Who stopped us from Getting the Safety Cake (open to all)

Posted Aug. 18, 2020, 2:06 a.m. by Lieutenant Commander Ethan Nash (Chief Tactical Officer) (David Shotton)

Posted by Commander D’Vash Odinson (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Who stopped us from Getting the Safety Cake (open to all)

Posted by Lieutenant Revna Edman (Counselor) in Who stopped us from Getting the Safety Cake (open to all)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Gravel Mardusk (Chief of Security) in Who stopped us from Getting the Safety Cake (open to all)
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻

Kelly stood in Ten Forward waiting for the her crew to arrive. Normally she would only have the senior officers come to her ready room for this conversation; however, this situation ran deeper than the department heads. Oh they would be to blame because crap rolled down hill and this little snowball was gaining momentum. Clasping her hands behind her back, Kelly assumed the at ease pose with squared-off shoulders and a ramrod-straight spine. Anyone entering would know that someone was ‘on her radar’ but the question running through each person’s mind should be not it. What the most observant would notice was Kelly staring at a shuttle that was no longer inbound for the Atlantis but a ship in the distance.

The only clue as to why they were all being summoned here was a large display PaDD that had been specially rolled into the room. The screen held a single image. It was the symbol for medical with the snake wrapped around a stick angel with a white box under it that generally held a number. For a year this number had been increasing: 60, 210, 300, and finally 364. Today however the number was not 365 but a blank box On the top of the screen in big black block letters was SFOSHA which everyone knew stood for Starfleet Occupational Safety and Health Administration.

Kelly took a deep breath and waited for her crew to arrive.

Captain Kelly Bordeaux

Revna walked in, took one look at the screen and mentally groaned to herself. SFOSHA Somebody did or did not do something. The captain didn’t look happy at all. Revna’s work didn’t require SFOSHA compliance so her next thought was ‘NOT ME!’ She took a seat towards the outside of the area. Being in large crowds sometimes bothered her, after Centurion., So better to have some breathing room.
Lt Edman, Counselor

Kai hearing that the Captain organized something in the Ten Forward, took PaDD and a tea cup and walked toward the lounge with a slow pace.
Then as the doors slid open, he saw the SFOSHA (what a name for a medical organization) and he became white as hell I have done something weird… I always used precautions and followed Starfleet Standard biological containment procedures… he gulped. Seeing the counselor he decided that seating somewhere nearby her was the best choice. Although he preferred to stay a seat or two away “Hello…” he greeted the peeps in there.

Lieutenant Jr. grade Kai O. Kingstone - CSO

Revna saw Kai’s face drain of color and nodded in understanding. “Hello Lt. I’d ask how you are, today, but I don’t think any of us are going to be okay in a few minutes,” she said nodding towards the board.
Lt. Edman, Counselor

Ian had taking the morning to workout with Lexi and Chirs when Jacen had found the three to bring Ian along with the meeting. Ian didn’t really like the fact that he often was expected in meetings just cause he got the Chief in front of the Diplomatic Officer tittle. There was in fact only one diplomat on board, himself. Which made the title supervilous. Jacen’s insistence though that if one of Ian’s friends had done something he needed to be there to save their asses did ring true.

Entering Jacen came in first as Ian followed behind as they nodded softly as Jacen took a seat but Ian found himself gravitating to the replicator.

“Poweraid, orange,” he said as a bottle was made as he took it, sweat still beating as he clearly was in his gym gear still. “Blame him, he said I couldn’t change.

“Hey, if I have to keep you lot in check I will, you break it I fix it remember… and I hate having to fix what didn’t need to be broke.” Jacen retorted with a snarky comeback.

Drayke and Bordeaux

Oliver was next to enter the room and upon seeing the symbol wanted to turn around and leave, his work unlike some did sometimes cross into the jurisdiction of SFOSHA and it wouldn’t surprise him they were sticking their pencil-pushing noses in his work again. Already in the room however and at the orders of the Captain, he picked somewhere to stand at the back of the room.

Lieutenant JG Oliver Loughty

Kelly began to mentally check off the names one by one. If Mardusk, Odinson, and Nash didn’t show soon, she might comm them. Mardusk however probably was the culprit. Security was always getting banged up in one form or another. The new crowd however just didn’t have the mental and physical fortitude of the older set.

Captain Kelly Bordeaux

Ensign Three of Five walked in and sat down, he had no idea what was going on. He looked at the screen, he recognized that was the medical sign, but had no idea what the abbreviation meant.
Three of Five, engineer.

