STF

Rinker's Office - Jessa's counseling session When the past doesn't match the present...or the future

Posted Dec. 6, 2021, 8:13 p.m. by Civilian Jessa Novar (Child) (Kate O'Neill)

Posted by Commander Heathcliff Rinker (Counselor) in Rinker’s Office - Jessa’s counseling session When the past doesn’t match the present…or the future

Posted by Civilian Jessa Novar (Child) in Rinker’s Office - Jessa’s counseling session When the past doesn’t match the present…or the future

OCC: Okay Im done. Sorry I had to change devices and didn’t want to lose what I had. Have at it and if it’s okay I will start a new thread tomorrow or tonight if you think this is done after your reply.

-Kate

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Five minutes before Jessa’s arrival
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“Sir,” a knock at the door sounded on Rinker’s door was followed by the face of Rinker’s assistant. “Here are the files you requested for your ten o’clock appointment. I was able to secure the security report and her medical records,” the woman replied handing over the PaDD to her boss. “I will let you know when they arrive. Do you need anything else Sir I will be in the reception area,” she asked before walking out. On the PaDD, Rinker would see two files. One was an account of the incident of her arrival. The second was the complete known medical records of the patient.

“Yup,” Rinker took the information. “Thanks a lot.” He glanced down… “She took a shot at Mardusk, maybe you should have a phaser just in case.”

“Me…I think you are the one that needs the phaser or the hypo sir,” she laughed. “Think you remember enough of your security training 101 class from the academy?”

“No, it wouldn’t have helped anyways, I’m a lover not a fighter.”

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Arriving at Rinker’s office
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“You know I am not going to talk to him,” Jessa said Ian standing outside a door with a name she could not read on it. This was her first time leaving sickbay. She would have preferred to walk to wherever they had been going instead of using the light transportation system to get from one place to another in less than a blink of an eye. It would have allowed her start to make a mental map of the ship however Bordeaux and Mardusk seemed keen on not letting that happen. If she did not have Ian and the four security officers flanking them, Jessa might have made a run for it but for now, she would just deal with her escorts.

“That’s up to you but you will be nice and pleasant,” Ian said in a firm tone. He tried to hide his nervousness from Jessa about this counseling session. If anyone on the ship needed to see a shrink it was Jessa however she was so unpredictable and that was what concerned Ian. He wasn’t a counselor but being a diplomat he had learned a few things about reading people and Jessa had a neon sign over her stating she was going to do exactly the opposite of what anyone seemed to want her to do. “Just know if you get scared or uncomfortable,”

This was all Jessa needed instantly react and cut Ian’s sentence off before he finished it. “I am no scared of whoever is behind that door,” she crossed her arms looking at Ian. As if to prove her point she knocked on the door instead of tapping the panel on the right.

Jessa Novar (Bordeaux)

“Come,” Rinker tended to be clipped. His office was not too remarkable, although the odd set up between his fairly large desk and nice, comfortable appearing chair, with wheels on the bottom. There were a few holo pictures on the desk that were opaque from her side of the desk. The walls had unremarkable art and behind Rinker was a bookshelf full of hardcover paper books. Each book had a small disk on its spine that blinked a soft green.

“Be nice,” Ian said giving her a side glance before walking into the room. He had debated about asking Rinker to come to sickbay. Lauren suggested that his office might appear to be more neutral territory.

“I am always nice,” she rolled her eyes letting Ian walk in before her. It was out of instinct and without any real practical purpose. It was not like anyone in the room was going to take out the man next to her. Tentatively she followed Ian in as if the room would pop under her feet like a bubble or a dream. Her eyes scanned the room taking in the center first before casually moving over so that her back was in the left-hand corner of the room. This gave Jessa a look at all four corners of the room. It was not what she had expected at all. It was just a square box with a desk, some art on the walls, and only one other person in there with her, Ian, and the security officers standing in the doorway. What did stick out to her immediately though was the books with the blinking green lights. At least you aren’t hiding that you are filming me, she thought. Jessa wondered if the sparse amount of furniture was typical or if they had removed all it before she came.

OOC: Oops forgot the couch in the corner and the extra chair… but it still a sparse room. Sorry.

“Hello I’m Heathcliff Rinker, Ms…” He paused to let Jessa respond. He left off Doctor, it appeared pretty good that Jessa had authority issues. Probably daddy issues too… there was little Rinker could do to hid his dad body and his slightly greying temples. He had been single for a bit and strangely he got in better shape when he was in a relationship than out… counter-intuitive but true.

“Prisoner number four so glad to meet you,” Jessa walked up to Rinker confidently extending her hand. Her tone was polite but very sarcastic. “At least that is what the people in the red and gold shirts call me. The people in the blue shirts called me Jane when I first got here. Mardusk and Ian call me Jessa. If you don’t like those you can make one up. Everyone else around here seems to do that.”

Rinker laughed slightly, well she was spunky. He voice was calm and friendly. “I don’t give people names and I’m not too concerned about what people call you. I asked for yours, you are the only one who can truly tell me what that is. So I’ll try again, My name is Heathcliff… and your name is.”

Jessa paused not sure what to say. She could not make up a name at this point. They already knew it. The easiest thing would be to just say, Jessa. It was what the man wanted. It would also move the conversation along. Looking up at the Rinker, Jessa tried to size him up. Even though his voice was calm and friendly, she was pretty sure the man had the patience and fortitude to stand here shaking her hand for as long as it took for her to comply with his request. “Jeh,” she started before stopping the rest of the syllables from leaving her mouth. “Prisoner number four,” she repeated. She chose this for two reasons. The first was because Zala Tsu was right. They were slowly trying to make her comply. While a name was small and simple, answering it would show she would comply with their requests. The second was it showed her allegiance to the Elders.

Letting go of his hand, Jessa moved slightly to the side and looked at the books behind him trying to make out the titles. She had no idea why she could not read the titles of any of them. Jessa was used to different cultures having different writing but nothing so far had been familiar anywhere. From the star charts she looked at with some guy named Chris Robins to the book the doctor left for Jessa to read. Instead of mentioning this, however, Jessa just nodded as if she was reading something interesting as she looked at the books.

He did something he also rarely did, “Can I get you something to drink?”

Rinker.

So absorbed in trying to decipher something on the bindings of the book, Jessa didn’t even think and replied, “Rellian apple or Saka berry juice please.” Her tone for the first time wasn’t snippy or condescending. It was typical of anyone answering the question. The second she replied, however, Jessa stiffened freezing completely in place. With her back to them, close closed her eyes and mouthed several curses before regaining her composure. Looking back at Rinker and Ian she let her expression change to one of fake sympathy. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I forgot your backwater corner of space probably doesn’t have that.”

“Well if you hum a few bars, I’m sure I can catch up…” Rinker paused. “I guess no one knows that joke.” He pressed a few buttons on the replicators and found what the thought was the closest to the drink requested.

“Seriously,” Ian shot her a warning look. “Didn’t we just talk about being nice to people. I said be nice. You said you are always nice so what the hell was that?” If it had been Ruth or one of his nieces or nephews, Ian would have taken their personal communicator or sent her to her room to get Jessa’s head on straight. Ian’s issue was jessa had no possessions and was basically isolated from anything fun already. The only thing he had to exert any control over her was firm word and sharp looks. This however was working as effectively as a broken umbrella in the rain.

Ian side glanced Rinker with a look that anyone who dealt with kids understood. It was the look of one parent saying the kid was going to be the death of them in some form.

Rinker looked at Ian but didn’t say anything.

Jessa debated about all the things she could say right now however she was out of the medical room. She could play nice, for a bit. “Fine,” she groaned moving to the only place to sit in the room: the chair with the wheels. Seeing Ian still staring at her Jessa turned her expression to Rinker. “No thank you I am fine. I really do appreciate the offer, however. It was very kind of you.” While the comment was polite, it lacked any genuine emotion behind it. The only emotion that came out was her next comment to Ian. “Happy?” The angry tone wasn’t completely all due to Ian’s glare. Jessa was thirsty but she was not going to risk taking anything from anyone on this ship. She would take care of getting a drink later. There was always water if you knew where to look for it.

Ian turned to face the counselor resisting the urge to reply to Jessa’s snarky comment. “Hey Heathcliff,” he said extending his hand. “So how do you want to do this?” His tone was low as he half-watched Jessa spin slowly in the chair. “I can stay or leave. I am kinda at a loss here on this. I am also not sure what you want to do about the security team. Do you want all four inside, two in two out., or everyone outside the room?” Ian had zero doubt the man could handle Jessa psychologically but he also didn’t want to force Rinker into a specific situation he might not feel comfortable with.

The problem was Jessa had no idea how important this eval was. Yes Ian wanted to help her but they also needed a psychological battery to help her possible impending legal case.

Jessa Novar (Bordeaux) and Ian Bordeaux

“I usually do my work alone and by definition it is confidential, unless the information is about a credible threat to one’s self or others.” This was as much to alert Jessa to the limits of confidentiality as much as Ian and the others, “so its best that you all leave… if something happens, I’ll scream at the top of my lungs, it will sound like a terrified Albarian mouse.” Rebellion like this usually came from lack of control. If a person was not being controlled the urge to rebel decreased.

His response got a laugh out of Jessa. It was the first time she had shown a moment of happiness since she had arrived.

The laugh and half-smile on Jessa’s face along with Rinker’s easy-going attitude relaxed Ian visibly. Maybe seeing a counselor like Evrilla suggested might help ease the tension. “We will be right outside,” Ian said. His comment was directed to both Jessa and Rinker. Pausing as if rethinking his decision, Ian turned on his heel and walked out.

Jessa watched Ian leave and felt a rush of nerves fire. She had only ever been alone with four people. While Ian was not acting the captain, Jessa knew he was the one in control. The large green alien felt like two people in one. Jessa respected his need to protect his people but the man was in her way currently from doing what she needed. The doctor was nice and seemed to he her sole care provider but what doctor didn’t care about their patients. . This Rinker seemed the friendliest person person so far but she knew sometimes being friendly was just an act to manipulate people into doing something.

He came up to Jessa, put down the cup of juice and the walked up to the bookshelf.

Jessa looked at the cup suspiciously. The amber color of the liquid looked like Rellian Apple juice but it had to be some sort of sleight of hand. Nothing appeared out of thin air. Keeping one eye on him, Jessa stuck her finger in the liquid. She had expected her hand to pass through whatever hologram this was but instead felt the cold and the wetness cling to her finger. Pulling it back rapidly she wiped it on her pants quickly.

The urge to pick up the glass and drink whatever was in the glass was overwhelming. For the past two days Jessa had been sticking her head under the faucet whenever she had gone to the bathroom or stealing sips from whatever someone was drinking they left unattended in her room. Ian seemed to favor some bitter black hot drink. Since he was always in and out of her room it was easy to steal that but Jessa was tired of that. Maybe this Rinker drank something better. There was only one way to find out and figure out where he seemed to get the drink. “You know from where I am from we consider it rude to drink alone,” Jessa kept her eyes half on the man’s back at the book case. “We don’t drink alone in a social situation.” It was a lie of course but the man didn’t know that.

