Rivers quarters - ghosts of the past (Tag CNS)

Posted June 10, 2021, 9:12 a.m. by Civilian Runa Siff Edman (Counselor / Education Specialist) (Jennifer Ward)

Posted by Lieutenant River Styxx (OIC Marine) in Rivers quarters - ghosts of the past (Tag CNS)

Posted by Civilian Runa Siff Edman (Counselor / Education Specialist) in Rivers quarters - ghosts of the past (Tag CNS)

Posted by Lieutenant River Styxx (OIC Marine) in Rivers quarters - ghosts of the past (Tag CNS)
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

“So it eventually became hers, and now, you have it back to keep giving you luck.” She shook her head. “You know it’s really a shame that there are so many…misconceptions. Marines and Star Fleet are two branches of the Federation military service, but yet there is no…” Revna stopped and considered, “It’s a shame there is so much friction, that it’s not easier to work together, to work side by side.” She sighed, maybe a slight huff. “Sorry, you know all this already, but it drives me crazy. There is no point to it other than ego.” She shook her head, “Ignore me. A personal irritation of mine. Let’s talk about Lilly instead. What did she do when she realized you weren’t there to ‘arrest’ her?”
Lt Edman, counselor

“No worries. It is hard. On a planet it far easier. the problem is the federation brought marines back during war, and now we are not at war, they don’t know what to do with us. Its not like you can just drop a marine into the security department and vice versa. Marines have a very different kind of training.” River said simply

“When i came for Lily not a lot happened the first time. we talked and that was it. But then over the weeks I would come visit her once a week. Then it was twice a week then it was every other day and so on, and so on. It took a while for her to feel comfortable around me, and it was hard for me as well. I have never really dealt with kids before that. But i think it helped that we came from the same background, both of us were orphans.” She said pausing for a moment and thinking “It seemed after I told her that we bounded quicker. I think she was happy to find someone who understood her.” she said remembering fondly.

“Children need someone that understands them. My sister could talk you to death for hours about it. I could go into the psychology of it, but it comes down to children need to feel understood, accepted, and safe. And all those add up to feeling loved. You were both lucky to find each other. We talk a lot about children needing someone but I think we adults need them just as much.”

“Then she asked me if had a boyfriend.” River paused and chuckled “I can’t tell you how hard it was trying to explain to Lilly that I wasn’t into guys. She was shocked, I think some of the other kids had told her it was bad or unnatural. Of course i set her right. I said you can’t help who you fall for” she added.

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

Revna shook her head. “That’s the truth. The heart wants what it wants.” Revna’s own heart ached slightly. Even when that person was long gone, sometimes you still ached for them. She shook her head mentally. Nothing was brining Shauwn back and at this point she wasn’t honoring his memory anymore. But self analysis would have to wait for later. “You know such pairings are found in nature among sentient and animal species across the galaxy. There is nothing bad or unnatural about it. Survival requires certain things, but living, really living requires that are often at odds with basic survival. And it’s beautiful.” Revna placed the coin next to the small figurines. “What else is there?”
Lt Edman, Counselor

River fished around for a few seconds then pulled out some folded card. “There’s this” she said as she unfolded it to it full A1 size. It was some sort of project poster. On the top where the words bring your parent to school day, in purple writing. Underneath where various pictures and drawings. In the right hand corner under the heading was a list of attributes. Name: River Styxx, Job: Marine Sargent, Marine number: Z74195. Then it listed why River was Lily’s choice. ‘River is a marine, she is a soldier for the federation. She spends most of her time training and keeping everyone safe. She like me, grew up in an orphanage and made a place for herself. She inspires me everyday and when I grow up I hope I can be as cool as her. The pictures covered many different things, one had river in her armour, another had her and Abi at a talent show, there was a drawing of the reaper that was on Rivers armour. Others where of a beautiful park at sunset and various other places.

Revna looked at the pictures and words. It was obvious how Lily felt about River and Abi. It was a beautiful tribute for River to keep of their family. “It’s obvious she loved you very much. You had an impact on her.”