Angelina wasn’t due on shift for a while so she had come to see what the fuss was about. She glanced around and saw Oliver. Stepping up beside him, she whispered softly, smiling as she looked at him. “What’s going on? No one looks happy.” She had seen the board but wasn’t aware such things were in the rating of a full crew call. It confused her this Captain was making it so.

Lt JG Angelina Markeson
(Added Oliver’s post in cause it got lost in split)

D’vash stepped in and seeing the others gathered and the symbol on the screen, chuckled slightly before covering his mouth. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him. ST OSHA was worried about safety on a starship? Danger was part of the game while serving aboard a ship, especially one such as the Atlantis.

He moved further into the room and took a seat next to Revna. Leaning over, he asked her, “What’s this all about, Counselor? Someone leave the toilet seat up in the captain’s private head? My guess is it’s her husband, seeing as he’s the only male she let’s use it.”

Odinson (CIO)

Revna covered her mouth, suppressing a giggle. She mock glared at D’vash. “You’re going to get us into trouble, again, D’vash.” She looked around the room, “I don’t know. Could be the husband, he hasn’t even looked at her yet. Could be Lt. Loughty over there. He tried to turn around and leave the room when he saw what’s on the board. Lt. Kingstone is worried it might be him, but he’s pretty sure it’s not, if the look on his face says anything. But from the look on the captain’s face…whoever she thinks is responsible, isn’t here yet. She keeps looking at the door and glaring.” Revna provided her lay of the room. “What you think? Who’s missing, Nash and Mardusk, the doctor? OH Rinker is missing.” She laughs. She’d not met Rinker yet, wouldn’t that be something if he was in trouble.
Lt. Edman, Counselor

Mardusk walked in the room and looked around and, seeing the apprehensive looks and hearing the subdeued whispers, narrowed his eyes and began trying to piece together what was happening. Then he saw it:


A loud and highly creative string of obscenities began flowing from the massive Orion officer. He finally wagged a large green finger directly at the Capatin and said very loudly “Oh no. No no no no no no… you ain’t pinning this on us, Skipper… whatever it is. Injuries over the last quarter reporting are down compared to same period last year by 27%. And we already completed all the mandatory classes and training including that eight hour vid training of ‘The Safety Harness and You - A Workplace Romance’!” and the big man shuddered. “So whatever this is, leave us out if it!” and he turned around to leave.

Mardusk, CoS

Kelly could not however wipe the smirk off her face at this latest HR training video. Luckily she had been in her office doing other things as she half-listened to the presentation Mardusk had been referring to. The part though about securing your partner tightly and the rip zip of line followed by a grunt caused her to choke on her coffee as she turned to see what the heck the man on the video was talking about. For the next ten minutes, Kelly thanked God rank had its privileges as the narrator, who sounded oddly like some wildlife expert with his slow drawl and steady tempo, showed the various knots one needed to know how to create. When Benjamin Dover however began to point out that the best way to secure a partner was with a stopper knot that was used to secure the bitter end, Kelly snorted coffee out her nose and spilled it down her uniform shirt laughing uncontrollably. Thinking about the large Orion attempting to retain any amount of decorum with his men as they watched the SFOSHA required presentation made her waggle her head deciding Mardusk should get a surprise shore leave approval.

“Park it Banner, ” she snapped her finger and pointed to a chair. The Hulk nickname was a long time term of endearment between the skipper and Mardusk since he caught her Avengers Style in her arms as she fell off a chair.

Mardusk turned and glared, or maybe just looked… it was hard to tell the difference with him sometimes… and said “Savage Dragon. How many times do I have to tell you?” and collapsed into a chair that immediatly groaned loudly and wobbled.

Lera came in at the end of the ‘A workplace romance’ coming from her boyfriend and stifled a giggle. When he turned to go, her small hands pressed to his chest. Partially so he wouldn’t bowl her over, the second was to keep him from leaving. A smile lit her face as she cocked her head. “Come now… certainly it’s not all that bad.” She wasn’t sure why they were here. But seeing Mar’s feathers ruffled, so to speak, gave her pause for concern. “What’s so horrible you can’t stay?” She asked and looked up at him with a smile on her face he would know was the smile for his look, alone.


He looked down and said “You’re an Engineer. Look.” and he jersey a thumb behind him towards the icon on the screen.

Mardusk, CoS

Lera half stepped sideways, one hand staring on Mar’s chest as she looked where he pointed. It took a moment to register but then her face fell. “Oh, no! I wonder what happened?” She glanced up at him. “If you’re sure it’s not your department, then stay, please.” She smiled the smile reserved only for him. “Stay with me? At least till we hear what happened. Please?” Her second hand came up to rest on his chest as she deepened the smile.


