STF

My Past. My Present. My Future? (Tag DaVinci)

Posted Feb. 10, 2021, 11:33 a.m. by Lieutenant Junior Grade Hannah Lori Asimina (Doctor) (Jennifer Ward)

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Hannah Lori Asimina (Doctor) in My Past. My Present. My Future? (Tag DaVinci)

(snip)

OOC: I honestly don’t know how to respond to these ‘letters”!!! They are awesome. I can sense the emotion in them and almost start to cry when reading them everytime she says ‘I miss you’!!! –Terry

OOC: I’m really glad you are enjoying them. Here’s the next years worth.

Stardate 2393
She’s smiling at the screen while she holds up what looks like a newer version of her old external implants. She turns her head so Daniel can see where they attach on each side. She puts them down to the side. The areas where they attach still look tender and her hair has been shaved around the area, but is growing back. She begins to sign. I love my new implants. No more buzzing or electrical shocks inside my head. I’m still really tired from the surgery. Do you dream of me as much as I do of you? “Good Night, Daniel.” I love you. https://youtu.be/621Nk3Ubz4A Over the course of the next weeks, there is music in the background of her letters. She started with songs he’d shared with her, and then just started looking and exploring music from his century. She tells him that she likes to think that somewhere he’s listening to the same thing. It’s hopelessly romantic, just like her. Hannah enjoys music, but mostly she just enjoys listening to what he had shared with her.

The letters subtly change after that first two years. For four months she writes but there is a deep sadness about her that she tries to hide. It’s hard for her, though she never says it. She seems happy, but it also seems forced. And there are no words now, only signing. The letters continue to tell about her days, her projects, the activities she participates in. Idle chit chat as if they are having a conversation, but the letters are just erratic in a way. Daniel knows her well enough to know something is wrong. She even misses one or two letters. Always she pulls the dogtag out from under her shirt or uniform, she’s still wearing it. And then: She looks really sad, her eyes are teared, but she’s not crying, but it is very obvious that she has been, she wipes at her cheeks anyway. Her hands move slowly. Daniel? Are you still alive? Where are you? It’s been over two years. Are you still on that deep assignment? Do you think about me at all? Or have you moved on and I’m being childish? If you’ve moved on are you happy, are you safe? Did you ever find out what happened to your family? It’s easier to think you’re alive and moved on. The other option, that you are alive and something terrible has happened to you… She looks away from the screen, wiping her face as she starts to cry again, I hope you are safe and happy. I should have told you…how much… I should have told you more often, I don’t know why I didn’t. I love you. I always have. And of course she did, she’d told him every day, but now it doesn’t seem like enough.

The letters return to every week. Having exorcised her fears in her last letter, it is easier to continue to write to him. “My CMO recommended me for the search and rescue teams. The CoS denied me. Said if my implants malfunctioned I’d be a liability rather than an asset. We did a test run, and I did fine, but the CoS claimed that was only because my implants were on.” Hannah’s face shows her frustration and her anger. Her signs are forceful and abrupt. We did another scenario later, without my implants. Her face turns smug. I got a science officer to help me with my combadge. You remember we used to talk about how disappointing it was that the UT couldn’t translate sign? Now the UT makes my combadge vibrate in Morse code when my implants are off. The CoS never knew what hit him. My team beat his by 20 minutes. I’m now approved for search and rescue. But it won’t matter. Her expression is bitter. The CoS will never call me for the team. I might be approved, but that doesn’t mean he has to assign me. Good night, Daniel, I love you.

It’s his birthday again. Hannah’s wearing a baseball cap, with the U of Wyoming logo on it, with her hair, as always, threaded into a ponytail through the opening in the back of the cap. His dog tags are hanging from their chain against the jersey. But the Jersey is different. It looks like, no it is, his high school football jersey. She’s smiling, but he can tell she’s been crying. “Today would have been your Birthday, so Happy Birthday, Daniel. I just had pizza and beer this year. I watched some really special football games this year,” She wipes her face of the silent tears. “You really were incredible on that field.” She hugs herself a little, pulling her knees up to her chest. “I got copies of videos of your high school football games and the few from your college. It’s amazing how far back the archives went. We hear about how low tech everything was in Earth’s history but the video quality was so much better than what I would have expected.” Her voice drops to a whisper, “Happy Birthday, Daniel. I…” she looks away from the screen, but she starts signing. I…Daniel, I know, I fell in love with you. I told you all the time. But…I didn’t realize that it would hurt this much for you to be gone. I thought I was prepared. I don’t…I don’t regret any of it, and I knew I’d miss you, I just…I just didn’t realize how much it would hurt. And now, you’re gone and I can’t even tell you I love you. And sometimes it’s like I can’t breathe; I miss you so much. She finally looks back at the screen. I always said I would give you these letters, but now I think, if I ever see you again, probably in the next life, I’ll be too ashamed. I should be stronger for you. I hope you know, anyway, that someone, that I, was always thinking about you and hoping you’d come home.