“Lily didn’t have parents so she asked her teacher if i could be her project and he said yes. So she spent a week following me around where ever she could. obviously some places she couldn’t go. Then she told me had to come to school while she did her presentation. I managed to convince my CO to let me go in my armour” River said chuckling “The kids thought I was some sort of war robot. They said I was cool and a lot of them thought I was some sort of superhero. I wasn’t and I’m not. I just do my job. Have you ever been the subject of a kids study? its a stressful but also hilarious experience” she added

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

“I bet they loved seeing your uniform. Kids need to see stuff like that first hand. I’m glad your CO agreed.” Revna shook her head. “No I have not been, but it’s a good idea to pass on to my sister. Let the kids follow around the senior staff for a couple days.” There were a few of the senior staff that she would get a kick out of watching with curious kids that ask strange questions. But as for super heroes. “Kids need heroes River. And maybe you don’t feel like one, but in the end a hero is just someone who did their job even when others ran away.” She looked at the poster again, “We should frame it and hang it up to honor all the things Lily loved.”
Lt Edman, Counselor

River laughed “I think some of the senior staff would like it but others, we might end up having kids crying in corridors because they got locked out of someone office” she said. it would be amusing to see how the senior staff reacted. Then she paused and scratched the back of her head “Listen counsellor, Doctor, Revna. Its a great idea but if its framed it might get damaged or misplaced. Wouldn’t it be safer kept in the box?” River said unsurely she was mostly genuine she didn’t want it to get danged but also seeing it everyday would be hard for a while. The handwriting was one of the last physical personal reminder of Lily and if t reminded her of Lily it would reminder of what River did what she became.

She knew Revna would see right through her it was a good idea. It was just River’s Nervousness and Rivers uncertainty that was stopping her from doing it.

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

“We are a deep space vessel equipped to sustain and support families. It’s part of the job descirption.” Revna shrugged, the staff, senior of otherwise should be prepared to support all members of the crew, adult and child. She listened to River and nodded. “Of course, if you think it’s safer there. I was just thinking that protective glare proof glass would protect the colors and writing from fading and in a frame it couldn’t get ripped, folded, torn, pieces fall off. You wouldn’t have to put it up. But it’s part of the box, so perhaps it is best to leave it there.” It had already been a hard day for River, there was no need to push it further. Eventually she would want to look at these things every day, and when she was ready, Revna would help her.
Lt Edman, counselor

River sighed “No you’re right Doc” She said Doc. when was the last time I used that. Have I regressed now she thought “It would be safer, I think I’m just scared what looking at it everyday would do to me. I Think of enough empty chairs at empty tables now. Having so many reminders all of a sudden” she paused “I guess I’m worried I’d start asking what their sacrifice was for. Then I’d doubt myself, and I’ve spent enough time doing that. Maybe it survivors guilt or maybe I’m just a coward. I don’t know” she said simply.

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

“Survivor’s guilt is a very real thing and it’s a very powerful enemy. And you are not a coward for saying that you aren’t ready to see it every day. So why don’t we plan on this. We’ll from Lilly’s poster. We’ll get a bigger box, wooden, carved, beautiful, and put Abby and Lilly’s things inside. We’ll line the smaller box in velvet to put the figures in and when you want you can open the big box and look at their things, and when you don’t want to or it’s too hard they can stay inside. But they will be safe a protected.”
Lt Edman, counselor

River nodded “Sounds like a plan.” she said “I wish i had your clarity when it came to things like this.” she added. The she paused for a moment and thought.

“I’ve spent my whole life training to control fear. I can stare down an army i can fight a lost cause. Yet when it comes to myself and my past, aside form sadness the next biggest emotion is fear. I’m not the first person or the last to have a awful past and yet it feels like I’m the only one.” she said shaking her head.

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

Revna shook her head. “It’s easy to have clarity for others, River. Not so easy to have clarity for yourself. That’s why we have to help each other.” Revna made a kind of ‘what do you do’ gesture with her hands. “We share similar pasts with others but we each have unique experiences and unique reactions because of our pasts before that point. So in a why you aren’t the first person, but in others you are.” She knew exactly what it felt to suffer from a past you didn’t know what to do with. “It’s not a matter of controlling the fear, it’s learning to work despite the fear. And I wish I had an answer there for you. We just do the best we can.”