All the bunch of crew that entered seemed to carry some sort of regret toward SFOSHA. He knew what it was but knowing he haven’t done anything yet, he started worrying about whatever he could have done without noticing he had done such thing “My lord, this gents seems to have a skeleton in the closet. Hey! Counselor!” He called her whispering “What do you think she’s going to scold us for? I remember playing with biohazard elements once, and it wasn’t fun at all. Except when I called you sister a biohazard…”

Lieutenant Jr. grade Kai O. Kingstone - CSO

“You’re living dangerously, Kingstone,” D’vash began. “I’ve seen Runa level boys twice her size. Of course, that was a long time ago, and she was on skis.”

Revna was whispering to D’vash, “I think the good security chief dost protest too much. Oh, here comes Lera, this should be fun.” Revna was not a gossip but the tension in the room was getting to high to be productive. In truth she really liked both Lera and Gravel and considered them friends.

“Security should get a free pass. Death and injuries are written into the contract,” D’vash replied.

“No kidding, right?” Mardusk agreed.

“When you add up all the security, intelligence, tactical, and marines on board, they out number the rest of the crew. And bodily harm is implicit in all those departments.
The WHOLE ship should get a pass,” Revna put her two cents in.

She shrugged at Kai, “No idea Lt.,” she whispered back, “but from the look on her face, we’re all going to be in trouble.” She stared at Kai a moment, got up reached over and grabbed his hand pulling him over to the seat next to her. “You called my sister a biohazard?” She glanced at D’vash because, well he knew Runa too when they were young. “Kai, I’m laid back, not a mean bone in my body, but my sister…why would you do that?” And then the image of Runa being called a biohazard made her laugh really hard. She bit it back, 1 because she didn’t want the wrath of the captain, and 2 if she didn’t stop now she’d loose her breath and might pass out and that was embarrassing…of course it would get her out of this meeting....
Lt. Edman, Counselor

The door opened and next one in was Nash. Coming from his quarters the almost-ever present cigar stubb was in the corner of his mouth, but aside from that his uniform was the picture of professionalism. He glanced around the room, nodded at Revna and moved his eyes to the display PaDD taking centre stage and raised an eyebrow.

Revna returned his nod, a single finger sweeping the crowd, her look asking his opinion on the stressed out crowd. She had no idea if he would sit with her or not.

“Before anyone asks,” Nash said, taking the cigar stub out of his mouth so he could talk clearly, “it wasn’t my fault the guys face met the turbo lift door at speed, he shouldn’t have been blinking for such a long time.”

“Seriously,” Kelly threw her hands up before placing them on her hips. “Nash…we talked about this. It was cake.....cake,” her voice took on a tone that most men secretly attributed to a hysterical woman that was going on about something. This something generally involved blaming them for either something the did and had little remorse over or a blame that was assigned to them over something they didn’t do.

And because Revna hadn’t gotten up to mischief in a while and couldn’t help it, “Hey Captain, if you can get the rest of the senior staff to actually show up for their evals, I’ll bake cake for the ENTIRE crew. And you’ll get your own personal one. I mean, cake is serious business.”

Revna covered her mouth with a hand and shook her head to hide her laugh. No wonder the captain lived on coffee, because anything stronger wouldn’t be allowed on duty. The men on this crew were incorrigible!

Placing the cigar stub back in his mouth he too walked to the replicator. “Two coffee’s, strong, black, no sugar,” He ordered and as he turned around he placed one on the desk in front of the Captain. “You must be grumpy Cap’n, you forgot your coffee,” was all he said then sat down in his seat.

Lt Cmdr Nash, CTO

This is how she should have arrived on board. Professionally she was getting a good feel for every person in this room. Oh....too bad she didn’t bring a PaDD she could finish crew evals just by observing this little gathering. Simply to be able to take in the rest of the crowd, she got up and ordered a cup of Kokekaffe. Sipping it slowly she returned to her seat, her eyes dancing.
Lt. Edman, Couselor

“Anyway,” Kai felt being pulled toward the counselor and waited as she greeted the Officer “I made a favor for a friend by calling her a biological ‘hazard’.” He winked “you don’t imagine how happy he was afterwards!”

Lieutenant Jr. grade Kai O. Kingstone - CSO

Revna’s eyes widened and she bit back another laugh, “Okay,Kai, you have to tell me. Who was that friend?” Runa hadn’t told her who it was she’d gone out with. Runa tended to do that when she really liked someone. She ‘wanted to make sure’ what ever that meant. Either you liked them or not. But she was getting the name from Kai and then after this meeting she was going to torture her sister mercilessly.

