10 Years Ago
https://www.star-fleet.com/core/stf3/outpost42/notes/69387/ Original post
SNIP

“I have… begun to dread putting on my uniform, it represents an apathy I have grown to hate,” he said softly as he took another swig of his drink. This reasoning was much of why he had begun living away from the base, in a place he could have roots in. Somewhere he could learn the names of people and feel alive and not just part of a cog that kept the Federation churning.

“This is not the Starfleet I expected,” Chloe admitted in a soft tone. “I am not sorry I came though. The people need us and they need you even if you can’t see it. I saw the way those people in the bunker looked at you. You might be numb to it but I have fresh eyes.”

“I have felt like I have been able to help people in the past six months more than I have my entire career… I just had to learn I couldn’t do things the way they were, and I knew, in the end, my only saving grace was ever you.” Nathan said in a quiet tone as he looked down at Chloe, wondering what all this talk would mean for her. She hadn’t said more than a few words but he knew she would listen to him in the moments he felt most in crisis. She always knew had to calm his spirit.

Nathan Harland

“So suddenly, I’m in love with a stranger,” she asked in a soft tone. It was questioning but not looking for a real answer.

“You hated that song…” Nathan said with a small chuckle to himself. It had scored him quite a few times in bars while at the academy. For a period of time, Nathan often wondered if he let the ‘one’ swim away was that Lexi girl. One amazing night turned into a girl he never could find the next morning or even a last name. He chalked it up to Jewish guilt, her leaving as she did. Their connection had been nothing compared to when he finally meet Chloe.

“No, I hate the girls that hear it and think it is so them,” Chloe pulled out a twang on the last few words. “I how happy were you when they mixed up your entry song and I was singing there goes my hero,” she belted out perfectly in pitch only to add Watch Noah as he goes as the end of the song.

“Thought so,” she wrinkled up her nose.

“Stay here,” she patted his leg getting up. “Don’t move,” she pointed a finger at him and winked. Chloe knew what she needed to help Nate was in this room but where was going to be the question. Looking around she visualized the place put back together. While highly inappropriate, Chloe started to laugh.

“Baby aside from the hole in the wall I am starting to wonder how much of this mess is aux bachelorel or debris from the attack,” Chloe put her hands on her hips spinning around a bit.

“I knew where everything was, nothing was ever out of place… just not where anyone else thought to put it,” Nathan replied smirking as he couldn’t help but laughing lightly to himself. “You just need to embrace the madness of the method.”

“You need to embrace that when we are married all this is gonna have a place and not on my floor,” she swirled her finger around the room. “Now shush.”

Closing her eyes, Chloe took a deep breath and shook her head letting her hair fall softly around her shoulders. The action and her pose could easily have been mistaken for a yoga class until Chloe headed towards the bedroom. Coming out she had something in her hand and a smirk on her face. “Hero I am not judging here. Okay, maybe slightly but I am from Connecticut and you know how uptight and judgy we Connecticutians can be. Anyway, before I ask you to play this,” she laid the guitar on his lap, “should I or shouldn’t I be concerned it was laying on my side of the bed.”

“I like having something next to me… and you always asked me to play you to bed so… seemed logical,” he said as he palmed the guitar as he looked over it with a smile. Music was always his second passion, something the two shared in common in fact.

“Good answer there,” Chloe feigned a bit of jealousy.

“Play me something and not that bubble gum blues stuff that paid the bills back in the Albatros Bar next to the Academy. Play me,” she stressed the word putting one of his hands on the neck of the instruments, “something that moves you.”

Chloe

“Hey, that bubble gum blues got me a lot of… really nice memories,” Nathan said as he looked down as he began picking slowly as he wondered what to play.

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days,” she flopped down on the couch next to him. “And as long as they are memories,” she gave him a playful sloppy kiss on the cheek, “I will not force you to have a mind wipe.”

Luckily the guitar did have a built-in self-powered amplifier, it allowed playing without power much easier. “I had been writing something new… I often would be asked to play some of my songs. It never felt right playing them without you in the audience though.” he said as he began to strum slowly as he began to build up the song.

Closing her eyes she leaned back with her head on the couch letting the melody flow over her. It sounded like he was just playing around with chords but the chords created a melody that seemed to resonate into a song she knew but didn’t. It has dark and brooding like Nathan could be at times. The base melody actually made Chloe feel anxious and edgy as if something bad was lurking around every note. The longer the somber notes filled the room, the more Chloe wanted to squirm on the couch as if she was trying to physically distance herself from something oppressive but invisible and unknown.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esypvd3NWto

“N- n- now th- that that don’t kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can’t get much wronger
Man I’ve been waitin’ all night now
That’s how long I’ve been on ya”

The lyrics poured with the dark haunting soulful sound Nathan always held within him. The music he made for himself was always described by Chloe as hauntingly beautiful when he let go of the trappings of pomp and circumstances. This also lent him to lyrics that had far more meaning behind them than it would appear to someone from the outside looking in.