“That’s true of many cultures, but I’m a little old to be drinking juice.” He looked at her for a moment. Although from what he had heard this was the most friendly she had been so far. “Well Jah,” He picked up her cup and took as clear sip from it.

A flash of irritation crossed her face when he used the stutter of her name to address him. “It’s not Jah. If you are looking for an acronym though Path Narn Firn will do.” Her voice contained a thick layer of sarcasm but her comment was not solely for a verbal battle. It was also to test the man’s intelligence and how observant he really was. If he wasn’t going to call her Prisoner Number Four, she would least make him use the initials from the title. He was not going to break her association with the Elders so easily.

“Well, that’s what you said.” He said bluntly. “I assumed you mean what you say.” He paused, “Perhaps you were saying Jessa and I missed it. I don’t think we reached the point of our relationship to use nick names quite yet.” He watched her, she was up to something, everything was a challenge… or a calculated maneuver.

“I always mean what I say,” she snapped feeling angry and frustrated, “but none of you do.” Her tone was accusatory and sharp. Jessa was so tired of everyone acting like she was the only one lying here. “And no we have not reached that easy détente where you call me Jessa. You should just feel lucky that I am not making you address me as Patron Novar.” After two days of all the games, Jessa’s patience was running thin. “You can separate us but that doesn’t mean I don’t belong with the Elders and the Order. Calling me Jessa doesn’t make me think I am not part of them. Calling me Jessa does not make me a part of your little charade here.”

“Détente… nice word.”

Jessa shifted her weight not sure how to respond to him. She expected him to reply to the meat of her conversation instead of striking up verbal banter. This guy was going to be tricky to deal with. She needed to stay in her toes.

“Well eyes learned me’s some fancy type words back when I was being schooled,” she spoke in a twang rebuffing his compliment. “If you want to play games I can play them too,” she said in her normal voice.

“I’m not playing any games with you and I can call you Patron Novar,” He shrugged. “If that’s what you want, I’d like to know what it means though. I don’t like saying things I don’t understand. It kind of like being dishonest. Saying something as if you know what it means when you don’t.” Rinker might not be telling her everything, but he wasn’t lying to her… therapists never lied it was the most fatal thing to rapport.

Jessa squirmed a bit uncomfortably in her chair. The man wasn’t wrong. Lying was never good and always came back to haunt you yet it wasn’t like Jessa could be honest about her mission. Too much weighed on completing it. Taking a deep breath she looked at Rinker hating that someone he seemed to catch her in her half truth and not buying the lie. Maybe if she gave him a little bit of truth he would be satisfied.

“Okay so I haven’t earned the title Patron yet but after this mission, Zala Tsu promised it would be granted to me by the Order. Just don’t tell her I told you to call me that okay?” Jessa genuinely looked concerned Rinker would not accept this retraction as the truth. She had to make a concession to fix her mistake. “You can call me Jessa.”

Rinker paused, he wanted to figure out more about this Patron title and the Order, but that would draw her mind back to her mission and then back into her resistance. He would let it lie for now. But the desire to be honest was present. Perhaps whatever she had been through had taught her one positive thing.

Now that the name situation seemed to be resolved, Jessa could concentrate on the liquid in the glass Rinker just took a sip from.

Watching him take a drink however suddenly made her even more thirsty if that was possible. She studied him as he drank from the cup. He did not fake it or pretend. When Rinker set the cup down it was clearly less liquid in it than before. Clasping her hands in her lap helped her physically remind herself that no matter how bad she wanted it, she could not reach for it.

For now the concession to use her name was enough.

Not completely clear about her motivation, he asked, “Do you want me to get you another cup… or does your culture like sharing one glass?”

Jessa opened her mouth to speak but closed it looking at the man before her. If he drank it, it had to be untainted. It would do no good to dope up yourself in an interrogation no matter how friendly you wanted to make it. “One glass is fine,” she said but made no move to follow his lead…for the moment.

Jessa needed to get her mind off the drink and Rinker’s on a new subject. The key to any successful interrogation was controlling the narrative. There’s wasn’t much in the room to talk about so she focused on the largest thing.

“I see you like to read,” she said pointing to the wall of books behind the desk.

“Among other things.” Rinker smiled. “I like collecting, perhaps a little more than reading. These books mean more than the words on the page, they are history. They carry the weight of time and the burden of thousands, maybe millions of humans working and evolving the technology to put thought into word and word onto page, and page into book and books....” He glanced at his shelf “into a gift for all of us to learn, laugh, and transport to a place we’ve never been.” He looked a her, “Before there were ships and undiscovered continents, there were dreams… and these are dreams made solid.”

“Dreams and lofty ideals can get you into a lot of trouble. You have to know when to fight and when to bide your time to return. Idealism Is great but it can get you killed.”

“In a harsh universe, hope is the first to go, and the heroes are the first to die. Its a very morbid way to look at life… even though sometimes its true.” He looked at her, smiled slightly, “But if you don’t strive for greater, dream about more… then what’s the point?”

“What’s the point,” she said staring at him quizzically. “How can you say that? Without hope and heroes, life is spent in malaise. To defeat malaise identify the keys to life. Life is sacrifice so offer it. Life is trust so give it wisely. Life is a struggle so conquer it. Be the force of change in the galaxy no matter the cost.” Jessa’s words were obviously a quote or mantra she learned and not her own. The sentence had a poetry about it and was nothing something anyone would just say in a conversation. “I believe in Jaek Dalledos vision so much I gave up eveh,” she felt her heart pound. Jessa got lost in the moment but instead of pushing it from her mind, she continued the sentence in her head. everything to come here and do this. It’s why I have to succeed no matter the cost or the sacrifice. Finishing the sentence even in her head gave Jessa the strength and fortitude to do what she was going to have to do.

“Change the galaxy to what?” He tilted his head.

“To a place where we don’t just live but thrive.” Jessa kept her eyes on his as she spoke. She not only wanted all his attention but needed it. “What good is it to anyone if they can’t live with freedom or or or opportunities. Sure you can go about your life but that is not really living. Havin’ the choice to live ina big house or the city or some backwater world no one and their mother knows about.” When Jessa was not spitting back the rhetoric she had memorized, her speech was not as fluent or mature. It reflected her age with stutters, pauses, breaks, and slang. Her face showed a hint of worry as she quickly clarified her last sentence. “Not that this place is a backwater world. I mean it is…but…I mean all backwater worlds…not just this one.” Rolling her eyes, Jessa blew her hair out of her eyes and then pushed it behind her ears. “Wait wait let me try again,” she held up her hands as if Rinker was trying to leave.

Rinker nodded anything to encourage her to continue. Although he could understand how she kept thinking they were a ‘back water’ world when they had all the technology advantages…

“Okay forget the rude comment…which I didn’t mean to be rude…if you thought it was rude. Anyway,” she waved her hands about as if clearing something invisible away. “You always have to change. Staying the same is bad. Yes, some things have to stay the same because it becomes part of your heritage or culture but what is good for a while can be bad later as time goes on. Slavery is bad. I…do not believe anyone,” she spread her hands out for emphasis, “should be a slave but I can see why it happened or created. Millennia ago people needed a work force to build cities and grow food but that never made it right. It was something people did but it was wrong. Smart people knew this and outlawed it. Which again for the record,” she moved her head slightly to the side to make sure she still had Rinker’s attention, “slavery is always bad but that is the only example you might understand of why you always have to change and evolve. I would not want to live somewhere where things like slavery weren’t gotten rid of.” Jessa paused hoping Rinker understood what she was trying to say. Maybe she shouldn’t have jumped into slavery but to Jessa that was the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. She hoped it was as vile a concept to Rinker as it was to her.

“Of course, slavery bad. I follow you.”

She shook her head slightly as if she were teacher and trying to think of a way to get a concept across the student had not grasped. “No you don’t follow me on that. You have to believe it and live by it…okay. It’s wrong under any circumstance period.” Jessa’s voice was filled with conviction and passion and a hint of disapproval as he looked at the man across from her. She hoped Rinker’s comment was just him following along and not an occurrence here. If it was that could be addressed later.

“I’m not much into orthodoxy. So you’ll have to do a lot of explaining if I am to understand what exactly you mean.”

“How is slavery something I need to explain as bad,” Jessa’s eye got wide. She sat for a second thinking about Rinker and what she knew of him so far. “Or are you talking about the ortho word ‘cause I am not sure I know what that is,” she looked at him sincerely?

“Many of your points seem to be based on the word of the Elders and the Order. Following them closely is what is known as orthodoxy. I do agree that slavery is bad.”

“So orthodoxy is just education,” Jessa looked at him really listening and trying to understand him. “Like math or reading.”

“Not exactly, Orthodoxy is how close you follow the ‘education’ are you allowed to question the, how and why of it. Its often used when talking about religion because a lot of religious rules are based on God says so, so you have to do it and there isn’t a lot of questioning or explanation given.”

She nodded. Jessa didn’t quite understand the difference but there were more important points ti talk about.

“The reason we talk about being the force of change in the galaxy is so that bad things don’t happen to good people. All people should have the freedom to live their life the way they want. That is why the Order is so important. They tell people how to live,” Jessa said, “and when it’s not being followed we make them follow it.”

“Justice is not delivered in the dark. If you must scurry like rats in the dark then how can what you strive for be good.”

“Oh, we don’t do it in the dark. We come day or anytime we have to and bring cruisers and attack ships to make sure the Order is followed and all the bad rellian apples are plucked from the tree. Once that happens we can make sure people can pray to who they want or say what they want without worried about being hurt. The Order allows them the freedom to do that.” Jessa’s voice carried the passion for her ideas but her monologue was not the polished script. Again it was a child’s words trying to explain concepts from an adult world.

“You use attack ships to force people to follow the rules to have the freedom to choose?”

“Yeah, everyone does or we send in the Elders to help people understand what they are doing is wrong,” Jessa looked at him quizzically. Licking her lips she took a second to gather her thoughts. Shifting her body she looked at him as if he were the child learning a lesson or concept. “Force is never the best option but it is a tool no different than an eating utensil. I know you don’t have them but we have tools for our food so we don’t have to eat with our hands.” Her comment, however snarky the word choice, did not match the expression or tone of Jessa’s voice. Years of training from Rinker would show him that Jessa completely believed everything she was sharing with him. She hoped he wasn’t offended as she talked about the group’s lack of culture and sophistication in the culinary areas but it was a single point of commonality for them. It was not like Jessa had been given anything so far to eat that wasn’t on paper or supposed to be picked up with her hands.

“Where did you learn that we don’t have eating tools?” How could she think they could travel the stars and not have utensils.

“Because all you ever serve are things you eat with your hands,” she rolled her eyes as if this was a stupid question. “Everything they keep bringing to my room is stuff I can eat with my hands. If you had utensils why wouldn’t you give me any?”

Well that was one way to look at it. He didn’t want to explain that away just yet. The following questions or feelings attached to the explanation that we just didn’t want to give her stuff that could be used as tools or weapons.

Jessa read Rinker’s expression and instantly felt bad. “Please don’t think there is anything wrong with that. THere are a lot of people that don’t use them but you do miss out on soup.” Taking a second to let her comment sink in Jessa continued.

