Posted by Captain Molly Holloway (Commanding Officer) in side sim - Beginning Again (Tag CO)

Posted by Captain Molly Holloway (Commanding Officer) in side sim - Beginning Again (Tag CO)

Posted by Lieutenant Bethany Kovra Gadi (Counselor) in side sim - Beginning Again (Tag CO)
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

Bethany couldn’t put it off any longer. She’d arrived mid morning the day before. Forgave had made it a pleasant return, despite her apprehension. However she was still a Star Fleet officer and it was bad form for the ship’s counselor to avoid unpleasant situations. She had taken Luna back to her quarters and then stopped by the counseling suite to get the current case load and get updated on the following day’s schedule. Now she had to report to Holloway. “Computer where is Cpt Holloway’s current location?”
Lt Gadi, CNS

OOC: I thought about having her in her office, but let’s change it up a little bit. :p

IC:
The computer’s reply was immediate. =/\= Captain Holloway is in Holodeck 2. =/\=

Even though she spent most of her time in her office, it was not too uncommon for Molly to be somewhere else on the ship. If Gadi were to choose to go to the Holodeck, she would find that the doors were unlocked as if Holloway was making sure to be reachable.

Holloway, CO

Bethany stood outside the holodeck door long enough to be ashamed of herself. Holloway didn’t like her, or more precisely didn’t like what she was. She was pretty sure Holloway hadn’t given much thought to who she was other than how that applied to her job as the ship’s counselor. Despite the door being unlocked however, Bethany did not walk in. Instead she hit her combadge. No sense is totally running the captains evening. =^=Gadi to Holloway. Captain I don’t want to disturb you be I wanted to let you know I’ve returned and will resume my duties first thing in the morning.=^=
Lt Gadi, CNS

Holloway had a history with holodecks. In fact, it would not take Gadi much digging to find that despite being the Dresden’s CO, she didn’t have full access to her holosuites’ programming. As a counselor with access to Molly’s file, she might have noticed that it wasn’t uncommon for Holloway’s holodeck usage to be incredibly related to sickbay visits.

In actuality Gadi never checked the captain’s file. She’d told Renveer that she would not disrupt his place as Holloway’s counselor since all indications were that she responded well to him. She kept her word and didn’t even check up behind him, even though that was well within her right as CNS.

Surprisingly, despite what Gadi might think, when the reply came, Molly’s voice had a cheerful undertone, even though the usual sternness was still very much present. That was not personal, although it might be taken as such.

=/\= Holloway to Gadi, welcome back Lieutenant. I’m not in my office at the moment, but if you don’t mind a change of scenery, the door to Holodeck… =/\= There was a pause as if she was checking something =/\= … Two is open. Feel free to come by. =/\=

Holloway, CO

Bethany didn’t really know the captain at all. Having been told upon her original arrival that Holloway wasn’t happy with her appointment or maybe that someone else had chosen Gadi for the position. Honestly, at this point Bethany couldn’t keep it straight. Holloway didn’t like her history and Revneer thought she was unfit because she took her psychological hippocratic oath seriously and saw those she helped as patients rather than ‘friends.’ Everything she did or said set the man off. Or so it appeared. Bethany had been recalled too soon I to her appointment on Dresden to try and work out the wrinkles. So with all that negative experience, Bethany was shocked, in a good way, that Holloway invited her to join her. Of course knowing Holloway’s experience (one reason Bethany had wanted to serve under her, even now despite the difficulties) she might ambush Gadi. Bethany shrugged. It was what it was and her empathy was pretty useless so she had no clue what she was walking in to. A deep breath and Bethany stepped into the holodeck and looked around as the doors shut and disappeared behind her.
Lt Gadi, CNS

It was a warm spring day in the holodeck. There was a gentle breeze blowing through the air, the birds chirped happily, and the green grass extended in every direction as far as the eye could see. Trees, bushes, and flowers added to the bucolic landscape, making it even more inviting. At least for Molly, that is.

As the doors disappeared behind Gadi, it wouldn’t be hard to spot Holloway a few dozen meters away. Her Command Red uniform heavily contrasting with all the greenery. She was sitting down on a blanket, propped up against one of the trees, engrossed in the pages of a book. By her side there were a small pile of thinner books than the one she was reading. As one approached, the bright colors of the books piled next to Molly, would make it clear that they were kids books. Not the one she was currently reading, though.

As an empath, Gadi would be able to sense a feeling of peace and contentment coming from Holloway, which was not a common occurrence.

