Knock, knock, knocking on Symar's door [tag: Symar]

Posted June 30, 2022, 6:02 a.m. by Lieutenant Symar (Chief Medical Officer) (Kieron Hoult)

Posted by Ensign Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in Knock, knock, knocking on Symar’s door [tag: Symar]

Posted by Lieutenant Symar (Chief Medical Officer) in Knock, knock, knocking on Symar’s door [tag: Symar]

Posted by Ensign Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in Knock, knock, knocking on Symar’s door [tag: Symar]
Posted by… suppressed (18) by the Post Ghost! 👻
OOC: Set just after Pawl Batario’s arrival on the Chernov, so just before our shore leave on Risa

Ever since Kastarak had met Pawl Batario for a psychological and physical evaluation, he could not help but think on Pawl’s mind-meld, and what the threat of that kind of intimacy provoked in him, namely a fear of others seeing him for who he was, in his soul, his naked katra, and an embarrassment that he knew nothing of how to perform a mind-meld, and indeed, a sensation that he was out of touch with his culture and his people, a feeling of loss of cultural identity. He had not been on Vulcan since he was a child, for a 13-year old is a child, whether or not Vulcan society at that time saw him as one.

At first, Kastarak thought of going to see T’Aria. They had an emotional bond, he sensed, from their time in quarantine, and she seemed to understand him. She was also medically trained. But at the same time, that was emotion guiding him there, and he needed direction, logic, and practical current medical advice. A ssuch, he ought to speak to Symar, his chief medical officer, and bring his concerns up there. Maybe Symar would know something about mind melds, perhaps he could help teach him? Perhaps he could offer some advice?

But then, did Kastarak really want to meld with Symar? No. But he wanted to learn. Perhaps there would be a way not requiring performing the task…

He rang the chime outside Symar’s office door.

– Ensign Kastarak (doctor / counsellor)

_Bump! Should Kieron want to continue this… :) _

“Enter,” Symar’s voice came from the other side of the door, ever calm and collected. As the doors parted, Kastarak could see that Symar had just finished a meditation session, complete with a dimly lit room and several cinnamon scented candles placed around the floor with Symar, sitting crossed legged in the centre of a patterned carpet, “Doctor Kastarak, what can I do for you?”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

Kastarak obeyed the command to enter, going into the office, but staying half a metre from the door.

“Am I interrupting? There is something I should like to discuss with you. It is in the borderline of personal and professional.”

Kastarak placed his hands behind his back, awaiting the response from his CMO.

– Ensign Kastarak (counsellor / doctor)


Symar almost let the mask of his true identity slip for a second, before maintaining his faux Vulcan composure, “Of course, though I am not sure I will be able to provide the emotional support you are seeking.”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

Emotional? What had caused Dr Symar to assume that Kastarak needed emotional support? This was not the way Vulcans speak, surely? Why did Symar sound so… so… human? Kastarak was perplexed. That reply put him off from wanting to go too intimate in the conversation. He’d give it a chance though.

Kastarak entered Symar’s office, noticing the incense and candles. It struck Kastarak as somewhat strange that his office was so Vulcan-y in such a homely manner. Symar was rather a strange man, Kastarak thought.

“May I sit?” he asked, while moving towards a chair.

“I’d like to discuss certain aspects of Vulcan culture that I have gone amiss of. For example, mind melds. Perhaps we could start with talking about them. Do you have experience in them?”

– Ensign Kastarak (doctor / counsellor)

You don’t know the half of it kid, Symar thought to himself, surpressing a grin, “Of course,” he said aloud, “I completed a mind meld with Commander T’Aria a few days ago,” It took a moment for Symar to register what he had said, so he had to really push to not make the brief panic appear on his face.

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

Kastarak was surprised by Dr Symar’s candid admission. He tried to think of the meaning of it. At the same time, Kastarak noticed emotions in himself. He tried to name them. Was one jealousy? But why would he be jealous? And of what? One emotion was definitely surprise. But was there an element of fear? But why would Kastarak be afraid, and of what? He quickly purged them, decided that he had no time to analyse them now. That would be left for meditation later on.

“I see,” Kastarak said, for lack of any better words. It was unusual for Kastarak to be gob-smacked. He finally understood humans a bit more.

“Was it your first time?” he asked. Perhaps it was T’Aria who had initiated it, and maybe that’s where the jealousy would have come from. But perhaps it was Symar who ha ddone so. “Have you been taught the technique?”

– Ensign Kastarak (doctor / counsellor)

Symar seemed to drop slightly, as if resigned to the fact that the truth to come out eventually. He rose and gestured to one of the seats in front of him, “Doctor, I need to confess something to you, you may want to sit down for this.”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

Kastarak seated himself on the chair. Nothing in this conversation made any sense to him, but perhaps now was not the time to ask questions or examine it. He decided to use the principle of serenity of mind. Perhaps, with patience, answers would be forth-coming.

