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side-sim: The Reckoning

Posted Jan. 26, 2022, 12:32 p.m. by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) (Lucas Foxley)

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side-sim: The Reckoning

Posted by Commander Roman Alden (First Officer & Chief Science Officer) in side-sim: The Reckoning

Posted by Ensign Rand Farquharson (Yeoman First Class) in side-sim: The Reckoning
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Rand was doing that thing again, where she squeezed his hand at a regular rate. She’d done that when he was staying in Sickbay, when she was breathing slowly with him. His breaths followed the rhythm she squeezed with, helping keep him a little calmer. His grip got tighter as they entered Sickbay and Randy led them back to that same room. The room made him sick. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to turn and walk out. But Rand still had his hand, and she was still moving forward. Keeping his hand up so he could keep hold of Rand’s, he pulled himself up onto the biobed, using his free hand to help his right leg all the way up. Then he lay back.

The Elbbirt walked in and they got started. Rand didn’t let go of his hand.

Rand

The images always seemed to take forever to Roman, even if they weren’t actually doing that many of them. The images looked better than before, there were considerably less of the dark spots on his images. Only a few left, they could be counted on one hand now. The one that Rand had seen near his heart, was still there, if a bit smaller than before. And there were a few other floating clots of varying size, none as big as the ones that had been removed surgically. If they took imaging of his leg, or if it was visible on other imaging, it was looking good. The graft was in place and the regenerated muscle was growing stronger, beginning to look more normal.

Despite his nervousness, Roman had a see, I told you this was unnecessary ready to go, for when they got the results. From his place on the biobed he looked over to her. She looked nervous. Because they were in Sickbay? Or because of him? He wasn’t sure.

~ Roman

Rand was watching the images as best she could from where she sat, she was also watching Randy as he peered over Elbbirt’s shoulder to make sure the images were clear. Elbbirt had Randy take one last image and while he was looking at it he sent Randy out for Enoxaparin. The images took 10 minutes to take. Elbbirt turned the screen around and went over each one showing a clot. Rand didn’t mean to, but she squeezed Roman’s hand hard when Elbbirt got the one near his heart. Randy returned with a hypo. “Anticoagulant to keep the remaining ones from getting bigger until your body can naturally dissolve them. Randy will stop by to see you once a day to give it to you.”

“See, I-” Roman started, but Elbbirt flipped the screen and oh. There were still some clots. Elbbirt was explaining each one. One of the images was obviously of his chest and when it came up, Rand squeezed his hand harder. One was in the larger veins of his abdominal area, and the rest were still in his limbs. He looked back at her when she squeezed his hand. She had been right… And Roman felt like he’d never be done with Sickbay.

When Randy came back with the hypo, Roman gave a long sigh. Another medicine. And that one was an annoying one. As long as he was on anticoagulants, he had to be more careful not to cut himself too much, because it would be harder to stop bleeding. Which meant he couldn’t handle the animals. He didn’t stop Randy from giving it to him, though.

As soon as Elbbirt and Roman were done talking and Roman took the hypo they were leaving.

Rand

As soon as he took the hypo, they were on their way. Thankfully. Roman didn’t let go of her hand until they were a few steps away from the door of Sickbay.

~ Roman

Rand was glad to be leaving and that the appointment had been short. “Just under 20 minutes. Much shorter than it could have been.” It might have been Rand’s anxiety along with the results but it felt like Roman dropped her hand like a hot iron. Like he was ready to be done with her presence for the moment. She’d pushed too hard. But she was right, she didn’t say that, she didn’t want to be right. When they got near the planetary science lab Rand could hear the excited chatter. “It sounds like lunch was short. I won’t keep you, I’ll leave the compiled reports on your desk.” She knew all he would want to do was go back to work. To not think about it anymore.

Rand was right, Roman didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to bury himself in work. It wasn’t that he was mad at her for making him go, it was more that he was trying really hard to just forget about all of it and get back to the lab. “Right. It was short.” He could tell something was up with Rand, or she would’ve made him get something to eat in the galley. But instead she dropped him at planetary sciences, seeming in a hurry to get away from him. Maybe she was angry again, like on Kelmao. “See you later?”

Rand nodded, “Of course.” She wasn’t angry with him, in fact she thought it was the other way around. She was relieved he’d gone, he obviously needed to go since there were still quit a few clots left. She understood Roman though, and knew what he needed was to work, to focus on something other than sickbay and his injury and all the things that bothered him. Roman would say it bothered him or that he was nervous or anxious, but she recognized it well enough. She also knew he didn’t eat much when he was like that so there was no point in telling him to eat. Plus, she’d probably pushed her luck farther than she had room already.