Holloway, CO

The feeling of peace and contentment was exceptionally strong, it had to be for Bethany to pick up on it. And she made the educated guess that it had to be coming from the captain because as far as Bethany knew there was no one else in the holodeck. She approached the captain, and despite being in a very rumbled uniform from her trip and settling in, she stood respectfully ‘at ease’ not sure if Holloway preferred at attention or not, during her down time. And honestly Bethany was too worn out from why she’d been called away to worry about it. “Captain?”
Lt Gadi, CNS

“Ah, Lieutenant.” Molly said in a jovial tone as she closed her book and sat it next to her. The cover read ‘Twenty Thousand Miles Under the Sea’. “Welcome back on board. I hope you’ve been settling back in well.” Holloway was definitely cheerful, which was rather unusual for the generally stern woman.

“Thank you, captain. I am attempting to, I plan to be all caught up by tomorrow.” The paperwork that had been left undone and not completed left Bethany disappointed in those left in charge while she’d been called away. It indicated a lack of discipline and laziness. Especially over something that was so easily taken care of.

Motioning for Gadi to sit down on the free space on the blanket, Molly absentmindedly straightened the pile of children’s books next to her. “I must say, not many changes happened on board while you were gone… Did at least your trip go well?” Holloway was not the most skilled small talker, and it showed most of the time, but somehow this time she seemed genuinely interested in the question she had asked.

Holloway, CO

Bethany sat down in the indicated spot. She nodded at the assessment, “I glanced over some of the reports earlier. The crew seems to have settled some since.” There had been a lot of crew changes when she had first come aboard and a lot of questions as to why and who was pulling the strings. There had been an underlying tension about the ship, but it seemed to have settled and there were less…incidences as time went on while she was away. At the question of her trip, Bethany quietly appraised the captain. Had she heard? Was she expecting Bethany to lie about it? To cover up what had happened? Or was it simply small talk? Did the captain even want to know? Bethany saw no reason to lie to her. Despite their rocky start Bethany really did admire Holloway. “The trip went horribly.” She neither embellished nor denied it. She had noticed the novel and was interested to see that the captain liked old Earth science fiction, but she didn’t comment on it as a way to ignore her own comment or hide from it.
Lt Gadi, CNS
bump

OOC: Oops! I’m sorry, I completely forgot about my sidesims…! – Joana

IC:
“I’m sorry to hear.” Although the sentence was a sympathetic one, the tone didn’t show it. Instead, it acquired a hint of the sternness that was so familiar to Holloway’s self expression. “I’m sure you’re happy to be back, then.” Molly concluded, in way of small talk. It was clear that she was not very good at it, but that didn’t come as anything new.

There wasn’t really much to say about that. Bethany wasn’t sure if she was glad to be back, or simply relieved to not be on ‘special assignment’ anymore. She knew, because she knew herself well, that the guilt would ride with her for a long time to come. It would keep her up late at night analyzing her actions, her conclusions, or every word, every thought, every action. Going over her notes, the tapes, her memories of the work. And no answer would come. The guilt would ride her into self doubt and second guessing every word she said. It would also drive her to keep going. She owed him that much, to not give up in the face of failure.

Remaining silent for a moment, Holloway addressed the first part of the Counselor’s words. “It’s been quieter around here. As you said, the crew seems to have finally settled. I think people are starting to become accustomed to all the new changes, and they are finally making the Dresden a second home.” Or their actual home, Molly thought, but didn’t say it.

Bethany nodded, “Hopefully the next set of growing pains won’t be quite so severe. It seems most of the crew has found their place, settled in and, at least for a little while, have made Dresden ‘home.’“

Molly straightened the already straight pile of children’s books beside her once more, and continued. “However, I doubt that you came all the way here to discuss crew changes. Is there anything in particular that I can do for you, Lieutenant? Or were you just checking in?” Holloway hoped the question didn’t make it look like she was trying to send Gadi away. She wasn’t at all. But she wanted to take the formalities out of the way before any other conversation could take place.

Holloway, CO

“No Ma’am. I just wanted to check in and inform you that I had returned and ready to resume my duties.” What else could Bethany say? It’s wasn’t Holloway’s fault that Bethany had mixed feelings about returning. About her performance and ability to do her job. To treat her patients. She couldn’t tell Holloway that they’d waited too long to call her. That when he asked months ago for Bethany they should have contacted her. It wasn’t Holloway’s problem that Bethany didn’t see it coming, that she’d believed him when he said he was ready to see his wife and brother again. Bethany took a deep breath and let it out. All thoughts and self recriminations for another time. “Is there anything in particular you need me to address foremost, Cpt?”
Lt Gadi, CNS

Molly’s eyes scanned Gadi for a moment. It seemed clear to Holloway that there was something more in the Counselor’s mind. She pondered for a moment if she should ask about it, before deciding that if she wouldn’t like someone to intrude on her own personal business, she shouldn’t do the same.