“We have utensils, I just ordered a lot of foods that are generally eaten with one’s fingers. I don’t know what your experiences with food on this ship before you came to my office.”

“Oh they have fed me well. I mean provided me with enough food.” Jessa didn’t know how to answer this. The problem was jessa had no idea what the names of the foods were she had been given. She felt stupid saying it and worried Rinker would think she was lying. “The doctors in sick bay have been very nice,” she settled with a positive response.

“The Beacon of Hope is like a tool how you use that tool depends on the circumstances. Don’t your ships have weapons?” Until now the conversation had been innocent and child like however just like a knife, words could be used cleave through the clutter to find out something you wanted to know. Jessa’s posture remained relaxed but something changed in her eyes. She was no longer sharing information but trying to get some of her own.

She was welcome to a little information. If you refused to say anything people would stop talking. “We have hand weapons, you saw them. Likewise we have ship weapons.” Ironic question since she didn’t think they had a ship in the first place. It wasn’t particularly useful tactical information. At least not yet, a good interrogator would piece various bits of information into a picture, like a jigsaw puzzle. Puzzle away little girl, you would reveal more by your questioning than Rinker would ever reveal with his answers. He had about 3 times more experience as a therapist than she was alive.

Jessa nodded fully engrossed in the conversation. The only other time Rinker held her attention or interest to this level was when they were discussing the Order, the Elders, or this ship. “It’s strange though,” she spoke slowly trying to be casual. She could not ask questions directly. RInker was smart and if she wasn’t careful he would connect the dots. “When we arrived you didn’t have your shields up. Not that you should. We did come in peace but is that normal. To run with your shields down. What if you got hit by an asteroid, ran into a solar storm, flew too close to a supernova, or someone was super clumsy in a shuttle. Kinda dangerous don’t you think?” Jessa relaxed some. By padding the response with real-world applications of why ships needed shields, Rinker should give her enough information to understand their processes.

“Navigation deflectors handle most of that when we are at speeds that require it. Shields usually are deployed when we feel we might be at danger. We have automatic systems for that.”

“Wait you always run with shields down,” she looked at him not with a calculating expression but one of bewilderment. “Oh, we are definitely gonna have to put a pin in that and come back later,” she shook her head. She did add one last thought on the topic. “I mean…are you that friendly you aren’t worried about flying around and getting shot at?” The idea that these ships did not run on full protection mode fascinated her. The Beacon of Hope was powerful but she doubted it could do much more than being a nuisance to a ship this size. Right now it was more interesting information on her part than useful information.

“More often than not,” Rinker offered. “We’re explorers by definition, but as you mentioned the galaxy can be a dangerous place, so we have weapons and weapon specialists. But I guess the short answer is yes, we are that friendly. Which can be an issue in of itself, some cultures find friendliness, dishonest, because how could you like people you don’t know. Others think its a sign of weakness. But largely it works out as most races find it a good thing.”

“That’s good. I am going to put a pin in this already Becuase it could be a long conversation but it helps when a population is ready to embrace the Gospels of enlightenment. The too at time worry we are not going to be friendly but I really do try to assure those I Can it will be okay.” She hoped this was an okay response. The gospels were a huge tomé and even she was still studying it. It was not like it was a quick conversation.

“You were looking at my collection,” his back was mostly exposed to her, to a trained eye he was vulnerable, but not completely so.

Jessa moved forward as much and as fast as she dared taking a large sip from the cup when the man’s back was turned and replacing it in the same spot. Whatever was in the glass was not Sakaberry but it was very close to Rellian Apple. The liquid was sweet and cold. She savored it instead of drinking it instantly.

His head wasn’t fully turned so he turn fairly quickly, but again more than enough for a skilled person to take advantage. “These are actually paper books, some with actual leather covers. You have a genre of novel you like?”

Swallowing the sip, she wished she had mentioned they ate communally in her lie. The juice, while helping with her being thirsty, also made her realize how hungry she was. If she could figure out where he kept the juice, maybe she could get more before she left.

“Anything,” Jessa said trying to focus on the man’s question instead of her mind trying to figure out how he got a drink from the wall.

He scanned a bit. He reached out and slid a short, but fat paper-covered book out… it glowed as he touched it the mini force field activating to keep his hands from actually making contact. “Not quite as valuable as some of the books.” He held it tenderly as he turned and faced her. He flicked off the metal disk allowing him to actually touch it. “There and Back again or the Hobbit. I read it when I was about your age.” He actually read it at 8, but that wasn’t to relevant. He handed it to her. He did take her drink off the table clearly paranoid about a possible spill.

Rinker

Tiffe me, she grumbled in her mind seeing him move the juice farther from her. She wondered if this was to tempt her to try and get more or if he worried she was just clumsy.

Jessa watched him take the book off the shelf and listen to him speak. Her eyes never left him as he approached her with the leather-bound book. In a different time or place, she might have struck up a conversation with the man however she was not here for fun. She also could not have read the book if she tried. Leaning over Jessa pretended to look at the title. Rinker said that what happened her was private. It wasn’t a huge secret what she wanted but maybe she could convince Rinker to do what she needed without Mardusk, Ian, or the doctor saying no. “I don’t want to read There and Back again of the Hobbit,” she quoted what she thought the man said was the title. “I don’t want a drink,” she stood up and moved to the couch putting some distance between her and Rinker. She needed to set this man straight before he continued to try and be nice to her.

He watched her ‘not’ read the title, while she quoted him fairly well, that isn’t what he or the front of the book said at all. It just said The Hobbit, Rinker used the sub-title which was what the main character called his book. She was very verbal with a vocabulary of someone several years older than her, but she couldn’t read… possible… he had seen it before, but it was rare.

“I want to see the Elders,” she said taking a seat. Her posture was more rigid than in the chair. “Can you make them let me see them,” Jessa asked? Her tone was confident but the cadence of her words hinted that Jessa was hopeful more than confident. “This ship runs on some sort of hierarchy right? So if you can’t who outranks Mardusk and Ian and can make that happen?”

Jessa Bordeaux

Rinker nodded sadly as he put the disk back on the book activated it and returned it to its shelf. At least she didn’t ruin my second edition book. “If you didn’t want a drink why did you ask me to drink with you?” He rubbed under his eye. He had already dismissed one medical theory, she wasn’t depressed, paranoid probably, anxious and defensive definitely.

Jessa wasn’t sure if this was a set up or blind luck, but she would not let the chance slip by. “What the triffe is up with you and the juice,” she stood up and stormed over to Rinker’s desk. “I am sorry I even said yes but fine,” she yelled at him picking up the glass. “Since you got it I will drink it.” Putting the cup to her lips, Jessa began to drink deeply from it. In any other time or place, she would not have guzzled it down like a man who had been lost in the desert, yet she was thirsty and didn’t want to risk him taking it from her.

She hoped her actions did not make the man angry enough to throw her out of his office but her little temper tantrum was a far better way to get a drink than try to steal sips whenever he wasn’t looking. Zala Tsu could yell at her all she wanted later. Drinking one glass of juice that they saw would not end the mission. “There are you happy now,” she set the cup down hard but not hard enough to break it or damage the desk. She put her hands on the edges of the desk and locked eyes with him trying to gauge how he would react to what she had done.

“Kind of,” he responded honestly. “Although I’m not sure making me happy is a strong motivation for you.” He blinked calmly at her. Tilting his head slightly, he wasn’t going to turn it into a staring contest.

“What the triffing rings of hell does that mean,” Jessa snapped. “Why is it my job to make sure everyone here is happy?” The fact that Rinker was so calm was pressing her buttons. She came here as a courtesy. Jessa thought about turning around and walking out of his office. She didn’t need anything from him no matter how bad she wanted it.

“That’s what I said, you didn’t drink to make me happy. You might have done it to make me mad, or to spite me… but whatever reason why you did it, it was your own.” He paused, that was too challenging. She was only begging to warm up. Challenging her would make them regress. Maybe some support. “It doesn’t matter what I think, what do you think?”

“I think everyone here needs to see me as an adult and not a kid. I don’t need anyone taking care of me. I am not helpless.” Her voice had lost some of the steadiness to it. “Ever since I got here every one is treating me like I am some child who is lost or needs help,” she stopped and looked away. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. If you do then put a pin in it and circle back around later,” Jessa announced closing her eyes and rolling her head slightly to make it appear like she was working out a kink.

A pin in it? Again an odd word choice for a child.

Jessa needed to step back for a second and regain her composure however she was stuck in a room with only one way out and no privacy in it. Suddenly another idea came to her mind. “I need to go to the bathroom. Where is it?” Her tone indicated she fully expected Rinker to comply with her demand. She didn’t have to use the facilities in the expected manner but coming here was not a good idea. Ian said she only had to be here an hour. She could ride that out in the bathroom and get her drink without any help from Rinker or anyone else.

He tilted he head and waited, pursing his lips and barely hiding a frown.

A few seconds later she let go of the desk and returned back to her seat on the couch hating herself for letting her emotions cloud her reason. Asking to leave to go to the bathroom was never going to be granted because the lie was as transparent as a glass window. She needed to make sure she kept the conversation tighter so she could control the narrative between them. Her eyes never left him however as the man got up and moved across the room.

He picked up her empty cup and walked over to the replicator, “Juice, 12 chicken nuggets, and apple slices - paper plate.” Rinker said… he was trusting, but he wasn’t going to give her a weapon beyond what she could turn the cup and plate into. The first cup disappeared into the fire that was a replication beam before the food and juice replaced it. Picking them up and as he walked to her Rinker took a sip of the juice, one of the nuggets, and the apple slice … popping them in his mouth after he swallowed the juice. “Uhh, still too sweet.” He placed it plate and juice next to her on the couch. He clearly didn’t care if she spilled on the couch.

“I’m not hungry,” she said firmly however her hand hung just a little bit too long over the plate before she pushed it farther away.

“You sure? Okay… Just leave them there I’ll get what’s left when we’re done.”

Returning to his desk Rinker reached into a desk drawer removing a cushioned ball. He squeezed it before tossing it from one hand to the other. He plopped himself into the faux-leather seat Jessa vacated. He rolled it out from behind the desk as he done thousands of times as he shortened the distance to Jessa. “I know you want to see the Elders, I know you want to get me to make that happen.”

“What do you want to make that happen,” she moved to the edge of the couch in almost a perched like pose. “I can get you fifty thousand credits. More if you want,” she added rapidly to make sure the man knew any price he name, she could produce. “I just need five minutes with them.”

“A generous sum of money.” He raised his eyebrows, “Very generous.... I can’t imagine where someone so young would be able to obtain such riches.”

“I have powerful friends,” she licked her lips to moisten them. Part of her was happy that the man across from her could be bought. Zala Tsu was right. Everyone had a price and everyone could be bought. The other part however felt a twinge of sadness that he could be bought and so easily turned from his people. “I don’t have all of it now but on the ship we have a portion of it. I promise you I can get it for you…or more. Name any price and it will be honored,” she let her eyes dart between his as if searching his eyes for confirmation of the deal. “I just need to see the Elders.”

“Why is that so important to you?” He tossed the soft orange ball gently to Jessa… “Catch.”