Hannah is wearing a dark green blouse, one she always thought Daniel liked. He’d never said so, but his eyes always seemed to linger whenever she wore it. Her hair looks disheveled; like she’s been running her hands through it over and over again in an agitated manner. She begins to sign, slowly at first like she doesn’t know what to say or more accurately how to say what she wants to say to him. We’re finally back at Starbase 12. I keep expecting to see you every time we come here. I was having lunch with Charles. We grew up on Catawba Colony together. He was a couple years behind me at the academy. I was wandering around looking for you. Hoping I’d see you. I ran into him and so we had lunch. I…Daniel I could have swore I saw you. I looked up and there you were, your profile, but then I blinked and you were gone. I looked for hours. She wipes a tear off her face. I miss you so much. I’m starting to have hallucinations of seeing you. I really thought it was you. Obviously I never found you. It was just a waking nightmare. To see you so close but it’s not real. I love you. You were my one chance, and now you’re gone. Maybe in the next life?
Lt. Asimina, Doctor

Stardate 2394
After another month of letters, instead of happy, Hannah looks confused and guilty. She’s holding onto his dog tag. “The counselor found out about my extensive search of Starbase 12. He’s concerned that I’m making myself mentally ill. He was concerned I was watching the visual feeds for days, trying to find you when the computer said they had no comm registered to a Daniel or DaVinci Colter. Daniel, I don’t know where you are, and the counselor said I needed to ‘put myself out there’ more. Said I needed to try dating. He said that waiting for you was unrealistic.” She starts signing, and Daniel knows that the thoughts she’s about to express are important and wants him to know how important and earnest she’s being. That the really important things are always signed because that’s how she knows how to truly express her thoughts and feelings. I guess I feel like I’m betraying you. If you’re…dead…I should move on, right? But I don’t want to. I just want you. I can’t breathe without you. The counselor said after all this time you’re either dead, or you’re alive and moved on, and either way so should I. He said you would want me to be happy if you were gone, move on with my life. I can’t. I don’t want to. At least no one stays on ship long enough for anything serious. I don’t want anything serious or not. I guess to get him off my back I’ll have to appear to make the effort. It’s like what you’re doing, right? Pretending to be someone and something you’re not, just to get to where you have to go or get what it is you’re after? I’m not really going to date though…I don’t want anyone in my life like that. I enjoy my work, I have friends I socialize with. It’s enough for me. I had my one chance, it was you. I still… and she wants him to hear her voice, “I still love you, Daniel.” https://youtu.be/MUFasKZcH_c

She’s actually in uniform this time. Hannah rarely wears her uniform when she writes, but she’s smiling. Guess what happened to me. She sits there for a few moments, tapping her fingers, waiting for Daniel to guess. Of course it’s a pretense because she doesn’t expect him to answer, and she never expects him to get the letters either. But she has a new pip on her collar. She’s been promoted. After a few moments she points to it. See. I got promoted today! That means extra credits and I earn leave time faster. So where shall we go?… she pauses, suddenly looking sad. oh…I think I’ll save it and maybe go home. Go visit, go camping and climbing on my own. Wherever you are, I hope you know I love you.

Hannah’s covered in dirt, her climbing gear can be seen strewn around the room, and her hands are covered in climbers chalk. I just got back from shore leave. Just a few hours at this colony planet that we were resupplying. They had amazing places to climb. I’ve worked through most of the holo programs we have on board. It was amazing to climb something new, to have a challenge. She looks more relaxed than she has in awhile. Being in the outdoors has always relaxed her, and the holodeck just isn’t the same. The counselor is happy that I’m ‘getting out more.’ He hasn’t asked about my personal life anymore so for now I guess I’ll just keep going to the ship’s social events, like I always have, and hope he leaves me alone. What are you doing? Do you get to do anything for fun? I guess that’s a stupid question. You’re away somewhere dangerous and I’m worried about you having down time. How’s your knee? It’s not giving you too many problems is it? She holds up one hand, I love you. Over the course of the letters every once in a while it’s like she’s talking to his ghost instead of him, but either way she’s still talking to him and waiting for him.

Happy Birthday Daniel. Hannah’s wearing the baseball cap, she has a U of Wyoming jersey on with his number. If he could see the back, he would see “Colter” written across the back of the shoulders. His dog tags, as always, are hanging from their chain against the jersey. “Last year I only got through your highschool games, so this year I’m watching your college ones. I know, there aren’t many.” The screen seems to pause and then she reappears. “Is it selfish of me to be glad your knee went out? If it hadn’t you never would have joined the army, and then I never would have met you. Happy Birthday, my Love.” You always have been and always will be the pulse of my heart. I love you.

She’s sitting with her chin in her hand, wrapped in a robe, her hair up in a towel and sighs. “We are so bored. We’ve been sitting at dry dock for 3 weeks for general maintenance repairs. There is NOTHING to do. We aren’t at star base, just a random dry dock. And they keep putting other ships in front of us. They have ‘priority.’ It’s beyond ridiculous.” She takes the towel down and finger combs her hair, the wet tresses of hair falling against her shoulders. “Three weeks. The holodeck isn’t even fun anymore. The last week, we deep cleaned sickbay and the labs, by hand! Everyone has done their medical and psych evals early, just to have something to do.” She grins and winks at the screen. “If you were here, I know what we could do.” I love you, Daniel.

