Posted by Lieutenant Commander Zoi Haven (Chief of Security) in Haven’s Quarters- More to Celebrate
She smiled softly and brought her hand up to Doras cheek. She understood having the desire to truly be known by someone. Her mother, in her lucid moments knew so much of her that a tiny change to her facial expression would tell her mother what she needed to know. A flutter of her heart could tell her how Zoi was feeling. She missed that connection and closeness to someone as much as she missed her mother.
“Of course it does. Who else specializes on masking and keeping people at a distance on this ship? It just goes to show how suited we are to one another. I want to know you but I also don’t like to rush in my personal life I suppose. I’m a bit scared if I am being honest. This is a big step for me.”
“I know,” Dira said with a smile. “It’s why I’m not at all upset. At each step we both have to figure out where we are at and adjust from there.”
She leaned forward to kids Dira with great tenderness then places her forehead on hers. “You are beautiful and sweet and funny and clever. I… I am a bit of a mess.” She laughed softly.
Foreheads touching, it was a very intimate gesture and it soothed something in Dira beyond just a simple touch. “No more or less than the rest of us, my dear,” she said. “We’re both finding our feet in this relationship because we both feel so strongly. And that is scary sometimes.” Staying exactly where she was, Dira slipped her hand into Zoi’s. It wasn’t the same sort of connection that the canar created, but it did fortify Dira’s presence, even if by a little bit. “But I am here with you through it. We’ll figure it out together, and I hope along the way we can push each other a little more out of our comfort zones. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in years. And right now is the first time since I realized I’ve had feelings for you that I’m not worried about Paige, or what it says about me. I can move on, because you make me feel courageous enough to do so, dear Zoi.”
She smiled, eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of Dira’s hand. There was comfort in Dira’s words, and hope too. Zoi could feel she meant it to her very soul. She felt the fear of something new that could potentially hurt her or make her world forever better. She felt the burgeoning hope that this was turning into something very real and long term, something Zoi had not allowed herself to consider or hoped for before this woman came into her life. It was a lot to process but they had been so good about fostering the feelings between them slowly and carefully.
Finally she breathed in slowly, coming back to the moment rather than the feelings it evoked. “When Franks kidnapped you, I swear my heart nearly burst, but the situation and how we handled it tells me that we have the ability to really make this work…not just in a hypothetical way, but a very real way. That to me is like a breath of fresh air. I can’t get enough. Do we dare put a label on what we are to one another?”
Pulling back enough to gaze at Zoi and into her lovely eyes, Dira inhaled slowly. “When I called out for you in my mind I had no true hope that it would work. But it did. That tells me everything. When I thought he would take me away and I’d never see anyone again, I…” She paused and took another deep breath, her eyes earnest. “I realized just much I love you Zoi Haven. And it’s terrifying and beautiful at the same time. So much has changed since we first met, since I first joined the crew as first officer, but you’ve been this one constant. I don’t want that to change.” Such confessions could go badly if the feelings were reciprocal and she in no way wanted to push Zoi, but she had to be honest with herself and Zoi about how she felt. Otherwise, there was no way forward for them, and she desperately wanted a path forward.
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