STF

SB 157 Arboretum

Posted Oct. 6, 2020, 2:24 p.m. by Lieutenant Commander Ever Zeanar (Chief of Psychiatry) (Ty Napier)

Posted by Ensign Iyun Riani (Scientist) in SB 157 Arboretum

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Ever Zeanar (Chief of Psychiatry) in SB 157 Arboretum

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Ever Zeanar (Chief of Psychiatry) in SB 157 Arboretum
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻
SNIP
As the lights flickered and came to life, the quarters were indeed standard. Neatly stacked in the far corner were four medium sized crates which held all of Ever’s worldly possessions. Nearly half were clothes and shoes. Goddesses she loved shoes. Nothing save the cylinder brought from OED, held any interest to an outsider. No souvenirs. Crossing the room, Ever kicked off her shoes and sat on the only couch in the room. As she poured a  glass of water from a tall thin blue beaker, she glanced at Riani as though she suddenly remembered she was not alone. After pouring a second glass, she held one out to her guest. “Andorian. Much better than the water on Bajor any day.” 

Lt Commander Zeanar, CoP

Even if Ever wasn’t a Betazoid, it would be hard to miss how uncomfortable Riani felt. Her body language and facial expression left no doubt about that. Not that she believed the other woman would do anything to her or that she was afraid of her or anything. But being in the quarters of someone she had only just met for the first time? It felt too private, too intimate. And yet she didn’t want to be rude or cause any trouble. So she stepped forward and took the glass Ever offered. Yet she remained standing and with her free hand fiddled with the top layer of her skirt.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

Ever ignored Iyun’s discomfort both in her mind and body language. “You are the one who was stalking me. I should be nervous. Sit. Let’s talk. Tell me, Ensign, what was it about me that attracted your interest? “

Zeanar, CoP

Feeling beyond awkward and self-conscious, Riani walked over to the couch and sat down in the furthest corner from Ever. “I honestly didn’t mean to stalk you. I’m sorry, Ma’am. I’m not even sure I can say way. It wasn’t a conscious decision,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. All the while she fidgeted with the tips of her hair while looking down at her lap.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

“Well never mind. Here you are and it seems something is bothering you Ensign.  I am not exactly on duty yet, but I don’t mind having a chat for a few minutes. Though I think once the Ogawa is underway, you need to make an appointment with Dr. Grayson on a regular bases,” Ever said softly. It wasn’t her intentions to make the woman uncomfortable, but then, Iyun would likely appear uneasy in about any situation. “So what is troubling you?” 

Zeanar, CoP

Ria nodded, her eyes still fixed on her lap. “I know and I will,” she said meekly before falling silent once more, contemplating Ever’s question. There were so many things on her mind all the time. So many things she seemed unable to stop worrying about. And she was always worried that, if she let her guard down even a little, all her emotions would come to the surface and would be visible for everyone and that thought alone made her chest tighten slightly with anxiety. Eventually she replied, her voice just above a whisper, “This is all just so very new to me. I only just graduated.” And to herself she added,‘And I don’t think I’m good enough. Surely someone made a mistake and it won’t be long till they realise it.’

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

“There were far too many tests and evaluations conducted and passed by you long before today. Just getting into the Academy is impossible for most. Starfleet only takes the best of the best. Rarely is a mistake made on entrance considerations. Even if the advisers had selected you incorrectly, making it through the Academy would not have happened. You would have been dropped out long before graduation. But you know all that already. As for being good enough....none of us know that until we have been pushed to the edge of what we can do, what we can be and then coming out on top. It’s not until we have been tested and tried in the actual universe and not in a sterile classroom environment that we find our voices and strength. Everything is uncertain and that is the beautiful part of this adventure. This self doubt you are having, whatever these voices are in your head and spirit, they are keeping you from reaching your potential. Stand up. I want to show you an exercise,” Ever said as she stood up.

Lt. Commander Ever Zeanar, CoP

“I suppose you’re right,” Ria mumbled and then looked at Ever for a brief moment, wondering what she was going to show her, before she actually rose to her feet. Clutching her left upper arm with her right hand, she looked nervously at the other woman; though she never fully met her gaze. “What … what would you like me to do?” she asked nervously.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

“Just a little something I do if I am feeling anxious or I am uncertain of a situation or a person. Whenever you feel like you can not trust your own judgement, it is because not everything is aligned together for harmony to give us the peace and certainty, or at least closer to. So place your hands on your stomach, one on top of the other and close your eyes,” Ever said as she went through the motions. “Now ask yourself, how does that situation feel to your spirit or whatever spiritual thing that drives your life. Is it ok when I say that person’s name or put a voice to the situation? Or is it causing me anxiety? Leave your hand there and keep your eyes closed for a few minutes. Concentrate on the feeling it sends throughout your body from head to toe. Not your emotions or what you think about it, just how it feels within your body. “

Ria took a deep breath and nodded before placing her hands on her stomach and closing her eyes. She focused on the feeling of not being good enough and how it felt in her body. It made her feel anxious and for anxiety always started with her heart beating fast and her stomach getting upset. Rarely enough to actually get sick, but so much so that she couldn’t eat anything. Right now she also felt restless and there was a lot of tension in her muscles; especially in her neck and upper back. Noticing how she felt physically came easy to her. She’d already spend a lot of time learning to recognise how anxiety felt physically to her so that she often managed to catch it early on before having an anxiety attack.

