way in the positive direction. Of course Star Fleet and Marines have different command structures, but for the most part your physical and mental health is provided from the same source. I wouldn’t think the marines would look down on you for seeking help. However if you are unsure, I suggest asking Cmdr Jen. He is after all the bridge between both. And he knows how to keep a confidence. As far as ship’s gossip, there are ways around that. There might even still be some standing orders for regular evaluations for everyone who was at Acheron.” Revna sat back regarding River, “If this is what you want to do.”
Lt Edman, Counselor

River nodded “I think I do. It’ll be better for me in the long run right?” she asked but it was rhetorical she already knew it would be “There was an order for specialist help. I never acted on it, but now seeing as you specialise in trauma recovery if I recall correctly I would technically be seeing a specialist.” she added thinking for a few seconds “Lets talk about scheduling after we’ve finished here” she said an undercurrent of dread in her voice whether it was for the future schedule or what was about to happen was up to anyone to decide.

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)


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