OMG Daniel, where are you? You should have been here! Another two weeks at dry dock. Some security officer got the idea in his head to “invade” the ship and take it over. Gave Everyone nerf guns! They are these plastic toy things with foam darts and rubber tips on the end. Do you know what they are? He said they were from Earth’s history. Anyway, we’ll be finding foam darts for months to come. It was great fun, until the captain shot an admiral in the head with one. She’s smiling, really smiling for the first time in awhile. I wish you had been here for it. “How are you? Is that a valid question anymore?” She sighs. “I miss you. I miss you more every day..” Please, Come home to me? I Love you.
Lt jg Asimina, Doctor

Stardate 2395

She’d formed a friendship with someone named Geoffry. They hung out while the ship was in dry dock. She mentions him briefly once or twice but it’s obvious to Daniel he’s nothing more than a friend as far as she is concerned. “I miss home. I wish you were here. I’d take you with me and show you. I know it’s a primitive world, but the nature preserve is beautiful, and since I grew up there, we’d actually get preference to enter the nature preserve.” She stares at the screen for a while, just quiet, like she can see him on the other side. And in a way she does, holding on tightly to the memories. She lets out a slow breath, continuing with her letter, “You know, it always surprises me how some people from other worlds are still so..prejudicial. Geoffry is apparently one of them. Even after all the training we’re given, I don’t understand how a star fleet officer can be like that. Apparently he’s going to be working at an embassy as a diplomatic officer. I guess we will be losing that world as a Federation member.” Hannah shrugs, obviously not thinking much of this ‘friend’ after some recent discussion. Hannah doesn’t have much use, and never has, for people who are prejudicial and look down on others, having faced it enough herself. “What are you doing now? Are you almost ready to come home? Are you still practicing your sign? Do you remember this one?” She points to herself, crosses her arms over her chest, and then points at the screen. I love you.

She’s angry, beyond that, she is piping pissed off. Her signs are extremely specific curses and swear words about someone. It would be hard to tell right now if she’s adorable or scary when she’s mad. Her signing is pronounced rather than flowing, and very exaggerated reflecting her anger. I thought Geoffry was my friend. I made it a point to tell him that. I told him ‘no’ how many times to offers of a date? He was holding my hands (she emphasises the plural) not because he’s being sweet and pushy; I told him I didn’t want him doing that. He was grabbing my hands because my signing embarrasses him. So he restrains me. Takes away my voice! Said it wasn’t acceptable if we were going to date! Why are men SO PUSHY! Oh! And he wants to fix my voice, wants me to get a voice modulator so I don’t sound so strange. ‘What’s that noise, why are doing that?’ I’m laughing. Then don’t do it, he says, it sounds disturbing. Get internal implants, then no one knows you’re different. The discomfort is worth it, Hannah, to be normal. She air quotes “Don’t worry Hannah, I’ll fix you, I’ll make you ‘normal’.” I don’t even think about him like that! I couldn’t, I wouldn’t! She makes a face as if she might be sick. I just thought he was my friend. Apparently not. I told the counselor I wasn’t interested in a ‘love life.’ She picks up something, small, off her desk and throws it across the room and then flops into her chair. I’m not weird! I’m NOT! She stares at the screen and then looks away, embarrassed and maybe slightly ashamed. I’m waiting for you, I always will. No one is like you. You don’t care I’m not normal, you don’t care that I sign or that I sound strange. Still not looking at the screen she pulls out the dog tag holding it. She can be heard tapping on the screen and music can be heard beginning to play. After several silent moments, she wipes the tears off her face and the screen goes black. https://youtu.be/zzjWrAWWEIg

She pulls the dogtag out and smiles, looking rather happy with herself. “We had a contest this week. Free climbing.” She looks positively smug. “Somehow, and I swear I had nothing to do with the setting, they used that bluff, our bluff, on the holodeck. I was already finished eating by the time the rest made it to the top.” Which of course is probably an exaggeration. But Hannah had a lot of experience on that climb. “I wish I could race you to the top again. Your birthday is next month. I’d even let you win.” She holds up one hand, I love you.

Hannah’s wearing the baseball cap, she has a U of Wyoming jersey on with his number. His dog tags, as always, are hanging from their chain against the jersey.“Happy Birthday, Daniel. We’re having beer and nachos for your birthday this year.” She smiles softly. “So I’m rewatching your games again this year. It’s the only way I get to see your face anymore. Whenever we see each other again, we’re going to celebrate just like this, okay? I don’t know when that will be, if ever, but I hope so. Happy Birthday, Crixus,“ she grins and winks. “Love you.”

“I’ve hit a dead end here on the Fearless. Tavanagh is a great department head, but I want to do more. I’ve put myself up for a transfer. I may not get it for awhile, but I’d like to try something new. It’s been too many years in the same place. I think it’s time, I need to move on to something new.” I love you.

OOC: One more partial year after this
Lt jg Asimina, Doctor


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