Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Chief of Psychiatry) in Counselling Suite- Doctors Make the Worst Patients
Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in Counselling Suite- Doctors Make the Worst Patients
He wasn’t wrong. And yet it was so much more than that. “I failed her,” she whispered. “The recent events that brought that all up had me sharing stuff I’ve never shared with anyone. Stuff I’m not supposed to share. But there is a point where an individual in Starfleet has to decide whether to follow orders or share information. I needed to share it for my own mental health- to hold it back was going to break me- but it’s still not public and…” She blew out a slow breath. “If I were to counsel myself, I’d point out that the old trauma was never processed and perhaps I’m starting to process it now. And I think that as I am finding myself in this new role, I’m worried I’ll be forced into a similar situation, and that I will lose Zoi as well.” It wasn’t even until she had said it that she could see how obvious her fear was. None of them were guaranteed anything in life, and she was not one to live in fear, but suddenly her choice to pursue this thing with Zoi was being painted in a different light and it terrified her.
Commander Myqian, XO
“Why do you think you might lose her? A piece of your past might push her away or do you fear for her wellbeing?” Séan asked softly as he mind raced to connect fragments of the conversation together. What had failing Paige meant? Failed to protect her, to protect the memory of her, or failed to keep a secret pertaining to her? There currently wasn’t enough information but he wasn’t going to push too hard too quick when the puzzle didn’t need to be solved this very instant. It would come in its time and until then he needed to make sure people were safe mentally as well as physically.
Dira shook her head. The two people weren’t directly connected but she was having a hard time sorting out her thinking as the same time. “I knew, at the time that people we were working with were withholding information, but I didn’t say anything. I trusted those in charge. Paige leapt into the line of fire to save somehow else. Instinct. But I picked up a thought and correctly traced it to one of these people. When I confronted people about it later, I was shit down, ordered into silence. I lost it. I don’t think I’ve forgiven them and I don’t think I can. But more than that I didn’t trust my own instincts and push earlier. The thought of making that same mistake has kept me from pursuing relationships. Until Zoi. I can’t explain what it is about her, but she’s different. I’m different too. And yet, I can’t help but wonder if letting myself be in a relationship here will cloud my judgement, cause me to not listen to my instincts. All I do know for certain is that I could never forgive myself if I let something happen to her. I can handle the risk inherent in our jobs. But if it’s my mistake I think it would be one I couldn’t recover from.” And yet she desperately wanted to be with Zoi. Every part of her said so.
Commander Myqian, XO
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