Posted by Ensign Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in Side Sim: Umbri’s Quarters (TAG Kastarak)

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Umbri Hawkins (Weapons Officer) in Side Sim: Umbri’s Quarters (TAG Kastarak)

Posted by Ensign Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in Side Sim: Umbri’s Quarters (TAG Kastarak)
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻
In the days following the incident in their quarters, Umbri isolated themselves from basically the entire crew. They didn’t want anyone to see just how much of a mess they were. They were worried about Kastarak and they felt guilty for potentially causing what happened. It also didn’t help at all that they completely missed the arrival of the new Weapons Officer. After about a week had passed, Umbri finally decided to get themselves together and invite Kastarak to their quarters. Once they sent him the invitation, they got changed into the most comfortable and nerdiest outfit they could think of (OOC: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/3461684 If you know, you know.), sat down on their couch, and waited.

Lieutenant (j.g.) Umbri Hawkins, Security Officer

Kastarak had looked forward to this. He had given Umbri (and himself!) space and time to process, and he was not sure what Umbri would want him to do or not, a potential reason behind why he had procrastinated contacting Umbri. Now that Umbri had made the move, he hurried to their quarters.

As he entered it, he saw the peculiar array of clothes on them. Why did their slippers have faces? Moreover, why did they have ears? He could not stop himself from looking at the slippers. What function did they serve, other than keeping the owner warm? Why did they look like animals? What was the point…?

He became fully engrossed in his analysis of the slippers, he almost forgot basic greetings.

“Good evening, Umbri,” he said, looking them in the eye. “Thank you for your invitation. How are you?”

– Kastarak

Umbri could instantly tell Kastarak was trying to make sense of their fox slippers. “I’m getting better. I’ve honestly been too hard on myself since you know what happened. By the way, try not to think too hard about my slippers. They don’t really serve a purpose other than for the aesthetic,” they paused, snickering a little before composing themselves. “Please have a seat,” they said, making room on the sofa for Kastarak.

Lieutenant (j.g.) Umbri Hawkins, Security Officer

Had Umbri suddenly become telepathic? Or was Kastarak’s fixation on the slippers so blatantly obvious?

He sat down, following Umbri’s invitation. Curious that Umbri would choose these slippers for aesthetic. He knew in some cultures, people would wear the fleeces of slaughtered or hunted animals, sometimes as hunting trophies, sometimes for clothing and warmth. But these little… whatever animal they represented… were not hunting trophies, because a made-up animal cannot be hunted.

He kept looking at the slippers, while replying.

“They look…” he began, and quickly finished the sentence with a different word. “… warm.”. He had intended to comment on their strangeness, and how Umbri had chosen them for aesthetics rather than anything else. He struggled to understand the logic in them.

He turned to Umbri, to catch their eyes for a second and look at their face while continuing the conversation.

“You did nothing wrong,” he said with emphasis. “The fault was mine, due to the chemical imbalance I had at that time. On that day, my pon farr began. Do you know what that is…?” Normally, Kastarak would be highly private of such a matter, but there was a certain personal intimacy between Umbri and he that he had felt since their bunkmate days. And Umbri, for all the pain that they had felt due to Kastarak’s behaviour ont hat day, deserved an explanation, and one which was logical too, however illogical the situation must have appeared for them at that time.

He paused, allowing for Umbri to continue the conversation. He was ready to explain and answer any questions they may have.

– Kastarak

Umbri nodded. “I’m aware of the pon farr, yes. Honestly, it explains a lot of things that happened that day. It’s a relief to know that it wasn’t something that I did. For a while, I was afraid that when I mistook you for wanting to initiate a relationship, that triggered something. I’m quite glad that wasn’t the case,” they paused, taking a deep breath. “I also want to apologize for closing myself off from you and everyone else over the past week. I worked on a lot of things during my time away from the Chernov, but I still have a problem when it comes to controlling my emotions, and I didn’t want anyone to see me in my turmoil. I also have a habit of closing myself off from those around me when my emotions are in chaos. I’m trying to work on that,” they said.

Lieutenant (j.g.) Umbri Hawkins, Security Officer

Kastarak listened carefully to the words coming from Umbri’s mouth, considering each syllable and intonation.

“I too try to work on that. I could have reached out to you, checked in on you, yet I did not. I was not sure how, yet, surely, a simple question would have sufficed. But I did not. Perhaps, without understanding it, your question scared me.”

“I do not know what a romantic relationship is like. I cannot picture myself in it. There are many things I need to work through. My sexuality is one that I struggle to comprehend, and I am unsure I know what love feels like. I know I loved my parents, my siblings, before they were taken from me, but it was nothing ever communicated in the family. I regret that. How could I even communicate feelings?”

“You communicated yours. I did not respond. I still do not know how to.”

– Kastarak

Umbri nodded in understanding. “I completely understand what you mean. It’s perfectly okay to not know how to express yourself. I struggled with that a lot when I was figuring out my gender identity and my sexuality, and there were times when thinking about it absolutely terrified me. But the fact that you’ve acknowledged that my question scared you is a great first step in figuring things out for yourself,” Umbri paused, laughing in astonishment. “And I’m starting to sound like a counselor, but I might as well embrace it. I imagine sexuality in Vulcans isn’t discussed in nearly as much depth as it is in humans, so you have every right to be unsure. Let me give you a sort of crash course of how it is for humans. For starters, we have people who are straight, which is what happens when a man is attracted to a woman and vice versa. Then we have people who are attracted to the same sex, which is being gay for men and being a lesbian for women. Next, we have people who are bisexual, which generally means being attracted to both men and women, but also can apply to any two genders, which is a whole different spectrum that I’m happy to cover another time if you’re interested. The last sexuality I’ll cover is the one I fall under, which is pansexual. This is when a person is attracted to one’s personality rather than focusing on gender. There are a multitude of other sexualities in humans, and I’ve actually got a book I can lend you that explains them in more detail,” Umbri said as they got up and walked to their bookshelf. They returned with a book titled Gender and Sexuality for Beginners by Jaimee Garbacik, handing it to Kastarak. “I feel like this could be really helpful to you,” they said.

Lieutenant (j.g.) Umbri Hawkins, Security Officer