Rinker

As if she were on autopilot, Jessa’s right hand came up catching the ball. It was a purely instinctive and reflexive action to protect herself. Her reaction to catching the ball was also far faster than her mind realizing what just happened. Jessa had always relied on her gut before her head which for someone like Rinker, would easily explain the small look of confusion wrinkle up her forehead as his question was now being processed. “Because they need me,” she gently lobbed the ball back to Rinker as she talked. “We are a team and the first thing you did was kidnap us, from our ship, with that crazy light weapon and then opened fired on us. I need to know they are okay? I need to know you are not hurting them or killing them because Da Mu,” Jessa looked at Rinker and a wave of guilt coursed over her body as she abruptly ended her sentence. Her shoulders lost some of the rigidity and tension and her facial features softened some. No one was supposed to get hurt in this mission. That was the rule but there was someone who had gotten hurt and Jessa felt guilty about not being able to help her when Da Mu attacked.

“It’s not in our nature to hurt or kill.” He tossed the ball back, with more energy than the first time. He wanted to pick up the pace of the game of catch.

“Maybe not but it is sure in your nature to lie and deceive,” she threw the ball twice as hard as Rinker had to her.

Virginia Axline would be proud. “I haven’t lied to you.” He blinked at her innocently.

“No but you perpetuate the lies they are telling,” she tossed the ball back and forth with Rinker as she spoke ignoring the implication of her words as she concentrated on the ball. “You keep acting like you don’t know who the Elders are. That is just as bad as everyone claiming they have not heard of the Galactic Union,” she felt herself becoming irritated again.

Throwing the ball helped to expel the anger and frustration from her body. It was also making her do two things at once. The faster Rinker threw it and the faster she had to return it was not letting her concentrate on everything she was saying.

Jessa decided it was time to settle some rules of her own before she kept talking. “I heard you say to Ian that what we say here is confidential. You can’t tell anyone what we say right,” she looked at him and caught the ball he tossed back to her as easily as she did the first time in their continuing game of catch.

“Unless you plan on hurting yourself or someone else… and I don’t mean hurt self, like smoking… I mean real injury.” He just nodded after that like he expected her to continue as he toss the ball to her… the pattern was to get rhythmic.

“Why would I hurt myself,” Jessa threw the ball not only harder but directly at his face instead of his chest. “Why would I hurt anyone? Is this about Mardusk? The man is like nine feet tall and built like a mountain.” she looked at Rinker like he was crazy?

“That man could crush me with his thumb and index finger.” The rhythmic nature and the sound of the ball impact Jessa’s and Rinker’s hands almost sounded like a punctuation mark at the end of each comment. While she was starting to doubt her choice to come to Rinker’s office, the game of catch, felt soothing to her in a way she could not define.

“But you still attacked him… and he didn’t. In so many ways we have the power to do whatever we want, and we don’t. Is that what evil does?”

“He lifted me up and dropped me like a packer of tubers! He didn’t just sit and cry,” Jessa rolled her eyes. “He was big enough to take it. That was not evil.” She thought a little more on his last sentence. “Evil does…” she let her voice trail off trying to find a way to explain it. “It is taking advantage of people who can’t defend themselves or are unable to help themselves. I mean it is not like I tried to take a swing at the lady doctor. I would not hurt her but that isn’t evil. That is taking advantage of someone or maybe evil if you knew what you were do,” she stopped talking and swallowed looking at Rinker.

“I did not hurt anyone…I mean him,” Jessa felt herself becoming defensive. Glaring at Rinker she bit her lip frustrated. “I know what you are doing,” she accused him with a sour expression. “You are not going to make me feel bad…about what happened,” she crossed her arms over her chest, squirmed in her seat and avoided eye contact. “I am not sad about what happened,” she said still not looking at him. Silently, Jessa cursed him and herself. Rinker didn’t need to be physical to control someone. He got into your head and those places you locked up tight and pushed down deep. In some ways, he might be the most dangerous person on the crew she had met so far. The ball fell in her lap. She waited for a second before slowly crossing her arms and beginning the game of catch again.

“If you say so.” His tone revealed that he didn’t believe her. “I tell people all the time, other people can’t make you feel things. You feel them yourself. If you feel bad because we talked about what happened, you don’t feel good about it.”

“I did not hurt that woman,” Jessa yelled raising her hands and miming like she was going to strangle Rinker but made no move to actually do it. “I don’t know why I am getting blamed on a bad decision that was not mine. If you are asking me in some over the mountain way if I would have done things differently the answer is yes but we can’t go back. We can’t…there are things we…,” Jessa bit her lip and exhaled a deep breath trying to push the emotions out of her body that were not helping right now. She could not let herself become any more bogged down worrying about one more person. She had enough on her plate. She would beg for forgiveness later.

“I didn’t blame you, I didn’t say you felt bad. But the truth is you look and what you say makes it sound like you feel bad, but what do I know.”

“Because it wasn’t supposed to happen that way,” Jessa played with the ball instead of throwing it back and forth. “We talked and talked about how we were going to meet Captain Bordeaux. Rogan and Da Mu were worried,” she stared at the ball instead of looking at RInker. “Sometimes things just go sideways. That has happened to you guys before too…right? You plan on how you are going to meet someone and it doesn’t happen the way you expected it to go.” Jessa looked up needing Rinker to tell her yes. She needed him to validate the events of the transporter room so Jessa could make sense of things right now.

“Well that’s why when important things are going to happen, we plan it. I’m sure you did too… what went wrong.” Maybe she would give a little more information on what was the true objective.

Jessa caught the ball. The steady smack-pop of the game catch made her relax so much. It reminded her of being home and anything that reminded her of home was a good thing right now. It also was making her less focused. She was not so calculating having something to expel energy as she talked. “Da Mu,” she rolled her eyes. “He tends to react fastest in our quad. He doesn’t think and can be stupid.” The moment of honesty evaporated like a drop of water on a hot stove however as soon as the ball came back to her. “He is far more experienced than me so what do I know.” The response felt wrong to Jessa. Her posture sagged a little and the vigor at which she was playing dulled some.

“First and fastest doesn’t mean better. In fact I think he made more problems for you than solutions.” Rinker kept the tossing of the ball up. It could add energy to a discussion as well.

“He usually does.” Jessa looked around the room and it was clear she wanted to ask something but was hesitant. Taking a deep breath she dropped her eyes not looking at Rinker but said in a low tone, “Maybe you could…talk to him? We don’t have people that talk like this. I mean we have reducators and re-education centers but you don’t want to go there. Its not like a real school. It’s hard to explain but I am sure if he talked to you....he might not…be so mad all the time. I could maybe introduce you to him or Zala or Rogan?” This was not her normal ploy to get to the Elders. This was Jessa trying to find a way to help the people she was with.

“People get depressed about things they’ve done or about internalizing the way people think about them. Or any of a dozen other reasons. They think the way to alleviate the pain of feeling bad about themselves is hurting themselves… its not a good plan but desperate people do desperate things.”

“I do not feel bad about myself. I have confidence in sedaps,” Jessa used the common slang term from back home. Sedaps was the suit in a card game that when someone held enough of them there was no way they could not win. “I don’t,” she paused to throw the ball back to Rinker, “care how,” she continued the back and forth game as she spoke, “people think about me.” For the first time since they began the game, Jessa was not fluent in her sentence. The pauses were her subconscious allowing her to produce the lie. She did care about how people saw her, especially on this ship the longer she was here. Zala Tsu and the others were painting the Order in a bad light and she hated it but there was little she could do about it for now. “And I am not desperate. Just determined.”

Jessa threw the ball back always trying to throw it harder and faster than how he returned it to her. “Triffe the reason I want to see the Elders is to make sure you aren’t going to hurt them for what they did to the decoy in the transporter room because that was an accident.”

“We don’t hurt people. Hell, the one rule in this conversation is everything is private unless you want to hurt someone.” He gestured with his hands inviting her to throw the ball back.

“You hurt Rogan…Da Mu…Zala Tsu or is shooting someone not hurting them,” she suddenly felt like she was about to cry. She was so angry and if she could not find a way to channel it, the emotion would turn to something else. She had to stay mad so she had something else to focus on besides the mission or the fact she just wanted to go home. “It was a mistake she got hurt. It wasn’t planned but you all pushed him to that course of action.”

“Who shot first? Our weapons were set to stun… I’m pretty sure yours were set to kill.”

Jessa paused the game to pull her feet up under her on the couch. She no longer felt comfortable sprawled out. Her subconscious felt the insane desire to make herself as small as possible in the room. Crisscrossing her legs and pulling her arms tighter to her body she caught the ball as she shifted positions continuing the game of catch. She didn’t like the way his question was making her feel. She could not deny that the Elders attacked first even if it was not with projectors like the security forces used on them. Da Mu attacked the decoy to provoke them so even if the Elders did not technically shoot first, the truth was the Elders did start the violence.

“Of course they were. We are entitled to protect ourselves,” she spat out. The anger in her voice was dull and lacked the sharp edge of conviction because while Jessa was technically telling the truth, it was a truth that nauseated her. Nothing that happened in the transporter room went at all according to the plan the Elders had created on the trip here. There was no talking or negotiating. Just brute force to get what they wanted at any cost it seemed.

“Against people who even after you tried to kill them only stunned and held you? I don’t think you really believe you were defending yourself against anything. You probably knew then… and you definitely know now that you were never in danger, because if we wanted to harm you… you would have been harmed then when you tried to kill one of us. Didn’t Mardusk use his body to protect you from your own?”

Jessa tossed the ball back as if it carried the weight of her guilt with it over what happened. The ball might have been foam, but the effort behind Jessa’s throw made it seem like the ball weighed a hundred pounds. Right now Jessa hated herself. Her own words felt like bile in her mouth. What happened to that woman was not an accident. Da Mu had meant it and Jessa hated that she had to keep lying about every word that came from her mouth.

“No,” she said still playing but not looking at Rinker. The man was still throwing the ball but it was right to her so she didn’t really need to look at him to play. “Da Mu and Rogan made me stand behind them because they were worried you were going to do what you did. They,”....were protecting me. Say it. Jessa you have to say it because if these people think thee Elders are a threat you will never see them again she finished the thought in her head. “..It all happened so fast,” she shrugged. “I don’t remember.”

Rinker just stared at her. After a moment he spoke, “I think your memory of this event is pretty clear.”

“No actually I didn’t see anything but,” she paused and stared off thought about the moment from her perspective and no one else’s. She had spent most of it on the floor but one thing did come to mind. Rogan’s face as he looked at the people shooting at them. It wasn’t surprise or anger. Rogan grimaced, she whispered in her head. His expression showed he was just waiting for something to happen.

Blinking several times, Jessa pulled herself out of the fog and looked back at Rinker. “You weren’t even there so how would you know what happened.” Her words were icy and cold.

Uh, oh, it normally takes months for someone to question where Rinker’s information comes from, but this little girl was paranoid to begin with. One of his best tricks in therapy was to pretend he knew what the patient was about to say and encourage them. Therefore the person didn’t think they were revealing a secret… the were just acknowledging what was already known by everyone.... “From what I hear, it was a good thing I wasn’t there.”

