STF

Pre-sim Sickbay - A good Cry - CLOSED

Posted Sept. 7, 2020, 3:44 p.m. by Lieutenant Mwezi (Weapons Officer) (Riley W)

Mwezi usually stood tall when he walked around the ship, but there was something off about his gait as he approached Sickbay. A definite slouch, and a slow, deliberate step. He stepped into sickbay, then reached out towards a Medic as they walked past. “I’m here for my check-in…? Kane told me to swing round to make sure my back was healing properly.”

The Ensign looked at the Weapons Officer and nodded and said “CMO is in his office, sir. As luck would have it, he’s actually in a good mood, sir. He only threatened to throw someone out an airlock three times today.” His tone was friendly, but respectful.”He doesn’t have anything scheduled for the next hour, so he can see you. Do you want me to let him know you are here?”

Mwezi nodded slightly. Whereas such a comment would usually cause a chuckle from him, he just stared off into the middle distance. “Uh, yeah. That’d be great,” he muttered, blinking a few times. He looked at the Ensign, then at Kane’s office, then began to almost shamble in that direction.

The Ensign walked to the door to the office and pressed the chime. Through the intercom, Kane’s voice came through. “What?” “Doc, Lieutenant Mwezi to see you sir.” A short pause and then Kane said “Fine.” and the door slid open.
The office was not brightly lit, the light controls being set to around forty percent. A low glow came from the desk monitor, illuminating the shaggy hair and half-hidden face of the perpetually unpleasant Chief Medical Officer, who was leaned back in his chair with his feet up on the desk.
“Warren.” and his keen eye immediately caught the demeanour of the otherwise stalwart lupine officer. He waved the Ensign away and said “Take a seat.” as the door slid closed.

Mwezi looked at Kane with an odd expression on his face. That wasn’t his name… Oh. Right. Kane called him Warren. Mwezi sat down with a small grunt. “Um, you wanted to check up on my back to make sure it was healing properly?” He asked. It was hard to talk. His head was still reeling from the news Kula’s brother had sent.

Kane didn’t move. He just looked at the big wolf-man. He was silent for a long time. “And? Is it?” he finally asked, the one eye visible through the hair hanging across his face locked on Mwezi.

“Feels fine. Doesn’t really hurt anymore. I can’t see it though to check,” he thumbed over his shoulder, then slouched in his chair, leaning forwards to put his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. He would not cry again. He cried in front of Birdie and that was bad enough.

“So what the hell is wrong, then?” Kane asked pointedly. There wasn’t the normal exasperated tone typical of the man. This was a simple, direct question with no (well, maybe a little, but certainly far less than normal) judgement.

Mwezi didn’t really know how to respond, them finally he let out a long sigh. “I just needed to see someone who wasn’t one of my Ensigns,” he muttered. “Someone I’m on an equal playing field with.”

“Warren, we aren’t even playing the same sport, let alone the same field. But… speak what’s on your mind. I’m no shrink, but I’ll at least give you an honest opinion. Or…” and he leaned sideways and the sound of a drawer opening and closing under the desk was audible, after which he lifted a clear glass jar with a metal lid onto his desk. Inside was a crystal clear liquid.
“Or we don’t have to talk at all. Your call.”

“Yes, please,” Mwezi replied, putting his hand on the desk and looking at Kane. His eyes were bloodshot. “Less talking would be nice.”

Kane nodded once and simply opened the jar and slid it across the desk. To humans, the alcohol aroma was strong. To the Weapons Officer’s astute olfactory senses it would be more so. “Its hard stuff. Be careful.” was all Kane said and went back to looking at the monitor screen.

Mwezi nodded slightly, taking a few moments to absorb the smell before taking a sip. “Oof, that’s strong. Playing field. You won’t console me just because I’m your Superior Officer. Because I’m not.”

Kane’s eyes never left the screen, but a small sarcasm-tinged laugh left his lips. “When have I ever been known to console anyone… or give a damn what rank someone is?” and he chuckled again.

“Exactly.” Mwezi took another sip of the jar, then put it down on the desk. Hooey that was strong. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to tell Kane what had happened or not. He leaned back in his chair and let out a small sigh. Whether he would tell the medic or not, he was glad Kane wasn’t the sort to pry.

Kane’s eyes moved across the screen and he sat in silence. Not a word, not a glance did he send Mwezi’s direction. Whether that was him being conciliatory and giving Mwezi space; or simply Kane ignoring him… well, either was possible.

