Posted Sept. 11, 2021, 5 p.m. by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) (Lindsay B)
Posted by Lieutenant Tija Aizala (Doctor) in XO’s Office - Seeking Advice
Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in XO’s Office - Seeking Advice
Posted by Lieutenant Tija Aizala (Doctor) in XO’s Office - Seeking Advice
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻(snip)
“I know,” Aizala replied as she allowed her guard to slip a little. “I have given similar advice to people regarding their journey of physical recovery so many times. I know healing takes time and can be rushed only so much. Even when I heal a broken bone with an osteoregenrator the body still needs time to fully recover. And yet here I am, struggling to give myself that time and grace. I feel so useless. I’ve been taking care of people for as long as I can remember. And now I can’t in the way I’m used to. In the way I want to. It’s frustrating. All because of something that happened a life time ago coupled with a single thoughtless comment.” For the first time some of the frustration and anger she felt rose close-ish to the surface. But she quickly shoved them back down.
~Lt. Tija, Doctor
Dira’s ebony gaze was intense and full of compassion “Aizala, if you’ll allow me a moment to be a therapist for a second? Maybe the lesson you are being asked learn here is to care for yourself as you would your patients. We health folk are terrible at being patients a lot of the time, but sometimes we need tp practice what we preach, yes?”
Commander Myqian, XO
Aizala nodded and held Dira’s gaze for a moment before looking down into her lap. “You are right. I know that. It’s just so hard to do,” she replied with a soft sigh before looking up again. “I guess I’m afraid. The thought of giving myself time to heal, to let myself actually feel all the emotions I know are inside of me … it feels like losing control and that is terrifying … the times in my life when I felt like I wasn’t in control … none of them were good,” she admitted, both to Dira and to herself.
~Lt. Tija, Doctor
“And that’s why we don’t go through this process on our own,” Dira said softly. ” It can be too much. So you lean on others- a therapist, friends- and you take it one step at a time. But also keep in mind that control is arbitrary. We tell ourselves we need it because it offers safety. So we have to trade a tiny bit of that safety in the pursuit of other things. And don’t you think it’s a worthwhile tradeoff? That there might be something better out there for us if only take the chance?”
Commander Myqian, XO
Aizala felt a small peng of sadness hit her at the word ‘friends’, but pushed that feeling aside. Dwelling on that wouldn’t be helpful and might only distract her from really listening to what Dira said. “I suppose so,” she replied thoughtfully, a small, slightly sad smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I …” She sighed softly and shook her head a little before starting again. “It’s something I’ve never really done or learned how to do. Giving up control, I mean. At least not when it comes to my personal life. Delegating tasks in sickbay is somehow much easier and not frightening at all. Despite the fact that so much more is often at stake there,” she admitted.
~Lt. Tija, Doctor
Thinking on that a moment Dira nodded slowly. “Perhaps it’s not so different. You’re just delegating responsibility, in a way, over the outcome. So for example, you’re having hard day and rather than keep it all bottled up you share that frustration with someone you get along with on duty. Now, they’re not taking that on for you, but in the sharing, we spread out the burden and invite others to carry it with us for a bit. That gives us relief and more energy and strength to tackle the next challenge. Does that make sense?”
Commander Myqian, XO
“Huh,” Aizala replied softly, a hint of surprise on her pale face. For a few moments that was all she said as she pondered Dira’s words in depth. Eventually she said, “I’ve never thought about it that way. The truth is, part of me has always been a little afraid of letting people get to close. Always worrying that I’d just get hurt again. And I also always felt that sharing my worries and problems and such with others would mean I’d merely burden them with it. I never even considered that it might not necessarily be a burden for the other person and how helpful it might be to talk to someone. I’m slowly starting to learn that. A year ago I wouldn’t even have come here to seek advice from you. I guess that is a bit progress in the right direction?”
~Lt. Tija, Doctor
“It is,” Dira said emphatically. “And you should absolutely give yourself credit for that progress. That was you, no one else. But it’s not always a straightforward process, so try to give yourself some grace should you find some days it’s just harder or messier. Because there will be those days, guaranteed.”
Commander Myqian, XO
“Thank you, Commander. I’ll do my best,” Aizala replied with a small, but soft smile. For a moment she dropped her gaze and stared thoughtfully into her empty tea cup. When she looked up again, she said, “But I should probably go. I don’t want to keep from your work. Thank you for your time.”
~Lt. Tija, Doctor
“You’re welcome anytime, and I mean that,” Dira said with a warm smile. “Have a good rest of your day Aizala.” She was starting to see how her old role and her new one would blend together a bit and it heartened her a bit to know that she could put those therapist skills to good use from time to time.
Commander Myqian, XO
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