Jessa’s look melted some. “Maybe but maybe it might have helped the situation. Maybe if you had been there you could have talked some sense into everyone.” It was a back door compliment and Jessa’s true age slipped through again. In the middle of an adult conflict, that could have turned deadly, she did not focus on the idea anyone could have died. That was the innocence of youth. The ability to blindly look at a situation and not worry about all the what if’s adults did at times.

“People have to want to listen for me to help them. I don’t think your friends were in a listening mood. Is that normal for them?”

“We…they are Elders. People listen to them. If you had been there maybe you would not be asking me.” Her tone was angry almost as if something inside her wanted to blame Rinker for not being there.

“Indeed. A position that should carry wisdom.” Rinker nodded. “I do not see it, but sometimes its hard to understand the thoughts and motivations of others. So I glad you are helping me out the best you can.”

Jessa nodded. She wasn’t sure she believed him but not outright calling him a liar. He would see the truth in time.

” And just because what you say here is confidential, it doesn’t mean I can’t get news from outside. I’m sure you know, people talk, but mostly I’ve been asking you.” He wasn’t going to let that thread go… “You were saying you ‘didn’t see anything but,’ what?”

Jessa pulled her hair out of her ponytail stalling to buy time. She could not talk to Rinker about what she saw. Jessa thought about directly lying. She could say anything. That Rogan asked for help, that the Elders pleaded for mercy, that the security forces were excessively violent: Rinker wasn’t there but he was talking to people and they might have had video feed.

The silence was getting too long and too uncomfortable, Jessa had to give him an answer however nothing she said felt right. “We need to put a pin in that RInker,” Jessa let her hair down and put the small rubber and around her wrist.

“That’s a lot of pins you are putting in there.”

“You keep wanting to bring up things I don’t want to talk about. When that happens you put it pin in,” she mimed sticking something in the air as if she had an old-fashioned bulletin board. “That way you don’t tell a lie. It’s just a way to avoid talking about it,” she admitted and put another pin in the air. “See I’m gonna put another pin in there because it’s probably something you are gonna want to talk but don’t worry, I got a huge truth board. There is room.”

“And it doesn’t matter what I saw. The adjudicators will review everything, debrief me, and then I will sign the official documents. I mean it was an accident so its not like anyone is going to get into trouble.”

Jessa Novar

“You keep saying it was an accident. My people don’t feel it was. And since you won’t tell me what you saw. It’s hard to believe that, I mean, I have one group telling me what they know, and I have you not saying much aside from its an accident. It sounds you are hiding things, by definition that’s not being honest.”

“How can I be honest about what I saw when I did not see it from the start. If I do that I am just making an assumption. We have a saying about assumptions. Make them and run the risk of making an ass out of u and me. It is also why I need to see the Elders. I mean I am just a guardian. Does your captain tell you every single detail?” Jessa hoped this might encourage RInker to tell the others Jessa should meet with her people. Her response was a half-truth. She knew far more than she was sharing but also had no idea what was the plan exact plan was right now.

“No, you can’t run a ship that way. But a lot of these questions are what you saw in real time, not what the Elder’s might have been thinking. Although to be fair I did ask those questions too, so I can see the confusion.”

Decoy, that must be Kelly, who they according to report - they didn’t like learning she was the captain… “Perhaps,” the reports didn’t make it sound like an accident either but he wasn’t there so he didn’t know, “but sometimes people need to be held responsible for their accidents. In fact weren’t you hurt during the incident too. How do you imagine that happened… another accident? Is Da Mu known to be clumsy?” He glanced at the food on the couch. She could answer or stall by eating and drinking… in either case it was a good outcome.

Rinker

“Da Mu was behind me. Zala was the one,” she spat before freezing in place like a statue. “I mean Mardusk.” Jessa could not add more to the conversation. She didn’t want to. Talking about it would make have to really look at what happened in the transporter room. “I don’t want to talk about this,” she crossed her arms. “Pick a new topic or I will,” she ordered leveling a challenging look at Rinker.

Jessa

“I didn’t pick this topic.” Rinker responded automatically. “You did. Aside from asking if you wanted a drink you brought up every single thing we talked about. From looking at my books, to talking about me sneak you to the Elders for a bribe, to trying to kill our .. Kate.”

Off all the things Rinker said Jessa hyperfocused on the one point that she needed to make crystal clear. “No one was supposed to get hurt. If I had been in front I would have stopped him. I would have no matter the cost but I failed and I know that,” Jessa snapped before moving on.

“What was supposed to happen?”

“We were supposed to talk and you would see the wisdom and the light of the Elders. You would help us and we would help you. It was not supposed to be people getting hurt or surgery or jail. You were supposed to like us,” Jessa looked almost hurt. “I mean yes it can take a while to make people see the light but I have seen it done....with people talking,” she looked at Rinker hoping he understood. “We are not always violent. No, I don’t mean that. I said that wrong. Can I take that back? It came out wrong,” Jessa began to backpedal feeling her words and word choices were wrong. LIke you thinking I was trying to bribe you.”

“I have only…” she started to address his first sentence but her mind began to replay as much as she could think of on the spot about their conversation so far. The silence of Jessa not being able to find a suitable response made her move on to another point he mentioned. “The money was not a bribe but more of....an…incentive,”

“Semantics, you’re better than that, you know what you did and you know what you wanted and so do I.” She was reeling and he wanted to keep her backpedaling. Reinforce the thing she wanted to be, honest, honorable - push her away from what she didn’t want to do anyways.

“Because I don’t know what you want to give me what I want,” she stuttered. “You moved the juice so I would not spill on your book. You keep your books locked in a forcefield. Yes, I thought I could buy you,” she admitted. “Everyone has a price. Why does me knowing that make you so mad,” Jessa actually looked hurt that he did not find her ability to size up things as something positive.

“So their beauty can be preserved for the next generation. Not out of greed, out of desire to preserve them so another could enjoy them. That’s why I offered them to you. So you could share in their uniqueness… the power of touching history and knowledge with one’s own hand.”

“But I think you’re right everyone does have a price… I don’t think that is a measure of a person, if they can be bought.” He shook his head and then he held up a finger as if he was going to make an important point. “It’s what is the currency?” He paused. “What could I buy you for?” He looked sadly for a moment. “I could imagine betraying my word for love, certainly for my children, if I had any… that is a price, a currency, that actually means you are a good person. If a person’s price is just money, means they are a bad one, don’t you think? Is that what you think of me?”

“I don’t know what to think of you. You are making me crazy and right now that is a very short trip,” Jessa roughed up her hair so that it was no longer hanging nicely but looked liked she had stuck her head out of a moving vehicle for a few miles. The action wasn’t aggressive but more of a way for Jessa to burn off excess energy and focus on something other than RInker’s questions. “I came here to…talk I guess but not about me or the events of our arrival but how you can help me get to the Elders. Instead we have been all over the place. I can barely keep my mind focused to keep you focused.” Jessa knew this was probably not how Pellan handled interrogations but Jessa was sure he had never met anyone like Rinker. “Dealing with Ian and Mardusk is so easy. They talk like men. One sentence and done. Usually it is not an opened ended one either. You,” she pointed at him accusingly, “you are like trying to have a conversation with my Aunt Kyla. What was the question,” she titled her head some as if Rinker had just uploaded an arithmetic problem to the board and handed her a pencil. It was not that his questions were hard but trying to answer them and manage the information coming out of her mouth was starting to exhaust Jessa.

“We were talking about everyone having a price, and how I thought that wasn’t a character flaw. What the currency was, that was how to measure a person’s character.” He continued. “I was wondering what your currency was?”

“I guess it depends on the situation,” Jessa squirmed about in her seat as if it were an open fire. “But if someone weaker than me needs my help or someone not able to do something I would do whatever it takes to help them. We have a saying. The result is independent of the means that got you there. It means that if you do have to lie or steal but it is for a good cause or the well-being of others you can be forgiven for your actions. Now that doesn’t mean you can just take things that don’t belong to you or hurt some…one,” Jessa closed her eyes and took a second. Again she walked into Rinker’s question about the woman that was hurt.

“Well, that one way to look at it. We have quite the opposite saying. ‘The end does not justify the means.’ Taken to an extreme, if you wanted world peace, but you’d have to kill half the people of the world, would that be a good thing. Would the end justify murdering half the world. Its a very big concept.”

“If the half that were not following the rules,” Jessa looked at him with absolute conviction. “Diplomacy only goes so far. Don’t you have wars here? War is rarely won by battles. It is won usually by attrition. Wear the other side down to the breaking point but in that process you have the civilians affected.” Jessa paused as if her own thoughts were interfering with her answer. “You know what. It is a big concept. One left to people like Chancellors and Elders but don’t think I don’t think or feel about your question on an emotional level. I mean look at what happened here.”

“Wow, that’s morbid. I think there are a lot of solutions to issues that doesn’t require you to eliminate half the population. In fact, I’d submit that any problems who’s solution was eliminate half probably is a bad solution.”

“But it saved half the people,” she looked at him feeling mad and defensive. “You think you could do it better? You weren’t there either but I was and it was that or sterlize the planet for resettlement. I did the best I could,” she felt guilt surfacing. Punching it down she focused on the positive. “Yes billions died but billions lived. Did I feel bad…yes just like here. And just like then I am paying for it like now. The bill always comes due. “

“Yes I feel bad she was hurt and yes Da Mu started it but I can not change that. Why are you making me say that? Why do you need me to admit that,” Jessa looked at him feeling slightly betrayed. “You know I can’t admit that to anyone out there,” she pointed to the door with Ian and the security officers behind it. “They would…not like it,” Jessa wrapped her arms around her waist tightly.

Jessa felt off balance. His questions and comments were coming so rapidly she had a hard time focusing on which to reply to first. Of all the things he said however, only one she really wanted to respond to. “What was her name? The decoy?” Jessa for the first time could not look him in the eyes. She wanted to ask how the woman was but each time she thought about it, the words always sounded wrong. It was also something no one was mentioning around her so it was hard to casually bring up without sounding heartless or smug. Jessa had to get past the guilt and concern she felt and focus on the only thing that mattered: the mission. She could always apologize later.

“Kelly, her name is Kelly and she doesn’t deserve to die.”

Jessa went visibly pale and the expression on her face was one of shock and concern. Looking down she stared at one of her fingernails and played with a nail. She could not look at Rinker and talk about this. “Does…she have a…family? I only ask because…I…well maybe…I could…” her voice trailed off. There was nothing she could do to fix this. Jessa more than anyone knew nothing replaced a person when they were gone.

Taking a deep breath she pushed away any possible thought the woman would not live. “She is going to be fine. She is.”

“I hope so, but we don’t know.”

“I do,” Jessa said firmly and rapidly. “She has to.” Her words sounded more like a prayer than a confident platitude.

“I said new topic,” she looked up at him but with far less confidence than she had displayed earlier. “How about art,” she suggested point to the wall.

“You want a new topic… okay Ill pick one… You want me to treat you like an adult.” Rinker nodded, “No problem. Then think like one, You’ve called me a deceiver a half a dozen times. How many times have I deceived you?” He paused. “Aside from your false assumption that everyone knows your Elders you have nothing. Which by the way I never said I knew or didn’t…”

“I haven’t lied. In this office I never do… do you know why, because if I am to help you, you have to trust me and lying destroys that… sometimes forever.”

