Posted July 19, 2020, 1:44 p.m. by Lieutenant Commander Renveer (Executive Officer) (Ben Z)
So much space. That thought crossed Renveer’s mind as he stared listlessly out of slanted windows. Yes, the statement described the view of the blue streaks of stars. But he was instead contemplating the executive officer’s quarters behind him. The new accommodations had only a slightly larger floorplan than the rooms he had during his time as counselor, and yet… the void felt bigger, here.
Leaned against the couch next to him, several paintings wrapped in paper waited to be hung on the bare walls. For the moment, though, Renveer couldn’t bring himself to turn around. Too much space. He was only one person. Did one person really need this much space? This space could easily be shared. Why wasn’t he sharing this space with someone?
Because he had run away. He could have stayed on Trill, he could have become a diplomat or politician or emissary. He could have accepted a symbiont. If he had, he would always be sharing space. He would never be alone in a room. He would always have another person with him. Renveer could feel a cavity in his abdomen, a space left unfilled.
And having spurned that opportunity for perpetual companionship, Renveer often found himself wondering if he was being punished for it. He could have been part of a sacred connection with a symbiont, and now he found himself unable to form an intimate relationship with anyone. He had told himself that he would find a man who could provide companionship, rather than a symbiont. But he hadn’t. The space inside of him had never been filled.
Now he had accepted a position as executive officer. If a counselor’s relationship with a crew had to be strictly professional and platonic, an executive officer had to be even more respectful of the dangers posed by the power dynamics that would be at play in a relationship with another crew member. And likely, this promotion meant Renveer would serve in a similar position for years to come. When would he find companionship?
Renveer’s hand subconsciously moved to rest on his stomach. There was a space inside of him, whether it be in his abdomen or in his chest, that felt empty. His aspirations to be in Starfleet and to serve as needed had left him lonely. Yearning for a partnership. And here he was, alone in quarters well suited for two, with so much space.
All to himself.
(Lt. Cmdr. Renveer, XO)
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