Posted by Lieutenant Commander T’Aria (XO / Navigation Officer) in Mutual Feelings (Tag XO)

Posted by Lieutenant Symar (Chief Medical Officer) in Mutual Feelings (Tag XO)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander T’Aria (XO / Navigation Officer) in Mutual Feelings (Tag XO)
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻
It had been about a week since Symar and T’Aria had first found the trust in each other to share a Mind Meld. Since joining the Chernov and revealing his true identity to the XO and his junior officer, Ensign Kastarak, for the first time Symar felt like he had a true connection with people on board a Starship. Over the last week, Symar and T’Aria had been spending a couple of evenings together, brought on by the bond they formed during the meld. Having the ability to express emotions as a Vulcan-Romulan hybrid certainly had its advantages in situations like this, but it definitely didn’t stop the nerves/

Symar stood in front of the door to the XO’s quarters for a few seconds before clicking the time and bouncing on the balls of his feet.

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

T’Aria sat curled up on her couch, invested in the off-white pages of her dimly lit PaDD. Her stylus traced the lines of pre-Time of Awakening myths and glazed over the rigid, logic-bound annotations provided by ancient Vulcan archaeologists. Their words carried undisputable weight, but the constraints of their thinking deprived them of the nuance in each tale. To researchers, the stories were monochromatic and described the ancient way of life. These stories, to the Ancients, answered timeless questions and existed in shades of grey. T’Aria intended to understand both perspectives and chose to read each tale three times. Once to appreciate, once to decipher, and once to compare. She was mid-way through her second read of a creation myth when the chime alerted her to a visitor. Was she expecting somone?

Setting the PaDD aside, T’Aria rose and approached the door with an unhurried ‘come in!’

“Doctor Symar,” she greeted when the doors peeled open to reveal a familiar and ever-welcome face. Unsure of the nature of his visit, however, she kept her words neutral and concise. “To what do I owe the pleasuree?”

— T’Aria

“I hope it’s not too late for me to pay a visit?” Symar asked, finding that he couldn’t seem to make his feet move forwards or backwards anymore.

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

T’Aria hardly considered the chronometer before stepping aside, welcoming him into her quarters. Time was an illusion, no? It being ‘early’ or ‘late’ did not change her wakefulness and if she was awake, it seemed illogical to deny his company.

Yes, illogical.

T’Aria wandered to the couch and moved her PaDD to offer him a place to sit. Glancing back, she noticed the slightest difference in his demanour, but she couldn’t pinpoint what. Tiring day in Sickbay, perhaps? If she recalled correctly, semi-annual physicals were fast approaching. Dismissing any assumption, she settled onto the couch and glanced at him.

“Is something troubling you, Symar?”

— T’Aria

Symar chuckled, “I know we’re off duty, but, uh, permission to speak freely?”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

T’Aria stiffened, careful not to reveal the hint of trepidation that washed over her. Was everything all right? He seemed free to voice his thoughts in many of their previous encounters, so why did he require her consent for this, she wondered.

“Of course,” she leaned forward to rest her arms comfortably on the edge of the couch, “you are always welcome to speak freely. What are you thinking about?”

– T’Aria

“I better get straight to the point,” Symar said, sitting on the couch beside T’Aria, “Since the mind meld we undertook a few days ago, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the connection I felt with you, it’s almost as if the universe is trying to tell me something.”

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

Care to elaborate? T’Aria thought, furrowing her eyebrows to distract from the warmth that stained her cheeks a telltale shade of green.

He didn’t mean the ‘universe’, surely, but his subconscious? After all, the universe was neither sentient nor capable of benevolence. It was unfeeling and cold, to the emotional mind, and lacked the capacity to offer any one creature insight into their future. If his subconscious was attempting to communicate with his conscious mind, then what connection did he feel with her? Was it the same as she felt with him?

“What do you feel the universe is trying to tell you?” She asked, “and do you intend to listen?”

— T’Aria

“I think..” Symar said, “I think it’s trying to tell me that the two of us should be sharing a life together. If that’s something you want of course?” He was nervous now, it had certainly been a while since he felt this way for anyone, let alone another.... a Vulcan.

-Lieutenant Symar: Chief Medical Officer-

Until then, she attributed their bond to closeness and the intense, unbridled emotions shared in confidence without the security of discretion. Their mind meld forced them to share a part of themselves that might have otherwise remained submerged. T’Aria entertained that their connection was more profound than camaraderie, but she had not allowed herself to hope for something more. They served together. She was his superior officer, and any romantic involvement could present a conflict of interest. So, she swiftly dismissed the feeling and maintained a professional front. But their bond had evolved beyond professionalism, and she knew it. There was nothing ‘professional’ about nightly visits nor the meld they shared. There was nothing ‘professional’ about how she felt for him and, in his endearingly indirect confession, he felt for her.

Besides, what did hiding behind the guise of righteousness do except bring unnecessary hurt? They were informed, consenting adults with responsibility for themselves and others. Doubtless, they possessed the self-regulation to separate their emotions from their duties as a physician and XO.

Her conflict, then, was not a matter of duty but vulnerability. Was she ready to share her life with someone?

Vulcans did not ‘date’. They did not engage in casual relationships nor welcome anyone into their private inner world. When they pursued another, it was not for the transient passion of a single night but for the promise of commitment. And there was an unspoken expectation in Vulcan society that that commitment was for life. But were his views the same? He was raised Vulcan, but that did not suggest that his caregivers bestowed upon him similar values, nor that he chose to uphold those values in his adulthood.

Did, then, ‘sharing a life’ have a different meaning to Symar than it did to her?

In any case, the permanence in ‘sharing a life’ unnerved T’Aria. Unlike past relationships, however, her dread did not go uncontested. She could not ignore how much Symar meant to her. He invited chaos into her orderly life. He challenged her (and her patience). His presence calmed her, allowing her respite from the caution she had for her expression and tone. There were no expectations between them. And, though she did not (and would not) always understand, she appreciated everything that made them different.

Above all, he made her feel seen.

Her feelings for him were not enough to dismiss the concerns from her mind, but they allowed her to entertain the thought of them moving forward with their relationship… however that looked for them.

“I admit I am hesitant,” she spoke quiet and soft. “You mean a lot to me, Symar, and I know this is the logical progression of our relationship. There is, however, a stark difference between the evenings we share and sharing our lives. I am happy to explore that difference with you, but I need to know what you expect from our relationship.”

— T’Aria

Symar sighed, then smiled, “I know I will do all I can to make you happy.”

-Symar-