She watched him go into the lab and then she retrieved the reports, delivered drinks to the bridge, and finished and dropped his paperwork back off. Then Rand returned to her quarters, curled up against the headboard, hugging a pillow to her chest, and had a full blown panic attack in the quiet of her room.

Rand

Work kept him busy for a while, checking planetary sciences’ results and then he went back up to his own lab, but he didn’t get a chance to sit down, because one of the biology officers needed help with their work. Then he did his observations of the animals - eyes only. He spent most of the time trying not to think about Sickbay or the appointment. His paperwork was sitting on his desk, he missed Rand dropping it off. It was odd she hadn’t been sure to see him. Something must have been up, like it seemed to be earlier. Finally he had time to look for her, and that’s what he went to do, checking her office, the bridge, a few other places on the ship she usually needed to be, and then, finding her nowhere else, her quarters. He knocked softly on the door, “Rand?” and then leaned against the doorframe, his leg sore and painful after an afternoon where he hadn’t the chance to get a seat.

~ Roman

That was the thing with her anxiety. She could keep it at bay for awhile, hid behind procedures and regulations and do the job, but eventually it always caught up to her. At the moment it was particularly bad because she was trying to figure out what she did wrong or what she should have done differently or what the appropriate response was. That was why Rand loved being a yeoman. There was a rule, regulation, established expectation for almost every situation, and if she was always ‘on duty’, always the yeoman, she always knew what to do and what was expected. But that was the problem she wasn’t just the yeoman in this situation, she was Roman’s…girl friend? But it made it complicated for her. Rand wasn’t good at filling two roles at the same time. These over lapped to much and she didn’t know which she was supposed to choose. And besides she had no set guidelines for how she was supposed to act and react as a girl friend. Randy had told her once she wasn’t the ‘dating type.’ He’d meant casual dating where you never really got to know a person. But when she was like this, everything was blown out of proportion. And somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that, but couldn’t make herself listen.

For Roman, the line between duty and personal matters felt clear. Duty came first, and he was never upset if she did something because it was her job. But it was easier for him, because he didn’t suffer the same anxiety, to know when he was the ‘boyfriend’ and when he was the Sentinel’s XO. He had the luxury of knowing, or assuming, that he was right. Right now, he was acting as her boyfriend. It was unusual for him to step out of the lab, but not against the rules. He had the time, all his work would be finished on time. Roman had a hard time understanding Rand’s anxiety. He knew she had it, and he knew it would make her feel nervous and freeze sometimes, he’d learned to recognize the signs she was feeling it, but he didn’t really get it. He didn’t always know what was making her uncomfortable, or why it made her feel that way. And sometimes, like now, he worried it was because of him. He wasn’t sure what she wanted him to do, either. Did she prefer he leave her alone? Or stay with her? Or did it depend on the situation? She liked it when he stayed in Sickbay with her, when she broke her ankle.

Then she heard him knocking. Was she late? A look at the chronometer told her she was not, she was still off duty for a couple hours. It wasn’t about what Rand wanted it was about what was she supposed to do. What were the rules? Was he there because he was upset with her still. Or maybe he was looking for her because he was supposed to but didn’t want to. So was it better to not answer the door? Was she supposed to apologize even though she wasn’t sorry. He needed to go, obviously. She couldn’t be sorry for that, though she was sorry it upset him so much and it made her sick to her stomach (hence she skipped her own lunch) having to force him to deal with that. She wished he would just take the decision from her and come in or leave or make some decision that meant she didn’t have to try and figure it out. But did she really want him to see her like that? Not really but it wasn’t about what she wanted but what she was supposed to do. Ever since she’d had that small-ish episode in the lab she’d tried really hard to hide it from him. It had been horrible, him seeing her like that. And on duty she was supposed to hide it, what command staff would trust her if they knew she was such a nervous wreck all the time. But he wasn’t just command staff, and she didn’t actually work for Roman, she was Rogers’ yeoman. Indecision and anxiety froze her in place unable to make a decision.

Rand

There wasn’t anywhere else she could be, and it was a surprise to Roman when she didn’t answer. It made him think she really was angry with him. He knocked one more time, and then waited several minutes. He didn’t want to go and bother her if she didn’t want him around. Finally, he decided to peek in, half hoping she just wasn’t there. But the door opened and she was curled up on her bed. Roman stayed at the door, so if she told him to go away he had less walking to do. “Are you alright in there?” He asked, sounding concerned for her.

~ Roman


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