Chloe took a small sip of her watered-down white wine spritzer. It was far more sprite than wine but it allowed Chloe to fit in with the crowd at the party. The Annual Children’s Hosptial Charity Auction was a standard event she and Nathan had attended for years. It had always been a perfect night. She and Nate made a full day of it even though it was only thirty minutes from their house. They called a babysitter in overnight, booked a hotel room in the city, and just enjoyed one night out as Nathan and Chloe versus Mom and Dad who still had a curfew because the babysitter needed to be home by one. Clearing her throat, she let out a deep breath trying to relax. She felt like an outsider even though the room was filled with people she knew. They laughed and talked while Chloe just stood off to the side staring at the activity. Nathan had not left her side all night except for now. Someone ha needed to speak to Nathan and he needed a moment alone. Any other time this might have seemed odd. Tonight, she was happy to have a second away from his watchful gaze.

Soft music from a piano and harp filled the room. There was no words but the beat felt like a somber melody instead of a classical piece. The ambient yellow glow from the dimmed lights and fireplaces of the french bistro inspired design did not seem to give off enough warmth to the room. Chloe rubbed her arms brushing the chill off. Was it real or imagined, she could not tell. All Chloe Harland knew was that she was counting the minutes until she would arrive back home and able to go back to bed. Nate had forced her to come out with him. He had been forcing her to do a lot of things recently. Most probably because Nathan was scheduled to return to the Odin sometime soon. Chloe was only biding her time until he left. Once he was gone, she would be able to recover her own way from the events six weeks ago. Nathan was dealing with the loss in his own way, yet somehow he had found a way to do this entering the world of the living. Chloe needed time to herself before she re-entered life.

“How are you honey,” Sam Michaelson reached out rubbing her shoulder. He was a long time associate of Nathan from the hospital. They had kids the same age as Chloe and Nathan. Since that day, all interactions with him and his family has came to an abrupt halt. Too many good times, too many happy memories between the Michaelson and Harland family created a crushing obstacle for anything but small talk.

“Good,” Chloe plastered her fake smile on her face letting her eyes drift to Nathan a few feet away talking to a group of doctors from the hospital. Somehow, Nate was able to keep his back to Chloe as he talked with the group of doctors yet still find a way to look back every few moments. Her nod seemed to assure him she was okay. He pointed to his watch giving her a soft smile. It was that cue between married people developed after years of being together. She was to count to sixty and then extricate him from the conversation. This could not come at a more opportune time. She needed to distance herself from Sam. “I got the invitation from Laura about Denise’s party. Logan would love to come. I am sorry I didn’t RSVP but,” she felt her throat tighten. Birthday parties were always a whole family event. There was no way she ould show up without Maddie but saying this would only cause her to breakdown and Sam to feel uncomfortable. Luckily, Michaelson gave her a clean excuse.

“We never doubted you weren’t coming. It’s a power girls theme. Denise is all about the nerf guns so this time Logan and Brady won’t get in trouble for throwing things at the girls,” Sam joked. His smile was genuine remembering all the good times Chloe seemed no longer able to find.

“So no time out station,” Chloe managed a weak joke quickly drinking a large gulp of her spritzer.

“Oh, I didn’t say that,” Sam let out a bubble of laughter. “I just said that this time they can shoot the birthday girl.” For a brief second life seemed to return to normal. Choe took a breath that didn’t seem to be a physical effort. If she could have held onto this second, maybe she could have made it through the conversation. Instead, Chloe noticed Laura making her way over to them. Talking to Sam was one thing. Talking to Laura was something different.

“Excuse me,” Chloe made a show of pointing to Nathan a few feet away. “Duty calls. He gave me the high sign to rescue him. Duty calls,” she touched Sam’s arm with a soft smile before slipping away just as his wife arrived. In the back of her mind, Chloe vaguely heard Laura ask Sam how Chloe was doing. Whether this conversation was real or imagined didn’t matter. Everyone said something to that accord when they left her or Nate’s presence. Weaving between the half a dozen people separating them, Chloe reached out to tap her husband’s shoulder when a hand firmly grasped her wrist pulling her onto the small heated balcony next to the reception room. If she had not been on so many drugs, her reaction might have been faster to stop this. The heater fought off the worst of the cold March chill. Still, the icy air felt like needles on her arms and legs.