As she listened to the lyrics, Chloe felt something new. She felt the pain and frustration in Nathan’s voice cover her like a blanket. Nathan’s charm was well known by anyone that knew him; however, for most it was a false charm he used as a weapon to defend himself. Nathan could lull you into a sense of security. He could make you feel like you were his best friend or the woman he wanted to spend forever with but this was so that you did not ask questions. The more he made you feel loved and secure the less you cared about asking him important questions about himself. The people that thought this was a sexy teasing song were the ones that did not understand Nathan Harland. Chloe knew this song was far deeper than the obvious lyrics about hooking up for the night.

“I need you right now
I need you right now”

The words became elongated, longing in soft as he continued as he looked over at Chloe. Her eyes seemed fixated on him, piercing into his soul as he sang for no one but her. This was his favorite type of audience, the one you knew better than anyone else in your life.

Chloe took a deep breath letting the lyrics and melody bathe her in the experience. She drank up the experience letting it fill her soul. Nathan was confessing his soul to her and Chloe’s soul was absorbing every note and word.

“Lets get lost tonight
You could be my Kate Moss tonight
Play secretary I’m the boss tonight
And you don’t give a damn what they all say right?”

Slowly as he crooned to her he couldn’t help but smirk as he did when he knew she was listening. She knew his lyrics where often either about his inner demons, or her. Sometimes it could be both as he kept playing slow and low for the only person who mattered to him. Moving past the chorus again as he played the haunting track Nathan got to the next verse, which played into their first meeting. Kelly had got her to agree to talk to him, but all of his eyes had been on Chloe.”

“I don’t know if you got a man or not
If you made plans or not
God put me in the plans or not
I’m trippin’ this drink got me sayin’ a lot
But I know that God put you in front of me”

Over and over the imagery played, cool, sexy, dark, as everything seemed to vanish and disperse as he sang. Nothing mattered right now, not the fighting, not Starfleet or the people around this city. The one part that mattered to him more than anything was the woman before him. She meant everything, she was everything. The song made it clear to her if she was ever unsure just what she truly meant to him.

“I need you right now
I need you right now
I need you right now
I need you right now”

As he sang Nathan’s voice stretched and filled the room in a cacophony of pain and agony as the truth in the words seemed to permeate the room. She was everything, and his soul knew this. There was nothing he could do without her as felt himself getting lost in the music and moment as nothing seemed to matter but her.

Chloe knew Nathan well enough to feel when the song was ending. Slowly she opened her eyes settling her gaze on him. Nathan was indeed ending the song. His fingers moved slowly over the strings resisting the urge to return to reality. For six minutes, he had opened up his most inner fears to her but the door would soon close. A shiver ran down her spine as he started the reprise.

“Don’t act like I never told you
Don’t act like I never told you
Don’t act like I never told you
Don’t act like I never told you
Don’t act like I never told you
Don’t act like I never told you
Don’t act like I never told you
Don’t act like I never told you”

Slowly Nathan quoted as he felt a single tear falling from his face as he felt a dry gulp as he looked up at Chloe. The moment had been so raw, so powerful after all that had happened to them. This song wasn’t for anyone else, she always knew when the song was just about her. Right now nothing existed though but her, pushing the guitar aside Nathan placed his hand behind her head as he pulled her in doing the thing he wanted more than anything since she had landed as he locked lips tightly with her. This kiss was dark and eager as it felt like it was healing on the hurt and fears he held in his heart as each moment with her he felt certain could save his soul.

Nathan Harland

Chloe met his embrace allowing Nathan to take what he needed from her. The song spoke volumes of what he could not say in any other way. Nathan did need her here. The song confessed that. Chloe’s instincts were right to come. Cestus was going to kill his spirit long before a stray phaser or photon grenade destroyed his body. The only armor or weapon that could save him was her. Nathan needed to hold something in his arms he could control and escape to when his world threatened to shatter. As her body shift to press up against his, Chloe felt anxious, angry and frustrated. For Nathan to confess how passionately he needed her, he would also fight just as viciously to return her back to where he knew he could protect her.

Nathan’s first words to her were “what brought you here”. The song was his private confession that he needed her here with him. When dawn broke on her first day here on Cestus, his public confession of not wanting her to remain would surface. They both would fight desperately for what they needed as the rays of sunlight descended upon them. In this moment though Nathan Harland and Chloe Kendrick blotted out the raw emotions clouding their actions and judgments. The reacted on instinct finding what they needed in each other. Their touches switched from soft and delicate to rough and aggressive in a physical display of the emotions that had been pented up for the past few hours: peace and solace versus anger and revenge. War brought this out in people.