Lt. Edman, Counselor

Kai pointed out his fellow subordinate, a certain Lieutenant Oliver “See that cute guy who’s certainly looking at your sister? That’s the boy.” He winked back at the Counselor “I had to improvise a biological hazard breach. I think the plan worked so good that they got on the same wavelength! Welp… unfortunately they threw something at my dog that day so I couldn’t spy them for too long, but I’ll be teasing him again, be sure about it!” He smiled looking at both of then “Do you have also a fiancè or a partner, Counselor?”

Lieutenant Jr. grade Kai O. Kingstone - CSO

The CIO turned to look at Revna with a raised eyebrow, wondering the same thing.

Revna gave D’vash a look that plainly told him to mind his own business.

Revna looked over at Lt. Laughty. “Is he really? Well, well, well. Next time let me know. I’d love to get in on it.” She sipped her Kokekaffe, her gaze of one who may or may not have a secret. “Oh Lt. I NEVER kiss and tell.” She sipped her Kokekaffe again and turned her attention to the screen and the captain.
Lt. Edman, Counselor

“You loved all the attention from the boys at the resort, admit it. There wasn’t a single one of us you and your sister didn’t have wrapped around your little fingers. It never stopped you from kissing and telling back then,” D’vash added with a laugh.

“Oh no that was ALL Runa. You are not pinning that on me. You never could tell us apart, D’vash. Especially when Runa was in her ‘let’s really look alike’ moods. You were good at spying then. Anything we might or might not have said was in private.” And of course D’vash wasn’t wrong exactly, but that year there had been Shauwn, and though Runa had a good time and even pretended to be Revna a couple times, it was all her. Of course two years later, it hadn’t mattered anymore.

“Of course it was Runa. About the only way I could keep you two straight was that one of you has the cutest little dimple on your left butt cheek. That dimple got me down the hill pretty quick some times,” D’vash said, tongue planted firmly in cheek. In his best Edman female voice he continued. “Vash, if you can get down Sleipnir’s Mane is less than 5 minutes, I’ll let you touch my dimple.” Looking at Revna sideways, he added, “How do you think I won so many skiing trophies when you were there?”

Odinson (CIO)

As the story ended, Nash simply looked at Revna with a raised eyebrow. It was impossible to tell if he was smirking or not.

Kelly picked up the cup and took a deep sip. “I am not grumpy that I forgot my coffee Nash but I am,” she set the cup on the table with a loud clink, “pissy about this.” Gesturing wildly at the PaDD her hands seemed to take on a life of her own as she jabbed and flailed with pointed fingers and flat palm stabs at the single empty box. Her hands preformed an intricate dance miming everything her mouth could not say to vent her anger and frustration. If one did not know Kelly and randomly walked in they might think she was having an episode as one’s grandmother referred to it. After close to thirty seconds of either throwing a fit or having a mental break down, Kelly’s hands slapped her thighs. The resounding dull clap did little to calm her. Taking on a matronly pose she let her gaze roam the crowd as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“While my good friend Ethan here has admitted to witnessing someone face planting a turbo door, I am not sure all the fault resides with him. More like ninety five percent but none of you,” she pointed a finger swaying it among the crowd, “are innocent.” My open door policy has had me for a year schmoozing the crew with less fortitude and stamina. Jacen and Lena,” she began to call out a name.

“Ensign Billings commented someone from engineering threw a hydrowrench behind your thier head last week and he had to duck to miss while they were fixing the wall panel.”

“In all fairness Ensign K’Tang didn’t like being called Klingon Shrimp… rarely do you find Klingons under 5‘10 yet here we are, 5‘1 K’Tang… I find people working out in house frustrations alleviates tension and it doesn’t boil over… you should so our Tellerate fights during the night shift.” Jacen said, which he doubted would help and only part of his statements were true. Still, it wasn’t like it went into the warp core.

“D’vash,” she scanned the crowd until she locked eyes on her new chief intelligence officer. “I understand that learning to short circuit a panel to gain access to a room is a top priority but remind them that electrocution is a job hazard when stealing top secret information before they start. It will alleviate the whining that they got a shock.”

D’vash turned his attention to the Captain as he heard his name. He pointed at his chest as he added a ‘who, me?’ look on his face. “If he got shocked, it was his own fault because he didn’t do it right.”

