STF

Take Chances

Posted June 10, 2021, 4:49 p.m. by Lieutenant Alexis Bonner (Scientist, Medical Researcher) (Jennifer Ward)

Posted by Lieutenant Dr. Solomon Kane (Medical Research & Development) in Take Chances

Posted by Lieutenant Alexis Bonner (Scientist, Medical Researcher) in Take Chances

Posted by Lieutenant Dr. Solomon Kane (Medical Research & Development) in Take Chances

Alexis sat, elbows on knees, hands laced together, thumbs sticking out side-by-side, chin on thumbs, deep in thought rocking slightly back and forth on the edge of the seat. After Myqian left Frigga came out from under her chair and sat looking at Alexis then finally pawing at her knee. Alexis got up walked across to the replicator, pulling the stylus out of her bun her hair falling loose, and ordered a bowl of water and a glass of ice water. She placed the bowl on the floor, and then drank the glass herself. The stylus tapping out an agitated rhythm the whole time. Then suddenly she returned the glass to the replicator, grabbed the bag she had been carrying, found a spot on the floor and sat, back to the wall of windows , and began reading through the PaDDs again.
Bonner

Kane watched her intently, eyeing the movements and the body language. When she finally settled down, he looked at her and said “You gonna talk to me? Or bury yourself in a search for something that isn’t in those PaDDs?”

Kane

Alexis wasn’t really reading the PaDDs, she was simply moving them from one stack to another not even looking at what was on them. Occasionally she would scroll, stare hard at what was on it, and then put it down. Her mind not focusing and not calming. “You keep telling me to use you as a distraction, but I don’t know what that means right now. I have questions but I don’t want the answers. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it.” She had three stacks of PaDDs and she was seemingly moving them about at random from one to the next, pausing to look but not seeing, her hands shaking. The stretch and reach to pick up-glance-and place each one almost covering the fact she was rocking back and forth. “He was IN my room while I was in the shower! I…I told him not to touch me and he laughed, told me to scream no one would care.” Figga had moved and was sitting in front of the door, just before the point it would recognize her and open. Alexis voice dropped, barely audible, and she was crying. “He was going to make me go. If I don’t do what he wants he’ll make me. He used to tease me and say all anyone had to do was lock me in a dark room and I’d do whatever they want. I don’t want to be bait for him, but it’s the best option. Give a sociopath the opportunity to obtain the object of their obsession and they will take it, it’s a compulsion.........I’m scared.”
Bonner

Kane moved over to her, shoved the PaDDs away with his foot, sat down in front of her and took her face in his tattooed hands. “Listen to me. He’s a manipulator. Thats what he does. You let him in, and he took root. Thats in the past now, though. Cant change it, can’t ignore it. So we deal with it. Head on. And with enough force and energy he can’t come back. He was going to try to make you go. But you didn’t. And he can’t make you do anything you don’t want to. Period. Now you don’t want to think about anything? Don’t. Use me like I said. Ask your non-stop questions about my life. Tattoos. Hair cut. Whatever. Or… we distract you another way. I teach you to draw. Or Mandarin. Or we go to bed and I hold onto you for however long you need me to. But if you know one thing for sure about me by now, Alexis… if anyone can distract you it’s me.”

Kane

Her eyes tracked the movement of his foot and the padds, looking but not reacting. She felt like she was on caught in a tornado that was spinning out of control, with no eye, not center of calm and no end to its fury. Everything was swirling and confusing and frightening and nothing would stay still long enough to focus, it all just slipped away. Until he took her face in his hands. Alexis looked at him while he talked, his hands and voice seemingly piercing the storm that swirled behind her eyes. She was still for a long moment, and then she moved onto his lap, arms and legs wrapped around him, pressing as close as she possible could to him, letting him hold her.

Then she began to mutter. It was all very wrong at first because her voice shook, but as she calmed it came out beautifully, “我家就是你家, my home is your home. 晚安, Good night. 你真了不起。奇怪 但很棒.” (You are amazing. Strange, but amazing.) But I don’t know what it means. You said, in the lounge, that you liked some of your tattoos. What’s one you like?”
Bonner

Kane kept his hands where they were and said “One of the ones I like best is on the front of my left thigh. Its called a ‘Gypsy Head’, and its supposed to bring good fortune. It was the last one I got before I left New Detroit. All the crew at the station got matching ones.”