“I’m sorry baby,” Ben rubbed her arms seeing the goosebumps covering them. “I just haven’t been able to get a moment alone with you all night. I was coming over when Michaelson interrupted.” Taking her hand, Ben moved her two steps over to the portable heater which held to glasses of liquor. One was a lemon drop martini and the other a stiff scotch. “I have tried for weeks to get in touch with you honey,” he handed her the drink. It felt icy in her hand as she raised it to her lips drinking half in a large swallow. The liquor went down so easy. It also showed just how weak the two drinks Nate had given her were.

“My phone broke. Nate broke my phone,” she edited her statement to be more precise. The anti-depressants mixing with the alcohol were finally relaxing her enough to dull the parts of her mind that needed it. Her statement did not need further explanation for Ben. The calls to the house, her sisters, the reasons Chloe had not sought him out were crystal clear now.

“That’s fine baby. Give me the number for your new one. I will only reply to you when you text me. When he leaves we can go out to dinner and talk about things,” Ben polished off his drink setting it down on the marble tray next to them.

“No,” Chloe said swallowing the rest of her drink. The liquid now coursing through her body let Chloe have the courage to do this, in a room next to most of her and Nate’s friends.

“Baby I don’t mean in town. I get it that discretion is going to be needed. Maybe we go to that seafood place out of town you loved,” he gave her a small smile reaching out to caress her arm.

“No I mean it’s over. All of it,” Chloe said.

Ben’s hand froze on her arm as his face wrinkled up in confusion. “Honey I know you are going through a lot but,”

“But nothing,” she immediately cut him off. “It’s over. I need to move on. I should not have let it happen in the first place. I love Nathan. I always have. I always will,” she looked at Ben with a neutral expression.

“And I love Jayne but,” Ben immediately began to feel a knot forming in his stomach. His hand closed tighter on her arm as his finger stroked her bicep gently. He wanted to take her in his arms but the balcony was too public.

“But what?” Chloe’s tone became sharper. Her eyes took on a serious stare. “You leave Jayne. I leave Nate. That was never in the plans. What we did was a mistake. We were a mistake. What we did was not out of love or passion. It was two stupid people being spoiled,” Chloe’s tone was firm. There was no wiggle room to be interpreted which was making Ben panic.

“Chloe,” he drew out her name. Ben had heard Chloe was taking a lot of drugs recently which might be explaining her current stance. Yes, it was light and fun. That is why there should be no reason to end it.

“Nathan knows and god,” she looked up at the black night sky sprinkled with stars,”why he is still with me I have no idea.” After a long pause, she looked Ben in the eyes. “I did something terrible to him and I will work every day for the rest of my life to apologize for it. I love my husband.”

“I love Jayne,” Ben countered.

“Goodbye Ben,” Chloe gave him a single glance before turning to head back into the party.

Nathan had been pressed up for some time to the side of the wall as he had been hearing most of what was going. Chloe’s eyes had lost track of where he was as he began to notice someone that had made his stomach lurch. The truth was as he stood pressed hard that he had no reason to fear what his wife would do. They had made mistakes and both caused pain, but both seemed to want to try and find a way to move forward.

“Chloe it can’t be over. Let me call you in a day or so,” Ben pulled her back some. Chloe was the perfect distraction. They both had families. They both had spouses they would never leave. This just gave them an outlet for the humdrum of a married life.

“Ben if you ever want to speak to me do it in front of my husband. Don’t call. Don’t contact me. You are free to act like you never knew me,” Chloe said. “For some reason, Nate is giving me another chance with him and I am not going to lose it.” Her voice was firm with conviction. Nothing about her tone or posture indicated Chloe would ever change her mind. Tugging her arm slightly it fell from Ben’s grasp as she set her glass down and headed back into the party.

Chloe

“I will give you two weeks,” Ben said softly taking a long draw from his drink before turning away and looking at the Boston skyline. He knew all that she had been through recently. Right now Nathan was home. In a month he would be gone again. Rumor on the street was that Chloe and the kids would not be joining him at his placement. She would be back or at least want to in the future and Ben wanted Chloe to know that door would always be open.

As Chloe walked past leaving Ben standing lost Nathan grabbed onto her arm exposing his presence as he pulled her close. Her heart raced and she felt that hot surge of adrenaline shoot down from the base of her skull throughout her body. It was followed by the icy rush that made one shiver. Everyone had felt this reaction in their life and knew it instantly. It was the rush of a roller-coaster plunge. It was stopping fast before you hit someone driving when you took your eyes off the road for a second. It was the sensation of being caught by the one person in the universe you never wanted to see you do something.