Chloe

Settled into the night, Nathan felt a chill run past him as he wrapped his arms tightly around Chloe. The evening had been hell as he took a deep breath, but there had been a good spark left from it. The music he made often expressed the turmoil he felt, a battle that raged inside him since he was a young child. His father tried hard but fell short often. If Nathan ever took a step back to try and see the bigger picture he might have noticed the efforts he made.

Deaths of friends and family, the trauma that haunted a young boy’s dreams is what formed Nathan into a Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde persona. He fought to keep control of the anger that always felt under him, finding a peace when he could help and aid those around him. Compound that with a desire to sleep the pain away with everyone woman he found left him hollow in many ways, a player to some and nightmare to others.

Starfleet found little comfort for him, sycophants and glory hounds who seemed to lose sight of the goals they started with. They wanted to explore, protect, and heal those that they could. Now preening peacocks and pompous asses are all that seemed to be wearing the uniform in the dredge that was an upper command. This didn’t stop Nathan from finding some officers that felt like him, a desire to aid and help but it felt in time that he found less and less those who sought to protect more than just their fancy titles and precious egos.

Looking down at Chloe, her heavy breathing let him know she had fallen deep asleep into his arms he felt a soft warmth flow through him. Chloe was like him in many ways, she just wanted to help. He though needed to protect her, more than anyone else he had ever meet. This desire to keep his beloved save left him feeling such a duality with her laying in his arms right now. Safely tucked away in their old apartment in San Francisco working from the safety of Starfleet Medical gave him a sense of security that he just couldn’t feel right now.

The chill of the night had settled like a weight in the room. It permeated every corner letting the puffs of air from their noses and mouth send a crystal fog into the room. While the blanket and Nathan kept her warm the tip of her nose had grown icy like it does when one slept outside or camped. A small sleepy murmur escaped her lips as Chloe snuggled deeper into Nathan’s arms.

Softly brushing back her hair Nathan leaned in as he kissed the top of her head gently as he decided it was best to tackle these choices in the morning, he wasn’t certain the fighting was over, and Starfleet would declare them AWOL if they didn’t check into work as soon as dawn rolled out. Gently pushing her body firmly into his as he pulled the blanket from over the couch to warm them up as he let his head softly drift away, knowing that he could survive this hell if only he could wake up to her smell come daylight.

Nathan Harland

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Next Morning
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Chloe blinked and stretched putting a hand immediately over her eyes as sunlight replaced starlight in the new panoramic window of the apartment. It was blinding and Chloe saw spots before her vision adjusted. “You definitely need some curtains in here and don’t tell me men don’t care about curtains,” she laughed sleepily from the couch. As her vision cleared, Chloe scanned the room for Nathan. It was easy to find him even if she could not see. She could smell the coffee filling the room. Coffee always was a wonderful way to wake up but today it was more than just a nice way to greet the day. Today the scent of coffee meant her world was right. She was with Nathan and that was all that she ever needed.

Chloe Kendrick

“I don’t know, I might keep it this way. Animals can come in and fight for food scrap like some nature documentary I could sell to OMAP. That playboy Aedan Teller is always looking for something new, did you hear he is looking to make a documentary/reality tv show about a Starfleet Outpost? Not sure who he is ever going to find dumb enough to let him film about them but knowing him there will be orgies.” Nathan said as he curled up as he leaned in kissing her cheek as he just lapped in the love and sensuality of the moment with her. This was all he needed, and he was almost afraid it would end any moment.

Nathan Harland

Chloe laughed pushing herself up. Pressing into the kiss she let it linger on her cheek just long enough to wrap her hands around the cup of coffee in his left hand. “You are a god among men,” she sighed taking a sip of the coffee. “And have I ever said soooo generous.” The words purred from her lips but it was entirely due to the coffee at this moment although the tone Nathan would recognize from the night before. “Selfless, kind, did I say generous like some kind of knight in shining armor,” Chloe repeated the flattery taking another large sip of his coffee settling into the couch and resting her head on his shoulder.

As they sat in the living room as if on cue a small bird flew into the room perching itself on a kitchen chair. “Okay, that wall needs to get fixed because if we don’t your apartment is going to be a set for a new Disney movie. Love in the Rubble,” Chloe’s voice took on a sing-song like tone. “The love story of a doctor in a war-torn land who saves the fair maiden from her horrible boss.” Chloe finished the sentence patting Nathan’s knee and handing him back the coffee. “I hate this but I got to get back to the hospital before they brig me. I heard they do that,” she let out a laugh pulling her hair into a ponytail. “You say you love me but can you love me in prison orange.”

Ensign Chloe Kendrick