River’s office was simple, nothing to fancy there was no need. Her office was a place to work and the standard furniture was good enough for that. It kept ones mind focused, but even so thoughts always drifted. For River this month would be hard. A year on and the wounds where still open, hidden but open. Time heals all but she is a fickle mistress one day she sooths you the next she hurts you. A sadist in the purest sense, Time my heal but loss was always felt it would never go away. It would always be mourned. The three lives that never where, the plants that never grew, the brick that never weathered and those hopes that would never be realised.
As she looked out of her window at the stars River new loss was happening in a million different ways right now. But all those losses felt small compared to her own. The loss of not just lives but of friends that had moved on. It seemed River would always be lost to time. As others moved one, got new jobs or got married. She stayed behind fell out of touch and all she was left with where memories, idealized ripples of friends and loved ones, in an endless lake of time. River had got used to empty chairs at empty tables. it was part of being a marine, no of being alive. But she still mourned the bed she shared with no one. the stolen glances and hidden touches she hadn’t felt in so long.
However even with that when she was alone and she closed her eyes she could hear them all, the very words they had spoken. She awoke every morning to turn and smile at a ghost. But in her dreams when she caressed the empty pillow, she was with her lost loved ones. But like all dreams you have to wake up and that could be the hardest part. It was easy to get lost in dreams and memories, sweet traps that where so easy to fall into.
As she looked at the photos on her desk, snap shots of another lost life, her own. It was a funny circumstance to be in, mourning ones self. River couldn’t figure out what exactly caused the loss of her old self, sure she was in combat but many others had been and where more or less themselves just a little tougher skinned. But she had completely changed, she was no longer the bright eyed, wise cracking, young women she was. She was colder now, no body to warm her at night, but that wasn’t the only cause. She had lost her wit and it had been replaced with cynicism was it a defence mechanism? perhaps. She stared at the star and hoped they help the answers she had been searching for. Beings had looked at the stars for answers, since the dawn of time and now for the first time so was she. As she stared the voices in her mind came to her trying to make sense of the cocktail of emotions she felt, pain, anger, sorrow, joy. Joy was an odd on bit then when you are wrapped in the embrace of good memories its hard not to feel there warmth.
As she stared and thought, for the first time in a while she felt a great weight lift off her. Was he finally coming to terms with everything? or was it just a temporary lull, now that she had a moment to stop and think unhindered, by work or rage or sadness. She didn’t know how long this new clarity would last but for now she was content to stare, to stop and to think. Reality could wait for now she had the company of long lost voices and the solitude to listen to them
Lieut Styxx (Marine OIC)
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