For the first time, Jessa did not come back with a witty retort or snarky comment. She actually sat on the couch looking very uncomfortable and quiet.

“But you,” He exhaled, “How many times have you deceived me… small ways, big ways… But you know what..” He shrugged. “I don’t care. Because I understand the truth. The truth about you… the truth about people. People lie in here because they aren’t ready to tell the truth to see the truth. Because the truth is hard. Being an adult is hard. Which by the way you aren’t. You want to be an adult Jessa, tell me the God Damn Truth about anything.. anything…”

Rinker

“I don’t want to be here,” Jessa stood up and yelled at Rinker. Moving away from the couch she began to pace the room. “It was a mistake coming here. I want to go home,” she ran her fingers through her hair. She could feel her eyes starting to fill and her chest heaved slightly as she began to breathe harder. Jessa could feel the control of her emotions slipping away. Her sinuses began to fill and the edges of her mouth quivered. “I have people that love me. You don’t think I do. I can see it on all your faces but I do.” Remembering all she had left broke her. Large tears began to spill down her cheeks. She did not begin to sob hysterically but stood pulling the edge of her shirt over her palm so she could wipe her nose. “I am so sorry Kate got hurt,” she used the decoy’s name Rinker supplied earlier, “but that was not me. I didn’t do it and I have been trying to fix it since I got here but nobody is letting me,” Jessa sniffed again and used the same edge of her shirt to wipe her eyes.

“Good, honesty, more.”

Pacing the room, Jessa felt a sense of relief sharing this with Rinker. “You want truth…fine,” she snapped wiping her eyes again. “Being an adult has nothing to do with age. It is about life experience. I have put myself to bed at night for as long as I can remember. When I was hungry I got something to eat. When I was sad I didn’t sit around and cry but figured out how to change things. Trife me I triffing hate crying,” she snapped wiping her eyes again on the sleeves of her shirt. “Crying is weak and solves nothing. Being an adult is not some margic age. It is knowing you have a job to do and you just do it. You don’t think or wish the job is something else. You just do it,” she paced keeping Ian behind the door and RInker in the chair equidistant from her.

Letting out a breath through pursed lips, Jessa decided to give Rinker more of the truth. “I am here, by my choice because I need to help my mom. Helping her will help everyone else in the galaxy but I don’t care about them. I don’t care if you think that is selfish,” she snapped angrily, “and I don’t care what it costs me to do it. Life is sacrifice so offer it. Life is trust so give it wisely. Life is struggle so conquer it. Be the force of change in the galaxy no matter the cost,” she repeated the quote. “I have sacrificed everything. I don’t trust any of you so why should I even talk to you. I will conquer this struggle and be the force of change.” Jessa felt her tears slowly drying up as she let her anger and frustration take over her sadness.

“I think trying to save someone is the best reason in the world to do anything and saving your mom is probably heroic. I also think you already trust me, if not, you want to. That’s why you are wrapping yourself in words that are not your own to protect yourself from what you deep down are starting to believe, that I am not who you thought I was and you were wrong about me.

“Oh you are right on that. You are not who I thought you were when Ian brought me here,” Jessa snapped back haughtily.

“And if that’s true then perhaps nothing you were told about the rest of us was true either.”

“Stop it,” Jessa snapped angrily. “Maybe…just maybe I was wrong on you but not them,” she stabbed her hand at the door. “And stop trying to come between me and the Elders. They have been there my entire life. Why,” she picked up the ball from his lap and flung it at the wall, “would I ever believe you care about anything past getting the Prism. The second you find it you will ship us off to Starships…Star freights…Starfleets or whatever the hell your triffing little group is here is called. Take me to the Elders now,” she said in a command-like tone. “

“I just said I can’t make you do or feel anything. If you feel my words are getting between you and the Elder’s it’s because my words are making you think and your thoughts are making the separation.”

“No,” she stabbed a finger at him. “You are trying to make me think things that aren’t true. You want to turn me against them but it won’t work. You know what the Elders and the Order is but you are just not looking at it from my point of view. You just want to see it from yours. The Elders need to be respected for all they give us, for how they help us to see what is right and wrong. You are just twisting all that up,” Jessa looked at him like she was on the verge of crying.

“I haven’t said a single thing about the Elders and the Order, so I don’t know where you’re coming up with that.”

“You are making them sound like monsters. Da Mu attacking that poor woman. Zala hurting me but your guy saving me. Me thinking I saw Rogan grimacing on the transporter thingy before he was shot.” Jessa didn’t want to admit that earlier but it didn’t matter anymore.

Interesting detail, “Why was he grimacing?”

“Because he…he was…because he,” she struggled trying to speak and lie at the same time. “He didn’t want to fight back,” Jessa struggled to stop crying blurting out the only thing she could think of. She could not turn on the Elders and she would not. They were her way home. When she was home they would make it make sense. Being with Rinker was dangerous. His questions clouded her thoughts and mind. She knew why he grimaced but she was not ready to say it out loud. Saying it out loud made it real and Jessa wanted less reality right now.

“Why did you have such a hard time saying that?” Her response was consistent with someone lying, but he didn’t want to call her a liar outright. “Be careful and think about what is accurate and what isn’t. Sometime, you says something and when you think about it, it wasn’t 100% right and instead of fixing it by making it 100% you keep reinforcing the part you got wrong.”

“I should not have come here to talk to you,” She pressed her wrists into her eyes she worked hard not to start crying again. Jessa held her breath so Rinker could not hear the catch in her voice as she tried to breathe through the moment instead of making a sound during it. “Before I came here to your office I knew what was right and wrong but I am just explaining it badly.” Jessa wiped her eyes several more times before trying to take a deep breath to calm down.

“I think you’re explaining it fine.”

“I am not because if I was you would see that the Elders are good and pure. I am turning you against them instead of helping them. It’s their job to spread the message and bring hope and justice.”

“No one is 100% anything, and even if they 100% good and pure, people make mistakes. I’m sure at some point in your life you did something you learned was wrong.”

“When I see the Elders and I will,” Jessa threatened Rinker in an angry tone, “all of these things will be explained and you will say sorry for all the terrible thoughts you had about them because they will make it make sense. They will tell you about the Order much better than I can.”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to understand everything instantly. You can spend some time thinking about it.”

“I don’t want to think about it. I would rather have stayed the hell out of your office. You are trying to make me disloyal and a traitor. Do you know what happens to traitors? Do you or is your world so perfect you never have someone question things? You are just as bad as they are,” she felt anger and fear course through her body.

“You’re allowed to question things on my world. And questioning things doesn’t make you a traitor on my planet. It just makes you better informed. I didn’t know the policies were different on your world. So you’ll have to tell me what happens to traitors on you’re world and what qualifies as being a traitor… just asking questions?”

“They go through the Ritual of Cleansing,” she looked really uncomfortable replying. It was different from the way she avoided topics to not talk. Jessa clearly looked like she did not want to talk about this because something about it scared her. “We define treachery on numerous levels. The worst is attacking the state like physically. The others are far less serious. Its stuff like editions discussions, reading or distributing propaganda for the state…things like that. Our penal system has a lot of laws on traitors but that is for the adjudicators to deem your level of guilt. ”

“You say you haven’t deceived me but I know all of this,” she waved her hands around her, “is just one giant mind trife. Where are your bots? How do you move about like a hologram? Why are there no windows? How in a ship this big are there only a dozen people I have seen? Why can you magically just produce things from thin air? I can tell you why? Because all of this is an illusion,” she waved her hands around her again. “So maybe you can get off your father triffing arse and give me some truth. The truth is not hard it is easy. I don’t care what you think but I am an adult, Rinker, so your turn to tell me the Got Darm Truth about anything.. anything…” she paraphrased his last sentence to her even using the bizarre curse words he used at her back at him. Jessa had no idea what a darm was but she knew she had pushed RInker to use it so it had to be derogatory.

Jessa

OOC: What I don’t have a window??!! I’m going to complain and get a better office. I’m an Fn, Commander!!!

Bahahaha You literally made me laugh out load ~ Kate

“Is that what you know?” He voice was calm again. There were times to go hard and times to go soft. “There are hundreds, thousands of windows on this ship, but you are deep inside.”

“Of course I am,” Jessa rolled her eyes. “Convenient I am deep inside but believe me Jessa. Trust me Jessa. There is an entire world of stars and planets but we can’t show you.” Pacing she turned around quickly and stopped inches from Rinker. “What other convenient truths can you share?”

“If I showed you a window, you’d say I made a hologram of it anyways. No one is a blind as she who refuses to see…”

“No you won’t show me a window because this place is not a ship. It’s …it’s a few rooms you have cleverly designed to make look like someplace else. Zala warned me not to trust or believe anything you said and she has been right. She knew you would do something like this so she and Rogan prepared me,” Jessa felt her tears coming back and wiped her face before any of them could fall. The random idea however that this place might not be a ship suddenly gave Jessa balance and control. Even if it wasn’t true it was a theory she could work out later keeping her mind busy when she was back in her designated room later.

He wasn’t about to reveal how many people were on the ship, but there was much there he could discuss. “If bots are computers, we have them too.”

“No…bots are not computers. Computers are computers. Bots are robots. I didn’t think you weren’t smart enough to figure that out. So where are they or are you going to say people do all your manual labor and jobs no one wants?”

“Oh, we have robots, but they are mostly maintenance droids of minimal utility. Actually for some of the harder tasks, we do have holograms that do that so… touche on that theory. But most of those tasks you say no one wants to do… people actually do them.”

“See..see you aren’t better than us. You make…you force,” Jessa picked a stronger word to drive her point home, “people to live under the shackle of your sword and whip. Obiedence and loyalty to the order is not earned with threats and violence but the education of the masses to embrace the enlightenment of ones soul to a cause greater than their own. Inspire people but never let them deviate from the truth. Lead them down the path but never let them forget the armageddon on the wrong fork. Drop them into the darkness so that you may pluck them up to the light. That is how you create a civilized galaxy. You don’t force them to do something. You educate them to why they need to do it.” Jessa’s speech wobbled between the rhetoric and her interpretation of the rhetoric.

“There are worlds where people do things that they don’t want to make money and survive. My world however, has reached a point where no one has to work if they don’t want to. Food, homes, medicine are free… In fact we only have a currency system because so many worlds around us use money.”

“What is the name of your world,” she asked.

“I’m from Austria on Earth, and you are from?” Rinker wasn’t much for personal disclosures in therapy, but this would fall under an exception since trust was so low. When the got a little further along he wouldn’t give up any personal information.

“I am from a lot of places but most recently I am from,” Jessa held her breath and then continued, “Cildar. It’s so pretty there. We have a large garden where I live with a waterfall. Not like one of those huge ones you can die from but a little one. I still like it. I love it at night in the spring when I can hear the frogs and tadpoles and the night sky is so pretty. I like the night sky over the day one I think.” Snapping out of her daze she looked at Rinker.

“Do you have waterfalls or frogs where you are from?

“I’m not familiar with Cildar, can you tell me more about it?”