“Kai, Lexi, Olly,” Kelly targeted her attention next on science,” next time you and your group decided to see if the exploding goo can be used as a projectile weapon scream fire in the hole. It seems Ensign Karen Mouthsby got nailed in the noggin and had to get her hair cut in that weird spikey bob thing she is sporting. We are all,” she looked over the crowd taking a tone mothers had when explaining to thier children exactly how they were going to react to something, “now going to call it a trend and compliment her on how great wearing the Karen is.” In truth she had no idea if anyone from science actually knew the shrill, sharp tongued my opinion always matters ensign was invovled in the incident but Karen rarely kept her opinon to herself.

Kai’s face never came this white as his name flew in the room. He gulped and as he heard what he had made to the poor Ensign, he played with his thumb and scratched his head in sequence being embarrassed and feeling bad at the same time “I guess that the sign I left outside the lab wasn’t enough… ehehehe-. But anyway we made progress…” he whispered last “I’ll personally take my crew and get at Miss Mouthsby quarters and lean some apologies, ma’am.” He got weirded by the last phrase the Captain said.

Lieutenant Jr. grade Kai O. Kingstone - CSO

“Ian…Chris,” Kelly did not hold back on the two officers even though one she was married to and one was her best friend’s husband. “Next time you both decide to go MMA smack down in the middle of the gym please remember that Lt. Harmony Indigo’s yoga class is actually doing something and not spectating. Apparently the one legged Virabhadrasana III pose is NOT a true warrior pose and one of you took out two of Indigo’s class participants like the were the seven and ten pins on a bowling alley. While it is sad that I know this is virtually impossible to pick up in a game, you two yahoo’s apparently have no difficulty doing so.”

“Wait… are you guys doing Tellerate fight club without me?” Jacen had a sharp glance over at Ian and Chris as the pair shook there head as if to get him to say no more.

“We would never do that… that is immoral…” Chris said nodding as he punched Ian in the ribs to nod along as well.

“Rule number one of fight club. . . ” the CIO added quietly.

“Yes… immoral, and they never wanna fight for rations anyway.” Ian chimed in.

Letting her gaze drop to Mardusk she let out a deep sigh. “I am not going into how many people I have had to tell ‘rub some dirt in it and take a lap’ I am going to say out of all the departments you are the one that does get a free pass so to speak. When I talked to the SFOSHA representative they said they do not count yellow shirt deaths, dismemebering, or physical injuries as SFOSHA violations. They classify it as MIA, did not make it to the transporter location area in a timely manner, or LOA, which is a paid extra shore leave at a rehab hosptial. Turns out when they did include those numbers, anyone with a common name like Guy tended to not apply so recruitment declined. You are not off the hook though. They have a special counter for you so please make sure next time you take…oh…what’s thier names,” Kelly snapped her fingers trying jog her memory before air waving it off, “just bring them back.”

Captain Kelly Bordeaux

“If I bring them back, I have to file the incident reports that go along with bringing them back.” Mardusk replied. “You were there when we went out to the garden on that supposedly uninhabited planet. You really want me bringing them back after things like that?” and he laughed. “Skipper, you think you missed out on the cake this time… SFOSHA will take cake out of the Federation lexicon if every Security Department starts bringing everyone back.”

“I have a question Captain.” Ian asked as he looked over at Kelly. “What about the boat incident where it went through the cargo bay and took at two pylons?” Ian asked, this statement might put him in the dog house but he wasn’t sure how much Kelly remembered of the incidents that she was a part of too. “Or the fire from the goat yoga incident… which I still think was a terrible use of Jacen’s program all they do is try and be engineers… like really.” Ian said as he looked over at Jacen. “How hard is it to take out their engineering sub routine?”

“Hey don’t put that on me, she started that program… I just supplied the goats.” Jacen countered with a fiery look back at Ian.

“I’m just saying, they began to eat conduits, conduits I think D’Vash got electrocuted on.” Ian said as he looked over at Kelly.

Bordeaux, CDO

Drayke, Robinson, and Bordeaux (The 3 Stooges)

“Just to set the record straight, it wasn’t me that got electrocuted.”

Odinson (CIO)

Mardusk, CoS

As the tales continued to pour out Revna looked around taking it in, and at first the humor made her smirk quietly. Then at one point she had a look of total disbelief on her face. She went to sip her coffee to find she was out....Yeah no wonder the captain had coffee instead of blood in her veins. In the silence, those around her would hear her mutter, “I’m going back to my office and declaring all of you psychologically unfit for duty.” She said it so deadpan no one would know if she was serious or not.
Lt. Edman, Counselor with a lot of work to do.

“Took you long enough to realize that, anyway,” Nash said in his usual businesslike tone. “Captain, while all this catching up and conversation is lovely, what’s your point and why the hand kung fu?”

Lt Cmdr Nash, CTO

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