“I think I’ve done that my whole life, the best I can and yet it never seems to be enough” She said as she fished through Lilly’s box. She picked a uniform out. it was a child’s size marine uniform “She wore this for her eleventh birthday. It was a costume party that me and Abi had thrown for her. She wanted to go as a Marine. So we spent a few hours replicating the uniform. I made it as accurate as I could. And she loved it.” She said laughing “I remember she walked up to my CO and Saluted him. He smiled and saluted back.” she added hugging the uniform

“If I ever had a father figure it was my CO. He was the officer who found me at the orphanage and he followed my career. He even requested that I be assigned to his unit once I finished boot. I don’t know why we got on so well. we just did. But he never blurred the line when it came to being my CO and my friend. He was my CO when he needed to be and was my friend the rest of the time.” she said happily remembering the past

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

Revna nodded, “My captain…my previous captain, Luke Jameson, it was like that for us. Well more like the older brother I never had. The man drove me up the wall, still does, but a more fiercely loyal man I haven’t met.” She sighed, “He was there too at Acheron. I remember, he worked longer and harder than the rest of us. And when it finally began to settle he walked the ship and checked on every crew member, every patient, every civilian. It didn’t matter what they needed, he did it. Took their duty station, held them while they cried, left them to sleep, it didn’t matter. And then sitting with him in his quarters while he was physically sick, over and over, because of the decisions we were forced to make, and the things we’d seen. And then he got up and did it all again.” Revna leaned back to release the tension and pressure on her lungs. “Tell me about your CO.”
Revna, Counselor

“I don’t know where to start” River said truthfully “My CO was Major Maximilian Bradshaw, although when I first met him he was only a lieutenant. Like I said he was the one who found me at the orphanage. He was a kind and compassionate man. Who always led by example. He never expected his Marines to do anything he wouldn’t do. But he also knew when to crack the whip.” she said thinking fondly of him

Revna smiled, “Sounds like my Da. Never asked anyone to do what he wouldn’t at least try to do. My da, he dotes on my mother spoils me and my sisters and loves his clan. He’s a big teddy bear, unless you hurt any of the above.”

“He sponsored me in boot camp, and as soon as I graduated he requested i be in his detachment. Even though he knew me he never showed favouritism he knew where the line between CO and friend stood. On duty he was the respected CO, off duty he was like my father. Making jokes, going for a drink and so on. He worked so that by the time you got got know him you respected him not just his rank. While most people think we salute the rank not the man. He wanted you to be saluting him for the man before the rank.” She added

“I remember he always stood up for his Marines. He wouldn’t let anyone back talk us or disrespect us. Their was a high born Security officer who constantly mocked us, he thought he was so superior being the son of an admiral and a diplomat. Until one day he slipped up, he wasn’t looking and he shoved past Max. He was arrested by our MPs for insubordination and seeing as it was against a marine. He was put through the marine courts. It ended with him being demoted and put on cleaning the power plant filters.” she said laughing “If you respect us we respect you. You cross us, well always remember we are never alone. there is always another marine.” she said after a short pause “Max taught me that” she added.

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

Revna smiled. “A good man, he sounds like he took really good care of you.” Revna looked around, only one create left. They had ended on a good note, her CO. She took a deep breath and stood slowly and carefully. She collected the things they’d taken out and those that didn’t have a place she replaced into the chests. “I think that’s enough for now River. We’ll work on more later. I suggest either sleep, or go spend some time else where. Something to do to distract yourself. If you feel like sleep but it won’t come I can give you something.”
Lt Edman

“I’ll be fine Counsellor. Thank you” River said a genuine tone appreciation in her voice. It had been a long a exhausting day. But River felt a little better now. It wasn’t going to be easy but nothing in Rivers life had been

Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)

Revna patted her hand, “I’ll see you in a couple of days, but you let me know if you need anything before that, or just want to get a drink, alright?”
Lt Edman

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