“It’s our home,” she started and stopped herself. Their homeworld’s location was a closely guarded state secret. Even mentioning it garnered the death penalty. Luckily he would not notice the stop especially if she shared more. “It is lush and green. It has thousands of archipelago’s. It’s pretty”.

“We have many worlds with frogs and frog like creatures and well as waterfalls. I have both on Earth. We have planets with light waterfalls and others with sounds when the water… or whatever hits the ground. But don’t ask me how that works as I can’t explain it perhaps I’ll loop in an engineer.”

“Maybe you’re right, truth can be easy too. You gave me some truth, and I have no issue doing the same.” He walked over to the replicator. “This is called a replicator… it just technology. We convert power into matter - E equals MC squared. Your body does the same, food into energy. We just can do the reverse too. You can’t drink holograms. You can’t kill holograms. You’re partners know we’re real or they wouldn’t have tried to kill us. You stomach knows that was juice not lights.”

“Oh my god,” she put a hand to her forehead. “What you are saying doesn’t exist and you can’t even make anything I ask for. That juice is close but it’s not Rellian apple. That is how I know it’s some crazy trick. I will concede you are using some kind of tech but I will not conceded you can make food out of light.”

“That’s cause it can’t make things we don’t know of. We have to program it with the flavors. Wouldn’t it be easier for us to do it right if we were lying. I don’t know that so I just made apple juice. Have you ever tasted it before? No because, we are from some where else.”

“Yes someplace better where the Elders,” Jessa attempted to spout more mantras and code but RInker continued as if she had not said a word.

“The food you left untouched, its real, eat it and you’ll know. Are you afraid to prove yourself wrong… is that why you won’t eat? If its just a hologram it can’t hurt you. If you think its a trick, ask me to make more and I’ll do it again.”

“God you are not that stupid,” Jessa said looking at him angrily. “I don’t care where you get the food. I care what you do to it. I heard the guards at my door. I heard them joke about how the nutraloaf was going to make the Elders in your jail wish they were dead the second it hit their stomachs. So why would I eat or drink anything you give me. I am not that stupid. Zala Tsu was right. You will do anything to get what you want.”

“Stupid? Nutraloaf just tastes horrible. Who names poison after nutrients or feeds prisoners they are going to kill? If I wanted to poison or drug you I just could inject you with something.” He walked over to the chicken nuggets. “You are literally starving yourself because you didn’t consider we could drug you while you’re sleeping, or put it in the air that you breathe… you think we have to poison the food…” He picked up a nugget, “Is this the poisoned one?” He popped it in his mouth… “Nah, its this one.” Grabbing an apple slice, he offered it to her, but before she could say anything, he popped that one in his mouth. He picked up a third item, “Mine or Yours?”

Jessa moved with the speed of someone on the attack towards Rinker snatching the nugget from his hand and shoving it in her mouth. As she chewed, Jessa used her fist to ball up as many items on the plate as she could before stepping back. The action was sloppy and defensive losing two apple slices and a nugget on the floor. Pulling her shirt out of her pants she created a basket of sorts and dropped the food into it since she did not have a plate. Her eyes drifted to the items lying on the carpet at Rinker’s feet but she did not make a move to retrieve them. The nugget made her ravenous. People always thought when your straving it was so painful but this was a lie. It only hurt for the first few days. After than your body tended to stop sending the pangs to your stomach knowing the signal was going to be ignored. Eating the nugget however kick started the process and as she swallowed, Jessa only wanted more.

Pulling an apple slice from her make shift pouch, Jessa bit into it. It was sweet and crunchy and tasted like heaven. She continued to eat as she talked. “No but I can’t control those things,” she admitted looking slightly helpless and entirely pathetic. Upon arriving, her hair had been neatly combed and her clothes tucked in. Now her hair was askew and her shirt was untucked with a couple of small grease spots on it from when the nuggets tumbed down her shirt. “I can control this,” she held up a nugget before eating it rapidly. “I can control this,” she said eating an apple slice. “I really don’t want to wrestle you for a drink,” she nodded to the cup on the table as she worked her tongue in her mouth. The nuggets were good but a sip of something to wash them down help.

Moving to the glass she picked it up with her free hand and drank some. Moving back to her spot she shifted the cup so she could hold it and still eat the food stored in her shirt. “Control the things you can but try not to worry about things you cant,” she said reaching into her shirt. Her hand trembled slightly as she counted what was left. If she ate everything now she would have nothing for later. Two more. Two more then stop, she silentl advised herself seeing the two apples left in her pouch. Fruit always spoiled the fastest so it was best to eat that first.

“There’s nor rush Jessa… we have all the food in the world. As much food as power we have to make it.”

“So,” she looked at Rinker with a serious expression on her face. “Why feed them nutraloaf if it tastes bad?”

“Well were not angels,” saints would have been the better analogy, angels were known to be pretty vengeful. “I can’t say for a fact, because I didn’t hear what you heard. But I’d guess the guards are a little annoyed your friends tried to kill one of us. And while there are rules we have that we treat prisoners with respect and keep them healthy. There aren’t any rules about how tasty the food needs to be.”

Jessa slowed her chewing some. “You should fix that or maybe give some of mine to Rogan,” Jessa looked at the replicator. “You really don’t want to see him mad. He has a temper and you don’t ever want to get on his bad side. I have seen what has happened. I know you are mad at us and have every right to but please don’t make him mad or tell him I was eating with you okay. It will be a long right home if you know what I mean.” She had left a few comments sprinkled about that referenced the Elders in a not-so-positive fashion but this was the first time she talked specifically about why. Jessa put on a small smile trying to play off the weight of her comment with a joke.

“Everything in here is confidential. And I think its great that you want to share your better tasting food with them, but we have unlimited food, so you don’t have to worry about that. But It shows that you are a nice person that cares a lot. I’m glad I met you.”

“Yes but that means you can get him something better,” she began to hyperfocus on Rogan. “I mean it is really really important you don’t make him mad.”

“I don’t really control security protocols.” Rinker offered honestly. “I do have some authority, but it’s not directly under my purview. The most I can promise is I’ll ask about his eating protocol.”

“Has he every hurt you or anyone else when he was mad? Are you afraid of him?”

“No, I can handle him,” Jessa could barely hide the lie, “but I find you should avoid most adults when they are mad. Its usually for the best.”

“I don’t know if I want to be friendly with people that I have to worry about when they are mad.”

“Now tell me how to help your mom and I’ll give you even more truth. Do you dare?”

Rinker

“She is off-limits,” Jessa snapped angrily. “Ask me something else? Anything else and I promise to answer it,” Jessa took a seat back on the couch.

Jessa Bordeaux

Rinker walked over to the replicator “Personal pan pizza, meat lovers. Vanilla milk shake.” He looked at her, “I bet you are going to love this.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Rinker put the empty plate down on the floor making space on the couch and sat next to her. “I pretty much only ask about things you bring up.” He held the pizza plate on his lap with the shake in the other hand.

He exhaled like he was exhausted, “You chucked my ball against the wall… ” he stared at the wall but not the ball that was below the spot. “I’m glad you didn’t throw it at me. I was working with someone before… hit me in the man parts. Hurt like hell… I played it off, but I wanted to cry.”

Jessa bust out laughing and shook her head. “You know I can show you how to not let that happen,” she offered in a friendly tone moving to sit next to him on the couch. Kicking off her shoes, she moved so her back was against the arm rest and her crossed knees were pointed towards him. “Or how to make someone ALWAYS let you go. Give me your wrist,” she gestured to Rinker wiggling her fingers.

“Oh give you my wrist so you can hurt me… no thanks, clearly you didn’t remember the part where I scream like a mouse....” He picked up a slice of the miniture pizza and took a bite of it and then sucked on the straw stick out of the Vanilla milk shake… “Be careful the pizza is hot and the shake is cold.”

“You think I would hurt you?” Her forehead wrinkled up. “I wouldn’t do that. I promise.” Jessa lifted up her arm and held it in front of him. “You can grab me. I can show you that way.”

“Its okay, I don’t really like learning how to hurt people. Never was very good at it anyways. I can dance a little.”

Jessa’s expression fell even more. “It…it was not to hurt you,” she looked at him feeling the embarrassment and her cheeks turning red. “I wanted to show you how not to let someone hurt you. You know so you can protect yourself in case someone tries to hurt you.” Jessa instantly withdrew back in herself for a second. She had never intended to teach Rinker to hurt someone but if he was going to try and talk to the Elders and not learn some self-defense he had better bring her four-person security team. It was not like he was built like Mardusk but then again no one seemed to be built that big.

“Oh…okay,” Jessa looked slightly hurt Rinker didn’t want a self defense lesson but moved on with the new topic. Grabbing the plate between them on the table, she dumped the contents from her shirt onto it and moved it far from Rinker’s reach.

“If it would make you happy.” Rinker reached out with his hand. “But don’t get mad at me if it takes me a long time to figure it out.”

A smile brightened her face. Jessa looked at him and weighed her choices. “I would rather show you on me. I am super practiced so you can’t hurt me and it’s not because you don’t look very strong,”. she let out a small laugh. “I am just really good at it”

Taking his hand she reversed positions letting him grab her. She took her other hand and placed it over Rinker’s applying firm pressure. “I’m not hurting you right,” she asked completely seriously as he held her arm at the wrist and her hand was over his .

“Now I need you to squeeze harder. Like you don’t want to let go. I don’t know if it will hurt your hand but you have to hold it tight”. Jessa looked at Rinker and didn’t push. He was doing what she wanted but was being far more gentle that he should. Jessa could work with it. She taught younger kids that really couldn’t hold on tight. “So see I can’t get away,” she slowly moved her hand back and forth. “Now see this,” she pointed to the space between his thumb and index finger. “This is the weak point. You can not hold someone because of this. It is where you go for the break. Not break as in hurt but break the hold. Watch.” The amount of effort was minimal Becuase she didn’t want to hurt Rinker’s hand. “Now,” wrapped his hand back around hers, “if they are stronger which is anyone bigger than you and I you need a leverage point so,” she moved super slow forming the hand he was holding into a fist and moving her other palm flat on the fist. “I am going to pull okay,” she made sure he knew everything she was doing before she used her arm to pull down and the palm over her fist to press down. The move was not magic. Rinker probably had learned it in the basic academy defense course but Jessa wouldn’t know this. She was just worried about him. Again her hand came easily free. “See. How you can escape someone trying to grab you.”

He paused, “Why don’t you tell me about how you can’t read my books.”

Rinker
“And why do you think I can’t read,” she raised an eyebrow at him. “Is it because I didn’t want to read your Home life of the Bobbit book?”

Jessa

“When you looked at the cover and ‘read’ the title, you put in words that weren’t there. At the very least, you wanted to pretend you were reading the cover… “

Rinker

Pulling the milkshake to her mouth she sucked up a huge sip. “I did nahhhhhhh…oh my god oh my god,” Jessa began waving her arms and pinched her nose hard. “Oh my god, what the triffing hell. Oh my god, it hurts so bad,” she yelled but was laughing at the same time. “I told you your food was going to kill me,” she laughed. It was a full-bodied laugh that shook everything from her head to her chest to even a small knee wobble because she was sitting with her legs crossed.