Mwezi sat in silence. Well, it was better than the silence of his room. He didn’t have anymore of the booze, even closed it up. Turns out the burn of alcohol didn’t do much to numb the pain in his chest. “My… Fiancé died.” He finally muttered.

Kane didnt flinch, didn’t move, or acknowledge the statement for a long time. When he did speak, again without taking his eyes off the screen, his tone was his normal acerbic one… but it wasn’t dismissive.
“Didn’t know you were engaged. Damn, man. That sucks.” was all he said.

“Don’t talk about my life much,” Mwezi replied flatly. It was true. He didn’t really talk to anyone on the ship about anything that wasn’t work related. Except for Birdie but she had a way of drawing things out of people.
He leaned forward again, not sure what to do. “I’m kinda lost right now.”

Kane watched the screen for a couple of moments and then 6ook a deep breath and it went dark. He turned his head slightly and said “Why lost?”

Mwezi looked over at Kane. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt your work,” he glanced away. “Dunno how to feel. One moment I’m sullen and quiet, can’t feel anything, next minute I feel like breaking something… Then I’m shaking so bad I can’t stand and I can’t see through the tears… Then I feel numb again.”

Kane ignored the apology. He looked fully at Mwezi and said “Why do you have to know how to feel? Is there some kind of Galdori rule book for grief or something?”

“I want to just go back to normal. I don’t like it,” Mwezi replied sullenly. He missed the comforting emotions mother would push his way when he hurt himself as a child. The confidence he always felt from his dad. The sharing that was so common among his people. He’d felt grief secondhand from others, but had never had to experience it personally. He didn’t like it. It hurt.

“Well you can’t.” he said flatly and with an edge to his voice. Turning, he pulled his feet off the desk and faced Mwezi squarely.
“You can’t go back to normal. The normal of before is gone. And it won’t come back… because they won’t come back. And the sooner you can grasp that, the less time you are gonna hurt.” and he leaned back and crossed his arms on his chest.
“You are allowed to be hurt. To be sad. To be pissed, even. Go break shit. Yell, scream, cuss. Cry your eyes out if you want. But nothing you do is gonna make your life what it was before. There’s gonna be a hole. And nothing fills it up but time.”

Mwezi inhaled shakily, and held the breath for a few moments before breathing out. He didn’t like it, but he needed the brutal realist perspective that Kane provided. He didn’t move. He stared at the floor. He took another long breath. “I know. It still sucks.” He muttered.

“Well of course it does. If it didn’t, other people wouldn’t be important and all of this is for crap.” he said flatly.

Mwezi huffed. He stood up and paced the room a few times. “I know only time will make it bearable but what do I do in the meantime?” He’d lost co-workers before but this was so much worse.

Kane reached over and cracked the jar open and took a long drink. He coughed slightly and then looked at Mwezi and said “You hurt. Thats it, thats… what you do.”

Mwezi nodded, then turned towards the door. “I should go. Leave you to your work.”

“Running won’t stop it, Warren. Now sit your ass down.” Kane said sharply. He pointed to the chair and said “You have to own it. Acknowledge it. Until you do, its just gonna suffocate you. Trust me… I’ve been there.”

Mwezi paced the room for a few moments longer, then sat heavily in the chair, making it shift slightly backwards. “At least when I’m moving I can keep my mind off it for a moment.” He tried to justify.

“Keeping your mind off of it draws it out, makes it last longer. You want it to last? By all means, keep pushing it away. You want to try to work through it, deal with it. Or don’t. Its nobody choice but yours.”

Mwezi let out a loud huff and stood up. “So I just mull over the fact that she’s dead? Obsess over all the moments we’ll never spend together? Think about her every moment and hope that doing that will somehow make the fact that she’s gone hurt less eventually?!” His voice started off quiet, but by the end of it he was almost shouting.

Kane looked at him for a long moment, his eyes locked on Mwezi as he took another drink. He sat the jar down and leaned back, kicking his feet up again. He took a deep breath and then said simply…
“Yeah.”

Mwezi punched the wall.
He knew he probably shouldn’t do that, that it wouldn’t really do any good, but he was angry. Angry at Kane for being right. Angry at himself for hurtind inside. Angry at the galaxy for taking Kula away.
His fist collided with the metal dividing wall between office and sickbay and there was an uncomfortable sound as he dented the metal and bloodied his knuckles.