“Go ahead, sir”, Kastarak said quietly. “I’m listening.”

– Ensign Kastarak (doctor / counsellor)

To make the point he was about to make rather obvious, Symar smiled broadly, “Y’see Ensign, I’m not the man you think I am.”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

Kastarak had never seen Symar smile. Was he grimacing, was it pain? No, it looked more real – as if Symar genuinely expressed an emotion relaetd to smiles, like humans often do (while humans did sometimes smile out of politeness rather than happiness, this now would not be indicative of politeness…).

Was Symar one of the V’tosh ka’tur – the Vulcans without logic? Possibly, but Kastarak sensed it might be deeper than that.

“Please tell me what you want me to know of who you are”, replied Kastarak as calmly as before.

– Ensign Kastarak (doctor / counsellor)

“Easier said than done, kid,” Symar said with a chuckle, “But the basics are: I’m half Romulan, thanks to being genetically altered as a child.”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Science Officer-

Kastarak noticed what he interpreted as a relief in Symar. Perhaps this had been a burden on Symar for a long time. On one hand, the word ‘Romulan’ activated anger, terror, pain and grief in Kastarak, but at the same time, he had worked with Symar for a year now. Symar was his boss, and while the relationship was not always productive, it was one that Kastarak valued. Had Symar been fearful of relieving his true self?

It did make sense. Symar had appeared at times as someone pretending to be Vulcan. His ‘logic’ did at times appear strange and irrational.

“You honour me, sir, with entrusting me this knowledge. I understand it may not have been easy hiding this, knowing what we know, in this climate. May I ask what happened to you as a child, and why you tell me this now?”

– Ensign Kastarak (counsellor / doctor)

“Probably better if I show you, would you be comfortable undergoing a mind meld with me?”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

Kastarak was taken aback. He did not want his first mind meld to be under the guise of surprises.

“I would not, I have no experience of mind melds and I am not mentally trained for it” he said softly, “but I am keen to listen. I am here with you. Please talk.”

– Ensign Kastarak (doctor / counsellor)

Symar was surprised by this, Kastarak didn’t seem like a young man, for a Vulcan anyway, so the idea of him not really experiencing a mind meld was… intriguing to say the least, “Very well,” he began and told Kastarak everything.

OOC: To save me basically writing the same story in two threads, it’s probably going to be easier if you just have a read of the ‘Putting on a Logical Top Hat’ thread, or what’s still there at least!

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

While Symar related the story of how he, as a child, underwent a genetic manipulation across his cells, replacing half of his genes with the similar ones but Romulan, especially the ones governing behaviour, a feeling of grief came over Kastarak for the trauma of the little child Symar endured. While the genetic differences between Romulans and Vulcans were subtle – they are more or less subspecies of the same greater species, differentiated through the process of being on different planets with different ecological niches and evolutionary threats – the differentiation between the two groups, now on separate planets – had occured rapidly, similar to insular species of other animals on other planets – the process was enough to cause a wound in the development of Symar’s personality and personhood, Kastarak gathered. What in Symar’s behaviour was the result of his Romulan genes? What was the result of trauma? Would there be any way of knowing?

Kastarak thought moreover of the ways that Symar had been tried reconcile these parts. He had masked as Vulcan his entire life, yet most likely always felt that he was something different. And neither was he Romulan. He had no Romulan culture or affinity. Did he long for one?

While speaking to Symar, Kastarak was surprised by his empathy for Symar, and by his own calmness in the matter. He had thought as the story went on, he would feel rage towards Symar for tricking him, for being a secret Romulan, but those thoughts resisted being articulated emotionally and cognitively in Kastarak.

“You honour me, doctor, by telling this most private narrative to me. What is it like for you now that I know? What else do you wish for me to know?”

– Ensign Kastarak (doctor / counsellor)

Symar smiled, “I’ll be honest kid, it’s one hell of a relief, even though only two of you know, being you and Commander T’Aria. I’d prefer to keep it that way for a while if I can, things will get more interesting once the top brass at Starfleet find out.”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

“I understand,” replied Kastarak, careful to validate Symar. “I would advise, however, that your private medical records be updated, so that proper care might be given to you should you fall ill. This conversation that we are having is of private character, and as such, I will not unilaterally act outside of it on this matter.”

Kastarak paused. He realized he needed to know something, it had been on his mind ever since Symar revealed his true genetic identity.

“Why do you call me ‘kid’? What function does that serve?”

– Ensign Kastarak (doctor / counsellor)

“A nickname a lot of elder people of many cultures, humans most commonly. It’s supposed to be an endearing term, I don’t mean to creep you out Ensign, it’s just meant out of my care for you.”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

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