Posted by Ensign Iyun Riani (Scientist) in SB 157 Arboretum

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Ever Zeanar (Chief of Psychiatry) in SB 157 Arboretum
SNIP

As the lights flickered and came to life, the quarters were indeed standard. Neatly stacked in the far corner were four medium sized crates which held all of Ever’s worldly possessions. Nearly half were clothes and shoes. Goddesses she loved shoes. Nothing save the cylinder brought from OED, held any interest to an outsider. No souvenirs. Crossing the room, Ever kicked off her shoes and sat on the only couch in the room. As she poured a  glass of water from a tall thin blue beaker, she glanced at Riani as though she suddenly remembered she was not alone. After pouring a second glass, she held one out to her guest. “Andorian. Much better than the water on Bajor any day.” 

Lt Commander Zeanar, CoP

Even if Ever wasn’t a Betazoid, it would be hard to miss how uncomfortable Riani felt. Her body language and facial expression left no doubt about that. Not that she believed the other woman would do anything to her or that she was afraid of her or anything. But being in the quarters of someone she had only just met for the first time? It felt too private, too intimate. And yet she didn’t want to be rude or cause any trouble. So she stepped forward and took the glass Ever offered. Yet she remained standing and with her free hand fiddled with the top layer of her skirt.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

Ever ignored Iyun’s discomfort both in her mind and body language. “You are the one who was stalking me. I should be nervous. Sit. Let’s talk. Tell me, Ensign, what was it about me that attracted your interest? “

Zeanar, CoP

Feeling beyond awkward and self-conscious, Riani walked over to the couch and sat down in the furthest corner from Ever. “I honestly didn’t mean to stalk you. I’m sorry, Ma’am. I’m not even sure I can say way. It wasn’t a conscious decision,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. All the while she fidgeted with the tips of her hair while looking down at her lap.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

“Well never mind. Here you are and it seems something is bothering you Ensign.  I am not exactly on duty yet, but I don’t mind having a chat for a few minutes. Though I think once the Ogawa is underway, you need to make an appointment with Dr. Grayson on a regular bases,” Ever said softly. It wasn’t her intentions to make the woman uncomfortable, but then, Iyun would likely appear uneasy in about any situation. “So what is troubling you?” 

Zeanar, CoP

Ria nodded, her eyes still fixed on her lap. “I know and I will,” she said meekly before falling silent once more, contemplating Ever’s question. There were so many things on her mind all the time. So many things she seemed unable to stop worrying about. And she was always worried that, if she let her guard down even a little, all her emotions would come to the surface and would be visible for everyone and that thought alone made her chest tighten slightly with anxiety. Eventually she replied, her voice just above a whisper, “This is all just so very new to me. I only just graduated.” And to herself she added,‘And I don’t think I’m good enough. Surely someone made a mistake and it won’t be long till they realise it.’

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

“There were far too many tests and evaluations conducted and passed by you long before today. Just getting into the Academy is impossible for most. Starfleet only takes the best of the best. Rarely is a mistake made on entrance considerations. Even if the advisers had selected you incorrectly, making it through the Academy would not have happened. You would have been dropped out long before graduation. But you know all that already. As for being good enough....none of us know that until we have been pushed to the edge of what we can do, what we can be and then coming out on top. It’s not until we have been tested and tried in the actual universe and not in a sterile classroom environment that we find our voices and strength. Everything is uncertain and that is the beautiful part of this adventure. This self doubt you are having, whatever these voices are in your head and spirit, they are keeping you from reaching your potential. Stand up. I want to show you an exercise,” Ever said as she stood up.

Lt. Commander Ever Zeanar, CoP

“I suppose you’re right,” Ria mumbled and then looked at Ever for a brief moment, wondering what she was going to show her, before she actually rose to her feet. Clutching her left upper arm with her right hand, she looked nervously at the other woman; though she never fully met her gaze. “What … what would you like me to do?” she asked nervously.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

“Just a little something I do if I am feeling anxious or I am uncertain of a situation or a person. Whenever you feel like you can not trust your own judgement, it is because not everything is aligned together for harmony to give us the peace and certainty, or at least closer to. So place your hands on your stomach, one on top of the other and close your eyes,” Ever said as she went through the motions. “Now ask yourself, how does that situation feel to your spirit or whatever spiritual thing that drives your life. Is it ok when I say that person’s name or put a voice to the situation? Or is it causing me anxiety? Leave your hand there and keep your eyes closed for a few minutes. Concentrate on the feeling it sends throughout your body from head to toe. Not your emotions or what you think about it, just how it feels within your body. “

“Alright, after that seems settled and you have found it, move your hands to your heart. How does the person or situation make you feel emotionally? Don’t judge it, push it away or try and control it, just name it,” Ever said as she moved her hands to her heart, eyes still closed. “Take deep breathes in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly, until you know what emotions you are feeling. “

“Once you put a name to the emotions, move your hands to your forehead,” Ever said as she followed her own instructions. “Ask yourself what do you think about the person or situation. Don’t be complicated, just a couple of words. But not emotions. Just logic. Keep breathing. You might start to make a connection now between what your body, heart and mind are telling you. Are they in agreement? Or is somethings not lining up with the others? That miss alignment creates an anxiety. It’s ok if its making you more anxious. You just might need to start again until things come together. “

Ever opened her eyes and sat back down,” How was that?”

Zeanar, CoP