Posted March 19, 2019, 1:14 p.m. by Lieutenant Commander Royal Sinclair (Counselor) (James Sinclair)
Posted by Lieutenant Corinne Dalton/SARAH (Ships AI/Avatar) in Counsellor’s Quarters- Corinne
Posted by Lieutenant Commander Royal Sinclair (Counselor) in Counsellor’s Quarters- Corinne
Posted by Lieutenant Corinne Dalton/SARAH (Ships AI/Avatar) in Counsellor’s Quarters- Corinne
(snip)
She shrugged. “Oh, I’m sure it’s something like that.” Cori thought back to those first days after she ‘died’ and then wasn’t dead after all. The fear (both her and from those around her) had been strong. She was suddenly an unknown variable that no one knew what to make of. But it was too easy to just rest everything on that one event. No, this sensation of all or nothing had been with her much longer than that.
“I… think, perhaps, that it’s simply about connection,” she said softly. “I’ve lost my parents, twice. I’ve survived, twice, when I logically should have died. Connecting after the attacks on the colony was… hard. At the Academy it was much easier to just slip through and interact on surface levels. No one could hurt me then, because if they left, if they were gone, then it wouldn’t painful. But after the… incident“-she used air quotes as she spoke the word-“I was even more separate form everyone but now on a fundamental level. When I did start to connect with people, it was like finding water after travelling through a desert.” She looked at him directly again. “You know how it is, don’t you? When you’ve denied yourself something for so long, and then you discover how much you not only need it, but want it, you… binge. And when I fell for Levi, oh Royal, I binged. I threw myself into it so fully I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. And even after his betrayal, I binged every time someone came into my life. Because they chose me. Don’t you see?” she said, hearing the annoying desperation in her voice. “They chose me, often despite this weird new existence. And I can’t help but want that, even as it feels like it’s slowly destroying me at the same time.”
~Corinne Dalton
A small twitch at the corner of his mouth indicated a suppressed smile. “You binge on something that you know is detrimental to you. You do realize what that is, don’t you, Corinne? It’s addiction. Plain and simple. Only yours is not a biological or physiological addiction, like if you were a substance abuser. This is more akin to gambling. Or thrill-seeking. Or a myriad of other psychological dependence issues. You are addicted to feeling like you matter, that you are more than your self-image is. That you aren’t just a construct or copy of who you were. That you are a real person. And what we need to try and get you to internalize is that you are a real person, regardless of how others see you. Does that make sense?”
Sinclair, CNS
Her eyes went wide and the intensity of the blue almost seemed to brighten. She was aware that her eyes were now a tell for her emotional state, but it was simply a small detail. Her mind at the moment was fixated on his assessment: addiction. Was she? Was that what was happening here? It made sense, actually. She couldn’t get an adrenaline high to prove she was alive. She could’t get drunk or high at all, so substances were pointless. All she had were the outward recognition of her existence. But they had already established in her earlier session that she would do well to assert her own place amongst the crew outside of her AI status.
Corinne nodded. “Yeah, I guess it does,” she said at length.
“I was thinking about what you suggested earlier, about finding something to do? I think it could actually be interesting to see what I might be able to do in the science department, so I was thinking I would go see Lieutenant Graham tomorrow.”
~Corinne Dalton
Sinclair watched her intently. He saw the realization set in, and nodded when she agreed. “I think that may help. Of course, we need to work on finding the specific source of your addiction. And, as with all forms of the disease, we will need to try and keep you from the manifestation of that addiction. I hope your social calendar is clear. I’m thinking you may need to steer away from ‘dating’ for a bit.” he said with a slight grin. “I know, I know… you’ll be disappointing many potential suitors. But that is simply a disappointment they will have to deal with.” he added with a soft chuckle. He knew, as she had told him many times, that her ‘social circle’ was very small… and seemed to be getting smaller.
Sinclair, CNS
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