“Very well.” Holloway finally said, after a moment of silence. “Nothing at the moment, Lieutenant. As you noted, everything is running smoothly. But thank you for checking in.”

Bethany nodded. The last leg of the trip had been long and if she was honest, she was ready to collapse for the night. She was preparing to stand and allow the captain to get back to her peace and quiet. It had no escaped Gadi that amount of stress on Holloway from her position and she was glad that, at least for a little bit, Holloway was able to find somewhere to relax.

As the silence fell around them, Molly hesitated before continuing. “You know, Lieutenant… I know we didn’t exactly start off on the right foot. And well… I know we don’t see eye to eye on some things.” She paused again. “But you’re still a member of my crew, which means I care for your well being as I would for anyone else on this ship.” It was clearly a weird line of conversation for Holloway, but her tone was sincere. “We have the fortune of having two experienced counselors on board, but I know how much of a pain it can be to talk to one.” She chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “So I don’t blame you if you don’t want to do that. All of this to say that, if you ever need to talk, I’m always willing to listen. Both as Commanding Officer, or as a friend. Whichever you need.”

She let the words hang in the air, for a second. Maybe it was nothing, but she had had the distinct feeling that something wasn’t right. “Also, if you need to take a few days for yourself, and distract your mind and rest from the trip, just say the word. I’ve had enough counselors telling me this, that it finally stuck in my mind.” Holloway smiled warmly. “But you, better than anyone else, should know how much mental health can impact our jobs. Whatever you need, let me know. I know I can be intimidating at times…” There was an apologetic look in her gaze. “… I may or may not have been nicknamed the Ice Queen by some members of the crew…” She shrugged. “But at the end of the day, I am just a person like anyone else.”

Holloway, CO

To say that Bethany was surprised by Holloway’s words might sound judgmental. But as the captain had said they didn’t exactly get off on the right foot and Gadi had spent very little time with the captain. “Some times a captain needs to be ice, it’s the only way to do what needs to be done. As for the rest, I appreciate the concern and the offer. I’ve had two weeks of solitude and quiet to think to wallow in self-recrimination and try to see what I could have done differently, what I missed.” Bethany regarded Holloway for a moment. She thought Holloway might understand. “Would you believe me, Captain, if I told you that the guilt of losing someone under my care is something that I can’t get past. That I remember them every day, or would you lump me in with the rest of the self-serving, manipulative (words I can’t use) that Intel uses?”
Lt Gadi, CNS

Molly’s eyebrow raised slightly at Gadi’s words. She had expected many things, but the Counselor’s question hadn’t been one of them. She pondered a moment. “No, Lieutenant. I wouldn’t believe you…” Holloway let the silence fall between them again before continuing. “But not for the reasons you might think.” She paused again, this time with a sympathetic expression on her face.

“Every Intel Officer is different, and certainly not all are devoid of ethics, care, or even empathy.” Molly continued. “I met people that gave up because they just didn’t possess the heartlessness that was asked of them; others that were able to keep guilt at bay by justifying their actions as something that needed to be done for the greater good; and others that were just heartless in a way even I could not fathom being.” Holloway shivered slightly as her mind took her back to her run in with Tomas and the Jem’Hadar. She took a deep breath and shook her head, and Gadi would be able to sense the slight shift in her emotions as she relieved her own past experiences.

“But I’m not the one to make judgements.” Molly’s gaze was suddenly trained on the Dresden’s Counselor. “I’ve done my fair share of deeds that I am not proud of, and I know I might be required to do more in the future. So it is not my place to judge what others have done, or do.” She paused to take another breath. “However… I am quite familiar with the feeling of losing someone under one’s care. Well…” She corrected herself. “… or at least I am familiar with the fear of failing said someone.” Molly shook her head again, before looking down at her hands and at the books next to her. “I don’t believe you can’t get past the guilt of losing someone under your care, solely because I believe that you can get past it. Even if right now it doesn’t feel that way.”

“I’m preparing a reading session with kids from a less fortunate neighborhood in New York City, back on Earth.” Holloway motioned towards the pile of children’s books with her chin. “That’s my way of easing the weight of my cross.” The religious reference would seem out of place for Holloway, if Gadi had caught it. “With time things get easier, Lieutenant. I’m sure you know that better than me. And with the right ways of coping, I know you will be free of your guilt one day. But I would be lying if I told you it wasn’t a tortuous path…” She gave a nervous chuckle. “The hardest person to forgive is your own self.” Molly pondered for a moment on whether or not she should ask her next question. “I take it, this was something that happened on your time away?”

Holloway, CO

bump :)