STF

Main sim - Xandra in Medical per CAG

Posted Feb. 28, 2019, 12:18 a.m. by Lieutenant Alexandra "Little Sehlat" Primage (Pilot. Grn Squad Ldr) (Melissa Aragon)

Posted by Lieutenant Alexandra “Little Sehlat” Primage (Pilot. Grn Squad Ldr) in Main sim - Xandra in Medical per CAG

Posted by Captain Sidney Parker (Commanding Officer) in Main sim - Xandra in Medical per CAG

Posted by Lieutenant Alexandra “Little Sehlat” Primage (Pilot. Grn Squad Ldr) in Main sim - Xandra in Medical per CAG

SNIP

‘Let’s not concentrate on who said what. These things can happen. People misunderstanding one another. Its more important about how you feel. How does this make you feel?” Doolittle said smiling in an understanding and concerned manner.

Doolittle

Xandra laughed then. It was an almost cleansing laugh, though she cut it short. Shaking her head she smiled at the man. “How does it make me feel? Come on, doc. I’m a pilot. Playbook therapy doesn’t work on me.” She took a deep breath and let it out.

“Ok… So lemme see if I remember this right…for the record? Yes? Ummm…” her eyes absently glanced up a moment as she tried to recall the words. “Ummm I’m feeling helpless and am grateful no one was injured by irrational behavior.” She cocked her head slightly. “Do I pass? Seriously, though,” she held up her hand to pause his remark. “Honestly I don’t know how to feel. Because apparently “I felt fine” was the wrong answer. I mean, I can see where Ric thought maybe I’d lied to him about being medically cleared. But this time I didn’t. Training mission, maybe… But not an Away or Support mission. That’s not how I am.”

She suddenly stood up and paced the little room a moment. “Looking back, here… Now…I can remember making comments that went rational in the situation.” She paused and looked up at him. “Like offering to transport a group of people. The ship I had didn’t have that ability… The shuttle we left her, did.” She crossed her arms as she finished, “But at the moment I said it, I would have get my life… MY… LIFE… That that’s exactly where I was… How does that make sense?”

Nothing was making sense. She could still feel a fog in her mind but the edges were clearing. She recalled the transport incident… and there was another… it eluded her at this moment though. Looking back she could see where she was wrong. It was obvious. Why would she have done that? That’s what didn’t make sense.

Xandra
Pilot

The good Dr was not put off by her outburst. In fact it was a good sign. His interest was piqued.

“On a normal basis do you feel like your in control of your surroundings? In my experience most pilots do even in the face of harrowing danger.” He asked and then stated.

Doolittle

“Always!” Her response had no hesitation. “Even in combat, under fire, always… But on the shuttle, I felt the same. I mean, I thought I did. When I said it, I was ‘absolutely’ sure. But a moment later, my mind wasn’t sure. When Ric sai… when I was corrected. It was obvious to me I’d been wrong. But then it happened again.” She shook her head and stood up, unable to sit anymore. There wasn’t a portal to see outside from here, so she looked out the window into the medical bay. “Check with Ric, The Cag, please. Make sure everyone else is fine.” There was almost pleading whine to her voice. Suddenly it didn’t matter if she was ‘broken’. She only thought of the other pilots. “I don’t want them hurt… or those on the surface…” Her voice waned off.

Xandra
Pilot

“Don’t worry too much Lt. They are in good hands. Even if those hands are not yours.” He said. He was now moving into another phase. One which came directly to the problem.

“You know when those who always maintain control lose it, that can be very distressing. Especially when that control is taken by another. A stranger as it were. It can cause a cascade of other issues. Doubt and uncertainty when previous there was none. Questioning yourself, and even anger toward others. I think everyone would feel that same emotional response in a situation. In fact its quite normal.” He added.

He believed she was suffering the same effects of someone who was physically violated who had previously been in control of most of their life. She was displaying those signs. If not controlled now then PTSD and even deep depression could occur. However usually this was in extreme cases.

Doolittle

The fact he added they were in good hands that weren’t hers set her hackles on end for a moment. It then occurred to her he was only reassuring her that she didn’t have to be the protector all the time. She settled again and shook her head. “I know… I know…”

As he spoke of acceptable responses, Xandra shook her head. “That’s just it. I’m not upset. I mean, I am upset I reacted in a way that put Ric and the others in possible danger. But I don’t think I was mad at anyone, or anything, else.”

She growled and flopped back down into the chair she had been in. “So how am I ‘supposed’ to feel? Mad at some inanimate planet for giving me a amnesia migraine? at the people who had the machines built? At medical for clearing me afterwards? Who am I supposed to be ‘naturally mad’ at, Doc?” She looked up at him and defiance and anger were plain in her eyes. She hadn’t even known she was affected till Ric got mad and ordered her here. She couldn’t be mad at him. The planet wasn’t to blame, it didn’t choose what happened to those around it. And being mad at the people who built the machines…

Part of her wasn’t sure why she wasn’t mad at them. Another part of her wasn’t sure why she ‘should’ be. Her whole world, in a moment, had been spun on its ear, and turned upside down. And it wasn’t even dinner time, yet.

Xandra
Pilot

Bump 2.27.2019


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