Kane

Alexis stared back at him, held still by his hands. At first she was quiet, lost in the swirl. She couldn’t seem to hold onto any thought or question she might ask him. “Did…did it bring you all luck?” She didn’t know where to go forward. In the slowing storm, she knew she didn’t want to talk about him and what had and what would happen next. She knew she only wanted to think about nothing, but if she had to she wanted to think about Solomon. So she tried to use his words. “Why did you leave New Detroit? I know you said it was very hard place to be but every time you talk about the crew or station your voice changes. You’re very proud of them, you should be.” Her eyes landed on another and her hand slowly traced it as it followed up from the top of his sternum to around the side of his neck. “What’s about this one? I thought you cut your hair that way so people would see the dragon tattoo.” Her hands moved down his back over the scar there, as she tried to press closer. Her fingers felt gently at the scar tissue and then felt along the opposite side. “Twist left” and she felt the play if muscle “now right,” She concentrated on the feel and how far he could move before his face and back showed signs of pain. “How long did it take you to learn to draw? Is there anything other than drawing that you like to do? What’s another word in Mandarin?”
Bonner

Kane wordlessly complied, and his face showed no sign of pain. It wasn’t that it didn’t hurt… it was just that he was used to pain. “I dunno if it did or not. Here they’re all dead. Back there? I think a few lived. I left because I was tired, Lex. Tired of fighting to save people just to have someone else fighting to end them. At some point, I just realized it was never gonna change. That one -” and he took a slow breath as her fingers traced the tattoo on his skin, the pleasure of her touch obvious. “That one is a Mathusian funeral pyre fire. And I cut my hair like this because I like it. No other reason. I’ve always been able to draw. Don’t know where or how I learned. And yeah… there is something else I like to do besides draw. A few things, actually.” he said with an obvious look at her and then a small grin. “And another phrase in Mandarin is ‘ Wǒ bù zhīdào wèishéme dàn wǒ xiǎng wǒ ài nǐ’.” he said softly as he let his hands drop form her face and settle on her hips.

Kane

Seeing no sign of pain on his face she focused solely on the feel of the muscle and tissue under her fingers, making note of the point at which the feel of the tissue at the point of strain and when it refused to move further. Her fingers traced and gently probed around the scar tissue on the right of his spine, and then did the same on the left to the undamaged tissue. Then she began to massage, manipulate, and work the tissue on the left side, her other hand resting over the scar tissue on the right. She nodded at his explanation, but she didn’t speak. She opened her mouth several times as if the questions would begin again, but they didn’t. It wasn’t that she hadn’t heard him, but her mind simply couldn’t latch onto her own thoughts long enough to voice them. There was a tension forming in her as she tried to force her mind to focus on more than the scar on his back - on that she was hyper focused. “I wish…” and the thought slipped away… “No one ever…” and gone. “Who....did you....” Slowly, but almost suddenly felt, there was a release of tension around the outer edges of the scar tissue. “Skill…” and then there was the beginning of faint flush at his look and then gone. “Means?......Wǒ bù zhidao…Wo bù zhidao wiishme dàn…” There was a sound of frustration, she couldn’t get the words to form, to focus. “Wo bù zhidao wiishme dàn…wo xǎng wǒ ài nǐ’.” She tried again but it was no better. She looked at him, frustration and anxiety in her eyes. “I…I can’t.” It wasn’t for a lack of trying to focus. Her hands continued to work on his back. Use me like I said. She understood what he meant, but she didn’t want to use him, she wanted to…she didn’t know how to put the feeling to words or though. “I…I can’t stand it…” her hand began to massage the outer edge of the scar that had relaxed, “you’re hurting and I can’t stand it,” and she continued to work the opposite muscles as well.
Bonner

“Why can’t you, Lex? I can, and it’s my pain… not yours. And it isn’t bad. It just is what it is.” He pulled her to him so she was straddling him, legs around his waist, and he put his face close to hers, eyes locked onto her through strands of hair. “Why does me hurting make you upset? 我知道为什么,但你需要先说出来,这样你才能知道它的真实性.” he said softly, pushing back hard against her fingers so that her pressure on the scar caused his eyes to water.

Kane

Her voice was just as soft as his, “You said no one cared that you hurt. But I do; I want to be that person, and you said I got to be that person.” He pulled and she went, settling on his lap, her eyes settling on him and some small focus returning. “Because I don’t like it…” and he began to push back, eyes watering against the pain. “Solomon stop! I don’t want to hurt you. Stop!” She snatched both her hands away from his back, “I don’t want to hurt people I love.”
Bonner

Kane leaned in and kissed her, pulling her to him and not letting either breathe as he devoured her… and let her devour him. Suddenly he pulled back and looked at her. “我也爱你. That means I love you, too. And that means you are never alone again… understand?”

She knew what she said, it just took a few moments to realize she’d actually said it. Despite the way he was kissing her there was a tinge of fear, that she’d wake up and he wouldn’t be real. And uncharacteristically she decided if he wasn’t real she was going to hold on, so she could remember. She devoured him in turn until he pulled back. She breathed heavily, her brown eyes merged with his green. She was quiet, the words tumbling over and over in her head. She understood them, but she wanted to feel them. The words settled in her chest and that something fundamentally Alexis that he’d awoken a day, hours, before stared back at him and she nodded her head. Her voice feathered into the space, “I understand.” She didn’t try to repeat the words this time, “Teach me to say that.”

He took her face in his hands again and kissed her gently but with a strength that conveyed that he was hers. He then pulled back and said “Tell me how you feel, Lex… not what you think… but what you are feeling right now.”

Kane

Her hands come up to rest against his chest as he kissed her. How did she feel? She closed her eyes, forehead resting against his. How did she feel? “Breathless, giddy?, scared or maybe anxious, safe, wanted.......love- that I love you and you love me.”
Bonner


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