Kane watched the big bipedal wolf swing. He knew it was coming, and that it was the first of many ‘Warren’ would throw. The sound he also knew carried into Sickbay, so he nonchalantly locked the door. He took another drink and said “Might as well wail… you know you want to.”

“I don’t,” Mwezi replied acidly, beginning to pace the room again. “I don’t want to sob and cry and feel like… That.” He was glad in that moment that Kane wasn’t Galdori, that the human couldn’t feel the waves of anger and sorrow coming off him.
The one nice thing about being angry was that it dried up the tears and calmed his nerves. At least temporarily.

Kane chuckled. “No, Wolfman Jack. Wail. On the wall. Go on. I’ll fix your paws when your done.”

Mwezi stared at Kane for a moment, the comment snapping him briefly out of his blind rage. “Fix the wall too,” he muttered, smacking his palm against the wall with considerably less force than the punch. Then he turned, made a fist, and slammed it against the wall. And again. And again. And again.
And again.

Kane watched, but didn’t intervene. As rhe fist slammed again and again and again, over and over, he just watched. His mind drifted back in time and superimposed a much younger version of himself onto the hairy form of Mwezi. He remembered the anger… rage… pain. He knew all too well the road that the Galdori was taking his first steps on, and he felt for him. But he also knew it was a very… very… long road. He watched Mwezi vent, and sipped his drink.

“It’s not… Fair!” Mwezi growled, slamming his other fist into the wall. Each punch dented the metal slightly, leaving an almost pockmarked effect. “Why? Why??!!” He slammed both fists into the wall at once, and he could feel the end of the rage settling in as his hands started to shake. “It was supposed to be a safe test…” He muttered under his breath. A safe test. Little to no risk. 1 in a million chance of something going wrong. And now she was gone, and there wasn’t even a body to bury.

Kane looked down at the jar and pursed his lips together. “Life isn’t fair. Its not supoosed to be. Fair means everything is equal, and if that was the case nothing would ever get accomplished. Loss hurts… a lot.” and he looked up ate Mwezi.
“Lot of people are gonna tell you it will be okay. Well… it won’t. You’re gonna have a hole in your soul forever. No lover, no partner, no friend… ” and he held the jar up and juggled its contents in Mwezi’s direction, “… no amount of this makes it better. It never gets better.” and he took a drink. Swallowing, he said “You just get used to it is all.”

Mwezi growled loudly, lifting his fist as if to punch the wall again, then letting it fall to his side. His shoulders were beginning to shake. His head felt heavy, throat felt like it was clogged as he collapsed to his knees and let out a shuddering sob.

Kane sat in silence for several minutes, staring away from Mwezi. When the sob subsided, he said “Come here. Let me make sure you didn’t break anything in your hands. Then, I’m gonna give you something that will knock your ass out for about 12 hours. No, you won’t feel any better when you wake up. But that will give your body a chance to process what your brain dumped into it. A plus is that Corpalenezol will also keep you from remembering your dreams. Now, up. Let’s get you checked out and back to your room. Tomorrow will be another shitty day.”

Mwezi sat in silence, then slowly got to his feet. He looked at the dented wall, then at his bloodied fists. Well, at least bruising didn’t show through fur. He let out a long breath before nodding at Kane, ready to go home and sleep off… Everything.

“Sit.” was all the tattooed man said and he opened a drawer and pulled out a tricorder and a hypospray.

Mwezi let out a breath and sat down. “Sorry about your wall,” he muttered.

Kane shrugged it off and said “I’ll put it on your tab.” He ran the tricorder over the bloodied and swollen knuckles. “No breaks, just soft tissue trauma.” He dialed the hypo and selected a topical anti-inflammatory and sprayed the knuckles. The selling began to subside almost immediately. He set the tricorder aside and changed the hypo to the sleep aid. Standing up, he pressed the device to Warren’s neck through the fur and there was a soft pop and hiss.
“That will kick in in about 20 minutes. Get back to your quarters, get settled. You’re gonna be down for about twelve hours. I’ll make sure the watch rotation reflects you down by medical order.” and he sat back down and said “Back injuries can be complicated. Gotta make sure you’re healed up.” and he kicked his feet back onto the desk.
“Go. Sleep. You’ll still feel like shit when you wake up. Don’t think this is going away any time soon. But you’ll manage… we all do.”

Mwezi nodded quietly, and left the office, then left sickbay, then went to his quarters and laid down on his bed. He was out like a lamp pretty soon.

Kane, CMO

Mwezi, WO


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