Rinker chuckled, “I bet that you are going to finish it, just drink slower and that wont happen.”

Her reaction was typical of a brain freeze and since she did not start spewing accusations of actual poisoning or foul play it was safe to assume she had experienced this before. Rubbing her nose, Jessa tried to work out the tingle. For the first time her eyes did not contain the weight of the world behind him. They were clear, bright, and happy. This was the first real moment of a kid sharing a moment with someone they trusted. “You know my mom always says when you lie God will get your back,” she wiggled her nose. “So how about I don’t lie to you. How about we put a pin in that conversation and just circle back around to it later, huh ‘cause I was about to tell you a doozie.” She rubbed under her nose to get the last of the tingles out.

“Another pin, well, I’d much rather you pin things than lie to me. Its better for our relationship.”

“Now let’s start with this thing,” she reached out and picked up a triangle. Instead of eating it she picked off a piece of sausage and ate it. A smile filled her face. “I love plig meat. You could add some more seasoning but it’s not bad.”

“So we have spent so much time talking about me tell me something about you,” she asked taking a bite of the pizza. Throwing her head back Jessa let out a huge moan. “Triffing hell is this is good,” she let another moan as she took a bite.

“Its not great for you, very fattening, but you are young so you probably can eat tons of it. I on the other hand,” He rubbed his stomach, “It goes right here.”

“My mom says it’s rude to just talk about yourself. Ian said he was going to be back in an hour....if he hasn’t left yet so we don’t have much time left.” Jessa knew the man was behind the door and if it wasn’t him it was Mardusk but always the security team. Ian had never said exactly when he was coming back. Jessa thought she heard something about an hour. Part of her hoped it would be hours. Right now RInker’s office was the best place on the ship. It had food and someone trying to talk to her. Yes, Rinker at times could get superiorly annoying trying to control the conversation but Jessa could handle that. It was better than being left to stew in her own thoughts.

“I know a lot about you. A LOT,” she smiled at him before inspecting her pizza trying to decide if she wanted more of the parts with the toppings or to try the crust. “What I don’t know,” she plucked off another piece of sausage, “is something personal. So what makes Rinker happy,” she took another bite.

Jessa

“A lot? Really,” Rinker must have messed up if she knew a lot about him.

“Um yeah,” she took another bite of her pizza. “You are from Austria and like to play ball. You love to read since you were a kid. DIdn’t you say you read that Hobo book when you were a kid? Either way, you are really really smart. If we are honest and this is all between me and you…you almost had me telling you my life story,” she let out a laugh. “You are also kind. I think you really care about people. Probably why you took this job. You want them to be happy. If I ever did it again maybe I would try a job like yours.” Jessa smiled at him as if she were 90 instead of 12 and wished for another chance at life. “I think you have a lot of friends and people that trust you. I don’t think you have a pet because this office is really really clean. So how did I do,” she looked at him with a smile. “What did I miss?”

Freud would be disappointed. Perhaps there is no such thing as a blank slate. “Well everything you said was accurate. The smart part, I don’t know if its 100% true, but I do like hearing it. Liking people tends to be part of the job but I’ve seen people who I genuinely think don’t like people. I used to have a dog, but you’re not allowed to have pets on the ship. There are a few animals in medical and other departments but those are for ‘ship related’ purposes.”

“Yes but something has to make you happy so happy you are like yay,” she did a playfully weak fist pump teasing him.

He looked wistful for a moment. “I don’t really know. I used to like a good mystery or some dancing. But I haven’t done that in a while. So I guess right now, not much makes me happy. But I am happy I met you. So that’s a good thing.”

“Yeah even though you made me cry but it’s okay. I will just put a pin in those topics again so we can just talk about the things that make us happy. That way if we meet again we can have happy thoughts. Deal,” she stuck out her hand.

He shook her hand back. “I have made people cry before, it generally comes when people explore things they aren’t ready confront yet. Its normal so don’t feel bad about that.”

“Yeah but I should have not gotten so upset,” she admitted. “Learning begins the second you draw your first breath and continue until the flames consume your body. So don’t learn as if this is your last hour. Learn so that your last hour is filled with understanding. That is why I will not impart the truth to you. You will just forget without having struggled and sacrificed for that knowledge. Elder Tan Nastratt said that but I tend to be like Da Mu and react before I think sometimes. I am trying to be more open to the light but it is a struggle.

He glanced over at his book shelf, “I think our time is pretty much up. I think this is a good moment to wrap it up for now. You can always come back later if you want to talk.” He looked at her, “You mind if I tell them to walk you past a window. Our meetings are confidential but if you give me permission I can tell them stuff.”

Rinker

His announcement that she was going to have to leave wiped the smile from her face like a backhand. I would like that,” she nodded picking up the leftover chicken from the plate and putting it in her pocket. The trill of Ian knocking on the door made Jessa look at Rinker. “We could take a pin out of something?”

It was then the door slide open and Ian walked in. “So one man entered but two left. I can live with that,” Ian joked coming up to Rinker. In truth, he was just happy security wasn’t needed to come in and break up Jessa trying to kill him or Rinker strangling the life out of his newest client.

Moving across the room, he stopped next to Jessa and shoved his hands in his pockets trying to appear as relaxed as possible. “Dude is that pizza,” Ian took the higher-pitched tone he used with most of the kids on the crew. “I might come here more if he offered me pizza,” Ian knelt down so he was at eye level with Jessa. “He doesn’t let anyone eat in his office.”

“That’s true, I generally don’t” Rinker tilted his head with a smirk. For some reason, he never ‘fed’ into the feeding or giving drinks to his patients. He didn’t accept food and drinks from his patients either.

“I must be special,” she rolled her eyes with her tone laced with sarcasm again. “I am also not two. It was also just a bribe to get me to eat. He really didn’t want to eat pizza. It’s too fattening. I think you are poisoning my food so I am not eating. Don’t worry I ate enough to get me through the next couple of days.” Looking back at Rinker she said. “I gave them that. You are going to tell them everything anyway. They sent me here to see if I was crazy. Why don’t you save me the time from having to hear it from other people? Yes or no. Do you think I am crazy?” Jessa knew she had no right to be angry with Rinker. It wasn’t really him she was mad at anyway. It was more that for about ten minutes of the last hour she felt like herself and now she had to go back to being someone the Galactic Union needed.

“I am not going to tell them everything. Just like I said. Only things that are a danger to yourself or others.” Rinker said flatly. “I asked about the other thing, but you didn’t say yes or no.” Hoping she’d remember the windows question.”

Jessa looked at Rinker and then back at Ian. “He says you have to let me see a window”. She could have let Rinker say it but if Ian got mad she didn’t want Rinker to get into trouble.

“No I don’t think you are crazy, if your definition of crazy is the same as mine. You understand I think everyone has some emotional issues that it would help to talk to people about, but I don’t think that’s what you mean as crazy. That you don’t know what’s real and fake and that you can’t control what you are doing.”

“Jessa honey can you go wait by the door for a second,” Ian asked politely. “I need to talk to the commander for a second.”

Instead of moving, Jessa looked at Rinker. “You said what we talked about was between us but they are not going to stop demanding information.” Looking at Ian, Jessa bit her lip. “One thing. You can tell them one thing and one thing only past what I just shared. You decide what that is. Deal?”

“Okay, thanks for the flexibility. When you come back next time I’ll let you know what I chose to tell them. Fair?”

“Yeah but unfortunately I am not sure I will be around too much longer. When I get everyone talking I have to go back but I did appreciate your company. Thank you.” There was nothing malicious or arrogant in her response. It was about as polite as any response of someone turning down therapy.

She lingered a moment longer than necessary before walking to the door. “I also didn’t tell you anything about hurting myself so there isn’t anything to share.” Stopping she looked at Rinker and took a deep breath and moved into the hall.

Ian looked at Rinker and dropped on the seat next to him. “Thank god you are not in private practice because I think that kid would cost me a fortune,” he replied glibly although there was a seriousness to his tone. Sitting up straighter her looked Rinker dead in the eyes. “Okay, I get all the confidentiality stuff. Trust me people need someone they feel safe with but I need a lifeline here. Not sure you know but there is a genetic relationship somehow between me and Jessa and I gotta tell you I can not connect the dots. I am trying. Believe me,” Ian stood up and walked over picking up the ball on the floor.

“You couldn’t afford me.” Rinker gave his generic response to when people asked his rate. He hadn’t been in private practice for 10 years and then he mostly did low income social service stuff and his occasional high-profile patient paid out of the nose.

“I’d sell Kelly’s boat,” he tried to lighten the mood a bit. “She has the Atlantis and kids are expensive right?”

Tossing the ball back and forth between his hands he continued with his unofficial therapy session. “I just got so many balls in the air I should be a juggler and not a diplomat. I can’t help her if I don’t know how and I don’t have time to get to know her because I got to protect her and the entire ship right now. If you can only tell me one thing my question might be how worried should I be about her. That is unless you as a psychologist have a way of getting around things with a different way for me to word a question....to you?” Ian did not want to violate Jessa’s personal space or Rinker’s ethical space but he had to find some middle ground. That is what he did as a diplomat so that is what he would try to find here.

Jessa

“Well, you’re the identified parents to there’s a little gray there. Plus there’s a lot I can tell you that isn’t confidential. Confidential refers to specific… who they hate, which parent they love more, do the smoke pot.” He paused “I can clear up things she already said like, she thinks we know who and what she is and where she’s from and telling her different makes her believe you are lying to her.”

“That doesn’t have to be your question since she already asked me to tell you in front of her if I think she’s crazy. The short answer is no. The longer answer about if you have to worry about her depends on how you look at it. Is she a sociopath out to kill the universe? No. She is an instituitionally programmed child. Its what many fascist cultures did, program the children - control the future. The most familiar to people from Earth is the Nazi youth. Now with them, take away the Nazi, add better education and voila normal children. So today, is she going to try to obey her intuitionally programed beliefs, yup. But give me 6 months and she will be safe, 2 years, she’ll be right on line with other kids her age and you’ll have to ruin her life the old fashion way, saying no to late nights and embarrassing her in front of boys. ”

Rinker

“One second,” Ian tapped his comm badge. “O’Neill run her by a window on the way back. I will explain later”. Turning back to Rinker he quickly apologized for the interruption. Rinker would tell him why later but counseling was about trust and Ian was pretty sure this was going to be the easiest suggestion he had to swallow from Rinker.

“So I am not doubting you but are you telling me she is basically in the nazi youth proverbially speaking and you can fix that?” It was not that Ian doubted Rinker’s skills but maybe he did. Ian was just in uncharted waters here and no oars.

“So a few more things,” Ian shifted in his chair. “She does not seem to like me,” he admitted. Anyone else he would play with words but with Rinker, he cut to the chase. “How do I break the wonderful news she is my kid,” he held up a finger. “She needs to come back for pretty much the rest of her life until she is 18,” he held up a second finger, “and that she is never going home.”

Ian looked at Rinker deadpan. “I May not have been able to take care of her the first twelve years but I will from now on. Unless you have some thoughts on the subject I am not sure she should have any more contact with the crackpots she came here with.“

Jessa.


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