Myqian's Quarters- Harsh Realities

Posted Dec. 1, 2021, 2:44 p.m. by Lieutenant Zoi Haven (Chief of Security) (Amber DeSadier)

Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in Myqian’s Quarters- Harsh Realities

Posted by Lieutenant Zoi Haven (Chief of Security) in Myqian’s Quarters- Harsh Realities

Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in Myqian’s Quarters- Harsh Realities
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻


Damn if she knew, but having Zoi there, with the physical contact and care she could both see and feel from the other woman calmed at least some of the fraught nerves in Dira’s psyche. Exhaling as she tried to calm her sobs, Dira stepped away and sank onto the sofa, patting the cushion beside her. “I don’t know exactly what I need,” she finally managed to say, though her voice was barely above a whisper. “But having you here does help.”

She followed Dira to the couch, unfolding the dark green blanket and putting it over Dira’s shoulders. It was well loved, soft and warm. She knew from experience that it had a way of just making things better when she was wrapped up in it and she hoped that it would do the same for Dira.

Leaning back and tipping her head up towards the ceiling, Myqian exhaled sharply, forcibly expelling the air in her lungs in a way that eased some of the tension within her. “There are things happening that I can’t entirely discuss myself, though you may want to talk to the Captain about them, but let’s just say that some old wounds have been unexpectedly ripped open and…” She forced herself to breathe through the rising sobs. “And it’s all too much. The grief, the anger. I don’t know what to do with it just now. Things I had thought I had dealt with, I know now alI just covered them over and moved on.”

Commander Myqian, XO

“Well, you of all people know that happens when the mind needs to protect itself. Eventually we have to face trauma or it sneaks up on us doesn’t it.” She picked up Dira’s hand and placed it between her two. Zoi had no idea what the Captain had to do with all of this and wondered what that could mean. Surely if anyone should talk to her about things directly concerning Dira, it should be the woman herself? Confused, she put that aside for now and focused on the situation at hand. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to with me, but you probably should talk it through with someone.”

Haven, CoS

Dira leaned to the side, all but collapsing against Zoi. “I can’t, that’s the thing. I’ve already broken orders mentioning it already, and yes I know I can talk about it with a therapist because of confidentiality.” She blew out a breath. Dira wanted to share openly with Zoi, but she didn’t want to get her into trouble. “Dammit!” she sobbed before immediately drawing in another deep breath.

Zoi felt her heart tug hard as Dira’s emotions rolled over her like a wave. The intense sadness and hurt were emotions Zoi could empathize with, having known their like in her own lifetime. Zoi caught her gently and held her with one arm while her hand still held on to Dira’s. The XO had always seemed so collected that it was a surprise to see her in this state. But the Chief of Security was pretty quick on her feet and she placed her surprise and her own feelings on the back burner for now. It was possible that her concerns would be answered shortly. She could tell Dira needed to get something off her chest.

“It’s about Paige, Zoi. The way she died was… preventable. Maybe not in that exact moment but she should have never been in the position to sacrifice her life in the first place. When people learn I lost my fiancee, I rarely tell anyone that I was there, that I watched her die and knelt at her body and confirmed her lack of pulse, eyes gazing at me vacantly before they pulled me away.” Dira began rubbing her fingers tips up and down Zoi’s fingers as a way to keep herself in the present, to remind herself she was here and okay. But it was hard. “I lost a piece of myself and all these years I haven’t been able to figure out how to fill it in a healthy way, how to mend that hurt. Because Zoi, I knew too much. I’m a telepath and when I confronted people about the truth, I was ordered into silence. And I couldn’t really say now without ruining my career. And at the time I felt like my career was the one thing giving me a path forward without Paige. If I lost that, I would be nowhere.”


Zoi didn’t know what to say to that. The security part of her, the integrity part of her wanted the truth to come out, but she also didn’t know if Dira would be willing to come forth now with that truth or if it would be helpful for her to do so. Also, perhaps this wasn’t the time for advice but rather simply sitting and holding the woman she had come to hold dear. She took in a deep breath and sighed heavily, tightening her arm around Dira. “I am so sorry dearest. You are not alone. You have support now. I am right here.”

Haven, CoS

Curling in towards Zoi more, Dira just sobbed. And sobbed.

Zoi held her and let her cry. Some people might have found this to be awkward or want to solve the situation, but Zoi understood there weren’t always fixes and sometimes all people need is to get it out. Her mother’s condition was not something that could be fixed and Zoi had spent many an hour holding her as she cried or raved or stared off into the distance humming softly. Thus she waited patiently, holding Dira in her arms with strength and compassion for the woman who grieved.

It was as if she had been holding in a particular hurt for years and it was only now that it had finally risen to the surface. The truth probably wasn’t that far off either. But like all acts of catharsis, eventually the moment passed and soon she was sniffling a little, but breathing more evenly. “I’m sorry. I just… the last couple days have been hard. There’s a situation on the ship that triggered all these old things and I just didn’t know what to do with it all. It’s been over ten years, Zoi. I thought Paige’s death would hurt less. Instead, it was just shifted into something else.” But there was an anger under the surface that she aware of, yes, but not ready to properly acknowledge. It felt… dangerous. But Kane came to see me about an hour ago. He *cleaned…” Dira started laughing. “Oh you should have come then and you could have seen my mess that I confessed.” Now her quarters had been tidied, and she had even picked up the pile of clothes he’d gathered and dumped at her bedroom door. “And I showered for the first time in days.” It sounded pathetic, even to her.

Commander Myqian, XO

“They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite. Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness, but represent how much they meant to you. Sometimes, we put aside a piece of that grief so we can function but things rarely stay where we put them in our mind. Zoi looked around the room and noted the tidying that had been done. She could imagine what this place could look like in the throws of depression. She grinned as Dira started laughing. “Well I am glad you showered dearest. It would have been a little hard to hold you this close if you hadn’t. Like any good partner, I would have of course done it anyway, but I am glad not to have my nostrils burning while I was being gallant and supportive.” She chuckled a bit an squeezed Dira close again.

Haven, CoS

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