Posted Jan. 21, 2021, 6:30 p.m. by Lieutenant Tija Aizala (Visitor) (Silke Fahl)
Posted by Captain Willow Taylor (Commanding Officer) in Side Sim - SB 157 CO’s Temporary Office
Posted by Lieutenant Tija Aizala (Visitor) in Side Sim - SB 157 CO’s Temporary Office
Posted by Captain Willow Taylor (Commanding Officer) in Side Sim - SB 157 CO’s Temporary Office
Posted by… suppressed (8) by the Post Ghost! 👻(snip)
“I can imagine,” Tija said softly and then took a sip of her tea. After a moment of silence, she asked, “Do you miss it?”
~Lt. Tija Aizala, Doctor (med leave)
The captain considered the question a moment, tilting her head slightly and sipping her drink. She frowned. ”In many ways yes…i miss the simplicity of it, even if it isn’t simple.” she laughed lightly. ”Sorry I know that sounds oxymoronic.”
Willow Taylor
COBump
“Not at all Tija replied. “I may have never commanded a ship, but I have been a department head on an Academy ship. The administrativ side of leadership positions isn’t what we spent years and years preparing for. Unlike medical procedures. I can only speak for myself, of course, but in a way even the most complex surgery felt more natural and thus simpler to me than some of the paper work I had to do as Chief Medical Officer.” A soft soft chuckle escaped her lips and she shook her head slightly, making her earring tinkle ever so softly.
~Lt. Tija Aizala, Doctor (med leave)
Willow smiled. “I can relate to that, ” she said with a light chuckle. “So, what were you planning once you arrived? I know you said you wanted some rest but we will have an opening shortly…if that’s something you’d be interested in. “
Willow Taylor
COLooking straight at the Captain, Tija sighed softly and a slight frown appeared on her forehead. “I want to get back on duty as soon as possible, but …” Dropping her gaze she fell silent for a moment, hesitating while the frown deepened. “I’m on med leave and I’m not sure how soon I’ll be cleared for duty. The Challenger’s Counsellor and Starfleet Medical made it very clear that …” Her voice faltered again and this time she remained silent.
~Lt. Tija Aizala, Doctor (med leave)
Willow listened quietly. “Why don’t you tell me about it?” she asked kindly and waited for the other woman to feel comfortable enough to speak. She wasn’t in a rush after all
Willow Taylor
COFor several long moments, that felt like an eternity to Aizala, she just sat there in silence. Her hands in her lap, her head bowed. She was torn between wanting to talk about what had happened and wanting to continue to deal with it on her own. Showing herself fully, especially her vulnerability was something she had never learned to feel comfortable doing. Yet as much as she wished she could continue as she always had, the events on the Challenger had been an eye-opener. Even if she didn’t want to admit it.
Eventually she lifted her head, brushed her hand over her left ear as if to brush a strand of hair back and looked the Captain in the eyes. “I always thought I had … found a way to live with my sister’s death and my parents’ behaviour ever since. But …” Tija sighed softly and shook her head. She wouldn’t let herself breakdown in front of the Captain. So she did what she could to shove all those unwanted emotions deep down inside her and continued in a slightly detached voice, as if she was talking about a patient and not herself, “The last away mission on the Challenger was … challenging. We were on a rescue mission, but because of interferences in the atmosphere, we couldn’t beam down and the shuttle ride promised to be bumpy at best. One of the cadets started suggesting loudly that we’d have to let the shuttle fall towards the surface to make it in one piece. Something snapped inside me and I saw my sister falling of the edge of that mountain again. I had a panic attack and was unable to move. It took the Chief of Security and, I think, the Chief Engineer a bit to calm me down and snap me out of it. But I remained on edge the whole time and …” Her cheeks turned a flaming red and she dropped her gaze. “I snapped more than once at cadets and even some of the miners during that mission.” Looking up again, her expression a blank mask, she finished, “That’s why I’m here and on medical leave.”
~Lt. Tija Aizala, Doctor (med leave)
Willow listened quietly and felt her heart wrench in sympathy. However she didn’t respond in any way other than to nods her head encouragingly, her expression calm and neutral.
“Trauma, is a very difficult thing to overcome. And many times when we feel like we have dealt with it insignificant things can spark another surge of the emotions and the issues surrounded an event. It is no wonder that such a big issue triggered you. It’s important for you to know that you are only to be expected to act that way and that no one thinks less of you for dealing with things.” She smiled. “Even the ones you snapped at.”
Willow Taylor
CO“I think less of me,” Aizala almost blurted out, taking even herself by surprise. She hadn’t meant to say that, but found - if she was truly honest with herself - that it was how she felt. Even if she hadn’t been able to admitted even to herself till now. rationally she knew of course that her reaction had been within the norm, maybe it even was what one might expect. But till that moment the memories had never overwhelmed her like that. Not since she was little a child, anyway. As a result she was upset with herself for letting a stupid comment throw her off like that.
~Lt. Tija Aizala, Doctor (med leave)
Willow stood and moving to the replicator organised two mugs of chamomile tea which she then returned with and set one in front of Aizala. “Then stop. You shouldn’t.” she said. “We all think less of ourselves from time to time but we aren’t a good judge of our actions sometimes. Good or bad.”
Willow Taylor
CO
Reaching for the cup, Aizala wrapped her hands around it. It was only than that she realised how cold her hands were. Lifting the cup close to her nose, she inhaled deeply, her eyes closed and admitted in a soft whisper, “I don’t know how. And…” She suddenly hesitated and instead took a sip of the hot tea. Looking up at Willow again, she continued, “I understand why I’m on medical leave and why I can’t be on active duty. I’m currently a liability. At the same time I know that not being allowed to work at least in some way … it’ll drive me crazy. Maybe something that will help me figure out where to go from here. It was suggested to me that I might want to reconsider my field of expertise as I went into it because of my sister.” All of a sudden she noticed that tears were running down her cheeks. She quickly turned her head, hoping that Willow hadn’t noticed.
~Lt. Tija Aizala, Doctor (med leave)
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