“Alright, after that seems settled and you have found it, move your hands to your heart. How does the person or situation make you feel emotionally? Don’t judge it, push it away or try and control it, just name it,” Ever said as she moved her hands to her heart, eyes still closed. “Take deep breathes in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly, until you know what emotions you are feeling. “

Ria slowly moved her hands to her chest so that they were resting right above her heart. While she tried not to show her emotions, or at least not the full depth of them, they were always bubbling close to the surface, deep and strong. With her eyes still closed and breathing the way Ever had told her to, she shifted her focus to her emotions. There was fear, a lot of fear. But also sadness and even a hint of … anger. And in the background she also felt a hint of something like hopefulness. Without her noticing it a few tears started to trickle down her cheeks.

“Once you put a name to the emotions, move your hands to your forehead,” Ever said as she followed her own instructions. “Ask yourself what do you think about the person or situation. Don’t be complicated, just a couple of words. But not emotions. Just logic. Keep breathing. You might start to make a connection now between what your body, heart and mind are telling you. Are they in agreement? Or is somethings not lining up with the others? That miss alignment creates an anxiety. It’s ok if its making you more anxious. You just might need to start again until things come together. “

Ever opened her eyes and sat back down,” How was that?”

Zeanar, CoP

Moving her hands to her forehead, Ria tried to do what Ever had asked, but found herself struggling even more than with it than when she had just tried to name the emotions she was feeling. Before long she started to feel overwhelmed and found her heart beating faster and her breathing becoming shallower and faster. Without making the conscious decision to do so, Ria moved one hand to her chest and the other to her stomach. She tried to breath deeply into her hands a few times and then opened her eyes, walking herself silently and slowly through a grounding exercises. It wasn’t long till her breathing and heart beat had returned to normal and she felt like she had things under control again.

Still standing where she had been, but with her arms now wrapped lightly around her midriff, Ria looked at Ever, a few tears still glistening on her cheeks, and said softly, “Okay at first. The physical part was easy. But …” Her voice faltered a little and she took a deep breath before she continued hesitantly. “I … uhm … started to feel … overwhelmed and … didn’t manage to finish the exercise.” She dropped her gaze, her cheeks turning pink, while fiddling a little with the fabric of her skirt.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

“Just like with anything we learn to do, things take practice. I think you did well for the first time. Breathing techniques have remarkable outcomes and effects. If you put the time and effort into it. Our mind is a muscle with multiple functions like any other part of our bodies,” Ever said smiling and moving back to take a seat on the couch. “Unless there is something in particular you need from me, I suggest we leave it for now. Though I expect you to make an appointment with my department as soon as we are settled back onto the Ogawa. That, I am afraid, is an order.” 

Lt. Commander Ever Zeanar, CoP

BUMP

OOC: I’m so sorry for keeping you waiting. RL has been … interesting (aka absolutely exhausting). Thank you for bumping the thread :)

IC:
Ria turned so that she was still facing Ever and nodded. “I know,” she said softly, her eyes flickering briefly up towards the other woman. “I learned one from my last therapist that helps to keep my anxiety under control when I notice that I’m getting anxious.” She smiled a little and then continued, “And yes, I will make an appointment. Even if you hadn’t told me to I would have. I … I know it helps and that … that my anxiety has gotten worse since I graduated.” She bit hard on her lower lip and seemed to curl in on herself while a slight frown appeared on her face.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

“Yes, well. That is not good at all Ensign. Not a healthy way for you to live and enjoy your life to the fullest and not safe for you or the rest of the crew. And I admit, I am more than a little concerned that this has increased since leaving the Academy. We need to get to the root of that as quickly as possible. In the meantime, at least until you are at a more manageable level, I am afraid I am going to have to place you on limited duties. Meaning no away missions for the time being or anything that would require dangerous decision making. I would also highly recommend you not become involved in romantic relationships. But of course, I can only recommend that and not enforce it. In order to foster a healthy relationship, you should be in a better head space to be able to make better choices and ones you truly want to make. Again, only advice. I think a couple of sessions with a counsellor and you will be ready to return to full duties though,” Ever said swirling the ice around the glass not breaking eye contact. “In the meantime, I think you should get some rest, eat right and exercise daily. Unless you have any questions, I think I would like to get some sleep myself.”

Zeanar, CoP


Posts on USS Ogawa

In topic

Posted since


© 1991-2024 STF. Terms of Service

Version 1.15.9