All words left her as Chloe looked up at Nathan. Her throat was dry, her legs wobbly. The icy blue of his gaze intensified the cold coursing through her veins as epinephrine flowed in her blood carrying the electric shock of his unexpected presence to every nerve ending in her body. The first conversation of her illicit affair was the cause of her daughter’s death. It was the one conversation she and Nathan never had throughout this ordeal. Having it would break them into pieces that could never be reassembled. He would accuse that if she never had an affair they would not have fought and taken their eyes of Maddie. Chloe would accuse Nathan of driving her to a state where she had to turn to another man for emotional and physical contact. Both would have been correct to an extent yet finding a winner would not bring their daughter back. Chloe’s throat closed so tightly it actually hurt to breathe as if her body was preventing the second conversation of her illicit affair which would cause the death of their marriage.

He knew she would be shocked, but he wasn’t trying to put any fear in her as he kissed her deeply. This was his soulmate, dented and scarred. He wasn’t going to let her ever feel like he didn’t love her. Chloe didn’t care who saw or watched them at this moment. The kiss was not like the ones being tossed about the party as lovers tempted their dates with the promise of more to come later. It was base and primal. Nathan pulled her body to his gripping her arm so hard the flesh dimpled white around his fingertips. Chloe leaned into him with such force, Nathan moved a hairsbreadth backward into the hard oak wall stopping her from pushing him off balance. A simpering whine left her mouth as her lips met his. It represented all the words begging for forgiveness she could not verbalize as Nathan’s free hand rose to the base of her skull pressing her lips tighter to his. The gesture that was always soft and affectionate now held a wave of physical anger. It felt as if Nathan was on the verge of opening the Pandora’s box between them yet Chloe needed this. The entire room might be seeing it as a goodbye only she knew it was a silent promise to never let her go. The marks on her arm in the morning would not have been made out of rage but out of desperation to hold onto a world he did not want to slip through the same fingers that create them. The moment lasted an eternity until she felt him loosened his grasp. Still reeling by the swell of emotions in her Chloe tilted her face up to look into his eyes once again. Before she could say a word he kissed the top of her forehead as he gently pushed her aside and moved forward for Ben to fully see his presence.

“Nathan,” Ben said casually watching him approach. Harland’s demeanor often drifted to the dark and moody so the steady approach of his mistress’ spouse did not concern him as much as it should have.

“Ben…” Nathan said low and cool as he walked up to the man as he came within inches of his body as Nathan grabbed his hands around his front as he pulled and lifted up as he pressed him to the edge of the balcony edge as he looked into the eyes of the man as he stared down at him. Ben’s eyes grew wide. He had expected vulgarity and even the possibility of a physical strike from Nathan Harland but not the cold, calculating and the almost reptilian way the man slide across the balcony seemingly devoid of emotion. “Never come anywhere near my family ever again…” he said cooly as Nathan felt Ben trying to get out of the grip. Fear caused an instant flight response in Ben’s body. The cool aloofness to which Nathan was handling the situation terrified the man more than an endorphin response. Harlan’s words and actions were calculated and whatever the man was about to do, showed that Nathan was in complete control. Ben’s feet slipped across the slick tiles as the metal rail of the balcony cut like a blade into his lower back.

“You can have her back. It was just an affair of convenience,” Ben blurted out hoping that his words would reassure Nathan he would never talk to Chloe again. Years of working as a therapist taught Ben that telling people what they wanted to hear often had a soothing effect.

Pressing hard Nathan fully shoved the man over the edge of the metal rail.

Ben’s arms pinwheeled as his shoe squeaked along the ceramic tile searching for a toe hold as the top of his body cantilevered past the point of righting itself. Several people rushed forward with a few leaning to swipe the air in a futile attempt to stop the descent of Ben’s body. Gasps could be heard from everyone. Some were directed for Ben as they rushed to the ledge unsure how to react when they saw the body broken and bloody on the pavement below. Others were towards Nathan as the man spun around tugging at his cuffs so that they rested back down on his wrists where they were meant to be. Everyone’s face held an expressionless awe as they watched Nathan turned back, without a care, to a stunned Chloe seconds before a giant splash could be heard.

For those who looked over, they would find a wet and angry Ben soaked in the pool from under where they were as he got his bearings as he tried to swim to the edge as Nathan never once looked back, instead kept his gaze fully on Chloe. “You ready to head home?” he asked her softly as he offered his arm for her to wrap around as he knew she would comply, she always knew when to follow his lead.

Nathan Harland

Nodding her head she slipped her arm into the crook of Nathan’s extended elbow. The chatter was a dull white noise Chloe could not decipher if she wanted to. Her dalliances were always spoken in hushed whispers among the women in the room. It was only fitting these whispers would be smothered in the same soft tones as she and Nathan left the party.

Chloe